Raindrops
by Gmariam
Summary: He returned with a quiet sadness and a surprising new responsibility to keep him focused. She returned with a misplaced bitterness and the matching position that forced them to work with one another. Yet fear, resentment, and stubborn arrogance kept pushing them apart, even when they were meant to be together. Winner, Mugglenet Fanfiction Quicksilver Quill for Best Canon Romance.
1. Chapter One

Chapter One

"I'm proud of you, James," said Harrington Potter, putting his hand on his son's shoulder. "You'll make a good Head Boy, no matter what this twit says." He rolled his eyes at the black-haired boy standing next to him with a crooked grin.

"I think it's brilliant," said Sirius, laughing. "As long as he doesn't put me in detention."

James punched him in the arm. "I'll do what I have to do to keep you in line, Black."

"That's what I thought," said a quiet voice next to them. Remus Lupin appeared with a smile, set down his trunk, and shook Mr. Potter's hand. "It's far easier said than done, however."

"That's right," said Sirius, throwing an arm around Remus's shoulders. "Take it from Moony, he'll tell you how it is. I'm a force of nature."

"Interminable," murmured Remus.

Harrington Potter laughed as he guided the boys toward the train. "Maybe Peter can keep you three out of trouble, then. He seems like a decent sort—" He was interrupted as the fourth member of their group came running up then.

"Are you guys ready for the—" he started, only to stop abruptly when he saw James standing behind his father, waving desperately at him to stay quiet.

"Never mind," mumbled Peter, his face flushed. "Hi, Mr. Potter. It's good to see you again." He stuck out his hand, and Harrington shook it with narrowed eyes.

"I take it back," he said. "You lot are definitely up to something."

Sirius began to push Peter toward the train. "Of course we're not, Mr. Potter. It's our last train to Hogwarts. We're not going to ruin it." He was grinning so broadly, however, that it was obvious he was lying.

James's father snorted as he shook his head and motioned them away. "I know you four—last trip back means all the more reason to pull off something big. Well, go on—just don't get the Head Boy in trouble—too much trouble."

Sirius, Peter, and Remus waved goodbye and headed toward the train. James stayed behind, reluctant to leave. It had been a difficult summer, and though he had missed his friends and was glad to see them, he was not quite ready to head back to school. He had barely had time to deal with the dramatic events of June when his mum, battling illness for most of his sixth year, had finally passed on in July. It had been a hard six weeks since the funeral, and though his father seemed well enough, James felt guilty for leaving his dad alone at such a time. He was all James had left now. He felt like he should stay home and make sure things would be all right now that his mum was gone.

He was fairly certain his dad was thinking the same thing, because Harrington once again put a hand on his son's shoulder.

"It's all right, James," he said softly. "Go on, join your friends. I'll be fine. It's you I'm worried about."

"I'll be fine," said James, glancing behind him as his friends climbed aboard the train, laughing loudly. He knew that his father wasn't talking about school or his friends, but he didn't need to address the real concern for them both. It had been on both their minds all summer. "I can handle them."

His father raised an eyebrow. "I seem to recall you saying that last year when you got on the train, and yet I also remember getting an owl from Dumbledore that very night."

James grinned in spite of his mixed feelings about leaving. "Sirius had a good idea, Dad. We couldn't let it go to waste."

"And this year was Peter's turn?" asked Harrington, an amused look in his eye.

"No, this year was my—" James stopped and shut his mouth. "Never mind. It probably won't happen anyway." He tapped the badge on his jumper and rolled his eyes.

"I hope not," said his father. "I'd hate to see you get in trouble your first day on the job. You're a leader now, James. Especially after what happened in June. You're going to have to act like one."

"I know, I know," mumbled James, slightly embarrassed, even though he knew his father was right. He still couldn't quite believe it: James Potter, Head Boy. The only person he would have thought more unlikely to get the badge would have been Sirius, given his slightly longer track record of detentions and deductions. Yet the letter was still in his pocket; he kept it there to remind himself that it was real and not a prank…

_Dear Mr. Potter,_  
_I am sorry for the loss of your mother this summer. She was both a talented witch and a kind and loving woman who will be greatly missed. Please let any of us know if there is anything we can do for you._

_I am writing because I am happy to offer you the position of Head Boy this year. While you may be surprised, I assure you I am not. You have done increasingly well over the years and have proven yourself to be an exceptional student, a strong Quidditch player, and a loyal friend. The incident last June in Hogsmeade demonstrated leadership abilities I never doubted. I hope you will accept this badge with my fullest confidence in you._

_I also hope that you will refrain from releasing any pixies, bowtruckles, or fire crabs in Professor Kettleburn's office this year._

_Please report to the head car on the Hogwarts Express on September 1st. I have included the duties and expectations of the Head Boy of Hogwarts. Read them well, as you will be expected to begin your tenure at the first prefects' meeting on September 1st._

_Sincerely,_  
_Professor Dumbledore_

James gave his father another nod, his throat tight. To his surprise, his father pulled him into a strong hug in return. "Make your mother proud, son," he said softly, with one last pat on his back. "Write when you can. Floo-call if you need to. And just do your best—without getting into _too_much trouble."

"I will, Dad," said James, and he meant it. He finally understood the importance of seventh year—of N.E.W.T.s, of being Head Boy, even his last Quidditch Cup. It was all he had thought about all summer. He knew now it was time to grow up; the last few months had forced him to accept that, from the attack in Hogsmeade to the death of his mother. It was overwhelming, and yet he had no choice. In some ways he was glad for the new responsibilities of seventh year, because it kept him from worrying about the future—or from thinking about the past. He would relax and have fun every so often—it was inevitable with the company he kept—but he would make his mother _and _father proud.

As he walked toward the train, James casually tucked the Head Boy badge into his pocket. He was acutely aware that the majority of the student body would be as surprised as Sirius had been to see the badge on his chest. For some reason, he did not feel like being stared at; he had had quite enough of it over the summer at his mother's funeral. A year ago he might have enjoyed walking through the train cars shocking everyone, relishing the startled whispers, but after all that he had been through, now he just wanted to start the year quietly.

Well, except for one more prank.

James dragged his trunk onto the train and turned to wave at his father. He swallowed the lump in his throat, telling himself that his dad would be all right, that _he _would be all right. As the train finally pulled away under a dark, cloudy sky, he hurried to find his friends before he had to begin his Head Boy duties and start the prefects' meeting in the forward car.

Sirius and Peter were huddled together, talking softly. Remus was watching with an amused but exasperated look on his face. He practically jumped up when James entered the train car.

"Finally," he said, sounding relieved. "Let's go before we become unwilling accomplices."

James laughed as he put his trunk on the rack above them. "Okay, but let me at least drop off my stuff."

Remus moved into the corridor. "You _are _Head Boy—you can stop them, you know."

Sirius looked up from his conversation with Peter. "Of course he can't. It was his idea."

James glanced back and forth between Sirius and Remus and sighed. It was sure to be the first of many complicated clashes between his friends and his new responsibility. "What if we wait a bit? Save it for back at the castle rather than the train ride?"

Peter fell back in his seat and groaned. "Come on, Prongs. You can't be backing out already!"

"Of course not," said James, shrugging nonchalantly, even though the comment bothered him, since it was probably true. "I just don't want to get a detention my first day as Head Boy. It's a bad way to start."

"It's going to be a long year if you skiv off all the fun just because you don't want a detention," said Sirius, shaking his head. "A long, lonely year."

"Don't worry," said a voice behind them. "He'll get at least one detention this year, I'm sure."

James turned around to find Remus embracing Lily Evans. He grinned as she raised her eyebrows questioningly and nodded his greeting instead. Even after everything that had happened the previous year, for some reason a hug between them now felt awkward.

"Potter," she said, then stuck her head into the car and waved at Sirius and Peter. "How's the arm, Black?"

Sirius flexed his hand and arm a few times, grinning broadly. "Still attached, thank you very much."

"That's good. I was worried you might come back with a hook."

Sirius frowned, obviously missing some sort of reference that James did not quite understand either. "Not sure how I'd hold my wand, but it sounds interesting."

"Never mind," Lily said as Remus laughed with her. "It's a Muggle thing. Come on, Remus, let's get to the meeting." She turned and headed toward the front of the train. Remus gave James a wink and followed.

James popped his head back into the compartment and whispered, "At least wait until we get back," then hurried after them.

Lily turned and frowned at him. "Where are you going?" she asked. "New prank or new girl?"

"Neither," said James, rolling his eyes. "I'm heading the same way you are: prefects' meeting at the front."

"That would be for prefects only, Potter," she said, pointedly.

"As well as the Head Girl and _Boy_," James added, placing special emphasis on the latter. In front of him, Remus was covering his mouth and stifling a laugh. James had to admit he was looking forward to her reaction.

Lily stopped and turned abruptly, her eyes wide. Remus crashed into her and murmured an apology as he watched with a highly amused look on his face. "But you're not—you can't be—" she stuttered.

"What's that, Evans?" James asked, trying to sound glib as he pulled the badge from his pocket and pinned it on his robes. He wasn't in the mood to really play it up, but he could do that much, at least. Her mouth dropped open, and he shared a grin with Remus; it was exactly what he had hoped for.

"You nicked it from someone, didn't you?" she asked, eyes narrowed. "Admit it. You just want to crash the meeting."

James snorted, although the implication that he would actually steal the Head Boy badge was slightly insulting. "'Course I didn't. I got it with my letter, just like you."

Lily just stared at him. "What, because you cast a few decent spells in Hogsmeade last year? That was a one-time burst of testosterone-fueled heroics. It doesn't make you Head Boy."

"No, Dumbledore did," said Remus, stepping between them. James was glad, because he probably would have said something defensive and hurtful. Never mind that she was putting him down for he had done in Hogsmeade; it still gave him nightmares. "James took charge out there, and if I recall, he saved your life as well as mine."

Lily gave Remus a withering look. "Don't remind me. You should be wearing that badge, though, and you know it."

Remus shrugged. "Perhaps. But there's a reason for everything."

Lily turned and began to walk back toward the front of the train, ignoring them both. "Yes, apparently Dumbledore's gone mad."

Remus turned and gave James a look that clearly said, "I tried." James nodded his thanks and followed silently, thinking about what they had said. Lily was right, that Remus was far more qualified to be Head Boy than he was. Remus had been prefect for two years and was far more likely to follow the rules than break them. Yet it was also obvious that his lycanthropy would interfere with his duties every month. James just wondered why Dumbledore hadn't chosen one of the other seventh-year prefects.

As they neared the front of the train, James leaned toward Remus and whispered, "Do you know who's the Head Girl?" A head of red hair whipped around, green eyes flashing. Remus crashed into Lily again, this time with an annoyed grumble about letting a bloke know when to stop ahead of time.

"_No_," said James, shaking his head in disbelief as the look on her face spelled out the answer. Remus glanced back and forth between them, then slowly moved out of the way.

"This will be interesting," he murmured, heading into the front car and leaving James and Lily alone in the corridor.

"Are you really?" asked James, for some reason hoping it wasn't true. Her sour reaction to seeing his badge bothered him, and he wasn't sure he wanted to work with her when she obviously didn't think he should be there. When she showed him the badge, pinned to the front of her jumper under her robes, he just shrugged, trying to accept the inevitable.

"Looks like we're working together, then," he said flatly. "After you." He motioned her forward into the train car. Lily didn't move; she narrowed her eyes at him again.

"Don't mess this up, Potter," she said softly, so that no one could hear.

"I won't if you won't," he murmured back, not sure whether to be offended or amused; he was mostly offended.

"I'm supposed to be here," she replied. "I worked for it. I earned it."

"I earned it, too," said James. "Dumbeldore said so." Whereas a year ago he might have had some fun antagonizing her, now he was feeling too defensive to bother.

"Dumbledore's a barmy old git, then," she snapped, opening the door. "Just let me handle it."

"Hell, no," he said, shutting it again and staring down at her. "You're not Head Girl of the universe, Evans. We work together."

"I don't want to work with you!" she hissed.

James frowned, surprised at her unexpected vehemence. She had often had harsh words for him in years past, but the antagonism between them had calmed down significantly over the course of sixth year. After the incident in Hogsmeade, he thought she might have actually started warming up to him. Yet apparently saving her life and their near after had meant nothing. It bothered him that she was putting down him for no reason, especially after all that had happened over the summer.

Still, he tried to stay calm. They had a history of bloody rows, even if it had been a while, and he didn't want to begin his seventh year with one. He really wanted to start off right, make his father proud. So he just shrugged to hide his feelings, burying what he really wanted to snap back for another day. "Well, you're stuck with me. And I have just as much right to be here as you do."

"I doubt it," she said, opening the door again. This time James let her through.

"Get off your broomstick, Evans," he said, following her in. "Whether you like it or not, I'm Head Boy."

Every face in the compartment turned and looked at him in shock. Fortunately most of them relaxed into smiles; a few even cheered, and Jackson Robertson—usually a total git—stood and offered him a hand in congratulations. Anastasia Harrison, the seventh- year Ravenclaw prefect, tossed her hair and gave him a sly smile. James glanced back over his shoulder at Lily with a smug look on his face, but was stopped cold by what he saw on hers.

It was indeed going to be a long year.

**End Notes:**

This story has nothing to do with any of my other James/Lily stories, particularly the longer ones. I just wanted to approach them in another way, with a bit more biting antagonism than clever banter and a bit more plot and development. I was also inspired by a gorgeous piece of fanart to write a scene that appears much later on, and from there had to flesh out the story surrounding that scene. I'll share that all in time. And yes, I do borrow my own characters. They are becoming like real people to me now, so if you recognize anyone from my other stories—or if you see them again—that's why.

Many thanks to mugglegirlmarauder for letting me throw ideas at her and for reading this over as my alpha beta. Your comments and support are so very much appreciated, my dear!

This story is long, but it is complete, so it will be updated quickly. Enjoy!


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

The Gryffindor common room was crowded with returning students talking and laughing as they caught up with one another after the summer holiday. Several waved as Lily entered, and a few offered congratulations on being chosen as Head Girl as she made her way toward the stairs to the girls' dormitory.

She smiled and waved back, even exchanged a few hugs. She tried to be happy and excited, yet she wasn't—wasn't happy, wasn't excited, and didn't even feel like being Head Girl at the moment. She just wanted to get to her dorm so she could rant and rave to her heart's content.

Lily was irritated. Professor Dumbledore had made an egregious error by handing James Potter the Head badge. Of all the seventh-years, why him? She knew _she _was the right choice. She had worked hard for it and earned it. She could do the job and she would do it right. She was just immensely disappointed that she had to work with Potter.

Shaking her head as the dismal thought entered her mind again, she hurried up the stairs to her dormitory. Her trunk and other things had already arrived, so she busied herself with unpacking and setting up her small area of the room exactly they way she had each year. As she laid out her things, however, it occurred to her that this was the _last_time she would be unpacking at Hogwarts. The train ride, the feast—all marred by constant bickering with Potter—would all be her last. This was her final year at Hogwarts—and it was off to a bloody bad start.

Throwing herself on the bed, Lily stared at the ceiling and grumbled to herself. Outside, a steady rain drummed against the windows, matching her mood perfectly. She had been looking forward to seventh year, she really had. The summer had been dreadful, and she had longed to escape the stifling atmosphere of her Muggle household and return to the magical world. Petunia's garish wedding had only confirmed something she had been denying for years: she was more a part of the magical world than the Muggle world now. It was where she was meant to be.

Yet even though she had left King's Cross without a look back, a part of her already missed the Muggle life she knew she was leaving behind forever. She would finish seventh year and move on to further studies at St. Mungo's. She would probably see her friends more than her family, particularly Petunia. Her sister had made it clear in no uncertain terms that her new husband would never tolerate a witch in his house. In some ways Lily was glad, for Vernon Dursley was a horrible man. But she felt like she had lost her sister forever; married now, Petunia wanted almost nothing to do with her anymore. She had moved on.

Lily thought she could move on as well. She had been excited to return to Hogwarts for her seventh year, especially after earning the Head Girl badge, and yet as soon as she found out Potter was Head Boy, all her hopes and expectations seemed to come crashing down. She had spent the entire holiday putting him and their near-kiss in June out of her mind. He was a prat who had taken advantage of a highly charged and emotional time for them all. He was arrogant and lazy, and now he was Head Boy. For some reason, she couldn't stand the thought of working with him on a regular basis, let alone sharing responsibility with him.

"Why?" she groaned out loud, and was startled to hear a snigger in the room. Sitting up, Lily saw that Sandra and Mary, the other Gryffindor seventh-years, had come in and were covering up their laughter. Lily threw her feet over the side of the bed and stood to hug them. In spite of everything else, she was glad to see her two closest friends again; she had been too busy on the train to really talk with them.

"What are you groaning about?" asked Sandra, moving toward her four-poster. She immediately Transformed the dull bed into a frilly candy pink concoction, exactly the same as she had done since learning the simple spell, then began to unpack her belongings. Lily smiled to herself; she had missed her friends and their magical quirks.

"Just the usual," she answered, sitting on the edge of Mary's bed as her other friend began to unpack as well. "You know."

"Don't say James Potter," admonished Mary, pulling her long brown hair back with a clip. "He's Head Boy, after all."

Lily fell back against the mattress with another groan. "Don't remind me. That's _exactly _what I'm moaning about."

Sandra frowned as she added an old ruffled blanket to her bed. "I thought you were over that. You stopped complaining about him last year."

"But now I have to work with him!" Lily exclaimed. "A lot!"

Sandra shrugged and began to tuck her clothing into her dresser. "I don't see the problem. He's not the same kind of prat he was fifth year, after all. Otherwise Dumbledore would have never picked him."

"Dumbledore's mad," Lily muttered, convinced it was the only answer.

"Dumbledore has his reasons," said Mary.

"That's what Remus said," Lily replied, tossing a pillow at her. Mary laughed as she caught it and threw it back. "I'll never understand them, that's for sure."

"You don't have to," said Sandra from her side of the room. "You just have to accept it. It's not as bad as you think."

"Thanks for your support," said Lily sarcastically. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you fancy him."

Sandra shook her head and smiled. "I don't. I'm just tired of beating up on him."

"Why?" asked Lily, sitting up. She was curious about her friend's change of mind, since her own thoughts about James Potter were quite the opposite at the moment.

Sandra turned and looked at her very seriously. "Because he saved my life out there last year. Yours too."

Lily was silent. That was exactly what Remus had said as well, but she just couldn't accept it. A part of her was still furious for panicking and not being able to do what she'd been taught to do when it really mattered; another part of her was annoyed that of all people to take charge, it had been Potter. Sometimes she still relived the attack in nightmares: Sirius's arm covered in blood, Sandra's leg buckling beneath her, Kieran Quinn's dead eyes…

And then there was the part of her that still tried desperately to forget what had almost happened afterward…James Potter was not a _hero_, he was a cocky, gormless prick.

"Peter told me James's mother died this summer," said Mary, suddenly interrupting her thoughts. "She was sick most of last year and passed in July. He said the funeral was desperately sad."

Lily and Sandra stared at her in shock. Lily had no idea—she felt terrible she hadn't expressed any condolences. She'd put him down and picked a fight with him the moment she'd found out he was Head Boy. Then again, would knowing have changed her reaction to seeing his badge? She might feel sympathy for him, but she still didn't want to be Head Girl with him.

"That's awful," murmured Sandra, turning back to her trunk. "As if he needed more to deal with. As if any of us do."

Lily gave her another funny look. "What do you mean?" she asked. "Are you okay? Did something happen?"

Sandra was quiet as she continued unpacking, then turned and sat on her bed with a sigh. "I'm fine, I'm not even limping anymore. But my aunt and uncle went missing over the holiday. My dad is having a hard time with it. They were close."

"I'm so sorry," Lily murmured, hurrying over to sit next to her friend. Sandra put her head on Lily's shoulder as Mary joined them. "I wish there was something we could do."

"My dad would say to pray for him, but I don't know what good that will do," Sandra said with a shrug. "He's a Muggleborn who married a Muggle. They were almost bound to be targeted."

"It must be horrible not knowing," said Mary, squeezing her friend's hand. "I hope they find them soon."

"Thanks," murmured Sandra. "I'll let you know if anything happens. But please – tell me your summer was better!"

She stood and returned to her trunk, and Mary to hers. Lily was silent, thinking about how her own summer troubles seemed to pale in comparison as she listened to the rain outside.

"Lily?" asked Sandra. "Come on, tell us – how was the wedding?"

"Rubbish," said Lily, falling back on Sandra's bed now and staring at the pink ruffles overhead. "Utter tripe. Complete nonsense. A load of—"

"We get it," laughed Mary. "It was exactly what you expected. Was it really that bad?"

"Worse," murmured Lily, shaking her head as she remembered. The days leading up to the ceremony had been a nightmare, Petunia's nerves lending her an increasingly grating and irritable demeanor. There had been all sorts of setbacks, most of which had been blamed on Lily for no reason whatsoever. The wedding itself had been boorish torture, the reception even worse. And then there was Michael Townsend…

"Did you…you know, find a date or anything?" asked Sandra.

Lily groaned and covered her eyes, hating to remember, but knowing she would never get out of telling her friends. She had decided, however, that she would give them the short story, and not the truth of it. The truth was something she didn't feel like sharing—ever, with anyone.

"I met one of Vernon's cousins at the reception," she said. "He was nice enough. We had a few drinks, danced…" She shrugged, leaving the rest to their imagination. They could imagine whatever they wanted, for all she cared; it was worse.

Mary was suddenly beside her. "Did you snog him?" she asked, wiggling her eyebrows. "Because if you did and you've been keeping it a secret, Lily Evans, we are going to have to do something about that!"

Sandra joined them on the bed again. "Spill. Everything. Or we tickle."

Lily sighed. "Yes, we snogged. But that's all there is to it, I swear." She didn't tell them how many drinks she'd had, how they'd snuck off to an empty cloakroom, how far they had really gone. She didn't want to think about it, because it was too appalling, too embarrassing, too disheartening.

"You're lying," stated Mary. "I know you. But that's okay, we'll pull it out of you eventually. At least tell us his name."

"And if he was any good," added Sandra.

"His name was Michael, and he was—" Lily was glad to be cut off by a sudden explosion downstairs, followed by the sound of dozens of Gryffindors shrieking and laughing…and the Caribbean rhythms of a steel drum band.

"What the hell!" she exclaimed, jumping up from the bed and dashing down the stairs. Sandra and Mary followed close behind, almost knocking her over when she stepped into the common room and stopped short.

She had walked into a beach party.

Reggae music echoed loudly around the room as balloons, streamers, and beaded necklaces floated down from the ceiling. The lamps were flashing and the potted plants in the corners were doing a rumba. The few first-years who hadn't gone straight to their dormitories just stood frozen in shock, staring at the chaos, while the rest of the house laughed and danced under the music and lights.

On the other side of the room, James stood with Remus, watching the scene with a grin on his face as he batted away a red balloon. Sirius was dancing with a group of fifth-years, beads around his head, while Peter was talking animatedly with sixth-year Susan Pritchard, pointing out the conch shells blasting the music and streamers from several points on the ceiling.

Lily was sorely tempted to cast a Finite spell, but she knew she'd be met with a room full of angry groans. Instead, she stomped her way over to where Potter stood, leaning casually against the wall and laughing as Sirius started a conga line. She crossed her arms and stared at him. He straightened up and stared back.

"Come to have another go, or was the meeting and the Sorting not enough?" he asked. Remus frowned, glancing between them, but didn't say anything.

"Is this the detention you were worried about?" she asked, gesturing around the room. Bob Marley started playing _One Love_, and a cheer went up from every Muggleborn in the room.

James nodded. "Decided it was better to keep it in house than the train. Bit much for the Hogwarts Express."

"And you don't think it's a bit much for the common room?" she replied.

"Not really, no," said James, shrugging with that infuriating manner he had. "I think it's a good way to welcome everyone back, increase morale, and foster house unity."

"I don't remember anything about boosting morale or house unity in the notes Professor Dumbledore sent," Lily pointed out. "We're supposed to enforce the rules, not break them."

"You have now said that at least ten times today. Are you trying to make a point?" Arms crossed over his own chest now, James was clearly feeling defensive. Lily suddenly remembered what Mary had told her and Sandra about his mum, and felt bad for starting in on him so quickly again.

"Look, I'm sorry about your mum," she said softly, unable to meet his eyes. "I know it must be hard."

He didn't answer, just nodded stiffly.

"But we're Head Boy and Head Girl. We can't do stuff like this. We have to set an example."

James looked down at her, raising his eyebrows. "I am setting an example. I'm showing everyone how to relax before classes start tomorrow."

"Just because you plan on slacking off your final year doesn't mean everyone else does," Lily said, feeling frustrated. It was that sort of logic that was going to get everyone in trouble, not just him.

"For your information, Evans," said James, and his voice sounded distinctly cold, "I have no plans whatsoever to slack off this year. I intend to pass all my N.E.W.T.s, win the Quidditch Cup, and still be the best damn Head Boy Hogwarts has seen—all while having a brilliant time."

Before she could reply, he walked away, leaving her alone with Remus. He crossed the room and joined several members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He shook hands with Thomas Kirke, the captain, and embraced Cynthia Morris, his fellow Chaser. Lily frowned as she watched them, but was interrupted in her thoughts by Remus.

"You don't have to be so hard on him, you know," he said softly, inclining his head toward James. "He's had a rough summer."

"We all did," Lily muttered. "Doesn't mean he can run around pulling pranks all year to make up for it."

Remus gave her a pointed look. "His mum died, Lily. Give him a break. This was just good fun—and like he said, we had planned it for the train, but _James _talked us out it."

Lily sighed and turned toward Remus. She knew he was right, but somehow she couldn't stop all the negative words flowing from her mouth. There was just something about James that rubbed her wrong this year, and she wasn't sure how long she could take it before really exploding.

"I'm sorry," she finally managed. "I am. I don't mean to be so—"

"—bitchy?" offered a voice nearby. Sirius sauntered up, a dark look on his face. "Loosen up, Evans. It's not hurting anyone."

It wasn't, and she knew it. As much as she wanted to relax and enjoy it, however, her stubborn pride wouldn't let her. She turned and weaved through the crowd, heading back toward the dormitory. Mary and Sandra were dancing, but Lily didn't want to spoil their fun with her bad mood. She hurried back to her dorm, the storm outside providing the perfect backdrop to her dismal thoughts.

End Notes:

Thank you once again to mugglegirlmarauder/Lea for being my alpha beta and helping me plot and plan!


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

James glanced up from his schoolwork, eyes bleary. "What's that?" he asked. Remus was standing in the doorway, eyebrows raised.

"I said, are you ready?"

"For what?" asked James. Concentration broken, he put down his copy of _Advanced Defenses for Dark Magic _and stretched his neck. Outside, the rain continued to beat against the windows, its steady rhythm a calming background for study.

"For the meeting," said Remus. "You know, _your_meeting. The one we have every other week."

"My meeting?" James repeated, momentarily confused. Then he remembered the bi-weekly prefects' meeting he was supposed to help start in less than ten minutes. Slamming his book shut, he jumped off the bed, grabbed his robes, and dashed out the door with Remus close behind, laughing.

"Must have been a fascinating chapter," said Remus as they hurried through the common room. Peter was studying at a nearby table with Susan Pritchard, while Sirius was sitting in one of the big chintz chairs by the fire reading a popular wizards' magazine. He waved lazily as they dashed by.

"Essay's due next week," James tossed back over his shoulder. He jumped through the portrait hole and practically began running down the corridor toward the prefects' lounge on the fifth floor. He was determined to be on time, so that Evans had less to berate him for.

"You're starting early," murmured Remus, loping strides struggling to keep up.

Though tempted to frown, James gave him a lopsided grin instead. "Yeah, well, I'm on top of things this year. Unlike Padfoot back there."

"Oh, he's on top of things," said Remus, grinning broadly. "Just not his schoolwork."

James raised his eyebrows. "Who now?"

"I don't know," replied Remus. "He won't say. Not a Gryffindor, though."

"He's gone through them all," James laughed. "At least he's got someone. Looks like we're the odd ones out, Moony."

Remus coughed as they turned a corner. "Actually, I'm meeting Elizabeth Finch after the meeting. To work on that essay."

James grinned. "The Hufflepuff? Good for you. Then I guess I'm the lone Marauder now instead of Peter."

"What about Cynthia?" asked Remus curiously. "She's nice, and you seem to work really well together on the team. I've seen you talking with her quite a bit lately."

"She's a friend," James said with a shrug. "A good friend, that's all." Cynthia was actually a bit more than a friend—she had become almost a confidante, someone he could actually talk to with so much going on in his life. They had grown much closer over the last month as they practiced nearly every day for the upcoming Quidditch season, but not romantically. He wasn't interested in her that way, and he hoped she wasn't either because he'd hate to hurt her.

"Okay, Anastasia Harrison? I swear she licks her lips every time she sees you, mate." Remus grinned and winked, and James pretended to shudder.

"She's a bit loose, don't you think?" he asked. "I mean, she's snogged just about every other available seventh-year, hasn't she? I don't know if I want to join that club."

Remus laughed. "I suppose, but maybe she's—"

"She's just interested in Head Boys," said a waspish voice behind them. "She's shagged the last two." James didn't even need to turn around to know it was Evans. He felt his hands curl into fists at the very sound of her voice. Every time they had spoken over the past six weeks it seemed one of them hurled insults at the other. It was if nothing had ever happened between them in June; in fact, he sometimes thought he was back in fifth year from the constant way they bickered. Frankly, he was starting to dread seeing her, let alone having to run the prefects' meeting with her every other week.

"Then she's got good taste," James snapped without looking back. "Unlike a lot of other girls around here." He was intentionally referring to her former friendship with Severus Snape, but was surprised when she paled and hurried past them without another word, lips pressed tight.

"What was that about?" murmured Remus.

"Don't know, don't care," said James shortly, putting it out of his mind. They took a shortcut to the fifth floor and made their way toward the statue of Boris the Bewildered, arriving with several of the Ravenclaw prefects, including Anastasia Harrison. James tried not to look at her, yet he couldn't help but notice her lips after Remus's offhand comment. Jackson Robertson gave the password, and the third door to the left of the statue opened to reveal the lounge where the prefects and Heads gathered for their meetings.

A vaulted ceiling rose over the large oval room. The stone walls were covered with well-worn tapestries, each one bearing the crest of one of the Hogwarts houses. There were sofas and chairs from various time periods scattered throughout the room in front of a large hearth, where a blazing fire tried to warm the chill air of yet another fall rainstorm.

Most of the other prefects were already gathered, but James noticed that Lily had not arrived. After waiting several minutes, he went ahead and started the meeting. He knew she'd be furious, but he didn't want to keep everyone waiting on her. And he had to admit that he felt a slightly vindictive sense of satisfaction that _she _was late, when she had done nothing but put him down for everything she could possibly think of during the last two meetings, often in front of the others.

He had just begun going over the next round of rotations when she came in and sat down in the back of the group. Glancing up, he raised his eyebrows at her. "Glad you could join us, Miss Evans," he remarked dryly in his best imitation of one of their professors.

The entire room turned toward her. He wondered if she had been crying, for her eyes were glassy and her nose slightly pink. However, instead of running away as she had in the corridor, this time she stood and joined him at the front of the room, back straight and eyes flashing.

"Couldn't let you muck it up, could I?" she retorted. She took the paper he was going over and glanced at it critically. Before James could reply, Ryan Sloper, the Gryffindor sixth-year prefect, spoke up.

"It's fine, Evans. Let him keep going so we can get out of here at a decent hour." There were a few nods of agreement around the room, and James glanced sideways to see her reaction. She had kept them late the last two meetings, but instead of snapping back, she merely held up her hands, as if in surrender, and motioned at James to continue. He could almost imagine steam coming from her ears as she refrained from any biting replies.

James finished the meeting without any questions, problems, or interruptions, and dismissed the group a good thirty minutes earlier than expected. He was straightening the room with Remus when Lily came up to him.

"Don't start without me next time," she said, arms crossed over her chest.

"Don't be late," he replied with a shrug.

"You shut me out," she hissed, her voice low.

"You could have jumped in any time," he pointed out.

"You're an arsehole," she stated.

"You're an annoying bint," he snapped back. "What's your point?"

"The same as always," she said. "Did you even follow the agenda? Did you discuss the Hogwarts Express?"

"It's only October," he exclaimed, staring at her in amazement. "The train ride is two months away, Lily!"

She narrowed her eyes at the use of her first name. "You said you'd handle it."

"I will—in December!"

"You'll forget," she replied derisively. She flipped her hair over her shoulders and gave him a smug look. "Just like you forgot to go over Quidditch duties for the first match."

"Sod off, Evans—we covered it before you even got here!"

That stopped her, and James huffed to himself as he stomped toward the door. Remus was waiting and tried to calm him, knowing how steamed he got every time he had another row with her, but he brushed it off. He couldn't resist leaving her with one last retort, however.

"You've got library duty. Stick that in your cauldron and boil it."

He turned and left the room. Beside him, Remus was shaking his head. "What?" James snapped, immediately apologetic when Remus gave him a reproachful look. "Sorry," he muttered.

"No rips in my robes." Remus shrugged. "But I don't know why you two keep putting yourselves through this. You've been at each other's throats for over a month now."

"She's a complete twat, Moony, that's why. I can't stand her this year." Before he could say more, he turned the corner and ran straight into Dante Avery, the seventh-year Slytherin prefect. With him were Teresa Davis, the other seventh-year prefect, and Regulus Black, Sirius's brother and sixth-year prefect.

"Hey, tosspot," sneered Avery, long black hair falling in front of his face. He raised a dark eyebrow as he brushed it away. "Going somewhere?"

"The other way, obviously," said Remus softly, clearly wanting to avoid confrontation, particularly between three Slytherins and an already irritated Head Boy. James threw off his friend's restraining arm and strode up to Avery. They hadn't fought all year and the pent-up frustration over his latest confrontation with Evans was itching to come out—preferably with a jinx or two.

"I'm heading _that _way," said James. "So move your fat arse."

Avery laughed snidely. "We were here first, Potter."

Remus steered him around the offensive Slytherins, calming hand on James's shoulder as he quietly reminded him of his responsibilities as Head Boy. James felt his blood boiling, but knew he had to avoid fighting. He _was_Head Boy, after all, and he was supposed to stop this sort of thing. He was probably lucky he had Remus to hold him back; Sirius would have encouraged him.

"What, that bit of show in Hogsmeade all you had in you?" taunted Avery as they walked away. "Evans was right—Dumbledore's a bloody muppet for making you Head Boy, then."

James whirled and fired a Stinging Jinx before anyone could stop him. "Piss off," he snapped. Avery raised his wand and fired back, but Remus threw up a Shield Charm first.

"Stop it," he said, his voice commanding. James glanced at him in surprise, but Remus ignored him, eyes steady on Avery.

"Oh, got yourself a bodyguard now?" simpered Teresa Davis as she raised her wand. Avery just laughed again. Regulus did not say anything, but watched with a disgusted look on his face.

"What's going on?" asked a new voice. Lily Evans stepped around the corner with Mark Whitby, one of the Ravenclaw prefects. James felt his anger increase tenfold at the sight of her.

"None of your business, Evans," he snapped, his wand still on Avery. "Just walking back to Gryffindor."

"With a Shield Charm?" she asked, sounding skeptical. She glanced at the Slytherins and frowned. "I thought you'd left."

"We did. I just needed to talk to the Head Boy." Avery added special emphasis to the last words, and James felt his temper rise again.

Lily raised her eyebrows, but was silent. Avery turned back to James and walked right up to Remus's shield, alone.

"Watch yourself, Potter," he said, softly enough for only James and Remus to hear. "That was my brother you put in Azkaban back in June. We don't forget things like that."

James gave him a bland look. "Took you this long to realize?" he asked.

"No," said Avery, even softer. "It took me this long to decide how to pay you back— Head Badge or not." He flicked a finger at the charm, sending sparks up and down the invisible shield. With a snide wink, he turned and left, Davis and Black following him. James stared after them, his blood boiling.

Taking a deep breath, he glanced up at Evans and Whitby. They were standing unusually close, and for some reason, it made him irrationally annoyed to see them together. With a growl, he strode away, leaving Remus behind him, bewildered and alone.

* * *

Lily hurried toward the fifth floor, determined to beat Potter to the prefects' meeting. Merlin forbid he got there first; she could only imagine him taking the piss. She turned the corner and was surprised to hear him ahead of her, walking with Remus. They were talking about girls—Cynthia Morris in particular. Lily was surprised when James said she was a good friend; for some reason, hearing him talk about Cynthia like that bothered her, even though she knew perfectly well they played together on the Quidditch team. Then she heard Remus tease him about Anastasia Harrison, and she frowned.

"I suppose" said Remus, laughing, "but maybe she's—"

"She's just interested in Head Boys," said Lily, coming up behind him. She didn't bother to hide the scorn in her voice; it was true, after all. "She's shagged the last two."

She noticed James's shoulders tense, but he didn't turn around. She wondered if he was going to ignore her, or if he was going to bite back and continue the exchange.

"Then she's got good taste," James snapped without looking at her. "Unlike a lot of other girls around here."

Lily inhaled, her breath stuck in her throat, unable to respond. She could guess who he was referring to, but the offhand remark did not bring Severus Snape to mind; she hadn't talked with him for over a year. Instead, she was unexpectedly reminded of Petunia's wedding—the dirty cloakroom, the desperate groping, the terrifying endgame. Potter hadn't meant to throw it in her face, but that's all she could see and hear as she ran past them, trying to hold back tears.

She burst into the prefects' bathroom and threw herself into a stall. Almost immediately she heard the door open behind her; casting a Muting Charm so no one could hear her, she took deep breaths, trying to calm herself, determined not to cry. It was over, it was the past. James Potter was just a gargantuan git who didn't know what he was talking about.

When she was sure the bathroom was empty, Lily stepped out and washed her face. Her nose was a bit red, but there was nothing she could do. She was already late and Potter would certainly be ready with a waiting insult. She left the bathroom and slipped into the lounge next door as quietly as she could. And yet as soon as she sat down, he glanced up and fired.

"Glad you could join us, Miss Evans," he mocked. Although her first impulse was to get up and run, Lily swallowed and stood straight, determined to meet him head on. She took her place at the front of the meeting.

"Couldn't let you muck it up," she replied smartly, taking the schedule from him and pretending to glance at it disapprovingly. Really, it looked fine. Before she could find something to criticize, Ryan Sloper spoke up.

"It's fine, Evans. Let him keep going so we can get out of here at a decent hour."

Lily glanced around the room. Everyone was watching her reaction. She knew she had kept them over for the last two meetings, but it had been necessary. Perhaps if Potter hadn't questioned everything she said they could have finished on time. Seeing the expectant looks on their faces, Lily decided this was a battle she couldn't win. She held up her hands, returned to her seat, and let James finish what he had started.

The meeting went exceptionally well. Lily hated to admit that James knew what he was doing. It wasn't how she would do it, but he had an easy, confident way about him that encouraged the others to believe in him. No one questioned his decisions, no one gave him a hard time. Or maybe they just had a lot of work to be on with. Either way, he finished the meeting early, giving her a cocky grin as everyone began to leave.

Striding up to him, Lily crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't start without me next time," she said, resentful of his success.

"Don't be late," he said with a shrug.

"You shut me out," she snapped, her anger increasing with his casual dismissal of her.

"You could have jumped in any time," he replied.

Taking a deep breath, Lily held back an inarticulate growl. "You're an arsehole," she said instead.

"You're an annoying bint," he snapped back, and she felt her breath catch at the tasteless insult. "What's your point?"

"The same as always," she said. "Did you even follow the agenda? Did you discuss the Hogwarts Express?"

"It's only October," he exclaimed, eyes wide. "The train ride is two months away, Lily!"

She narrowed her eyes at the use of her first name. "You said you'd handle it."

"I will—in December!"

"You'll forget," she replied, though she didn't really believe it. She tossed her hair back over her shoulder and grinned, sure she'd catch him in a mistake. "Just like you forgot to go over Quidditch duties for the first match."

"Sod off, Evans," he snapped. "We covered it before you even got here!"

She stopped short and stared at him, willing herself not to flush with embarrassment or anger. James muttered to himself and hurried toward the door. It looked like Remus tried to calm him, but James brushed it off and turned back to her with a vicious smirk.

"You've got library duty. Stick that in your cauldron and boil it."

Speechless, Lily watched him leave the prefects' lounge, then turned and kicked at the nearest chair. She dropped every curse she could think as she stomped around the room, trying to get it out. Once again he had riled her with his damnable confidence and cocksure arrogance. She couldn't stand working with him, and more than anything hated how he always left her feeling like a first-year after a row.

A sound behind her made her spin, her wand instantly raised. "Get out, you bloody wan—" she started, then stopped when she saw it was not Potter, but sixth-year Ravenclaw Mark Whitby. He held up his hands, hazel eyes wide.

"Sorry, Lily. I just forgot my bag." He pointed to a black bag by the hearth and slowly edged his way around her toward it, hands still up.

Lily lowered her wand and dropped onto the sofa with her heart pounding. "I'm sorry, Mark. I thought you were someone else."

"Obviously." He lowered his hands and grinned as he hefted his bag over his shoulder. "You seem a bit tense."

Lily glanced up at him. He was tall, with dark brown hair that he kept neatly in place by frequently running a hand through it. He was friendly and had a nice smile, and he was looking at her in a curious but concerned way that suddenly made her self-conscious for being so irrationally angry.

"I am, sorry. I can't help it. Certain people just set my teeth on edge."

"I can't imagine who," he winked. "Certainly not our illustrious Head Boy."

Lily snorted. "Illustrious, my arse. Cunning bastard, more like. He stuck me with library duty for the Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff match next weekend."

Mark shrugged. "Doesn't sound so bad to me. Quidditch is overated."

"Spoken like a true scholar," Lily laughed, feeling some of the tension drain away. "And sometimes you are quite right. Only it's the first match, and I did want to see it."

"I've got rounds of the stands," he said, eyebrows raised quizzically. "I'll trade if it means that much to you."

Lily stood and smiled. "Really? You wouldn't mind being stuck in the library with Pince on a Saturday afternoon? You'd miss your own house playing!"

"I wouldn't mind the least," he laughed, letting her lead the way toward the door. "Although, I might ask a favour in return."

As they stepped out into the corridor, Lily smiled again. Mark had been a quiet fifth year, always kind and polite. She had liked him, though they hadn't talked much. He seemed to have really grown over the past year. He wasn't nearly as shy now, but charming and confident. She wondered what he might ask in return.

"And what would that be?" she asked playfully. "A night off?"

"A date, perhaps?" he asked, walking closely next to her. She almost tripped as she stared at him.

"What?" she stuttered.

"You know, a date—when two people get together, have a bite to eat or something." He was smiling at her, but Lily was too stunned to appreciate it this time.

"But…but…" she said, shaking her head. "We can't leave the grounds this year," she finished lamely. "There's no more Hogsmeade trips after what happened last year. Where would we go?"

"Maybe we could start with a study date then," he said, still smiling. He had moved closer to her, and Lily felt his hand brush against hers. She wasn't sure what it meant or whether she liked it, but she forced herself to smile back.

"Maybe," she finally replied with a nod. They turned the corner and almost walked right into three Slytherins with their wands raised against James Potter and Remus Lupin, a Shield Charm shimmering between them.

"What's going on?" Lily exclaimed, her own wand coming up again.

"None of your business, Evans," James snapped, his wand on Avery. "Just walking back to Gryffindor."

"With a Shield Charm?" she asked skeptically. She guessed it was probably Remus, trying to stop the fight from escalating, and once again wondered why he wasn't Head Boy. She glanced at the Slytherins and frowned. "I thought you'd left."

"We did. I just wanted to talk to the Head Boy." Lily noticed the way he said the last; she raised her eyebrows, but stayed silent. Avery turned back to James and walked right up to the Shield Charm. She couldn't hear what he said, but knew it was bad from the look on James's face.

Avery flicked at the shield, sending sparks through the air. Then he turned and left, Davis and Black following him with a sneer. Lily suddenly felt bad for James. She knew the Slytherins could be horrible, and he was obviously extremely angry about whatever had passed between them. Yet she had no idea what to say or do; she only knew reprimanding him would make it worse, and for once, she stayed silent.

Taking a deep breath, James glanced up and met her eyes. For some reason, whatever he saw seemed to make him more upset, and with a growl, he stomped away, leaving her staring at Remus, mystified.

End Notes:

I hope you enjoyed seeing things from both of their perspectives. It was necessary to set up a few things for later, but I think I'll try it every so often.

Many thanks to mugglegirlmarauder for reading over this chapter and offering her great opinions and support. And for the brilliant line "Stick that in your cauldron and boil it!" My original line was far too American. Any other misspoken cultural phrases are my own.


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter 4

"Avery's a dung-eating, piss-swilling arsehole," said Sirius, stabbing his sausage vehemently. "He's also a bloody foul dueler, not to mention complete shite on the Quidditch field. Don't worry about it."

James raised his eyebrows at Sirius's unusually colorful language. "You sure about that? He's also large, angry, and connected."

"Connected to what?" asked Peter, looking up from his breakfast. "Money?"

"People and power," grumbled Sirius, reluctantly acknowledging James's point. "I used to run into him at certain gatherings within the Black family circle."

"Oh, those kind of connections." Peter nodded. "And his brother is a Death Eater now. In Azkaban—thanks to you."

James shrugged. "Apparently. I just can't believe it's taken Avery this long to have a go at me, since he seems to think it's my fault."

"He's mental," said Sirius. "And he's full of hot air—he's not going to pull anything at Hogwarts." Sirius glanced at Remus. "You're quiet. What's got your knickers in a knot?"

Remus finished his juice. "You weren't there. Avery was serious. It was more than empty posturing or Slytherin pride."

"You should have let us have at it then," James grumbled.

"So you could both end up in detention? Or the hospital wing?" Remus shook his head. "I don't think so. Not this year."

James frowned at him. "I don't need a bodyguard, Moony, in spite of anything Davis might say."

Sirius snorted and James gave him a dirty look. Remus just grinned. "No, you probably don't, but it looks like I am anyway. Someone's got to keep you away from Avery—or Evans."

James grumbled again, but didn't say anything as he poured himself more juice. Remus nodded in satisfaction and continued his breakfast.

Peter narrowed his eyes and glanced between them. "What was that about? What's going on with Evans?"

"Nothing," snapped James. "Moony just thinks we fight too much. Apparently his sensitive canine ears can't take it anymore."

"Lupine," murmured Remus, unruffled by the deliberate insult.

"You do get quite wound up around her," Sirius pointed out. "Maybe Moony's just looking out for your health."

James put down his glass and wiped his mouth. For some reason, the thought of his friends looking out for his health felt more like interfering with his life. Avery had threatened him first, and he had every right to defend himself. And if he wanted to row with Evans, then he bloody well would. He was suddenly tired of Remus interfering—and even worse, of Sirius agreeing.

No longer hungry, James slung his bag over his shoulder and stood, staring down his friends. "If you three are done counseling me on how to live my life, I'm going to class. See you there."

He left them sitting at the table, slightly stunned. He knew he was being irrational, but it seemed to be the only way he could react to anything recently: with anger and irritation. He couldn't remember the last time he had genuinely laughed and enjoyed himself. Classes were more challenging and Quidditch practice was taking up more and more of his time. With Head Boy duties on top of it all—including keeping track of patrols and doing his own rounds—James felt like he had no chance to relax. He had told himself in September that his new responsibilities wouldn't keep him from having fun, but he had been wrong. Seventh year was about as much fun as a Hobgoblins concert.

Of course he bumped into Mark Whitby on his way out, and he felt his annoyance shoot up. Whitby was a decent bloke who had done nothing to offend him, yet after seeing him with Evans the previous night, James had decided the Ravenclaw was anathema. He muttered an apology under his breath and hurried toward the dungeons for Potions class. He was early, so he took the time to cool off and review before anyone else arrived.

Any semblance of an improved mood was lost when the rest of the class showed up, much too cheerful for a Monday morning as far as he was concerned. Evans walked into the room, laughing with her friends, and seemed to pointedly ignore him. Remus came in with Elizabeth Finch, his new study partner, while Sirius sat with Peter. Anastasia Harrison took the last empty seat next to James. He noticed the look on Lily's face as Anastasia sat down, and though he was not even remotely interested in Harrison, he decided it was probably worth putting up with the Ravenclaw for an hour just to get Evans wound up, especially after what she had said the previous night.

Professor Slughorn had started in September by reviewing potions from previous years as they prepared for N.E.W.T.s He then had them work on more advanced mixes of each potion. The current lesson was an Invigoration Draught with a dash of Strengthening Solution, which James found ironic given his recent moods. Yet as he worked on it, he talked with Anastasia and couldn't help but enjoy the darkening look on Evan's face. She did not seem happy at all, and he found it encouraging to the point where he couldn't resist remarking on it just to get back at her.

Making his way toward the supply cabinet, he stopped by Evan's cauldron and pretended to sniff the bubbling liquid. He gave her a sharp grin. "You don't look so invigorated, Evans. Out late with Whitby?"

She narrowed her eyes as she tossed in the final ingredient and began to stir it counter-clockwise. "None of your damn business, Potter."

He tutted at her. "Of course it is. I'm Head Boy. I need to keep up with Hogwarts gossip." He winked at her and was rewarded when she sputtered at him.

"There is no gossip, you prat. Go back to your latest conquest and start some gossip of your own."

James glanced back at Anastasia, who was watching him with an annoyed look on her face. When he turned back to Evans, he found Sandra Murphy frowning and looking sideways at her friend. James suspected Sandra didn't know anything about Whitby. Feeling reckless, or perhaps the fumes from the cauldrons were getting to him, he decided to ignore the dig about Harrison and have a bit of fun with both girls. Glancing slyly at Sandra, he lowered his voice.

"Did she tell you? They were practically holding hands last night."

Sandra's eyes went wide. "Lily! You didn't tell us that—" she started.

"There's nothing to tell," Lily snapped. "He's making it up."

James crossed his hands over his chest. "I certainly am not. I saw you two come out of the prefects' lounge. Were you snogging in there?"

"You mean while you were busy hexing Avery in the corridor?" she threw back. "What did he say that was so bad your bodyguard had to stop you with a Shield Charm?"

In front of them, James could see Remus's shoulders straighten as he heard Lily refer to him. Hearing Evans call Remus his bodyguard bothered James as much as it had at breakfast, and any desire to continue the exchange abruptly evaporated.

"None of _your _damn business," he threw back at her, and then walked away. It was probably one of the first times he had turned his back and let her get the last word, and he hated it. He returned to his table to find Sirius giving him a funny look. Ignoring him, James couldn't help but glare at the back of Remus's head, irrationally annoyed at his friend as well as at Evans.

Shrugging it off, he began to throw some more knotgrass into his potion, but Anastasia grabbed his wrist.

"You've already added those," she said softly. She licked her lips and smiled demurely. Remus was right; it was almost certainly an invitation, and James was suddenly aware of her hand burning into his skin. Behind him he heard Lily huff, though he wasn't sure if it was for the potions gaffe or for his physical contact with the Ravenclaw.

"Thanks," he murmured. "I owe you." He regretted saying it as soon as the words left his mouth.

"I'll have to take you up on that sometime soon, then," she murmured, her voice low and suggestive. James swallowed, sure he had just got in too far. He saw Remus shaking his head in front of him; glancing to the side, Sirius and Peter were giving him a silent thumbs up. James sighed, any semblance of a good mood gone for certain now. No amount of Invigoration Draught could save him; he just hoped he survived the rest of the day unscathed.

* * *

The rest of the week passed uneventfully, though the class work continued to pile up and James felt like he would never finish. He had managed to avoid Anastasia Harrison for most of the week, which was good considering he had no intention of letting her lick her lips at him again. He had even avoided any major rows with Evans, which he found both refreshing and somewhat disappointing: he could concentrate and get more done, but he had one less place to vent his frustration. And every time he saw her talking with Whitby, he felt his aggravation rise, only he didn't understand why and ended up snapping at his friends instead.

At last classes were done for the week, and James found himself at Quidditch practice on Friday, mentally and physically exhausted. He wasn't sleeping well, and in spite of working hard to stay ahead of his assignments, he was starting to fall behind. Trying to fly fifty feet above the Quidditch pitch while the wind fought back was virtually impossible as well; he was glad the Gryffindor match wasn't the next day, though he knew the weather in November was likely to be worse.

After another botched Quaffle pass that found both him and Anthony Philips, the third Chaser, almost falling from their brooms, Thomas Kirke, their captain, finally called the practice. Muttering to himself, Kirke didn't even give them a dress down, just headed toward the changing room. Everyone seemed demoralized, and James wondered if they all had as much schoolwork as he did, or if the weather were just getting them down. It seemed to rain every time they headed out to the pitch, and he was really getting tired of it.

After cleaning up, he met Cynthia outside and headed toward the Great Hall for a late supper. She tied her long blond hair back in a braid as they walked through a light drizzle, then tossed it over her shoulder and grinned at him.

"Told you I could do it while walking uphill," she laughed. "I can't catch a Quaffle for a Galleon, but at least I can look decent while dining."

James shook his head. "Yes, truly amazing. Your mysterious suitor will be duly impressed by your astounding handiwork."

Cynthia stuck out her tongue. "Go swim with the squid, I'm still not telling."

"Good, I don't want to know," James said.

"Then why did you bring it up?" she asked, glancing at him with eyebrows raised.

"Just to get a reaction," he laughed. He decided to change the subject, since in truth he both wanted to know, yet didn't. He knew perfectly well Cynthia was interested in a Quidditch player, but the thought that it might be him made him nervous. He considered her a good friend, someone he enjoyed talking to, but not someone he could ever snog. For some reason, when he looked into her deep blue eyes, he saw someone else's eyes looking back at him, and it unnerved him to even think about it.

"So who do you have for the match tomorrow?" he asked as they made their way up the steps and toward the Great Hall for dinner.

"I don't know," she replied. "They seem pretty evenly matched. Alan's a fantastic Keeper, but if Robertson gets the Snitch, it won't matter."

James nodded his agreement, but didn't get to reply. Dante Avery came up behind him and bumped hard against his shoulder.

"I'd be more worried about the next game, Potter," he said softly as he walked by. "You're going down." He threw a wink over his shoulder. "And maybe your girlfriend too."

James had his wand up immediately, but Cynthia grabbed his wrist and stopped him as Avery walked away, laughing. "Don't. Not here."

"I'm sick of him already," James muttered under his breath. "I don't think I can stand a month of this, let alone a year."

"He's just trying to get to you," Cynthia told him. They walked toward the Gryffindor table, where Sirius was motioning at him to sit with them. Lily Evans was sitting not far down the bench, staring at him with narrowed eyes. A number of retorts came to mind, but James forced himself to look away. He didn't want to get into it with Evans now—not after a bad practice and another run-in with Avery.

"Look," said Cynthia, waving at her own friends. "Avery's not going to do anything besides throw around bad insults. Don't let him bother you."

James gave her a weak smile. "Right. Thanks. See you at practice Sunday." He joined his friends and tucked into his food, trying to ignore their glances. He had been short-tempered with them all week and didn't want to snap at them now. The silence grew uncomfortable, however, until he finally looked up to find them all staring at him. "What?"

"I think Prongs here needs to take a night off," Sirius finally declared. "You look tense. We haven't had a proper party in a while anyway, so what do you say?"

"I'm in," Peter answered immediately. "I couldn't open another book if you Imperiused me."

"Agreed," said Sirius. "What about you, Moony? Are you hanging with your golden bird tonight?"

Remus laughed as he shook his head. "No, we're not. Why aren't you off with your mystery girl?"

"What mystery girl?" Sirius asked blandly, though James couldn't help but notice his friend glanced toward one of the other house tables. So Remus was right; Sirius wasn't shagging a Gryffindor then.

"Never mind," said Remus, shaking his head. "I'll figure it out soon enough. I'm in. I finished that Patronus essay yesterday so I can take a night off."

"That's three—you in, Prongs?" Sirius coughed delicately. "We'd hate to make merry without the guest of honor."

James sighed and looked away. He once again caught Lily watching him from down the table, as if her ears had pricked up at the mention of a party. For some reason, he grinned as he thought about how irritated she'd be to know the Head Boy was having a good time instead of studying—or worse, breaking rules. He nodded slowly, enjoying the look on her face as she frowned at him. He turned back to his friends, ready to put it all aside for one night and have fun.

"We'll need a run to Hogsmeade," he said. "When do we start?"

End Notes:

Thanks once again to mugglegirlmarauder/Lea for being my lovely alpha beta and listening to my endless droning about this story. And to my wonderful f-list for helping me with insults and other phrases, especially British. As always, any mistakes are my own.

Also, thank you so much for all the reviews! If you have any pressing questions, I can try to answer them here. But updates will be quick, so I don't want to spoil anything. :)


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter 5

Lily grabbed a croissant and hurried to catch up to Sandra and Mary as they left the Great Hall after breakfast Saturday morning. Walking back to Gryffindor, they teased her about Mark Whitby. She, in turn, teased Sandra about a certain Hufflepuff she had been talking about for weeks. The conversation soon turned to other Hogwarts gossip.

"Jackson Robertson and Carin O'Connell were caught snogging in the library last night," said Mary. "They were out after hours and Filch gave them detention."

"But they're prefects," said Lily. "They could have said they were on patrol or something."

"They were patrolling the Restricted Section," Mary replied. "So watch yourself with Mark."

Lily ignored her remark and pretended to shudder. "I'm glad I didn't come across them," she said.

"Or Peter and Susan," added Mary. "Or even Sirius. He's constantly sneaking out to meet someone."

"You sure are interested in other people's love lives," Sandra teased.

"I don't have one of my own, that's why," laughed Mary. "Unlike Lily here."

Lily shook her head as they came to the portrait of the Fat Lady. "I told you, there's nothing going on with Mark."

"_Yet,_" said Sandra. "He traded library duty with you so you could come to the game with us, though."

"It's not like I owe him a snog," Lily laughed.

"He asked," said Mary.

"He asked for a study date. And I haven't said yes, really."

"Funny how you've talked to him almost every day this week, then. Three Little Birds," said Sandra, and the Fat Lady let them in. "I'd say that's a yes if there ever—" She abruptly bumped into Lily, who had stopped and was staring at the sofa.

"What's wrong?" asked Mary, almost crashing into Sandra. She stepped to the side and saw what Lily was staring at. "Oh."

James Potter was sitting on the sofa with Cynthia Morris. They were bent close; it seemed as if something were wrong, for James was gesturing avidly and running his hand through his hair. Cynthia laid a hand on his arm to calm him, and Lily turned away.

"Prat," she muttered under her breath as she hurried toward the dormitory. She didn't stop to look back; she didn't know if her friends were following her and didn't care. When she reached the dorm, she threw open the door and stomped to her bed, throwing herself down and flinging an arm over her face.

"Lily Evans," said Sandra, sitting next to her. "What in the world is wrong?"

"Nothing," said Lily through her hands. She rubbed her face as if to scrub away the truth. For some reason it bothered her to see James with Cynthia. Every time she saw them together—usually after Quidditch practice—she felt a strange knot in her stomach. She had no idea why. In spite of what had almost happened between them last year, James was now a complete arse. He seemed to be in a constant bad mood this year; he was continually bothering her and starting rows. Maybe she just felt bad for Cynthia; she certainly couldn't understand how the girl put up with him.

"Nothing unusual, perhaps," announced Mary as she entered. "Only James got a detention last night, too."

"For snogging?" gasped Sandra. "But he's Head Boy! Who was he snogging? And who gave it to him?"

"Not snogging, no," said Mary as she gathered her cloak. "Apparently him and Sirius were caught in Hogsmeade last night. Kettleburn, probably." She nodded to herself. "He's always down there for a pint—or three."

"Is that why Morris is hanging all over him, because he got in trouble?" asked Lily, hearing and hating the bitterness in her voice. Sandra merely raised an eyebrow.

"They're friends, Lily. Friends help friends when something happens. I don't see the big deal." Mary paused and gave Lily a pointed look. "Unless it bothers you."

Lily sat up, eyes wide. "Merlin, no!" she exclaimed. "But hasn't he got other friends to talk to? Like Black? Or Remus?"

Mary laughed at the implication. "They're guys, Lily. And they're probably down at the Quidditch pitch. Are you ready yet?"

Sandra jumped up and gathered her cloak and scarf. Lily didn't move. She didn't want to go anymore. Suddenly the thought of library duty sounded much more appealing than watching James lean on Cynthia Morris for comfort during some unimportant Quidditch match. She'd just study quietly all afternoon and tell Mark he could go down to the game instead. Her friends, however, were not impressed with her change of plans.

"What?" said Sandra, eyes wide. "You're backing out on us? What for?"

"No reason." Lily shrugged as she packed her bag. "I just feel like the library after all."

Mary nodded sagely. "It's Mark. I knew it. Just don't let Filch catch you!" She laughed as she hurried toward the door, then blew Lily a kiss and left. Sandra followed her after a quick hug and a more understanding look.

"I'm not worried about getting caught reading!" Lily shouted after them. Gathering her books, she took her time about heading to the library. She didn't want to run into Cynthia and James in the common room, since he would certainly give her a hard time about library duty, being the one who had stuck her with it.

Unfortunately, when she finally went downstairs, he was still there; fortunately, he was alone. He was sitting at a table in the corner, hunched over a book. Lily tried to sneak past him, but he glanced up and saw her just as she reached the portrait hole. All sorts of emotions crossed his face: annoyance, embarrassment, sadness, but most of all, exhaustion. It was only mid-morning, and he already looked tired.

He acknowledged her with a nod of his head but didn't say anything. Instead, he turned back to the table and his work. Lily was tempted to just leave and be glad to avoid yet another confrontation, but some small part of her was concerned. She couldn't help but say something and regretted that it came out sharp.

"Good thing you're not playing today," she said. "You look completely knackered."

He glanced up at her again and shrugged. "I suppose."

"Guess sneaking out does that to you," she continued, watching him for a reaction.

"Especially when you get caught," he muttered, hand reaching back to rub at the base of his neck.

He seemed so dejected she decided not to press it. "So you're really not going to the match? Shouldn't you be sizing up the competition for the year?"

"I should," he replied, as he leaned back and continued to stretch. "But there are six others who can do that, and only I can finish this damn essay."

"Defense Against the Dark Arts?" she asked, close enough now to glance over his shoulder. "It's giving me fits as well."

James shook his head. "You wouldn't think the Patronus Charm would be so hard to write about. I wish we could just get on with the practical."

"I guess it's such an advanced spell that if we don't understand the theory, we'll never understand the application." Really, she rather agreed with him, but would never let him know that.

"I understand the theory," he grumbled. "I just don't see how writing a detailed history of the bloody thing is going to help me produce one." With a sigh, he closed the book he was looking at and picked up a new one. "What about you," he said, gesturing at the bag on her shoulder. "You don't look like you're heading to the match either."

"You gave me library duty, remember?" she replied. "I'm off to spend the day making sure no one shows up to snog in the Restricted Section."

James actually smiled, and it made him look much more relaxed. "Seems to be going around. Filch gave out a few detentions for it last night."

"I heard," Lily murmured. There was an awkward silence, until Lily couldn't resist any longer. "When's yours?"

"Detention?" he asked, his voice sounding bitter. She nodded and he continued. "It's tonight. Which is really why I'm in here and not out there enjoying the one sunny day we've had all month."

Lily glanced outside and saw that the long week of wind and rain had indeed finally cleared into a rather beautiful morning. Shaking her head at the irony, she turned back to James. "So what happened?" she asked, trying to keep any note of accusation from her voice. "Last night?"

James's shoulders slumped slightly, but he took a deep breath and looked up at her. "You're not going to berate me, are you?" he asked. He was so clearly sensitive to it that she could only shake her head. He shrugged in response. "There's nothing to tell anyway. We were just blowing off steam, trying to have some fun."

"In Hogsmeade?" she asked, eyebrows raised in spite of her promise.

"We just needed some more butterbeer," he said, sounding defensive. "But Kettleburn's got our stash now, barmy old codger."

"I thought he favored something a bit stronger," Lily murmured, hiding a smile. When James grinned back at her, she wondered if it might have been one of the first times all year they were actually enjoying a moment together without fighting.

"I think he's just disappointed we haven't let loose our annual swarm of bowtruckles in his office yet," he said with a wink.

"Well, you'll have to do it now," Lily laughed. Her hands flew to her mouth. "I didn't just say that."

"Yes, you did." He laughed with her, and it was good to hear him happy. "I'll consider that official permission from the Head Girl." But then he unexpectedly sighed. "I don't want to wrack up too many detentions, though. My folks will not be impressed." He paused. "My dad, that is."

An uncomfortable silence sprung up between them once more. Lily didn't know what to say, given how little she had talked to James about his mother; she only knew she'd probably say the wrong thing. She shifted back and forth a bit before finally clearing her throat. "Well, I should get to the library. Good luck on the essay."

As she was about to head out the portrait hole, James called to her. "Hey, Evans, if you wanted to go to the match, I'd take the library for you."

She stopped and turned, surprised at his offer and wondering what the catch would be. Yet he seemed completely sincere, and Lily couldn't bring herself to snap back at his genuine offer.

"No, but thanks," she replied with a smile. "I have an essay to work on, too. Besides, Mark offered to take library duty so I need to release him."

She thought she saw James's shoulders stiffen, but he merely raised an eyebrow. "So that's what's going on between you two."

"It's nothing," she said, for some reason not wanting him to get the wrong impression.

"I won't tell Whitby, then," he said, and he turned his back and returned to his work. Lily once again felt wretched. It seemed every time she talked to James Potter, she said something wrong. A brief moment of kindness had been lost to the bitterness and resentment that always seemed to pass between them.

With a sigh, Lily left the common room and slowly made her way to the library. Most of the school had decided to head outside for the rare sunny day and enjoy the match. A part of her wanted to go now, but she was too stubborn to change paths once she had started something. She also had to finish her essay and think about what had just happened.

She found Mark at a back table in the library. He looked up in surprise when he saw her and smiled broadly. He even stood to greet her, something Potter never did, not even at prefects' meetings.

"Lily!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here? I thought you were going to the match?"

"I changed my mind," she said with a slightly embarrassed shrug. She couldn't resist a smile at his obvious happiness in seeing her there, though. "I could use the study time, so you can go after all."

He glanced down at the table, which was covered in books and parchment. "I've already started on my Divination essay, so I might as well keep at it—if you don't mind."

"Not at all," Lily said, setting her books down at the next table.

"Can I consider this our date?" he asked, sitting down and smiling. "You never answered me, you know."

"I didn't, did I?" she replied as she took out her own essay and quill. "Only I don't need you to trade with me after all."

Mark frowned and studied her. "I suppose not, but I'd still like that study date. What about tomorrow afternoon? If it's still nice we could work by the lake."

Lily was silent. In truth, a small part of her wanted to say yes, yet the bigger part of her was reluctant. She just wasn't interested in a relationship with him, though she couldn't quite pinpoint why. On the other hand, Mark was such a nice person, she almost felt bad turning him down again when she hadn't even answered him the first time. Besides, it might be nice to have someone to talk with, like James did with Cynthia.

And then she remembered Michael Townsend, and images from the summer flashed through her mind, stopping her from thinking about it. Strangely enough, another scene came to mind, of a visit to the hospital wing last June and a completely different sort of encounter. Shaking her head to clear it, Lily reached out to Mark, knowing her answer and feeling bad even though she knew it was right.

"I can't tomorrow. I've plans with Sandra and Mary to work on Charms. But ask me again sometime? I'm just not ready."

She could tell he was disappointed, but he nodded gamely and gave her a smile. He returned to his Divination, and Lily pulled out her Patronus essay, and they worked together most of the afternoon, quietly and comfortably.

* * *

**End Notes:**

Thanks once again to mugglegirlmarauder for her input and support!


	6. Chapter Six

Chapter 6

Lily was already waiting in the prefects' lounge when James arrived. He was fifteen minutes early, trying to avoid rushing like he had last time. He had also rather enjoyed getting the jump on her at the previous meeting. When he walked in, however, he was surprised and slightly irritated to find her with Mark Whitby, sitting close together on the sofa, laughing.

James coughed and they flew apart. Lily jumped up, her face flaming, while Mark just nodded and gave him a friendly grin. James felt like punching the Ravenclaw prefect; instead, he ignored Whitby and gave Lily a shake of his head.

"This isn't your personal snogging closet, Evans," he chided. "We've a meeting to start, you know." He began to pull the chairs and sofas closer, ignoring the strange crushing feeling in his chest. Why should it bother him? She'd been nothing but horrible to him all year. Whatever might have happened between them at the end of sixth year had apparently been lost over the summer and completely destroyed by their constant bickering since meeting on the train.

Lily scrambled to help, conjuring the rest of the chairs needed for the meeting. "We weren't snogging," she muttered as she bumped into him. James felt a curious shock as their shoulders touched, and he glanced up in surprise. Her cheeks were pink again, the color striking against her green eyes. Shaking his head at whatever had passed between them, James pretended he hadn't noticed.

"Of course not," he murmured back. "That must be why your hair is a mess."

Lily's hand flew to her braid, which was actually quite neat; she narrowed her eyes at him when she realized he was playing her. Apparently she had no comeback, because her mouth just opened and closed a few times before the other prefects started streaming in, and the opportunity to retort was lost.

As everyone settled down, James went ahead and started the meeting. Lily interjected several times, as if trying to get back at him for his remark about about Whitby and her hair, until he finally just sighed and let her continue. He couldn't help but glance at Whitby, who was watching her with a dopey smile on his face. He idly wondered what the Ravenclaw saw in her, given that all she seemed to do was make snarky remarks. Then again, she was usually quite clever with them, not to mention rather pretty when aggravated.

He was lost in his thoughts when Lily started going over the weekly roster for rounds. He heard his name assigned to bathroom duty and sat up a bit straighter. "Sorry, when is that?" he asked softly, leaning toward her and glancing over her shoulder at the sheet. She smelled nice.

Lily glanced at him with exasperation, her nose almost bumping into his. He pulled back, embarrassed, and she swallowed. "Wednesday and Thursday. Why?"

James shook his head. "I can't do Wednesday. Can you reassign me?"

"Why not?" asked Lily, frowning as she glanced down at the sheet. "Important date? Or are you sneaking out to Hogsmeade again?"

"Not exactly," murmured James, trying not to glance at Remus. He was sure his friend was trying not to listen. Wednesday was the full moon, and he couldn't leave Remus to transform alone.

"Then why should I switch you?" she whispered. The rest of the prefects were watching them, and James turned his head away so they couldn't hear him as well.

"Because I asked nicely," he said, holding back any biting retorts. "That's why."

"That's a first," she murmured.

"You switched Remus last month, why not me? Look," he said, beginning to lose patience. "If you take it for me, I'll owe you. How about that?"

She narrowed her eyes and seemed to think about it. "Stop bothering me about Mark."

James sighed and nodded. "Fine. Done."

"You're welcome," she whispered.

"Yeah, thanks." He sat back and gave Remus a small nod. If Lily noticed, she didn't say anything.

The meeting continued until she actually turned over the final item—Halloween duty— on the agenda to him. He hurried through it and dismissed them right on time. Avoiding Evans, he stood and put away some chairs, then walked out, determined not to get into it with her—or Avery—like he had last time. He just wanted to get back to his dorm and catch up on the Arithmancy chart he had put off all week. He also wanted to owl his dad again; he had not been checking in enough and felt the need to talk about the many conflicting feelings he had about Evans.

As he passed a window, a flash of lightning lit the sky; he'd have to send his owl in the morning. Disappointed, he hurried on. He didn't run into any Slytherins, but he hadn't gone far when he heard a voice call his name. It was Anastasia Harrison, and she looked determined to corner him this time.

"Are you busy?" she asked frankly, practically sauntering up to him and standing quite a bit too close. James took a step backward and found himself trapped against the wall.

"Actually, yes," he said, willing his hand away from his hair. "I've got a lot of homework so I'm heading back to my room to get started…" He trailed off at the look on her face: she somehow managed to pout while looking suggestive at the same time. He swallowed hard and moved away from her, only she took a step forward and ran her tongue over her lips.

"I've got loads as well," she purred. "Maybe we could work together. I know a great place to study."

"Study?" James asked, embarrassed to hear his voice squeak. A crash of thunder seemed to emphasize it.

"Well, among other things," she murmured. Her body was brushing against his and he felt himself responding in spite of his brain telling him to run the other way.

"Really," he said, gently pushing her away. That was a mistake, because touching her was like putting his hands in a flame. "I can't."

"Oi, Prongs!" called a voice behind her, and he looked up to find Remus coming toward them.

"Next time, then," she murmured. "I can wait."

"Ready to get started on that chart?" Remus asked loudly, nodding politely to Anastasia. She gave Remus a look before blowing James a subtle kiss, then strolled casually away, hips swaying, perfectly aware that they were both watching her go.

"Thanks, mate," murmured James. He ran his hand through his hair and shook himself, trying to forget Anastasia's bold implication. She was smart, she was attractive—but she was far too assertive, even aggressive. And if he admitted it to himself, he was simply too busy to get involved with a girl who would certainly require far more attention than he had to give with so much going on.

"You're welcome," said Remus, clapping him on the shoulder. "Bodyguard duty now includes Avery, Evans, and Harrison. Anyone else I need to keep an eye on?"

James was too grateful for Remus's timely interruption to be bothered by the bodyguard comment. He shook his head. "No, but you can take Evans off the list. We're fine. Quiet week, actually, and she agreed to cover for me Wednesday."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Remus replied softly. "She didn't look so happy when she saw Harrison licking her lips at you."

James stopped and stared. "She saw?"

"She did." Remus nodded knowingly. "And she stormed back the other way."

James felt a small grin spread across his face, and Remus rolled his eyes. He didn't know why, but for some reason he suddenly felt a bit better about things.

* * *

Lily watched James leave the meeting. She couldn't help but frown, curious as to why he so adamantly needed that one particular night off. She didn't think there was Quidditch practice that night, and she was certain there weren't any major assignments due the following day. She had seen his eyes flick to Remus Lupin; did they have something planned? Another trip to Hogsmeade? Or did he have a date?

"Can I walk you back?" asked Mark behind her. In spite of everything, he was still a perfect gentleman. She smiled at him, but shook her head.

"No, go ahead. I'm meeting Mary in the library to go over some Potions work. I just need to gather my things."

He shook his head. "You're a hard girl to win over," he sighed with mock sadness.

"I know," she laughed. "I really am."

"I'm not giving up," he said with a wink as he left. "At least, not until you've said yes."

She remembered a certain Gryffindor saying something similar during fifth year, and yet James Potter _had_given up, considering how difficult it was for them to get along now. Shaking her head of the unexpected thought, she waved Mark out of the lounge. "Keep asking and eventually I'll give in."

He laughed as he left, and Lily quickly cleaned up the room and followed. She turned a corner and stopped in her tracks when she saw James Potter against the wall, Anastasia Harrison practically on top of him. He looked uncomfortable, but he wasn't pushing her away. Lily felt rooted to the spot as her stomach at dropped seeing them together. She hardly heard Remus come up behind her and call James's nickname. When she saw Anastasia blow James a kiss and leave, Lily turned and ran back the way she had come.

Storming back into the prefects' lounge, she dropped a curse, only to jump when Mark stood up from behind one of the sofas, illuminated by a flash of lightning.

"Lily!" he exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"What are _you _doing here?" she snapped instead, irritated to find she wasn't alone after all.

"Apparently I seem to forget something at every meeting." He held up his Charms book. "So I just nipped back in to grab it. But why are you so upset? Did something happen in the hallway? Was it Avery again?"

Lily sat down and sighed. "No, it wasn't. Just Potter this time. Sorry about the curse."

"It's okay, I'm starting to get used to it when it comes to him," he laughed. He joined her on the couch and sat down next to her, his thigh almost brushing hers. "What happened? Did he say something to you?"

"No," she replied, shaking her head. "He didn't. He was just—" she trailed off, not wanting to talk about it. Really, it shouldn't matter to her who James was snogging in the corridors, but it did, and she didn't want anyone to know that—especially Mark. "He was just being Potter."

"You guys do like to row, don't you?

Lily scrunched up her nose and gave him an odd look. "I wouldn't say we _like_to fight, we just do."

Mark nodded without saying anything, though he did move somewhat closer to her. She felt her heart speed up nervously, but she did not move away.

"Do you like him at all?" he asked finally, gazing into her eyes. Lily swallowed as she thought about it. Mark wasn't suggesting that's why she fought with James all the time, was it? It couldn't be. James was arrogant and annoying and always picking on her…and she was short-tempered and sensitive and always picking on him. They couldn't get along if their lives depended on it, even in spite of an occasional pleasant moment now and then. Of course she didn't like him.

"No," she told Mark after only a moment's hesitation. "I don't. He's far too clever and cocky for his own good, and he's extremely difficult to work with, not to mention—"

He stopped her with a kiss. Lily was too surprised to even shut her eyes as he leaned forward and placed his lips to hers. Just as quickly he pulled back, looking away. Lily noticed he was blushing, and he nervously ran a hand through his neat hair, much like another boy she knew.

"Sorry," he murmured, backing off slightly. "I was just so glad to hear you say that."

"Say what?" Lily asked, confused.

"That you didn't like him," Mark replied. "I thought maybe that was why you didn't want to go out with me."

"Because of James Potter?" Lily was so astounded she laughed out loud. Then she stopped and wondered if he were right. Was it because of James? Or because of Michael Townsend? Or because of Mark himself? Maybe it was just her.

"Lily, can I ask you something?" Mark said, looking both thoughtful and uncomfortable.

"Of course," she replied, curious yet apprehensive.

"What happened in Hogsmeade last year? What _really _happened?"

She was so caught off guard by the question her mouth fell open. Finally she shook her head, confused. "What does that have to do with…this?"

Mark backed away again, moving down the sofa as he seemed to gather his thoughts for words. "Well, I know you were attacked," he began. "I can't imagine experiencing something like that, especially here at school. But there were a lot of rumors afterwards about what happened, about Kieran, even about you and Potter. Obviously that's why he was made Head Boy, but I was just wondering … if that's why you guys don't get along very well this year."

Lily was silent, thinking about his words. She was quiet for so long that Mark finally took her hand and squeezed it. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business. But if you ever want to talk about it, just let me know."

He started to stand, but Lily pulled him back down. Now that he'd asked, she wanted to tell him. Truth be told, she hadn't talked to anyone but Sandra and Mary about it, and even then they hadn't discussed it much, somehow always managing to talk around it. Summer holiday had distanced them from it, and after they'd returned, it had been more like a vague memory that they all just wanted to put behind them.

"It's okay," she said softly. "I never considered what other people were saying. It's not something I really like thinking about. I mean, no one believed we could be attacked right outside of Hogwarts; it's bad enough imagining what it will be like when we leave." She actually shivered and rubbed her arms as she remembered the sunny day in June that had changed so much.

Mark put his arm around her and Lily let her head fall to his shoulder. It felt warm and strong, much like James's had that night in the hospital wing. Taking a deep breath, she began to tell him about that fateful day in Hogsmeade: how she had just started walking back to the castle with Sandra and caught up with James, Sirius, and Remus. How they had turned the last corner out of town and run straight into Kieran Quinn and Andrew Parker, staring down six Death Eaters with their wands out. Sirius had shouted, the distraction giving Kieran and Andrew the chance to pull out their own wands, and Lily had found herself in the middle of her first true battle: hexes and curses flying around her so fast she hardly knew what was happening…

_Andrew fell to the ground, Stunned unconscious. Kieran shouted and stepped in front of his friend's prone body, putting down one Death Eater with a well-placed Full-Body Bind curse. James ran to join him as the attack quickly grew more heated. He had almost reached them when the awful green jet of light—something Lily never thought she would see—struck Kieran in the chest, and he fell next to Andrew, eyes staring lifelessly toward the blue sky._

J_ames howled in frustration and took out the Death Eater who had just killed Kieran in front of them. The other four suddenly concentrated on him, a brutal Cutting Curse slicing across his face. Sirius and Remus ran to his defense, Sandra and Lily right behind them, only Sandra went down before she even got there, blood gushing from a gash in her leg. Lily turned to help, but saw Sirius crumple in front of her, his hand sliced to ribbons by a Severing Charm not meant for flesh._

_Lily hesitated, unsure whether to help Sandra or Sirius or continue the fight with James and Remus before they were all injured or killed. She almost didn't see the purple jet of light coming straight at her and barely managed to block it. The Death Eater casting it advanced, determined to take her down. She blocked spell after spell, unable to do anything but shield herself, until finally he broke through and disarmed her, and she fell, landing awkwardly on her leg._

_And then James was there, his face furious, his shield strong even though his face showed the effort it must be costing him. He forced back the Death Eater, catching him with a quick Trip Jinx and a Leg-Locker Curse, then helped her up. Lily stayed with Sandra while James turned to where Remus stood in front of Sirius, trying to hold off the last three Death Eaters. Sirius was clutching his arm to his chest and groping in the dirt for his wand. He found it and the unexpected spell he managed to cast hit one Death Eater square in the chest._

_Together James and Remus beat back the last two Death Eaters, forcing them away from their injured friends, but they were strong, and James and Remus were growing tired, and the man James had hit with the Leg-Locker Curse recovered and joined them. Yet suddenly there was help: Professor Dumbledore appeared with the Auror Alastor Moody and Frank Longbottom. After a few more spells, the three remaining Death Eaters Apparated out, knowing they were defeated, and leaving behind their fallen comrades…_

Lily took a deep breath to settle herself as she paused. Mark was staring at her in wide-eyed shock. She finished quickly.

"Dumbledore sent a Patronus to the castle, and moments later Madam Pomfrey appeared. She put Sirius, Andrew, and Sandra on stretchers and quickly took them back to the castle with Kieran." She sniffed, holding back tears just thinking about it. "Frank and Alastor Moody took the three remaining Death Eaters to the Ministry, and Professor Dumbledore walked James, Remus, and I back to the hospital wing. Sirius's hand was pretty bad, and Sandra lost a lot of blood, but they were okay. Andrew, too, though he was upset about Kieran. The rest of us just had cuts and bruises, although I was limping and I remember James had a bad gash on his face. Dumbledore asked us what happened, and we let James take the lead. It seemed he had really done the most, after all."

Mark held her close and kissed her head. It felt good even though she was confused. "That's unbelievable, Lily. I can't believe you survived something so horrible." He tilted her chin up. "I'm so thankful, though."

Even as he leaned down to kiss her again, her thoughts drifted back to the hospital wing, and she finished the story in her head…

_Madam Pomfrey wanted to watch over them, and so they were all ordered to stay in the hospital wing for the night. Sirius had the worst injury and slept fitfully as his hand regenerated. Andrew just turned his back and stared at the wall, obviously devastated by the death of his friend and housemate. Sandra and Remus slowly drifted off to sleep, and Lily was left alone with James._

_Trying to understand the day's horrific events, they talked, and as they talked, the enormity of what had happened suddenly hit her, and she couldn't help but let the tears finally fall. James was suddenly beside her, his arm around her, and she sobbed into his shoulder as he rubbed her back, her neck, her hair. She thought maybe he was shaking, and when she looked up, she saw a tear running down his face as well. Their eyes met, and her breath caught in her throat as they moved closer together, their lips just inches apart…_

_And then Madam Pomfrey appeared to check on Sirius, and the moment was lost—apparently forever._

**End Notes:**

Thank you once again to mugglegirlmarauder, who helped me work out the details and has got me over several blocks. I hope you enjoyed the flashback to Hogsmeade - perhaps I'll write it as its own story someday!

Since a few people have asked, this story is 28 chapters long and I do hope to update frequently. I rated it 'M' because there is one chapter with a bit more adult sexual themes (though not 'all the way') and because there is some violence and language later on as well. Thank you so much for the amazing reviews, I'm so glad so many people are enjoying it!


	7. Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Lily glanced around the Gryffindor common room one more time and yawned. She had not seen either James or Sirius come back in, nor Remus or Peter, which meant they were certainly out together and up to something. It was almost time for her to take Potter's round of the castle bathrooms before heading to bed. Though she would have normally been irritated at having to cover for him, this time she didn't mind; she was curious about what he was up to and hoped she might glean some clue of his whereabouts.

Packing up her books, parchment, and quill, Lily took them back upstairs, where Sandra had fallen asleep in her Charms book and Mary was writing a letter. The latter glanced up as Lily entered.

"Time for another secret snog?" she teased.

Lily gave her an exasperated look; her friends had been giving her a hard time for days. She almost wished she hadn't told them what had happened between her and Mark in the prefects' lounge; she certainly didn't want the entire school talking about it.

"No, I'm covering for Potter, remember?" she reminded her friend.

"Oh, that's right." Mary laughed. "Think you'll find out what he's up to?"

"I hope so," Lily murmured. She couldn't say why she was so interested, only that she was fairly certain it was something he shouldn't be doing, and for some reason she wanted to know what it was. She wasn't planning on getting him into trouble—but she wouldn't mind something to hold over him.

"Stay out of the Restricted Section!" Mary called as she left. Lily shook her head; if her friends knew what had happened over the summer, they would know she wasn't about to put herself in another position where things could go too far.

Lily left the common room and began the routine patrol of the corridors. She looked into the bathrooms and was thankful she didn't come across anything she had to deal with. She was actually glad to have some quiet time alone to think about the strange turn her life had taken over the last week. She had put Mark off only to find herself suddenly, with one kiss, involved in a relationship with him that she still wasn't sure she wanted. She liked him, yet too often she couldn't help thinking about someone else, and the opportunity that they had buried under constant bickering and fighting.

Glancing out a window on the fifth floor, Lily was surprised to see a clear sky with a spectacular full moon lighting the Hogwarts grounds. She frowned as she noticed the Whomping Willow, usually rather passive, suddenly begin thrashing its branches, and then just as quickly freeze as if hit with a spell. She wondered if the missing Gryffindor boys had anything to do with it, but was distracted by a sound behind her.

She turned, wand instinctively raised, to find Severus Snape watching her with Dante Avery and Corin Mulciber. Severus said something to his housemates, who sneered at her, but they nodded and left. Severus joined Lily at the window.

"It's him, you know," he said without introduction.

Lily glanced sideways at her former friend. They had only spoken once all year, at the Slug Club, and she found she didn't really miss it. If possible, he had grown even more dark and bitter over the brief summer holiday. She mourned the person he had been and the friendship they had once had, but she had moved on, and she wondered why he had stopped to talk to her now.

"Who?" she asked, hearing the weariness in her voice and not bothering to hide it.

"Lupin," said Snape. He inclined his head toward the window. "There's a full moon tonight."

"So?" she asked. "That doesn't mean he's out there."

Severus studied her with his deep black eyes. "Still so unwilling to believe that there might be a werewolf at Hogwarts?"

"No, just reluctant to think such a thing about a friend," she replied. She knew Severus had his suspicions, had harbored them long before the incident at the Whomping Willow. Yet she had little reason to believe him, because she knew how much his hatred of James and the other Gryffindor boys affected his thoughts and actions. It had practically been the downfall of their friendship.

Severus was quiet for a long time, and Lily simply stood there, waiting for whatever he had to say next. She glanced down toward the Whomping Willow and saw a single figure hurrying back toward the castle, limping slightly; even stranger, the figure disappeared before it entered the shadows of the castle. Frowning again, she couldn't help but wonder if it was Remus or one of the others.

Growing uncomfortable, Lily turned to her former friend. "It's past curfew, Severus. You should get back to Slytherin."

He inclined his head to her, once again giving her a studied, enigmatic look. "Are you doing well this year?" he asked before turning to leave.

"Yes," she answered softly, though at times she wondered if that were the truth. So many things from the past seemed to follow her, almost haunt her, that sometimes she wished she could just leave them behind and start over. "Good night, Severus."

"Good night, Lily," he replied, and he left her at the window. The moon shone brightly over the castle, but there was no more movement on the lawn. The Whomping Willow began to move lightly with the breeze. With a sigh, Lily turned and continued toward the prefects' bathroom, hoping she wouldn't find anyone inside snogging.

She had just rounded the corner when she crashed into something—something quite invisible. There was a noise, however: a voice she recognized, dropping a very familiar curse.

"James?" she whispered, glancing around the corridor but seeing nothing. She was sure she heard someone breathing and narrowed her eyes as she searched the corridor once more. Finally she murmured a spell under her breath, her heart pounding.

"_Homenum Revelio_."

She didn't see anything in front of her, but turning, she found James Potter walking—no, sneaking—away under an invisibility cloak. Reaching out, she grabbed it and stepped back. He stopped and swore again before he turned around.

"Looking for this?" she asked, holding up the cloak. She couldn't help but admire it, a shimmering silver cloth whose weave was silken smooth. She now knew how James and his friends had managed to sneak around and cause so much trouble over their years at Hogwarts.

"Lily?" he asked in surprise, limping toward her. Lily gasped when she saw a large gash on his lower leg, just under his knee. It had cut through his trousers and was bleeding profusely. "What are you doing here?"

"Covering for you," she replied, too surprised to snap at him. "What are _you_doing here?"

He actually looked slightly uncomfortable. "Would you believe patrolling?" he asked, sounding sheepish.

"No, I wouldn't," she replied. "You said you couldn't do it tonight. And most Head Boys don't patrol under an invisibility cloak."

"True," he murmured. "About that—could I get it back now? I'm sort of in a hurry."

"Where are you going?" she demanded, holding onto the cloak.

"Well, if you must know," he started, running a hand through his hair nervously, "I was just going to nip into the prefects' bath and get cleaned up."

She narrowed her eyes and nodded, then followed him into the bathroom, still holding the cloak. "What happened to your leg?" she asked.

"I tripped." He shrugged, then gasped as he began to wash the deep gash. "Bollocks, that stings."

"Tripped over what?" Lily asked, ignoring the pained look on his face even though she felt a slight twinge of sympathy for him.

"A rock," he muttered.

"In the middle of the castle?" she said skeptically. He continued to dab at the long cut, and it continued to bleed. When she saw him bite his lip and hold back another curse, she finally put down the cloak and went over to him.

"Here, let me help," she said softly. She knelt and cast a simple spell over the injury to help with the pain. He relaxed almost immediately.

"Thanks," he muttered. "I don't suppose you know any other healing spells?"

Lily looked up at him, frowning. "You should see Madam Pomfrey. This is pretty deep; she can put it together easily."

"I'd rather not," he said, looking away evasively.

"Why?" she demanded. "Would you rather lose your leg?"

His face blanched. "It's not that bad…is it?"

She couldn't help but smile. "No, it's not. But you should have it looked at. Why don't you want Pomfrey to do it?"

"Too many questions," he replied.

"Like how did you manage to trip and rip a six-inch gash in your leg on a rock in the middle of the castle after curfew?" Lily asked.

"Exactly," he said. "So can you do something for it? I'm rubbish at healing spells."

"Too busy getting hurt instead?" she teased. She cast a basic cleansing charm and then conjured a large bandage. She didn't know the more advanced charms for stitching the skin back together and making sure it didn't scar, but she knew it would be better than nothing.

"Usually, yes," he laughed. He flexed his knee a few times. "Thanks, Lily," he replied, and his voice was warm and friendly instead of his usual cynical tone. "I owe you."

"Again," she laughed with him. "How about some answers then?"

"Why so curious?" he asked as he washed his hands.

"I'm Head Girl. I'm supposed to know what's going on."

"Well, for your information, _Head Girl_, I really did trip on a rock."

"Inside?" she pressed.

"'Course not," he said, but he didn't say more. He headed toward the door.

"Outside then," she said. She crossed her hands over her chest, as she suddenly realized who she had likely seen through the window. "By the Whomping Willow."

He whirled around, eyes wide. "What?" he demanded.

"You were out by the Whomping Willow," she said, unable to hide a smirk of victory. "I saw you. You got Whomped, didn't you?"

He narrowed his eyes at her before finally nodding. "Yes, damn tree. But I really did trip."

"Don't blame the tree," she laughed. "You were obviously too close."

"Are you done lecturing me on grounds safety?" he asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Because I need to go." He turned and left the bathroom, and she followed him.

"Go where?" she asked.

"Back to where I was," he replied. She thought she saw the smallest hint of a grin on his face, and decided if he wanted to play word games, then so would she. It actually felt a bit like sixth year again, when their formerly heated exchanges had gradually turned more playful.

"Which was where?" she continued, joining him as he walked down the corridor.

"Outside, as you've already established," he said, inclining his head to her.

"And what's going on outside?" she asked in her most innocent voice. This time he did turn and grin.

"Just a bit of stargazing," he answered.

"You're not in Astronomy this year," Lily pointed out.

"Not that kind." He winked, and Lily felt her stomach drop.

"You're getting off with Anastasia Harrison!" she exclaimed, stopping in her tracks and staring at him. She was shocked and disappointed, and confused as to why she should feel either.

"What?" he said, then turned when he saw she wasn't next to him anymore. "Anastasia Harrison? What are you talking about?"

"I saw you, after the last meeting," she said. "But I didn't really think…" She trailed off and shook her head, her heart thumping in her chest. "I'll leave you to it, then."

"No, Lily—wait!" he called after her. "It's not like that, I'm not meeting…_her_." He pulled a face, but she gave him a skeptical look.

"Someone else then?" she asked, trying not to sound bitter.

He shrugged, refusing to meet her eyes. "It's not what you think." He paused and narrowed his eyes, as if something had just occurred to him. "Besides, what's it to you? You've got your own snogging partner now."

Lily felt her mouth open and close a few times; she hated it when she couldn't come up with a reply quick enough. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Whitby, of course," he replied. "I know you're together."

"It's not a secret," she said, trying not to sound defensive.

"You sure are acting like it is," he replied. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Look, I know I'm not supposed to bother you about him, so I won't. I hope it works out."

"Thanks," Lily murmured, though it did not make her feel better to hear him say it. They continued walking together in uncomfortable silence now.

"Are you going to follow me all night?" James finally asked as they came to the main staircase.

"Er, no," she said, slightly embarrassed to find she had indeed walked with him for so long. "But…you shouldn't be sneaking around, you know."

"Are you going to give me a detention?" he challenged, turning to face her. She stepped back from the fierce look in his eyes.

"No, but…"

"Are you going to take points?" he asked, stepping closer.

"No." She backed away.

"Tell anyone?" Another step forward.

"No, but I…" Another step back.

"You want to … but you won't, right?"

Lily stared back at him, once again reminded of their time in the hospital wing at the end of sixth year, when they had been so close she could see the flecks of green in his eyes. She felt that same longing, gazing at his face now, that same stirring in her stomach once again. Shaking her head, she finally looked away, desperately unsure of anything anymore.

"Sometimes you really drive me mad," she murmured as he turned and started down the steps.

"The feeling is mutual, Evans," he tossed over his shoulder.

"You started it!" she called back, knowing it was immature.

He turned back to her, his head cocked sideways as he looked up at her. "And you've ended it. 'Night, Lily." He walked away, leaving her confused once more. She thought his shoulders seemed a bit more slumped, but perhaps she was only imagining it. She decided to give it one last try.

"You're really not going to tell me what you are up to?" she said, leaning over the banister of the staircase.

"I can't," he replied without looking up.

"Can't or won't?" she asked.

He reached the ground floor and looked up at her, and her breath caught in her throat at the look on his face. Even through his glasses she could clearly see the emotion in his hazel eyes.

"Both," he replied softly, and he left the castle without another word. She watched him go and wondered whether he was referring to something else entirely, or if it was just her misplaced hope.

End notes:  
Annnnnd - yet another thank you to mugglegirlmarauder, who endures far too much on AIM from me. She got me through the end of this and I'd certainly be stuck if she hadn't. Thank you!

Once again thank you for the reviews. Remember, this is a long story, so while I could apologize for not as many J/L moments as some might like quite yet... I won't, because I like to build things…and play with your emotions. A lot. Just so you are all properly prepared. ;)


	8. Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight

The Great Hall filled quickly for the Halloween feast. Students hurried in, chattering excitedly as they began one of the best feasts of the year. The candles that floated about the hall had been replaced with old-fashioned street lanterns and lit with eerie purple tapers. Orange and black streamers twisted and twirled around the walls, while above them flew bats of every shape and size.

The Hogwarts ghosts floated about the hall as well. Most were friendly, though the Bloody Baron hovered grimly in the corner and glowered around the hall. James nodded to Sir Nicholas before heading toward the Gryffindor table. Sirius and Peter had already arrived, and were trying to keep a straight face as James sat down.

"Did you finish the spell?" Peter asked, beginning to fill his plate. James poured himself some pumpkin juice and grinned. In spite of everything else that seemed to be going wrong that year, he had still been looking forward to the Halloween feast; they had a reputation to uphold, after all—even if things were going to be a bit tamer this year.

"I did. Did you get the music?" James asked. Peter nodded, and James glanced around as inconspicuously as he could. "Where's Remus? We need him."

"I'm here," muttered a quietly annoyed voice. Remus sat down next to Sirius. "Had to dock some third-years for dueling in the hallway."

Sirius snorted as he tucked into large piece of roast turkey. "And that's why I'm not a prefect. I'd just let them have a go at it and start taking wagers."

"No, you're not a prefect because you'd be the one dueling," said Remus, spearing a large roll.

"That too," Sirius laughed. "I remember some good ones fourth year. That one with Snape and the Tongue-Tying Curse…" He trailed off, clearly enjoying the memory.

"Are you ready then, Moony?" asked Peter, ignoring Sirius and glancing around the hall. "We've been waiting. This is our last one, you know."

"I'm ready," said Remus, wiping his mouth. "Let's see the spell."

James pulled a small piece of parchment from his pocket. He'd been working on the complex Transfiguration spell for days; he'd tried it over and over, until it had worked perfectly every time. Now he only hoped the others could manage it, so that the Great Hall received the full effect of their final Halloween prank. It wasn't quite as stunning as sixth-year, but then hopefully they wouldn't end up in detention for a month.

Sirius nodded, confident in his ability to cast the spell. Remus looked slightly skeptical, but Peter seemed completely bewildered. James was glad Peter had taken care of the music instead. He and Sirius had snuck in just before dinner and planted their enchanted conch shells in the corners.

When dessert appeared, James looked to the others. "Ready?" he asked. They nodded, Sirius grinning broadly, Remus with a straight face but a mischievous look in his eyes, and Peter concentrating. Wands raised beneath the table, they each murmured the incantation and waited. Slowly but surely the floating lanterns above them began to transform into large, grinning, glowing jack-o-lanterns. As the students looked up and began to point at the pumpkins, James nodded to Peter, who cast his own spell and began the music.

The strains of a popular Muggle Halloween song began to fill the hall. The students gasped at first, then began to laugh, and some even began to sing along. Grinning, James brought his hands back to the table and finished his pumpkin pudding. Sirius raised his glass in a toast, and together they enjoyed their last Halloween feast at Hogwarts as the jack-o-lanterns turned lazily above them and the strains of another ridiculous Muggle song filled the air.

James tried to catch Lily's eye, but she seemed to be pointedly ignoring him, especially after Sirius added a few impromptu fireworks that sent the hall screaming with glee. He wondered if she was silently disapproving, or if she would actually appreciate the simple nature of the prank.

All too soon it was time to leave, and the students began to drift from the hall back to their common rooms. Peter left with Susan, but James stayed a bit longer with Remus and Sirius, enjoying the last of their show. Professor Dumbledore came down from the staff table to join them, his eyes twinkling.

"An impressive bit of magic, Mr. Potter," he began. "Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin."

"Thank you, sir," replied Sirius, sitting up straighter. "Does that mean you won't be giving us detention this year? It is our last one."

"On the contrary, I quite like the effect," said Dumbledore, eyeing the pumpkins. "I think I might try it next year. Perhaps we'll have a new tradition."

"Excellent, sir," said Sirius, grinning. "Glad we could help, then."

Dumbledore turned to leave, but stopped and inclined his head. "What about the seeds?" he asked curiously. "Most Muggles scoop them out before they carve their jack-o-lanterns."

"What seeds?" asked James, frowning.

"Those seeds," said Dumbledore, and with a wave of his wand, thousands of seeds began to pour from the three pumpkins directly overhead, raining down on the Gryffindor table and quickly burying them up to their waist.

The few students left in the hall burst into cheers. James couldn't help it: it was a brilliant bit of magic, and he laughed heartily with Sirius and Remus, enjoying a rare moment of complete contentment. Dumbledore left the hall, and Remus Vanished the large pile of pumpkin seeds. Shaking the last few from his hair, James stood to leave with his friends.

They got several calls of goodwill and a spattering of applause as they left, and Sirius bowed, obviously enjoying the spotlight. He left them at the main staircase, however, telling them he would see them back in the dormitory later. Remus continued to walk with James, but left him at the third floor to head to the library for prefect duty.

James continued alone, wondering where Sirius had gone off to, and who he was seeing. He had refused to talk about it for weeks, but James was now fairly sure Remus was right, and that Sirius was seeing someone who wasn't a Gryffindor. He just wondered why his friend was so secretive about it.

He was glad he didn't have Halloween duty, because it was a night notorious for sneaking out, snogging, and pranks. He just wanted a quiet night in the common room…not that he had any choice. He seemed to be on his own more and more as his friends were all off with their girlfriends, and if he admitted it to himself, he was sort of tired of it. At times he even felt a bit lonely.

As he neared the portrait of the Fat Lady, James groaned to himself when he saw Lily in front of him, walking with Mark Whitby. They were holding hands, though he thought Lily seemed a bit stiff. Holding back any biting comments, he simply looked down and continued toward the portrait hole, where they had stopped for a rather chaste good night kiss.

"Excuse me, Evans," he said, his voice dry. "But I need to get in. Potions calls."

She broke apart from Mark, blushing furiously. Mark gave him a friendly smile—damn the affable Ravenclaw—and put his arm around Lily. "Good one this year, Potter. Especially nice bit of magic."

"Thanks, Whitby," James ground out. "If you don't mind?" He motioned them away so he could speak the password. Mark nodded and pulled Lily toward him. James was slightly surprised to see her resist his embrace.

"I'll be right in," she said. James frowned at her.

"Er, okay," he replied, confused. He shook his head and entered the common room. It was packed full of Gryffindors enjoying the night instead of studying, and he knew he wouldn't get anything done if he stayed. In fact, he was almost immediately pulled into a Quidditch conversation with Thomas Kirke and Ryan Sloper. They were analyzing the first match and making notes for the Gryffindor/Slytherin game in two weeks.

"You're doing that that now?" James asked. "Haven't you got anything better to do? It's Halloween and the game is still two weeks away."

"What are you up to, then?" asked Kirke, frowning. Quidditch was his obsession and ambition, and he probably sacrificed more than anyone on the team for it, including any semblance of a social life. "You've already hit the Great Hall." He paused. "You didn't get detention, did you? Because we need you for every practice."

"I've got another essay to write," James grumbled. He'd much rather hang out in the common room and talk Quidditch, but he just had too much work to do. "And no, Dumbledore loved it."

"Good. We'll come up with some notes for practice on Wednesday," said Kirke. "I've got a few ideas about the Slytherin defense this year, and we need to start thinking about Avery."

James glanced at him in surprise. "What about Avery?" he asked.

"He's been all over you off the pitch. Is he going to have a go at you in the match?" asked Kirke. "Because we need to plan for it if he does."

James hadn't even thought about his quarrels with Avery carrying over to the Quidditch pitch, given it'd been at least a week since they'd had words after Defense Against The Dark Arts, but as he thought about it, he nodded. It would certainly be in character for the Slytherin to try something underhanded after all his empty threats in the corridors.

"I'll keep it in mind," he said. "Look, I'd love to stay, but I just can't. See you later." James hurried toward the stairs, another worry added to the list of things he was already thinking about far too much, far too often: schoolwork, Head Boy duties, his dad, his friends, Evans, Harrison, and now the game and Dante Avery. Sometimes he wondered how he didn't explode from it.

He heard a voice call his name again and turned to find Lily coming toward him. She was tucking a few loose strands of hair into a clip and cleared her throat as she approached him.

"I'm sorry about that…out there," she mumbled, not looking him in the eye. He just stared at her, wondering why she was apologizing to him for snogging her boyfriend.

"No problem." He shrugged. "It's none of my business, remember? You were just in the way."

She looked up at him, and although he couldn't quite read her face, he thought she looked both confused and surprised, and as if she were hoping for him to say something else.

"Where are you going?" she asked. "Don't you have anything else planned for tonight?"

"No, not this year. Everyone else is out, and I have a date with Potions." He shrugged again to hide his disappointment, and she nodded ruefully.

"Me too," she said. "The Potions essay, that is. It's turning out a lot more difficult than I thought it would be."

James gazed at her, a dozen thoughts running through his head. For some reason, he picked the one he knew was the most likely to get him burned, but something compelled him to say it anyway. "Want to work on it together?" he asked.

To his surprise, Lily paled. She stared at him, wide-eyed. "I can't," she whispered. "I'm meeting—"

"—Whitby again," he finished for her. He waved off anything else she might say. "No problem. Good luck. Behave in the Restricted Section."

He turned and went up to his dormitory without another word, irrationally disappointed when she didn't call after him. What had possessed him to say that? He had known what the answer would be, he had just set himself up to get upset over it. Kicking at the inoffensive trunk at the foot of his bed, James swore, then took a deep breath, forcing himself to calm down.

Whatever was going on with Lily was frustrating. They had seemed so close to something at the end of sixth year, and yet they had come back to nothing but harsh words for one another in September. He still struggled with his mother's death, because he thought about it almost every day; it had changed him in many ways. What he couldn't understand why she had changed so much, however—why she was usually both so defensive and antagonistic with. The rare moments when they actually got along were now eclipsed by the fact that she was with someone else, and he shouldn't let it bother him, but it did.

Settling on his bed, James dug out his Potions books and set to work. He wrote quickly and with focus, as if he were channeling his emotions into the parchment. When he finally glanced up, bleary-eyed, he was surprised to see that a steady rain had started to fall sometime during the two hours that had passed—and that the dormitory was still empty.

Deciding a short break was in order, he rolled off the bed and headed back to the common room. It was still quite crowded. Susan and Peter were sitting with Remus at a table, but Sirius was nowhere to be seen. James headed toward his friends, curious about their missing fourth member, but stopped when Cynthia Morris came crashing through the portrait hole, her eyes red from crying.

Everyone stopped and stared at her. She, in turn, looked mortified and ran right back out the portrait hole. James gave his friends a quick wave and hurried after her; he wanted to make sure she was all right, both as her friend and as Head Boy.

He caught up with her quickly and reached out for her hand. She didn't shake him off, but turned into him immediately. He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair, startled when a vision of red flashed before his eyes. When Cynthia had settled a bit, he gently asked her what had happened.

Another couple walked by, and she looked away without answering. "Not here," she murmured. "Can we talk somewhere else?"

He nodded and led her toward the fifth floor and the prefects' lounge. He just hoped Lily wasn't there, entwined with Whitby. He'd probably jinx them before running out, and then both he and Cynthia would be a right mess. For some reason the pathetic image of the two of them made him smile and shake his head.

Fortunately, when he spoke the password and poked his head in, the lounge was empty. He led Cynthia to the sofa and set her down, then conjured a handkerchief so she could dry her eyes. She smiled, which he thought was a good sign; he must be doing something right for once.

"So what's wrong?" he asked again, sitting next to her but not too close. She sighed and shook her head.

"I'm just disappointed, that's all. Disappointed and feeling completely stupid."

James frowned. "I can understand the disappointed part," he said, because he did. "But not stupid. I can't imagine you doing anything stupid."

She was quiet for a bit, as if gathering her thoughts and trying to decide what to tell him. "What the hell," she finally murmured. "It's Alan Diggory," she said, looking him straight in the eye.

"Alan Diggory?" he repeated. "Oh, the guy you—"

"—wouldn't tell you about, yes." She shook her head again. "I feel so stupid, James! I really like him. He was up in the library, and I finally worked up the nerve to ask him if he wanted to work together on Charms, but he said no."

"Oh," said James, at a complete loss how to respond, even though it had just happened to him with Lily.

"But that's not even the worst part," she continued. "Just as he said turned me down, Julie Higgins came up and took his hand. They're together! She looked at me like I was mental for even talking to him. It was so embarrassing!" Cynthia sniffed, and James just shook his head again.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I had no idea."

"What? That I liked him or that he was with Julie?" she asked.

"Neither," he said. "It's just…" He paused before smiling bitterly to himself. "It's just a bad night for both of us, I guess."

Cynthia looked up at him in surprise. Her blue eyes were still watery and her nose was red, but she was still quite pretty, and James couldn't help but think it was Diggory's loss that he had already had plans with Higgins.

"What happened?" she asked. "I'm sorry, I'm so wrapped up in my own problems, I didn't even think to ask what you'd been doing all night."

"Why would you?" he said. "Only I know exactly how you feel because the same thing happened to me tonight."

"Really?" she asked, sitting straighter and pushing the hair from her face. "Who?"

"A long shot," he replied shortly, falling back on the sofa. "Always a long shot."

She nodded as if she understood, and though he had never really talked with her about it, James had the distinct impression that Cynthia probably knew exactly who he was referring to. She leaned back next to him and put her head on his shoulder.

"We're a sorry pair, James," she murmured.

"Yes, we are," he answered. He turned his head to look down at her, only she had turned to glance up at him, and their eyes met, and whatever he was going to say next was lost as he looked at her, and she steadily gazed back, and their lips moved closer and closer together until at last they met, slowly and uncertainly.

It felt good…but wrong. He wasn't imagining Cynthia sitting beside him, but someone else, and he knew, deep down, that she was probably doing the same thing. It was comforting, though, and they continued only so long as they needed to before gently pulling apart and smiling sadly at one another.

"I'm sorry—" James started to say, but Cynthia put a finger to his lips and stopped him.

"Me too, but let's not let it ruin anything, okay?"

He simply nodded, feeling even more miserable than he had earlier. "Shall we head back before we muck it up even more?"

Cynthia laughed ruefully and stood, offering her hand to him. "Yes, and let's talk about something else. Did Kirke ever track you down? He had some thoughts about the match with Slytherin…"

They busied themselves with inane Quidditch talk all the way back to Gryffindor. Outside the rain continued to fall, a melancholy background to their forced normality. When they finally reached the portrait hole, James stopped her. "It's not going to be awkward now, is it?"

Cynthia gave the password and entered without replying. James followed her in, waiting for an answer. Finally she stopped at the stairway to the girls' dormitories and gave him a hug, as well as a small kiss on the cheek. "It might be, but not for long. We're still friends, right?"

"Absolutely," he said, nodding even though he was sure he had just ruined it. "All right, I'll see you tomorrow then. Good night."

Cynthia nodded and headed upstairs. James sighed and turned toward his own dormitory. He couldn't have imagined a worse Halloween, aside from running into Dante Avery and finally getting into a real fight with him. Really, he would have preferred a straightforward duel to the feeling of being pulled in a dozen different directions at once. Yet he had to keep going, no matter how difficult things got. His father had impressed that upon him over the summer. And while he sort of wanted to break into Sirius's secret stash of Firewhisky at the moment and just forget it all, he knew that certainly wasn't the answer.

At least, until he glanced up and saw Lily staring at him from the sofa, green eyes bright with anger. She stood and walked stiffly upstairs, ignoring him completely. He watched her go, his heart once again sinking.

End Notes:

Thank you once again to mugglegirlmarauder for looking this over and tweaking and for listening to me drone on about it all. And to my flist, whom I'm pretty sure I consulted on several things here (like the pumpkins.)

Thank you for all your reviews (and patience, lol!)


	9. Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

The meeting was a disaster.

For one, when Lily arrived at the prefects' lounge, it was completely dark and cold. The house elves had somehow forgotten the meeting, and Lily had to light the sconces and start the fire herself, silently irritated that James had not arrived to help. Outside, the wind howled and beat at the windows, threatening to dump buckets of cold rain on the dull, grey castle.

James didn't arrive until the last minute, and he was irritable from the start, nodding curtly at her to begin the meeting. They had pretty much avoided one another since Halloween. Lily felt like he was ignoring her, though she was the one who looked away every time she saw him after Quidditch practice with Cynthia. It made her sad to think that their friendship had turned into something more, when her own fragile relationship with James was filled with constant tension.

Once the meeting started, it seemed every prefect had something to ask, complain, or otherwise drag on about. When they weren't interrupting, they were studying, gossiping, or even arguing with one another. Jackson Robertson and Carin O'Connell had their hands all over each other, and Alan Diggory actually fell asleep, which earned him a quick jinx from James, who was frowning at the Hufflepuff as if personally offended.

Lily doggedly carried on, determined to finish the meeting. When Mitchell Bradley and Regulus Black began bickering in the back, however, James stood up, raised his wand, and sent a flash of sparks toward the ceiling. Everyone stopped and stared at him.

"The meeting's over," he declared. "You lot are pathetic tonight. You've all got your assignments, so go sleep, snog, and snap at each other somewhere else.

At first, everyone just gaped at him, then turned to Lily. She shrugged, mortified to be the one they were looking at to confirm his rash actions. Slowly they started to gather their things and leave, muttering quietly to one another.

James sat in his seat and watched them go, a distant look on his face. When Remus came up and talked to him, James seemed to shake himself out of a trance. He stood and cast one quick but powerful spell that put every chair back in its place immediately. Even Remus looked surprised.

Lily exchanged a look with Mark, who had stayed behind to help her. "What's going on?" he murmured.

James whirled on them, his face dark. "It was a sodding waste of time. I'm not going to sit here and watch half of them grope each other and the other half count mooncalves."

Mark stayed silent, but Lily frowned. "You had no right to just dismiss them like that. We need to go over the train ride back to London next month."

James rolled his eyes. "I'll owl them," he replied sarcastically. "Maybe they'll actually pay attention then."

"What's got your Snitch in a twist?" Lily asked, eyebrows raised.

"Nothing that can't be fixed by leaving," he said, and he turned to go.

"Fall off the wrong side of your broom? You're in a right foul mood tonight." She challenged him, wanting to know what was wrong, but also longing for some kind of interaction with him. She saw the warning look cross Remus's face—he even shook his head—but it was too late: when James snapped, she snapped back.

"No thanks to you," he threw back over his shoulder. Next to her, she felt Mark tense, and touched his arm to show him it was okay. She was used to these exchanges; it was how they communicated more often than not.

"What did I do?" she asked. "I was trying to run a meeting while you sat there like a horklump."

"You were barely holding it together," he replied disdainfully, turning back to her. "I've got better things to do."

"Like Anastasia Harrison?" she said, hearing the nastiness in her voice and not really liking it—or caring. "Or Cynthia Morris now?" Mark gave her a confused look, like he didn't understand why she was even bringing it up. Then again, he hadn't seen James and Anastasia after the last meeting, or James and Cynthia in the Gryffindor common room on Halloween.

"I told you, Harrison's a troll," James snapped. "And Cynthia's just a friend. Stop acting as if you care and go get off with your boyfriend in the Restricted Section."

Lily flushed, and Mark stepped forward. "That's enough, Potter," he said, frowning. Remus put a hand on his friend's shoulder; James shook him off and took a deep breath.

"Sorry, Whitby, but your girlfriend gets under my skin," he said, looking away.

"I've noticed," Mark murmured, eyeing her again, and Lily couldn't read the expression on his face.

Remus stepped forward. "Let's go, James. Leave them to it."

"Right." James stormed away, and Remus followed with an apologetic shrug. Lily sighed, drained by yet another verbal sparring match, but she turned to Mark with a sheepish smile, ready to apologize.

"What?" she said instead, when she noticed him still studying her. "What's wrong?"

"I think he gets under your skin, too," Mark said, the look on his face enigmatic.

"Of course he does," Lily said, gathering her things. "I told you before, he's a cocky prat. Sometimes I can't stand working with him."

Mark nodded slowly. "Sometimes?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she snapped, irritated that he was pressing the issue. No, James didn't bother her all the time, but the fleeting moments where they actually got along never seemed to last long enough to turn into anything more than another missed opportunity. The constant roller coaster of living and working with him was draining.

Mark was quiet at first, then shook his head as he scratched at his temple. "Nothing. Are you ready?"

She sighed, taking a deep breath to calm herself. Mark was right, James did get under her skin. She didn't want to think about it, though. So she took Mark's hand, forgetting the look on James's face once more.

* * *

"Prongs, wait up!"

James did not particularly feel like waiting for Remus, but he stopped. He did not turn around and did not look at him when he caught up. He just kept going. He wasn't even sure why he was so annoyed, but he was fairly certain he'd snap at just about anything Remus said.

Except for what he did say.

"It's your dad, isn't it?" Remus asked softly. "Sirius said you had an owl. Is everything okay?"

James blew out his breath and nodded. "Yes, everything's okay. He's just not feeling well. Again."

"Again?" asked Remus.

"He can't seem to shake the illness he's had since his last owl." James shrugged. "He'll be all right, I think."

"But you're worried," Remus pointed out.

"Yeah," James murmured. "I'm worried."

"And that's why you snapped at the prefects," Remus continued.

"They were a load of duffers," James pointed out.

"And Lily as well?"

"She was...more annoying than usual tonight."

Remus gave James a pointed look. "That doesn't excuse what you said to her."

James dug his hands into his pockets and sighed again. "Yeah, well she just gets to me."

"I've noticed." Remus didn't say anything else, and James was silent as well. Finally he turned to Remus and gave him a small smile.

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but would you mind if I took the long way back to Gryffindor? Alone? I'd like to just cool down a bit."

Remus nodded, his face sad. "Of course. But I'll send a search party if you're not back by curfew."

"I'll be fine. I don't need a bodyguard." Remus rolled his eyes but left him, and James continued down the corridors, roaming freely, wherever his feet led him. The castle was quiet, and though he seemed to find himself alone more and more, he also found he enjoyed it more and more. It gave him time to think about all the things in his life that didn't seem to be going right.

In spite of any hopes that it wouldn't be, his friendship with Cynthia was awkward anywhere outside of Quidditch practice. The owl from his dad only made him more worried about his father's continued ill health. There were still N.E.W.T.s and the match the following weekend to prepare for. And Lily...well, Lily continued to drive him mad.

As he considered going to the owlery to send another letter to his father, James passed a large window on the first floor, not far from the entrance to the Slytherin dungeons. Two bodies were pressed closely together, their hands roaming freely as they groped one another in the semi-private window well. James snorted, wondering why they didn't at least look for an empty classroom, then did a double take when he realized who it was.

Anastasia Harrison...and Dante Avery.

He couldn't help it: it bothered him. After the last meeting she had cornered _him_, and now she was entangled with Avery. Never mind that she was a loose bint and that Avery was a complete wanker; never mind that James couldn't care less who the two of them shagged. He was irritated with the meeting and with Lily and with Remus—and now with Harrison and Avery.

"Should have waited, Harrison," he tossed over his shoulder as he passed the couple. Avery looked up with a smirk.

"You're obviously not worth waiting for, Potter," he said, running his hand through Anastasia's long dark hair. "Who'd want to shag a skinny Gryffindor like you?"

The remark burned, because all he could think of was someone else who had moved on and hadn't even given him a chance.

"Better than a slimy snake like you," he snapped back.

Avery just sneered at him as he wrapped an arm around Anastasia's waist and squeezed tight. "She's a Ravenclaw. She knows what she wants and snakes know how to please."

He turned back to Anastasia, who seemed slightly unsure of herself after Avery's rough embrace. In spite of her seductive overtones, James felt a little bit sorry for her. She looked nervous now—like she wanted to get away from Avery before anything got out of hand. Knowing the Slytherin, James couldn't blame her.

Taking a deep breath, James willed himself not to get more involved than he already was. "Have at it then, but find someplace else. And don't forget curfew." He turned and walked away, but he could feel Avery's eyes on his back and moved his hand toward his wand. He silently wished the Slytherin would jinx him, just so he could turn around and hex him back. Shaking his head of such irrational thoughts, he turned the corner and continued until he heard a rough grunt and Anastasia calling out, "Stop it!"

He knew he should go back; even Anastasia Harrison didn't deserve the likes of Dante Avery pawing at her if she was telling him not to. He stopped, listening carefully, then quickly turned around when he heard her cry out again, her voice growing more desperate.

Dashing around the corner, he found Avery pressing her forcefully against the wall, his hand reaching under her skirt as he tried to kiss her. She was obviously trying to escape his grasp, twisting her head back and forth to avoid him, and when she saw James, her eyes begged for help.

"I think she said no," James said. He gripped his wand in his pocket again, knowing he would likely need it.

"Back off, Potter. This isn't a peep show." Avery stopped and glared at him. "Besides, she started it."

"She's a smart girl, she knows when to end it." James pulled out his wand, but kept it pointed toward the floor. "Leave her alone."

"Do you always go around saving people?" asked Avery. He dropped his hands and turned toward James, his wand out. Anastasia scrambled away, straightening her skirt and hair.

"Just from scum like you and your brother." As soon as he said it, James knew it was a mistake. Avery's nostrils flared and he cast a Stinging Hex, but James was prepared and blocked it. He was also irritated and ready to fight back, whether he should or not.

"Don't you know any other spells, toad face?" he asked.

Avery leered and cast a Bat Bogey Hex. "Probably more than you."

James blocked it easily. "I can do that one, too." He cast a far more powerful Bat Bogey Hex at Avery, who barely parried it to the side. "See? Try again."

"How about this, Pothead?" he snarled, and he cast a much more focused Hurling Hex. James threw up a Shield Charm, but stumbled backward, reeling slightly as the force field burst against his face. He grinned almost maniacally as his pent up energy finally found its outlet in the duel.

"Good one," he almost laughed. "I've never been called that before." He threw a Leg-Locker Curse at Avery, who staggered slightly as he caught the edge of it jumping aside.

"I can think of worse," Avery panted, straightening himself.

"Try it," said James. "I dare you."

Avery raised an eyebrow, gave a mocking half-bow, and lifted his wand. And then he promptly fell over backwards, stiff as a board, eyes staring blankly at the ceiling.

James whirled, livid at whomever had cast the Full-Body Bind Curse. Expecting Remus, he was surprised and even more furious to discover it was Sirius instead.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he snapped, lowering his wand.

Sirius held up a piece of parchment and grinned. "Saw you had dismissed your bodyguard."

"I told you I don't need one," James muttered. "I was handling it."

"You were," Sirius acknowledged. "And I may not be a prefect, but I do believe that dueling in the corridors is against school rules. At least it was last time I tried."

James huffed past his friend without giving Avery a second glance. "It's not like I have to dock myself points. I'm Head Boy."

Sirius frowned as James walked by, but James ignored him. He also ignored Anastasia Harrison calling his name, until he felt her grab his hand.

"Thank, James," she said, and instead of appearing sly and seductive, for once her small smile seemed genuine. "I'm sorry about what happened back there."

James glanced down at their hands. "You don't have to apologize. I'm just glad I could help." Really, he'd done it to help her as much as to have a go at Avery. He pulled away, but she stayed with him. James could practically feel Sirius smirking behind them.

"He was wrong, you know," she said softly. "I would have waited."

"For what?" James asked, completely lost.

"For you." A spark of her old confidence returned as she gave him a sideways look. "Only I heard you were taken."

"Taken?" James repeated, stopping to stare at her.

"You and Morris," she replied, and now she was running her index finger up and down his arm, giving him gooseflesh. She gazed up at him through dark lashes, a coy smile on her face. "Or is that just a rumor? Should I wait a bit longer?"

James looked down at her in utter amazement. After getting caught in a compromising and potentially dangerous situation with Avery, she was once again flirting outrageously with him. And even worse, after all the confusion of the past two weeks, he was actually tempted to give in and snog her senseless.

Until he saw Sirius shake his head ever so slightly behind her. James pulled his hand away, shaking himself out of the spell.

"You'll have to wait for someone else," he said as he walked away. "Just don't bother with creeps like Avery next time."

Anastasia did not follow him, and he was glad, because he probably couldn't say no a third time. He felt rather than heard Sirius come up next to him. They were silent for several minutes.

"You okay?" Sirius finally asked. James didn't answer, because he honestly didn't have one.

"So what were you really doing tonight?" he asked instead. "You're awfully close to Slytherin."

It was Sirius's turn to stay quiet. "Why the mystery?" asked James, weary of his friend's secrets. "Who is she?"

"It's a long story," murmured Sirius, glancing away with a slightly pained look. "Besides, I'm not the only one not talking about things much these days."

James looked at his friend and realized that he and Sirius had not talked—_really _talked—in a long time. James had been caught up in school, in his duties, his game—and Sirius had been sneaking around with whomever he was sneaking around with. James was suddenly sad about it.

"Care for a run?" he asked casually. "In the forest?"

Sirius glanced out the nearest window. "It's raining, you know."

"Then we'll get wet."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Dueling _and_sneaking out in one night? Some Head Boy you are."

"Don't remind me," James murmured. He did usually feel like he was doing a terrible job of it. Sometimes he wondered if he shouldn't turn in his badge to Dumbledore. It would be one less thing to worry about, but he knew his father would be disappointed if he quit, and so he stumbled on, as best as he could.

Sirius clapped him on the shoulder. "You're doing fine, Prongs. Let's go. I think we could both use the fresh air tonight."

End Notes:

Thank you, alpha-beta Lea! You are the best!


	10. Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten

Lily left Defense Against the Dark Arts feeling more wretched than ever. Although she had produced a corporeal Patronus less than a month ago, now she could hardly get anything from her wand, let alone the beautiful silver swan she'd already grown rather fond of. She just couldn't seem to summon the right happy memory; everything she considered was interrupted by thoughts of moments that might have been, usually between her and James, not real memories from the past.

Mulling over what had changed during the past few weeks, Lily made her way toward the Great Hall. She almost missed her name being called from behind her, she was so lost in thought, trying to find that one memory that would trigger her Patronus once more. When she finally heard it, she turned and was surprised to find Sirius Black grinning at her.

"Was that you?" she asked, tucking her hair behind her ear and shaking her head to clear it of stray thoughts.

"It was," he replied, "but apparently you're off on your broomstick somewhere." He winked at her. "In a hurry?" he asked, more seriously. "Or would you care to take the long way to lunch?"

Lily narrowed her eyes at him. "Why? What are you playing at?"

Sirius gave her a wide-eyed look, as if she had wounded him. "What, can't a bloke talk to a girl without ill intentions?"

"Not you," she returned with a grin. "I know better." He laughed, but she followed him down the corridor anyway, curious as to why he would approach her when they so rarely talked one-on-one, particularly outside of Gryffindor. He didn't take the main staircase, but continued toward the other end of the castle, away from the majority of students heading toward lunch.

"Everyone always assumes the worst," he said, affecting a melodramatic tone of voice. "I'll have you know, it has nothing to do with me, but with a certain mate of mine you seem to be vexing quite a bit lately."

Lily frowned. "You don't mean Remus, do you? Because I'm sorry about Potions—"

"Of course not," Sirius interrupted, waving his hand in the air. "My other best mate. James. Do you know what happened last night after the meeting?"

Lily shook her head, remembering how irritated James had been when he'd left, but then the night had ended badly for her as well: Mark had left her with a short kiss not long after, a frown on his face. She hadn't seen him all morning and had the distinct feeling he was upset about something—and that he was avoiding her.

"I suppose he's blaming me for whatever it was?" Lily asked, feeling weary of it already.

"No, I am," said Sirius very matter-of-factly.

"Why?" exclaimed Lily. "What happened?"

"He got into it with Avery again after the meeting," said Sirius. "That's how he got that black eye."

Lily nodded, remembering James's dark look when he had entered Defense Against the Dark Arts that morning. He had pointedly ignored her, not even glancing in her general direction, but she had asked him about it anyway and only got a growl in response. "How is that my fault, though?" she asked.

Sirius stopped and leaned against the wall, hands crossed over his chest. "Look, Evans, I like you. I really do. But I'm not the only one who's noticed how you and James are getting along this year."

"We're not."

"Exactly. Now why is that?"

Lily glanced at him, then looked away and was silent. It was something she thought about all the time, and yet she still had no answer. They'd been so close to something last year, and yet every week it seemed they drifted further and further apart. They couldn't seem to get along for more than a few minutes when they were together, and each time something meaningful seemed to pass between them, something else seemed to rip it apart.

"I don't know, Sirius," she finally said, her voice quiet.

"Neither does he." Sirius shook his head and stood up straighter. "Well, I'm not going to try and tell you two what's going on, since you probably wouldn't believe me anyway. But as his best friend, I do want to say two things."

"And what's that, Black?" she asked, irritated at his involvement, skeptical of his advice…and yet still curious. Maybe he could shed some light on whatever it was that was keeping her and James from figuring out their relationship and getting on peacefully once and for all.

"First of all, back off. Let up on him a bit. He's had a hard time these last few months." Sirius shook his head as a sad look crossed his face. "I don't know how you feel about your folks, since I couldn't care less about mine, but James lost his mum, and she was a really good person. Try dealing with that on top of N.E.W.T.s and being Head Boy."

"Not to mention Avery and Harrison," Lily murmured, starting to understand.

Sirius nodded grimly. "We're watching out for him there."

"What's the other thing, then?" she asked. She almost didn't want to know, because she suddenly felt bad for all the terrible things she had said and done over the past two months. Yet James always fought back, and in fact started just as many rows as she did. He was also the one who had run off after Cynthia Morris just hours after asking Lily to study with him.

Sirius gave her a very direct look. "There's a fine line between love and hate, Evans. Walk carefully. I don't think you want to end up on the wrong side."

He turned and left her. She just stared at his back, turning over his last words in her mind, trying to understand, before calling out, "I don't hate him, Sirius!"

Sirius turned back and winked once more. "I know."

* * *

Two days later, Lily was still thinking about what Sirius had said as she left the common room to meet Mark in the library. She had actually done what Sirius had asked and tried not antagonize James. Sirius was right, in some ways, and she could admit it to herself if no one else: she had been hard on James from the very first day. And yet…she missed it, any contact they had, whether they were snapping at each other or having an awkward moment on the staircase.

She was surprised to find Mark waiting for her in the corridor outside the portrait hole. He looked both distant and uncomfortable, and she was immediately on guard.

"Hi," she said. He did not lean down to kiss her, and she knew something was wrong because he always greeted her with a warm embrace.

"Hi, Lily," he replied, avoiding her gaze. He sounded sad, for some reason.

"What's going on?" she asked. "I thought we were meeting in the library."

He finally looked at her, his face unreadable. "I wanted to talk to you first. Can we just walk a bit?"

"Sure," she said. She glanced down at his hands, but he held tight to his shoulder bag instead of taking hold of hers. He was also quiet as they walked, as if he were reluctant to start.

"What's wrong?" she finally asked, though deep down she was starting to suspect the answer. Mark had been distant since the prefects' meeting, and he had put off their study date in the library the night before.

"Lily, do you like me?" he asked bluntly in return. "Really like me?"

She blinked, caught unprepared for the question. Yet she knew that any hesitation would answer for her, so she responded as quickly as she could recover. "Of course I do!" she said. "Why are you asking?"

He didn't answer right away. "I guess because I don't really believe you."

"You don't believe me?" she repeated. "Why? We've been together for several weeks, of course I like you. Why would you ask me that me now?"

He stopped and looked down at her, his hazel eyes serious. "Potter," he said, very matter-of-factly.

"What?" Lily stopped with him, shaking her head as she tried to understand. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Mark shrugged uncomfortably, as if apologizing for what he was going to say. "I've seen the way you look at him, Lily. The way you talk to him. The way you fight with him."

"What?" she repeated. "The way I look at him? Talk to him? But we fight all the time!" she exclaimed, her voice rising higher even though she tried to control it. "We can't stand each other. You saw what happened after the last meeting!"

"I did," he said, sounding miserable. "And that's sort of when it hit me, what's going on between you two. I had really hoped I was wrong, but I just can't shake the feeling…" Now he shook his head, shifting awkwardly between his feet.

"What feeling?" demanded Lily, her voice now back under control even though her heart was racing.

"The feeling that you…well, that you are not really interested in being with me, for one." He readjusted his shoulder bag and pierced her with his sad eyes.

"That I…" she stammered, her heart breaking as he held her gaze and she saw the hurt on his face. She had to look away before answering. "But I do like you," she said softly, though she knew she didn't sound convincing at all. Inside, she cursed James Potter for doing this to her. Mark was seeing shadows where there were none, jealous of something that just wasn't there. If Potter hadn't got her riled up at the last meeting, none of this would be happening.

"Are you thinking about him right now?" asked Mark.

Lily glanced up at him in surprise and and bit her lip. Mark blew out a breath and ran his hand through his hair again. For the first time since she had started seeing him, it stuck up, and Lily stared at him in silent shock as she realized how much like James he was at times, yet so different. And he was obviously upset to leave it so messy, when it was always so neat.

"Look, I know you're probably confused now, but I think you need to figure things out before we go any further." He paused and waited for her to acknowledge him, her eyes wide and brimming with unshed tears. "I don't want to be your second choice. I like you too much for that."

Lily choked back a sob. Why was this happening? She really did like him, didn't she? He wasn't a second choice, because she didn't even have a first choice. He seemed to think it was Potter, but James was a complete tosser compared to Mark. Of course she wanted to be with Mark…but she could see in his eyes that he didn't believe her.

Or maybe he just didn't feel that strongly about her after all. The realization crushed her, that maybe after spending so much time with her, he had decided that he didn't like her as much as he had thought the first time he had asked her to study with him in the prefects' lounge. Maybe it had nothing to do with James and everything to do with Mark.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her on the cheek, and he seemed genuinely remorseful. "Please let me know if things change."

Lily watched him go, too stunned to reply. She was devastated and angry at the same time, for too many reasons to count. She had just been dumped by her boyfriend—a smart, funny, good-looking prefect. And it was all because of the hopeless prat of a Head Boy she worked with.

Dashing tears from her eyes, Lily hurried back toward Gryffindor. She had the sudden, inexplicable urge to scream and shout, and it was all directed at James Potter. Everything Sirius had said to her was forgotten; she didn't care what James was going through or what side of the line she was on. She only hoped James was in the common room to feel her wrath.

Storming through the portrait hole, Lily came to a sudden stop when half the tower glanced up from their work to stare at her wild appearance. She had heard how Cynthia Morris had come through the portrait hole crying on Halloween, and how James had run after her. She wondered if he would follow her if she turned and left; knowing he probably wouldn't only infuriated her even more. Looking around, she saw him sitting in the corner with Remus and Peter. He glanced up, frowned at her, then turned back to his friends. Lily felt her temper rise as she stomped over to him.

"You are the biggest bloody arsehole at Hogwarts," she stated.

James gave her bland look. "And what did I do now?"

Lily wanted to shout at him that he had ruined her relationship with Mark, that he was an arrogant, moody tosspot who deserved nothing from her, but she didn't want to give him the satisfaction. And looking into his hazel eyes, her heart jumped a bit in her chest, and she was suddenly confused about whose fault it really was after all. Maybe it wasn't Potter's fault that Mark was jealous.

Maybe it was hers.

"Nothing," she finally replied, trying to maintain her dignity even as her anger began to dissipate into the hurt, loss, fear, and confusion she'd been trying to hold back with heated words. She took a deep breath to keep from breaking into sobs. "You just are."

She turned her back on him and hurried up to the girls' dormitory. She tried to hold her shoulders as straight as she could until she had slammed the door behind her.

And then she fell on her bed and cried herself to sleep.

**End Notes:**

Thank you dearest Lea! And the flist for answering all my questions. And Carole for Britpicking. And JKR for giving us this wonderfully fun couple to write about (I had to put that in there somewhere.) And for all the reviews, they are much loved and so encouraging!

Yes, I know Lily's Patronus wasn't a swan in book seven. But that doesn't mean it was _always_ a doe...

The next chapter is about to get interesting. You may prepare your rotten fruit, but keep some in reserve because it won't be the half of it. *wicked author grin*


	11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

"I heard Evans laid into you again last night," said Sirius as they walked to Charms the next morning. "What happened?"

"I have no idea," James replied with a shrug. "One minute, I'm talking to Moony and Wormtail, the next minute she storms in and starts calling me names."

Sirius nodded, but did not say anything. James glanced suspiciously at his friend. "Why? What do you know?"

Sirius held up his hands, as if deflecting any accusations. "I know nothing, Prongs. I'm just trying to figure you two out."

James made a face. "Forget it. I have no idea what's going on with her most of the time. I have half a mind to quit just to get out of constantly fighting with her about some thing or another."

"Mmm," said Sirius, obviously not listening. He was watching a group of sixth-years heading toward the dungeons. James narrowed his eyes.

"I'm also going to run off to London with Anastasia Harrison and shag her senseless in the middle of Hyde Park."

That got his friend's- attention. "What? Who are you shagging?" asked Sirius.

"Never mind," James grumbled. They continued down the corridor, each wrapped in their own thoughts. As they passed a window, James noticed the grey sky outside and shook his head. "Bloody rain. I hope it clears up for the match on Saturday."

"Doubt it, " said Sirius. "We'll have to row out to the pitch and float about in boats."

"Funny," said James. "You don't have to fly through it, though."

"Some people fly through the rain, others just get wet," replied Sirius, affecting a wise tone.

"What the hell does that mean?" asked James.

"No idea," said Sirius, laughing. "Sounds good, though, doesn't it?"

"You're such a porlock," muttered James as they entered the Charms classroom. Remus was already sitting with Peter and motioned them over. James glanced around the room and saw Lily with Mary and Sandra, who were whispering and looking sympathetic. Lily gave him a stony-eyed look, and James almost shivered from its coldness. Apparently he had done something to really hack her off, but he still had no idea what it was…this time.

Professor Flitwick called for attention and began the lesson. James felt his eyelids begin to fall shut almost immediately. He shifted his chin from one hand to the other and blinked the sleep from his eyes. It was hard to concentrate, however, on nonverbal spells when he had mastered them last year. He had even used them in several real duels; it seemed pointless to practice now.

But Professor Flitwick was walking them through every charm they had learned since O. as they prepared for their more advanced N.E.W.T.s. While half the class probably needed the review, the other half was nodding off in their notes; Sirius was drooling into his book. James couldn't help it: his head fell to his chest.

"Heads up, Mr. Potter, Mr. Black!" snapped a voice next to him. Professor Flitwick was looking at them with an exasperated look on his face. "You're with Ms. Evans. Mr. Black, you're with Mr. Robertson."

Sirius shot up. "Yes, sir!" he said, jumping out of his seat and looking for the Ravenclaw. He turned back to James and whispered, "What are we doing again?"

"No idea," murmured James, standing reluctantly and moving toward where Lily was waiting for him. It was just his luck he was paired with the one person in the room who hated him more than anything at the moment. "I wasn't listening either."

He reached the corner of the room where Lily was standing with her arms crossed over her chest. She was already glaring at him, and they hadn't even started whatever it was they were supposed to be working on. He stopped and faced her, but before he had a chance to ask her what to do next, she had whipped out her wand and cast a silent spell.

Only his sharp instincts saved him from losing his wand. He was quick and just managed to throw up a Shield Charm to block the spell in time. "What was that for?" he asked, trying to sound nonchalant even though his heart was suddenly racing. He noticed Avery sniggering at him from the corner of his eye; Severus Snape was watching with a curious look on his face.

"We're dueling, Potter," she replied, shaking her head disparagingly. "Shield Charms. Silent wand positions. Or were you asleep over there?"

"No, I wasn't," said James, rolling up his sleeves. "I just wasn't paying attention." And he threw a Tickling Charm at her to gage her reaction.

She blocked it with a deft flick of her wand hand and nodded. Whether it was for the charm or the block, he wasn't sure. He just watched for her next spell.

She cast a Jelly-Legs Jinx at exactly the same moment Alan Diggory swore loudly next to them. James couldn't help but glance to the side, where Diggory was hopping on one foot while Remus stood and waited for his partner to finish yelling. James caught a sly grin on Remus's face before the Jelly-Legs Jinx smashed into him, and he felt himself go limp. He stumbled, muttering '_Finite_' under his breath to stop his legs from wobbling beneath him.

Remus burst out laughing, only Diggory took the opportunity to hit him with a Flutter Charm, and Remus's arms started flapping wildly when he failed to block the spell and it hit him on the shoulder. James grinned at his friend before he stood up straight again, leveling his wand to continue. When Lily raised her eyebrows in a questioning challenge, he simply inclined his head with a confident nod.

Game on.

What began as a simple exercise in practicing silent wand positions soon became a gripping duel. Spell after spell rebounded from their shields, flashes of light crashing against invisible defensives with more and more energy. Soon most of the class had stopped to watch the intense battle, except for Professor Flitwick, who was helping a pair of Ravenclaws in the corner. James ignored the Slytherins, who were pointing and laughing at the battle, and concentrated on the girl in front of him.

He felt a strange thrill as he dueled with Lily. Part of him recognized that he was taking out his frustrations—especially with her—through their duel. The look on her face seemed to indicate she felt the same. And yet he also felt an exhilarating challenge, as if their verbal sparring had moved to the next level and now threatened to explode into something more. Something physical. He moved closer.

It gave him an edge, and he managed to get inside her defenses. A Trip Jinx sent her clumsily to the floor; the class gasped. She managed to throw a fairly strong Knockback Jinx at him from the ground, and he staggered backwards. The satisfied look on her face made him grin, much like he had the other night with Avery. But unlike that fight, where he had been motivated to defeat if not hurt the Slytherin, now he only wanted to continue dueling with Lily and see how far they could take it before one of them gave in. It almost felt like…foreplay.

He stepped forward and fired; she blocked it and sent a spell back. He circled around her, watching her wand carefully, and cast a sudden and quick Stretching Jinx. It caught the edge of her shield and hit her left hand, causing it to drop to the floor almost instantly. She flushed, cast the counter-jinx at her am, and quickly stepped forward with a powerful _Levicorpus_spell. James missed the block and found himself hanging upside down, his robes falling over his face so that he could not see Lily's reaction. He could hear the class laughing, however, and realized things were starting to get a bit more serious.

He murmured the release spell and fell awkwardly to the ground. Now the entire class was watching, as Professor Flitwick squeaked precautions from the chair where he stood and watched. James concentrated on Lily. He threw a Leek Jinx at her. Apparently they were both getting tired and blocking was becoming more difficult, for she missed it completely, and he was rewarded when giant leeks sprung from her ears.

"I hate leeks!" she shrieked, her face livid.

"But they match your eyes," he said, grinning. The class sniggered, and Lily flushed deep red as she pointed her wand at her head and Vanished the large leafy greens from her ears.

"I hate _you_," she hissed under her breath, and threw a Bat Bogey Hex at him that rivaled any he had seen. He somehow deflected them, sending the bogeys spiraling into the class. Flitwick Vanished them with another warning to keep it clean; James ignored him and sent an Impediment Jinx at Lily, his heart pounding from both the vehemence of her spell and her words.

"The feeling is mutual, Evans," he said, though he knew full well he didn't mean it. Her face paled as the spell erupted against her shield, and she fell to the floor once more. From the corner of his vision, James saw Sirius shaking his head at Remus; he ignored them as well, ready for whatever came his way.

Standing swiftly, Lily recovered and surprised him with a Full-Body Bind Curse that he managed to stop; but she followed it so quickly with a Leg-Locker Curse that he missed the block and toppled over sideways. The class cheered; James felt his own face flush with embarrassment now. He cast the counter curse that would release his legs, then jumped up and threw a Babbling Curse at Lily.

She simply ducked, and it hit Teresa Davis instead. Flitwick once again tried to stop their duel as he ran to cast the counter curse and stop Davis's ramblings. Lily stared at the Slytherin, her mouth twitching in a smile, her wand down. James raised his wand to cast another spell, but waited for her to turn. She was quick, though, and cast a violent Hurling Hex as he hesitated. The ferocity of it surprised him; he just barely deflected it toward the ceiling before hitting her square in the stomach with an impulsive Transfiguration spell instead of the Banishing Charm he had intended.

As soon as the words left his mouth, James wished he could pull them back. Yet the spell was cast, and the jet of white light slammed into Lily, instantly enveloping her in a cloud of fog. The room went silent.

"Uh, James…" said Remus, appearing next to him. "I think you just…" He trailed off, mouth open in disbelief as he stared at the spot where Lily had stood.

Only now a fluffy white cat licked her paws.

"Oh, shit." James dropped another curse as he flicked his wand at Lily, desperate to undo what he had just done. His hand was shaking, though, and it took him three tries. The class was stunned silent, staring at him in shock. He turned to Professor Flitwick as the little man hurried past him to help Lily, who was now sitting on the floor licking her fingers.

"Professor, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…" he stammered.

Flitwick cut him off, his face red. "Detention, Mr. Potter. For a month. Go back to your dormitory, I will speak with both you and Professor McGonagall later."

James turned to leave, his shoulders slumped. He heard a shriek behind him and turned to see Lily staring at a long white tail poking through her skirt. He halfway raised his wand to fix it, then decided he was better off staying out of it. If he knew her at all, she was going to be so furious with him that she wouldn't talk to him for weeks, if not months—or quite possibly the rest of the year.

As the class gathered around her in support, James walked slowly toward the door. He had almost made it when he heard a shout behind him.

"James Potter!" yelled Lily. "You're a pig!"

And she hurled a bolt of light at him that he knew was trouble. He probably deserved whatever it was it, but he deflected it out of instinct. It must have caught his Shield Charm awkwardly, though, because it rebounded back toward the class, and hit Sirius square in the back.

Lily gasped and James groaned as a pig's ears began to pop through Sirius's hair and his nose transformed into a pig's snout. The Slytherins burst into raucous laughter.

"Thanks a lot, Prongs," Sirius muttered sarcastically as James just stared at his friend in shock. Flitwick waved his wand at Sirius, who quickly returned to normal. Then he turned on James, who had never seen his tiny Charms professor quite so angry.

"Out!" he shouted. "Out, out, out!"

James hurried from the room, ignoring the uproar behind him. He practically ran through the castle corridors, just wanting to get away from it—all of it. He couldn't believe what had he had just done; it seemed one thing after another kept going wrong, from the moment he'd stepped onto to Hogwarts Express. He was starting to dread his first game on Saturday, certain it would be a dismal failure if it were at all like the rest of his year.

He was making his way up the main staircase when he passed Mark Whitby. The Ravenclaw gave him a deep frown, as if he already knew what had happened in Charms. James wasn't sure how that was possible, but he stopped and turned.

"Tell Evans I'm sorry," he called to Whitby, "since she'll probably never speak to me again."

Mark stopped and gave him a confused look. "What are you talking about?"

"I just turned your girlfriend into a cat," James confessed before he could stop himself.

Mark's mouth fell open. He just stared before he finally shook his head. "That's something you don't hear everyday," he murmured. Then he shrugged, a somber look on his face. "But she's not my girlfriend anymore, so apologize yourself."

He turned and walked back down the stairs. James watched him go, his confusion slowly giving way to understanding. Now he had some idea why Lily had yelled at him last night, why she had been so aggressive in Charms. What he didn't know, though, was why she blamed him.

Lily wasn't seeing Mark anymore. For some reason the thought almost made him smile, until he remembered the look on her face when she'd cast her last spell at him. He'd turned her into a cat, and she'd called him a pig. The thrill of the duel evaporated as he thought about Professor Flitwick's detention, Professor McGonagall's reaction—and the next prefects' meeting he'd have to sit through with a girl who certainly hated him now.

End Notes:

Thank you, Lea, for putting up with me on this one. It was such fun to write. And if there are one or two Americanisms floating around this chapter, they are my mistake...although I really like one of them and would keep it anyway. ;-)  
Oh, and the quote from Sirius is originally from Roger Miller: "Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet." Sirius just brought it into the wizarding world.


	12. Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

Lily woke up the next morning still furious at James. She was also embarrassed and disappointed, not to mention slightly itchy, given that she was allergic to most house cats. She had always been thankful neither Sandra nor Mary had brought a Kneazle with them first year.

It seemed too much to deal with, that Mark had broken up with her and then James had hit her with that Transfiguration spell. He had seemed as shocked and mortified as her, but he had not experienced the terrible feeling of one's entire body morphing into that of a dumb animal. Lily still shuddered as she remembered the overwhelming urge to lick her paws.

Waiting as long as she could without being late for breakfast, Lily finally went down to the common room. To her relief, most of Gryffindor had gone to the Great Hall already, and James was not there, nor were any of his friends. Mary and Sandra had waited, however, and Lily sighed as she realized she couldn't put off talking to them any longer than she already had.

"Lily Evans, did you think you could ignore us for the rest of the week?" demanded Mary. "Because you can't."

Lily shrugged wearily as she headed out the portrait hole. "I guess I'd rather just be by myself after everything that's happened."

Sandra nodded sympathetically. "I would too, but Lily—we're your friends. You can talk to us."

"What's there to talk about?" Lily asked bitterly. "My perfectly nice boyfriend broke up with me, and the next day the one person I hate the most turned me into a cat. Which pretty much sums up my year."

Mary put an arm around Lily's shoulders and squeezed. "We're sorry about Mark. Do you still blame James?"

"Of course I do!" Lily exclaimed. She had already told them what Mark had said and didn't particularly feel like going over it again; it still stung, that he had broken up with her because of Potter.

"Do you really hate him, though?" asked Sandra, lowering her voice. "James, I mean—not Mark."

"Yes, I really do," Lily replied, narrowing her eyes at her friends. "How could you ask me that after what happened yesterday?"

"Well, to be honest, you almost seemed to be enjoying yourself," said Mary in her typical straight-forward manner.

"I got in some good shots," replied Lily, feeling defensive. She didn't want to admit that Mary might be right, that the duel had been somewhat exhilarating at times, and not for a few decent spells. She had enjoyed matching wits with James and holding her own, and deep down had to admit it was almost…arousing.

"And James was sort of grinning, like you two were having fun. Almost flirting." Sandra was watching her hesitantly, as if waiting for her to blow up.

"Until he completely humiliated me by turning me into a cat!" Lily said. She shook off her friends and stopped to stare at them. "What are you trying to say?"

"We saw James last night," said Sandra in a rush. "When he got back from McGonagall's office. He looked awful and just went straight upstairs. Remus and Peter said he felt terrible about what happened."

"Of course he does," said Lily, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she glared at them. "He got a month's detention. No more sneaking out to Hogsmeade or snogging Anastaia Harrison."

"I don't think that's why he was upset," said Mary, frowning. "I think he felt awful about what he did to you. Besides, he didn't snog Anastasia. He stopped Avery from pawing her and walked away." Mary paused. "At least, that's what Peter said. Lily, you almost sound jealous."

"Disgusted is more like it," huffed Lily, starting back toward the Great Hall. "She's a slag and he's a wanker for even looking at her."

"Who said he was interested in her?" pressed Mary. "Besides, I thought he was with Cynthia Morris."

Lily shook her head, forcing her eyes not to well with tears as she remembered the scene at Halloween. "He's not," she admitted. "They hardly talk off the pitch anymore."

"For someone you hate, you sure know a lot about him," murmured Sandra.

Lily whirled on her friends. "Stop it! I know what you're thinking and you're wrong! If you can't let up, then leave me alone."

She walked away, making her way to the Great Hall on her own. She thought about what her friends had said and vehemently denied it to herself. James meant nothing to her, and they were wrong, what had happened in Charms had been nothing but a nightmare.

Entering the Hall, Lily deliberately sat as far from anyone as she could and opened a book. She glanced down at James and saw him picking at his food much like she was picking at hers. Maybe he really did feel bad about what had happened.

"Hey Evans, lost your mittens?" called Sirius from down the table. James gave his friend a lethal look, and Lily was glad he did, but Sirius's remark and the ensuing laughter ruined any forgiving mood she might have been feeling. She grabbed some fruit and stood.

"Sod off, Black. You're still a pig, even if you've lost the ears." She walked away with her back straight, ignoring the twitters behind her. Unfortunately, James caught up with her in the Entrance Hall. He touched her shoulder, and she jumped, immediately on the offensive.

"What do you want?" she snapped, almost regretting it when she saw both hurt and anger flash across his face.

"I wanted to apologize," he said, avoiding her livid gaze. Then he straightened and looked directly at her, his hazel eyes remorseful behind round glasses. "I'm sorry for what happened in Charms yesterday. It was an accident."

Lily swallowed. She wanted to believe him, to accept what he said, she really did. And yet as she remembered the feeling of the spell crashing into her, enveloping her and transforming her, she shook her head. The laughter from class, the whispers in the Gryffindor common room when she'd returned, and the jokes from the Great Hall rang in her ears. She would never forget it. How could she forgive something like that? How could she even like someone who had done that to her?

"I don't believe you," she finally said, trying to keep her voice steady. "You know perfectly well Transfiguration is off limits in a duel, but you did it anyway."

"I was surprised, that's all," he started, but she waved him off.

"By what? Me?" She laughed bitterly. "We were _dueling_, Potter—you're supposed to be ready for that sort of thing."

His eyes flashed, but he took a deep breath instead of snapping back. "It's the truth, Evans. You threw a nasty Hurling Hex at me. I just reacted, pure and simple."

"Then your reactions are bollocks. You turned me into a bloody cat!" Lily dashed at her eyes, furious that she couldn't control her emotions better. "Do you have any idea what that feels like, turning into an animal?"

James just stared at her, speechless. "Er, well…"

"It's horrifying, James. It's disgusting. It's humiliating." She went nose to nose with him and actually poked him in the chest just to vent some of her anger. "And I would have never thought that you could do that to someone, to anyone—to me." There, she had said it: yes, she was taking it personally, but who wouldn't? They were supposed to have a close working relationship, after all. How could they continue as Head Boy and Head Girl when she had suddenly lost any trust in him she might have once had? How could they ever be anything more?

"I'm sorry," he murmured again, shaking his head. "I really am."

"You think you're above the rules, James, but you're not!" she said, continuing in spite of the look on his face. She had to let it out, purge it all before she could even begin to figure out how she really felt beyond the confusion. "You're a selfish, reckless, arrogant, dishonest, immature troll, and I wish you'd just leave me alone!"

His head snapped up and his lips twisted in a scowl. "Fine. I will. But just so you know, _Lily_, you're a bossy, conceited, insensitive, stuck-up hag, and I hope I never have to turn you into a small animal again!"

Lily gasped and couldn't help it: she pulled her arm back and slapped him across the face as hard as she could. Her hand left a deep red welt across his cheek. He turned slowly back to her, his eyes wide, and Lily felt her insides twist with guilt as they just stared at one another. But a voice from down the corridor snapped them both out of it.

"Ms. Evans, Mr. Potter." Professor Dumbledore gave them each a firm glance through his horn-rimmed spectacles. "I'd like to see you both in my office. Now."

She didn't look at James once as they left the Entrance Hall and walked toward the Headmaster's office. She didn't think she could: she'd either hit him again or burst into tears. They had quite likely just crossed that line Sirius had warned her about.

* * *

James sat outside Professor Dumbledore's office, leg bouncing as he waited for the Headmaster to finish his discussion with Lily. He wasn't nervous, exactly; he deserved whatever was coming his way, after all. He was more worried for Lily than for himself. He might have just called her a stuck-up hag, but he didn't want to see her get in trouble for slapping him because of it. He simply wanted to get the dress-down over with and move on.

The door opened and Lily stepped through with her head down. James jumped up, concerned.

"Are you okay?" he asked immediately.

She looked up at him, eyes wide, but she wasn't crying. She didn't answer immediately, either, just simply stared at him as if surprised he were even there. For a moment James was afraid she was going to start shouting at him again, or worse, slap him, but she simply shook her head as she walked away.

"He'll see you now," she said. He barely heard her murmur, "Good luck" before she had started down the spiral staircase without looking back.

James sighed and entered the office. It looked the same as every other time he'd been there over the years, which was quite a few. He saw the phoenix perched in the corner, the odd silver instruments littering the tables, and two chintz chairs in front of the fireplace.

Professor Dumbledore was sitting in one, a small dish of cherry cordials on the table in front of him. He glanced back at James and motioned at him to join him in the empty chair, then offered a sweet.

"No, thank you, sir," said James, sitting uncomfortably in the soft chair. He was far more used to standing stoically across from the desk while getting reprimanded. This felt more like a subtle interrogation.

"So how are you doing, James?" asked Dumbledore.

James stared at him, caught unprepared by the blunt yet friendly and concerned question. "Fine, sir," he finally answered, even though it was not entirely true.

"Ready for your first match tomorrow?" continued Dumbledore, as if having a perfectly normal conversation over dinner. He seemed completely unconcerned with the fact that his Head Boy and Head Girl had just had not one, but two, horrific fights.

"Yes, sir," James replied, though again he felt like he was not quite telling the truth. He had almost forgotten about the Quidditch game with everything that had happened with Lily. But he was worried about the match—and Avery in particular.

"And how is your father?" asked Dumbledore. "Will he be able to make it?"

"No, sir," said James. "I don't think he's up for it, not with the weather we've been having."

Dumbledore shook his head. "Yes, well, the best thing one can do when it's raining is to simply let it rain."

"Yes, sir," murmured James, confused. It reminded him of something Sirius had said; he was sure there was a deeper meaning to it, but he couldn't puzzle it out.

They were silent for a moment, though James could feel the headmaster studying him.

"James, forgive me for being so inquisitive, but I've noticed that things are not going particularly well between you and Ms. Evans this year."

"The whole school's noticed," James muttered. "Sir."

"Indeed," replied Dumbledore, bringing his hands together under his chin. "The events of the past few days in particular make me to wonder if everything is indeed all right, James."

James sighed again. It was like talking to his father over the summer, only far more awkward and uncomfortable. "Yes, sir, it's only…"

"Yes?"

"We just don't get along at all." James paused, waiting for Dumbledore to say something, but the headmaster only nodded at James to continue. "We fight all the time. We have since the first day on the Hogwarts Express. I didn't mean to turn her into a cat in Charms, but she was really having a hard go at me."

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. "Yes, Professor Flitwick told me about that. He was rather impressed with your spellcasting, if not your unprofessional dueling."

"I know," James said miserably, shaking his head. He adjusted his glasses and ran a hand through his hair, his nerves starting to fray even though he had been through far worse in the Headmaster's office. "I know it's against the rules, I really do, but I just reacted, and that's what came out."

"And where did you learn that particular spell? Professor McGonagall said you haven't started the more complex animal transfigurations in class yet."

James looked away. He couldn't very well admit to the headmaster that animal transfiguration was a snap for him because he did it several times a month. Instead, he kept that part to himself and offered a half-truth.

"I read about it," he said with a shrug. "Transfiguration is one of my stronger subjects."

"Apparently," murmured Dumbledore, studying him once more. James shifted under the scrutiny.

"Well, as impressive as the spell might have been, it did breach dueling etiquette," said Dumbledore. "Your detentions stand, though I have no doubt it will make your classes, practice, and Head Boy duties much more difficult."

"Yes, sir," said James, his voice quiet.

Dumbledore popped another cordial into his mouth. "Is there anything else on your mind, James?"

Sitting up straighter, James turned to the headmaster, his mind suddenly made up. He'd been thinking about it for days, if not weeks, and now it seemed not only the best thing to do, but the right thing to do. "I think it would be better for me to turn in my badge and let someone else take over. I think you've given it the wrong person."

Dumbledore nodded as if he understood—or maybe he agreed. James felt his heart sink as he slowly unpinned the badge from his robes. His eyes pricked with tears, but he swallowed them back as he placed the badge on the table between them. Dumbledore did not move to take it, but only sighed.

"It is of course your decision, James," he said. "Why don't I simply hold this for you until next week? If you are still certain you would like to resign the position, then I will try to find another suitable student capable of taking over. But if you change your mind, it will be waiting for you."

He stood up, and James quickly followed. "I won't change my mind, Professor. I've failed too many times this year. I can't keep letting you down."

"My boy," said Dumbledore, placing a hand on his shoulder and giving him a piercing look over the top of his spectacles. "You have only to worry about letting yourself down."

James nodded, knowing he was dismissed, and turned to leave. His hand was on the door when the headmaster called him back.

"James, remember this: bad weather always looks worse through the window."

"Sir?" asked James, completely misunderstanding whatever the headmaster was trying to tell him.

"Sometimes you must step outside to truly gage the elements. Have a good day."

James pulled the door shut behind him and walked slowly down the spiral staircase, his mind a numb jumble of conflicting thoughts as he tried to puzzle out the meaning behind the headmaster's enigmatic words. He could only think of one thing, though, and that was the badge he had turned in and left behind. He had hoped to feel relieved by relinquishing his position as Head Boy, only he didn't—he felt worse. And he couldn't decide what he was going to miss more: the job itself…or the Head Girl.

End Notes:

The first quote from Dumbledore is by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. The second is from an unknown source, to which I appended my own bit of dubious wisdom.

Thank you once more to Lea/mugglegirlmarauder for laughing and squeeing with me through this one. We had great fun with the insults in the first part. In fact, all credit for James being a troll and Lily being a hag must go to her, although I take credit for the many descriptive adjectives prefacing them.

Did you think they were going to get together already? Didn't my evil author grin clue you in? Should I apologize? Nah - time for Quidditch!


	13. Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

James sat on the edge of the bed, idly rolling his wand over and over in his hand, staring blankly at nothing as a dozen different things fought for attention in his overcrowded head. He wasn't listening at all to the others as they dressed for the day; he had got ready early and had already been to the Great Hall for breakfast, eating alone with his thoughts.

"Really, Prongs, of all the stupid, immature, impulsive things we've done this year, that has got to be the most," said Sirius, pulling a striped jumper over his head for the Gryffindor/Slytherin match that day. It was cool and cloudy, and James was certain it would probably begin raining as soon as the match started.

"He's right," said Peter, shaking his head. "You had no reason to quit. Why would you turn in your badge?"

"I didn't quit," said James, still staring at his wand. "I resigned. And I resigned because I've messed up too many times."

"So you turned Evans into a cat," said Sirius with a shrug. "I'm surprised it wasn't a dog, considering what a bitch she can be."

James's head snapped up, though he didn't say anything. Peter snorted, but Remus frowned at them.

"She's not—not really," said Remus. "I'm sure most girls would slap a guy for using a spell like that."

Sirius threw himself down on the bed and slung a protective arm around James. "All I know is she won't let up on my mate here, even after I talked to her about it."

James dropped his friend's arm. "You _talked_to her? About me? What did you say?"

Sirius shrugged as he jumped back up and walked over to his trunk, where he took out a scarf and hat. "Tried to get her to see what's going on, for one. And told her to back off, for another."

"That worked well," murmured Peter, pulling on his shoes. "Can't imagine what Charms would have been like if she hadn't been holding back."

James agreed. "And what do you think is going on, exactly, that you had to have a talk with her about something that's none of your business?"

"I'm just looking out for you," Sirius said, avoiding the question.

"And I've told you before, I—"

"—don't need a bodyguard," the three of them finished in unison.

"Exactly," said James. He stood up, once again irritated with his friends and their meddlesome prying, however well-intentioned. "I have to get to the pitch. I'll see you later."

He grabbed the rest of his Quidditch gear and left the dormitory, silently steaming. He heard his friends murmuring behind him and ignored it, too annoyed to care what they were saying about him now. Bursting into the common room, he stopped short when he saw Lily sitting on the chair directly opposite the stairs. She looked up immediately, as if she had been waiting for him, and he groaned inside; he really couldn't handle another confrontation with her, not before the game.

Barely glancing her way, he hurried toward the portrait hole, hoping she wouldn't say anything. She jumped up and followed him instead.

"James, wait!" she called. He stopped and gave her an exasperated look.

"I can't talk right now," he said, trying to keep his voice level.

She raised her eyebrows at him. "What, you can chase me out of the Great Hall, but I can't catch up with you in the common room?"

"That depends on whether or not you're going to slap me again," he pointed out.

"That depends on whether or not you—oh, never mind." She was obviously struggling with her reaction, and it was odd to watch her try to control her instinctive, biting reply. They always seemed to respond with defensive anger whenever they spoke; it was a habit neither of them seemed able to break.

"What do you want then?" he asked bluntly. "I have a match, you know."

She looked wounded by his curt words. "I know you do. I was just wondering…well, if we could talk afterwards? About what happened?"

"Which time?" he asked bitterly. To his surprise, she did not snap, but nodded ruefully.

"Good point," she murmured. "About Charms. About yesterday." She watched him expectantly.

"Did Dumbledore put you up to it?" he asked, wondering how her conversation with the Headmaster had gone. He imagined it had been nothing like his own, since she was still wearing her Head Badge.

"No, not really," she said, glancing away with an embarrassed flush. "He just gave me something to think about."

James snorted. "Let me guess, was it framed in inexplicable philosophical babble or did it actually make sense?"

"A little of both," she replied. "So can we talk later? I'm s—"

She didn't have a chance to finish, because his friends came tumbling down the stairs right then and ruined whatever moment they might have had.

"Oi, Evans!" Sirius exclaimed. "You better not be bothering Prongs today. He's got enough on his mind and doesn't need any feline distraction."

Her eyes flashed and James almost thought she'd take out her wand and hex Sirius right there. He caught Remus shaking his head and agreed: Sirius was definitely pushing things with the cat comments.

"You know, Black, if I didn't think I'd get expelled, I'd turn you into a pig for good." She tossed her hair over her shoulder and stared at him.

Sirius shrugged, clearly amused by her temper. "I'm just looking out for my friend."

"Then be a good friend and back off, pigface."

"Good one, Evans. Care to try it?"

Remus stepped between them, hands up. James snapped; he'd had it with everyone's interference, and listening to Sirius and Lily argue reminded him too well of all the verbal battles he'd shared with them both. "Stop it, both of you! I told you I don't need a bloody bodyguard-and I certainly don't need any more fighting." He turned on them all and stormed out through the portrait hole, leaving his friends behind and Lily without an answer.

He stomped through the castle, his gear bouncing madly against his back in time with his temper. He took several deep breaths and tried to concentrate instead on all the plays they'd practiced over the past two weeks. This was the first Gryffindor match of the season, and one of his last at Hogwarts, and he couldn't afford to be distracted—not by his friends, and certainly not by Lily.

As he stepped onto the lawn and made his way down to the Quidditch pitch, a low rumble of thunder echoed across the grounds. He glanced up at the clouds and swore, sick to death of the weather. It somehow always seemed to mirror his mood; right now he'd give anything for the sun to come out so he could concentrate on the game and not worry about flying through wind and rain.

The Slytherin team was already on the Quidditch pitch, running through their warm-up exercises. James walked around the field, avoiding them as best as he could. Cynthia Morris came up next to him and smiled. Unfortunately, at that same moment Dante Avery jeered down at them from his broomstick and made a crude motion with his hands.

"Ignore him," Cynthia murmured.

James nodded and gave her a grateful smile, glad for her company as they continued toward the changing rooms. He had not talked to her for a long time and could really use her support.

"What's wrong, Potter?" Avery called after them. "Scared? You're going down, you know!"

"Sod off!" James shouted back. He resisted the urge to draw his wand and send a hex at Avery; he was already in enough trouble and just needed to concentrate on his game.

Cynthia shook her head. "He's never going to let up on you, is he?" she asked.

James just rolled his eyes. "Add him to the list. Sometimes I wonder who doesn't want to slap, jinx, or otherwise torture me."

"You mean Lily," Cynthia said, pausing at the door. "I heard what happened."

"You don't know the half of it," James muttered.

"I know," she said softly, giving him a sad smile. "We haven't talked much lately."

"You said it might be awkward after Halloween," he replied with a shrug. "You were right."

"Well, let's get over that and talk sometime, okay?" she asked. "We can bring our brooms if we need to, since we're fine on the pitch."

James couldn't help but grin at the image of them flying around the Quidditch pitch trying to catch up. "What about after the match?" he asked, before he remembered that Lily had wanted to talk to him as well. He kicked himself mentally for it, but he could really use Cynthia's advice before he met Lily.

Unfortunately, she gave him an apologetic look. "I can't. I've got plans."

He nodded to hide his disappointment. "That's fine. Diggory?" he asked, wondering how things had fared for her since she had confessed her feelings for the Hufflepuff.

"No, he's with Julie Higgins, remember?" She coughed to hide her awkwardness. "I'm actually getting together with Ryan. He's been awfully nice to me since Halloween. He noticed we hadn't been talking as much and said he'd been wanting to ask me out all year, only he hadn't wanted to come between us."

James was genuinely happy for her, even though he sort of felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. He gave her a quick hug and a forced grin. "Then we have even more to catch up on," he said. He pushed open the door to the changing room. "Especially if you want to know how I lost my badge."

He glanced up to see the rest of the team staring at him. Suddenly embarrassed, he waved them off with another roll of his eyes. "Never mind. It's not that great of a story."

Thomas Kirke hurried over to him, frowning. "You're not Head Boy anymore? Are you serious?"

"Yeah, it's true," James muttered as he began to pull on his Quidditch robes.

Kirke leaned in closer. "Did you get sacked, or did you quit? Are you good to fly?"

"Neither," James replied as nonchalantly as he could manage. "I resigned. And I'm good to fly, don't worry. Less pressure now." He wasn't exactly focused, not yet, but he didn't want Kirke to know that; he'd worked them too hard over the past two weeks to worry now.

Kirke clapped him on the back. "Brilliant, then. Glad you're all right. Remember the plays we worked on?"

"Every one," said James.

"Then just watch out for Avery, he's been talking about you all week."

"Yeah, we just saw him outside. I'll be fine." Really, he had no idea what a confrontation with the Slytherin Beater would look like in the air and hoped it didn't come to that; he imagined himself falling, or worse.

"Let's get started." Kirke gathered everyone around him and began his ritual pep talk. James let his eyes drift around the team as he half-listened: Ryan Sloper was watching Cynthia, who was following along but stealing glances back. Anthony Phillips was bouncing his leg and grinning with anticipation, while Anne Rogers, the other Beater, was listening closely and nodding to herself. Sean Holmes, their new fifth-year Seeker, looked nervous but determined.

All too soon they left for the Quidditch pitch and their own short warm-up. Kirke put them through their normal routine, then ran a few plays once the Slytherin team were in the changing room for their final review. James concentrated on his flying and found it was easier to focus than he would have thought. He had to fight against the wind, but he enjoyed the extra effort it took to fly and the feeling of really working his muscles, of concentrating on his broom.

Professor Flitby soon came out and called everyone to the center of the field. The Slytherin team returned and gathered opposite the Gryffindors as the students filed into the stands and cheered wildly for them both. James couldn't help but glance at Avery, who mimed a wand across his throat and sneered at him.

After going over the rules once more, Flitby released the Snitch, followed closely by the Bludgers. He tossed the Quaffle high up into the air, blew his whistle, and the game began. Just as they had practiced, Cynthia shot off after the Quaffle, while James and Anthony headed toward the Slytherin goal hoops. The Beaters, Anne and Ryan, dashed off after the Bludgers to start their defense, and Sean set out to start searching for the Golden Snitch.

It was a tense but typical start to the match: the Beaters tried to stop the Chasers from scoring, the Chasers tried to avoid the Bludgers the Beaters aimed at them. The two Seekers roamed above the pitch, eyes scanning diligently for the Snitch. The Slytherin Keeper, Nigel Parkinson, was not as strong as Kirke, but Dante Avery and Corin Mulciber made up for that by sending a constant barrage of Bludgers at the Gryffindor Chasers, often making it difficult to get close enough for a good shot.

James finally gave the signal for one of the plays they had worked out in practice. Cynthia and Anthony expertly passed the Quaffle back and forth as they flew down the pitch, dodging constant Bludgers. James dashed toward the goal hoops, virtually unopposed, with Ryan backing him up as defense. When he was close enough, Anthony sent the Quaffle zooming toward him instead of Cynthia, catching the other team by surprise. Avery was quick, though, and managed to get a Bludger off toward him. Ryan hit it back, James caught the Quaffle, and Gryffindor scored the first goal of the game.

The crowd erupted into cheers. James glanced down at the stands and saw his friends waving wildly. He thought he saw Lily not far behind them, clapping as well, and he grinned to himself as he set off back down the pitch. Yet his good mood was suddenly soaked as the sky opened up and it began to pour. The students groaned, but James just shook the rain from his hair as he sped toward his teammates; he was determined not to let it bother him. He had played in the rain before, after all.

Avery sneered at him as he flew by and James couldn't resist returning a cocky look; Gryffindor were in the lead, and he intended to keep it that way. Unfortunately, Avery reached out and grabbed the back of his broomstick, slowing him down. It was a deliberate foul, but Flitby must have missed it, because he was the watching the Gryffindor goals, where Aaron Carrow had somehow barreled his way through all the Bludgers Ryan and Anne had thrown at him. With a violent throw, he scored, almost knocking Kirke off his broom.

James shook off Avery and hurried back toward the center of the pitch. He caught the Quaffle as Kirke sent it back into play, determined to make up for the goal they had just lost. Within minutes both he and Cynthia had scored, putting them ahead once more. But the Slytherin Keeper found his focus again and stopped every attempt they made after that, and the game continued through a series of blocked goals on either side for almost half an hour.

Regulus Black and Sean Holmes still searched the skies for the Snitch, but with the rain coming down harder, it became more and more difficult for them to spot anything, yet alone a tiny golden ball. Once or twice they made a sudden dive, but each time turned up empty, and they glided back toward the edges of the game, eyes straining once more for any sign of the game-ending Snitch.

James was starting to get tired. They had been playing for almost an hour straight without a break. He was cold and wet and ready for Sean to find the Snitch so they could go inside and warm up. He almost missed a play when Anthony Phillips abruptly tossed him the Quaffle before rolling around to avoid a Bludger. Barely catching the ball, James flew toward the goal posts, trying to get his focus back. Unfortunately the other Bludger crashed into him from the left, the glancing blow taking him on the shoulder and brushing against his face, leaving him with a split lip. As he struggled to keep his balance, he threw the ball behind him to Cynthia, hoping she would speed in for the goal.

Dante Avery was there, though, and slammed into her hard from the side just as she was reaching for the Quaffle. She fell from her broom, grabbing hold with one hand. Time seemed to slow down as James turned and rushed back toward her. She tried to pull herself up, but a Bludger sent by Corin Mulciber caught her square in the stomach, and with a terrified yell, she fell to the ground, landing awkwardly on her left leg.

Professor Flitby blew his whistle, calling an end to all play. The Slytherins stopped and laughed, while the Gryffindors hurried toward Cynthia, who was sitting with her arms wrapped around her left knee and swearing. Ryan landed first, his face both livid and concerned. Anne landed next and knelt beside her teammate. When Kirke came down, she glanced up at him and just shook her head. James could tell by the look on Cynthia's face that she wasn't going back up. That left them down one Chaser; they needed Sean to get the Snitch as fast as he could, before they lost anyone else.

Professor Flitby conjured a stretcher for Cynthia and sent her toward the edge of the field, where Madam Pomfrey was waiting. They watched her go until Kirke shook them out of it, encouraging them to win it for Cynthia. James nodded at Anthony Phillips. They had run a few plays for being down one Chaser, thinking that Avery might make a move on James instead. With a determined look on his face, James rose back into the air with the team. Flitby blew his whistle and play began again.

Anthony took the penalty shot for Gryffindor. It sailed past Parkinson, who dived for the Quaffle, nearly falling from his broom when he lunged and overbalanced, and put them up by thirty points. A second quick play saw James pelting toward the goals so fast that he was able to score before the Slytherins could figure out how to manage two determined Chasers as opposed to three. Then a sudden movement at the far end of the pitch caught everyone's attention; the crowd gasped as both Seekers shot off across the field toward a shiny golden light near the ground.

The sudden focus on the Snitch let Davis Duncan score, as he faked toward the center and sent the Quaffle though the left hoop faster than Kirke was able to follow the play. Slytherin was up another ten points. James countered with a fierce pass to Anthony, who slammed the ball through the opposing hoops before Slytherin could even get back into formation. The crowd went wild, and James nodded, satisfied. They could do this; they could win.

The Quaffle went back into play, with Jeremiah Ford taking it down the pitch for Slytherin. James raced after, trying to intercept. He could feel Dante Avery tailing him, though, and knew the Beater was almost certainly steaming about the Gryffindor lead. He dodged a Bludger from Avery, which Ryan then hit back toward Jeremiah. Ford passed the ball to Aaron Carrow, who continued to fly toward the goal posts, evading any attempt to intercept or stop him.

Just before Carrow scored, Mulciber hit one of the Bludgers toward the Gryffindor stands. A collective gasp went up from the crowd. James saw half the students duck and half raise their wands. Flitby raced across the pitch, wand raised, and stopped the heavy ball inches from slamming into the middle of the section.

James pulled to a stop, confused. Bumphing was such an obvious foul, what was the Slytherin team thinking? It would just give Gryffindor another penalty shot. He realized the trick quickly enough, though, when Dante Avery raced by, his Beater's bat raised. He slammed it across James's hold on his broom, striking him across the forearms. James felt his right wrist twist awkwardly and swore as he shot off after the offensive Slytherin, determined to do…something.

Flitby missed the egregious foul, but blew the whistle for a Gryffindor penalty shot due to Mulciber's bumphing. He threw the Quaffle toward James, who barely managed to stop and catch it with his good arm. He wasn't able to get the same force behind it as he could with his right hand, and Parkinson blocked it easily; the crowd groaned, and Kirke called a timeout when he saw James was injured.

"That's the second time that bastard has fouled me behind Flitby's back!" James raged when they landed. He held his wrist close to him; he could already feel it growing stiff and sore. It would be hard enough staying on his broom with an injured arm; he'd barely be able to catch the Quaffle and score with his weaker hand.

"Don't let him get to you," said Kirke, shaking wet hair from his face. "Not only are they trying to take us out one by one, but they're trying to make us mad." He took out his wand and waved it at James's wrist. The pain lessened, though it was still swollen and stiff. James nodded his thanks.

"I know. I just wish Flitby would keep his damn eyes open," he grumbled.

"I agree," said Kirke. He was surprisingly calm given how he had reacted earlier when James had slipped up about losing the Head Badge. It was one of the reasons he had been made Captain: he was not only talented, but focused when the time came.

"I'll call him on it if he misses another," said Kirke. "In the meantime, we just need to step up our game. Anne, Ryan—keep at them when they've got the Quaffle, but even more importantly, we really need you to defend Potter and Phillips. And Sean—get the damn Snitch before we're all in the hospital wing with broken bones and head colds. That's an order."

Sean swallowed and nodded. Kirke gave them one last encouraging word, and they rose as one back into the air. The wind and the rain continued to lash at them. The game continued, with the Slytherins diving into a particularly nasty defensive as Gryffindor took the Quaffle. James felt his temper flare again as Mulciber deliberately rammed into Ryan, sending him spinning away and leaving Anthony undefended for a direct hit from Avery's Bludger.

It was a move open to interpretation: Mulciber hadn't used elbows, so it wasn't cobbing, and Anthony hadn't fallen, so it wasn't excessive force. Yet he dropped the Quaffle, leaving Jeremiah Ford open to grab it and dash toward the Gryffindor hoops. James caught Kirke's eye; the Keeper shook his head, meaning he wasn't going to protest the lack of a call. He steeled himself for the shot, but Ford ducked aside as both Anne and Ryan sent Bludgers speeding his way.

Ford tossed the Quaffle to Carrow, but both teams were distracted by a sudden gasp from the crowd that was timed perfectly with a large crack of thunder. Glancing back over his shoulder, James saw Regulus Black and Sean Holmes neck-in-neck as they sped across the pitch and crashed into the commentator's box.

James couldn't help but watch: they barreled into the stands, sending people scrambling out of the way. There was scuffling and even a few punches thrown, but by the time Flitby got there, Regulus Black was standing with the Snitch in his hand, the match over.

Slytherin had won.

Half the crowd cheered, while half the crowd hissed. Aaron Carrow's shot went right through the hoops, unopposed, but it didn't matter, they didn't need the points anyway. He only did it to rub salt in the wound.

Sean Holmes stood up, his face bruised and his lip bleeding from the scuffle in the stands. He jumped on his broom and dashed away, speeding past them all without a word. Kirke sank to the ground as well, looking slightly stunned at the abrupt and inglorious end to a hard-fought game. Ryan and Anne followed, but James and Anthony stayed, watching the celebration with blank faces, almost unable to believe it.

Dante Avery did a loop nearby, and it was all James could do to keep from pulling out his wand and hexing the Slytherin. Avery flashed the same cocky grin James had given him at the start of the game. "At least you stayed on your broom, loser!" he called as he raced by.

Though he desperately wanted to wrestle Avery to the ground and punch him in the face, James was a better sportsman than to start a fight with the winning team. He couldn't resist a verbal retort, though.

"You're just lucky Flitby missed those fouls, tosspot!" he shouted back. Under his breath he added, "You won't be so lucky next time." He didn't even know what he meant by it, and shook his head, surprised to find himself making stupid, empty threats. A sudden weariness filled him, and his arm began to throb. With one last look at the clearing crowd, he turned back toward the changing rooms.

James landed hard on the ground, his wet robes splattering with mud in time with another round of thunder. He swore as the Slytherin team whizzed by overhead, cheering their victorious Seeker on the way back to their own changing rooms. He didn't look up, but trudged through the rain with the rest of the Gryffindor team, each of them dead silent.

They had lost the first match of the season. Even worse, they had lost to Slytherin. James couldn't imagine a more humiliating way to end one of the worst weeks of the year. No one talked in the changing room. Sean looked completely devastated, apologizing glumly before leaving, and Anne ran after him to try and console him. Anthony and Ryan left with silent nods. Thomas Kirke sat and stared at the wall. James thought about talking to him, but finally decided to just leave. Kirke would deal with it in his own way, just as they all would.

As he walked back out into the rain, James was glad to see that the stands had emptied quickly. He thought about wandering around the grounds a bit, letting the rain wash away defeat, but then he saw a figure sitting on a bench nearby. Lily's long hair was drenched around her shoulders, which were hunched forward against the wind and rain. She looked cold and miserable, and yet James felt his breath catch as he stared at her, shivering where she sat.

Maybe she had waited for him after all.

**End Notes:**

Thank you Lea, for your lovely additions to the Quidditch match! I must admit writing this game about put me under the table, so I hope everyone enjoys it because I don't plan on writing any more Quidditch in the near future. :)


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

Lily watched the Gryffindor team trudge back to the changing room, their shoulders slumped in defeat. She felt terrible for all of them, but even more so for James, who seemed to be taking it badly as he and Anthony just hung there, watching the Slytherins celebrate. It wasn't his fault; it was just the stupid way Quidditch matches played out. He finally splashed down into a large mud puddle, and she could imagine him swearing profusely.

"Rubbish," snapped Sirius in front of her. "Complete, utter, hag-sucking rubbish."

"Prongs is going to be really brassed off," said Peter, shaking his head as he stood.

"He should be," said Sirius, still angry. "Flitby missed a load of fouls, and that was a bloody awful way to end. It was dirty, it was sneaky, it was—"

"Perfectly legal," said Remus. "Seekers have wrestled over the Snitch before." Sirius just grumbled some more.

Lily agreed: it was a terrible way to end the game, even if it was a valid catch, and she knew James would probably be crushed by the loss. She suddenly decided she needed to see him immediately. She couldn't wait until he cleaned up; he might be angry about the match, but she had to talk him now, in case he didn't return to Gryffindor right away. Maybe she could even help.

She was quiet as she left the stands with her friends and walked back toward the castle. As they entered the Great Hall, Lily made an excuse to Mary and Sandra, telling them she had left her scarf behind. Before they could say anything, she hurried back out into the rain and ran down to the Gryffindor changing rooms. She was soaking wet all over again by the time she got there, but she didn't care. She just knew it was the right thing to do, that she had to be talk to James.

Most of the other Gryffindors barely gave her a second glance as they left, heads down as they hurried back to the castle in the rain. Ryan Sloper dashed back inside, and Lily idly wondered how Cynthia Morris was doing after such a bad fall.

James was one of the last to leave, and he stopped and stared at the wet figure in front of him. "What are you doing here?" he asked, and Lily could hear the surprise—or was it resentment?—in his voice.

"Waiting for you," she answered, standing to face him.

"Why?" he grumbled, cradling his right arm awkwardly. "The game's over. We lost."

"I know," she murmured. "I'm sorry."

"I don't need your sympathy, Evans."

"I'm still sorry. I know it was important to you."

He just shrugged and kept walking.

"Potter, wait!" she called, hurrying after him. The ground was wet, and she almost slipped in the mud as she trudged up the small hill to the castle against the wind. "Please wait."

"It's raining, you know," he tossed over his shoulder without even stopping.

"James, please," she implored. She caught up with him and stopped just short of reaching out for his hand.

"What, like to kick a bloke when he's down, do you?" he snapped over his shoulder, waving his left hand around. "Have at it then, you deserve a good go if you're willing to sit out in a storm just to tell me off again."

"I'm trying to apologize, you great, bloody prat," she snapped, in spite of trying to stay calm. "And I don't care if it's raining."

He turned and gave her an exasperated look. "You should. Here." And in spite of everything that had happened, he pulled out his wand and cast an Umbrella Charm. Lily hadn't even thought of it; she had been too wrapped up in her own thoughts to even bother with staying dry any more. It was as if she deserved to get soaking wet and sick after all that had happened between them, and she certainly didn't care how she looked. She just wanted to stop fighting. She was finally sick of it.

"Thank you," she said. She motioned to a rock under a nearby tree. "Please talk to me."

"Why?" he asked bluntly. "So we can yell at each other some more? So you can slap me again? Why would I want to talk to you again, Lily, when all we ever do is fight?"

Hearing her first name paired with such bitter words cut to the bone, and Lily suddenly wanted more than anything to run away, to forget about trying to make any sort of amends. She almost couldn't bear the hurt on his face, the pain she had obviously caused him over the last months, and yet she was a Gryffindor for a reason. She would apologize, and only hope she didn't say the wrong thing again and make it even worse.

"I'm sorry," she said, looking directly at him. "I really am."

"I said the same thing yesterday and you slapped me," he pointed out. "Why should I believe you anymore than you believed me?"

Lily felt her temper flare but quickly stopped it. "Because I mean it. I feel terrible."

"So do I, Evans," he said, throwing himself down on the rock. "Welcome to the other side." She tentatively sat next to him, and when he didn't move away, she began to feel that perhaps there might be hope.

"I'm sorry," she said again, as if repeating it would make him accept it. The Umbrella Charm protected them, kept them dry as the rain fell around them. She twisted her wet scarf in her hands, wringing out the water to splash upon the ground at her feet.

"I can't believe you slapped me yesterday," James said. "I didn't think you were that kind of girl." Once again his words pierced her heart, because it was true: she wasn't like that. She'd never slapped anyone in her life. At the same time, she couldn't help but feel a sliver of defensiveness.

"You turned me into a cat," she replied, shivering not from the cold but from the memory of the transformation.

"You said you hated me," he returned. "You threw a Hurling Hex at me." He sounded defensive as well, but also sad.

"I don't hate you," she said, pushing the wet hair from her face as she turned toward him, desperate for him to believe her. "Really, I'm don't. I just—"

"—can't make up your mind?" he suggested sarcastically. "I don't understand, Evans. We've always had a rocky relationship, but I thought things had settled down last year, especially after what happened in June. And yet it's like as soon as you saw the Head Badge on the train, you couldn't stop tearing into me."

He stood and started to pace, leaving the protective space of the Umbrella Charm and getting himself soaked all over again. He didn't look at her, but just talked, still cradling his wrist.

"I'm not any of the things you think I am, Evans. I might have been once, but not anymore. I'm better than that now, and I just don't get why you won't let go of who I used to be and see who I am now." He looked directly at her, challenging her for an answer. She couldn't help but feel as if he were defending himself to someone other than her.

She also couldn't talk. The lump in her throat was too big, too tight, and the words just wouldn't come. She shook her head miserably and wiped her nose, determined not to cry. She tried to summon the old anger that always appeared when they fought, but for once it was gone.

"Say something!" he exclaimed, throwing up his hands. "Yesterday you couldn't stop yelling at me and now you're just going to sit there and sniffle in the rain?" Her head whipped up, but still no words came. "Fine. I'm leaving. I'm going to get cleaned up and head to the Hospital Wing." He turned to leave, but stopped and glanced back over his shoulder. "But just so you know, you won't have to worry about working with me anymore. I've turned in my badge to Dumbledore. I told him to find someone else for the Head Boy position."

Lily jumped up as he walked away. "No!" she cried, running after him. "You can't do that!" This time she did grab him and turn him around. He gasped when she grabbed at his right arm, and she felt even worse, not realizing he had been injured. "James, you can't quit because of me."

"I can't work with you anymore," he said, brutally honest. "And you obviously don't think I'm good enough to be Head Boy, so now we can both be happy."

"But…but…" she stammered over her words, shocked that he had done something so drastic, so final, just to get away from her. "But I'd miss you," she finally whispered.

"Bollocks," he snapped, turning on her and walking back toward the entrance to the castle. "You'd miss shouting at me, but we've still got Charms for that."

Lily cringed as she remembered the dreadful scene in Flitwick's class, in the Entrance Hall, in so many of their encounters since September 1st. "Dammit James, I said I was sorry, why can't you—"

"—get over it?" he interrupted. "Just forget all the things we've said and done the last two months? What happened in Charms, in the Entrance Hall? Why? Because you didn't mean them?" He was challenging her again, and she didn't want to back down, but it was so hard to explain when she really hadn't even figured it out for herself.

"I didn't, no," she said, glancing up sideways at his face; she looked away when she saw the anger. He reached the stairs to the castle and turned toward her once more.

"Then why did you say them? Do you really think all those things about me?"

"No."

"Were you just trying to hurt me, then, or do you really hate me?"

"No, I…" She trailed off, unable to continue.

"Come on, Evans!" he shouted. The Umbrella Charm failed with the force of his emotion, drenching them both. "Tell me why we fight all the time, because I just can't figure it out. Otherwise I'm leaving—and I couldn't care less whether I ever see you again."

Lily sank to the steps and let her head fall into her hands. She was surprised when she felt James sit next to her, but she couldn't look at him this time.

"I can't stand this," he whispered. "I hate trying to hate you. I'm sorry."

Lily glanced sideways through the sopping strands of her hair. He had taken off his glasses and was sitting with his left elbow on the step behind him, head back and eyes closed to the grey skies and the rain that fell upon his face. He had never looked so vulnerable as he did in that moment, and as she looked at him it all came crashing down on her. With a gasp that literally made her sit up and put her hands to her mouth, Lily suddenly knew why: why she had reacted the way she had, why she had done and said so many horrible things—why they fought so much. Dumbledore had tried to tell her, in his typically enigmatic manner, but she had not seen it until now.

The insight made her feel even worse, because she also realized something else: she wasn't a Gryffindor after all. She was a coward. She was nothing but a scared girl lashing out at the boy she was afraid of, burying feelings she didn't want with feelings she didn't really have.

Watching James sit silently next to her, his face mirroring the pain she had caused them both, Lily decided she could no longer be that person, the one who did and said such things out of fear. She was tired of being scared, tired of compensating with anger and sarcasm and resentment. That wasn't who she was and wasn't who she wanted to be. And as she gazed at the boy next to her, she suddenly knew what she wanted.

She wanted him.

Lily moved closer. James sighed and put his glasses back on. He looked at her, hazel eyes unblinking in the rain. Lily once more felt her heart skip a beat at what she saw there. How could she have been so blind? How could she have willingly, knowingly hurt him so badly?

James didn't move, didn't smile, did nothing as she reached toward his face and touched his cheek. She took his glasses off again; still nothing. Leaning forward, she gently pressed her lips to his. They were soft and warm, though his lower lip had a small cut from the Quidditch match. Somehow the imperfection in what should have been a perfect moment only made it more endearing, more complete.

When she pulled back, he simply looked at her, his face an unreadable mask. Lily felt her stomach drop; she had made things worse, destroyed any small hope of gaining his forgiveness or even his friendship, let alone anything more. Closing her eyes so he would not see the tears threatening to spill, she handed him his glasses and moved away.

"I'm sorry," she said for what felt like the one hundredth time that night. "I didn't mean to—"

She couldn't finish. She couldn't stay. With a strangled sob, Lily stood and ran up the stairs to the castle. James did not follow, and a quick glance over her shoulder as she hurried through the main entrance showed her that he was still sitting on the steps, alone in the rain.

**End Notes:**

Time for a confession: this was the first chapter I wrote of this story! And here's why. I saw this lovely picture of James and Lily kissing in the rain, and was immediately struck by the scene. It seemed to me Lily was kissing James, but that he was very angry with her. And so I wrote this chapter, inspired by this gorgeous picture. The original is actually a bit more vitriolic, to be honest. But I had no idea how things had come to this point, and so I went back to the beginning and built it up. It toned itself down naturally. I must also admit this is one of my favorite chapters so I do hope you enjoy it. Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews. Keep the rotten fruit in reserve: we are only halfway done…and things usually get worse before they get better. ;)

And my thanks once more to the lovely Lea/mugglegirlmaruader who has helped me so much with this story. She is always ready and willing to listen to me sound things out, and has given me great advice on plot, character, and some of those great insults. THANK YOU! :)


	15. Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Fifteen

James stared listlessly at the ceiling of his dormitory, watching the shadows float lazily across the stones as the clouds passed by the moon. His mind was blank, unable to process everything that had happened that day.

Sirius had talked to Lily. Cynthia had fallen from her broom. Gryffindor had lost the match.

And Lily Evans had kissed him. _Kissed him._

Rolling over, he shook his head, tired and stunned and utterly confused. What had seemed like yet another one of their heated conversations had instead ended quietly in the rain, looking into one another's eyes. He could still feel her lips on his, taste the drops that had fallen upon them as they had sat on the steps.

What the hell was going on?

He had avoided his friends and teammates since. He had gone straight to the hospital wing, where Pomfrey had bandaged his wrist and given him a potion to lessen the pain and speed up the healing. After sitting with Cynthia for a while, he'd come back to Gryffindor, ignoring everyone in the common room, and had thrown himself into bed, exhausted. He had slept through lunch and apparently dinner.

As he lay there debating whether to find his friends, find Lily, or find food, he was interrupted by one of them finding him first. Peter entered quietly, his wand lit before him.

"You awake yet, Prongs?" he whispered into the darkness.

James sighed. He couldn't pretend to be asleep every time one of his friends came back to the dormitory, so he sat up and nodded. "Yeah, I'm awake. How late is it?"

Peter lit the lamps. "Not too late, but you just missed dinner. You hungry?"

"A bit," James admitted. "I should probably head down to the kitchens. Want to come?"

"No thanks," said Peter, tossing a bundle onto James's bed. "I brought you something instead. Figured you'd want some food when you woke up."

James unrolled a napkin stuffed with bread, cheese, and a large slice of roast beef. He grinned at his friend. "Thanks, Pete." Making himself a sandwich, he began to devour the impromptu meal, surprised at how hungry he was. "Where are the others?" he asked through a mouthful.

Peter kicked his shoes off and sat down on his bed. "Well, Padfoot showed up for dinner with a black eye, so he's off getting an earful from Moony."

James put down his sandwich and stared. "He was in a fight? Not about the match?" He hoped Sirius hadn't gone after Avery, because James had every intention of getting back at Avery himself—especially since he didn't have to worry about being Head Boy anymore.

Peter shrugged. "He wouldn't say, but I think it has to do with his girlfriend."

"The Slytherin?" James asked, going back to his sandwich.

"You think so too?" said Peter. When James nodded, he continued. "Yeah, so do I. I wonder if he finally got caught." He paused. "That or he had it out with Regulus."

"Wouldn't be the first time for either," said James. "But a row with Regulus would make more sense, considering the way the match ended."

Peter shook his head. "That was bollocks. I'm sorry, James. You played so hard, and one punch in the stands won the game."

James felt his stomach twist as he remembered the moment too well. "How's the rest of the team?" he asked, feeling guilty that he wasn't commiserating with them. He hadn't meant to fall asleep for so long, not really. But the day—no, the week—had taken its toll on him.

"Kirke's already talking about the next match," Peter replied. "Sean looked about ready to quit the team, though. Phillips has been trying to console Anne all night." He paused again. "And Ryan's been with Cynthia in the Hospital Wing. Did you know about them?" he asked.

James nodded. "Yeah, she told me this morning. It's all good."

Peter was silent for a long while, his arms behind his head as he leaned against the bed and watched James finish his sandwich. "You haven't been talking with her as much, is that why?"

"No," he said, wiping his hands on his pants. "Not really. We sort of…well, we kissed on Halloween."

Peter didn't even raise an eyebrow; he just nodded. "We figured something like that had happened. You didn't say anything, though, so we also figured you didn't want us to know."

James cringed inside. Peter wasn't being accusatory at all, and yet he still felt guilty. He hadn't told his friends, hadn't talked to them much about personal things most of the year; he mostly told them to leave him alone. "It was just a moment, and it only made things awkward between us. Not much to talk about, really."

"And what about Lily?" asked Peter, sitting up again and looking directly at him. "What's going on with her?"

"Oh, well…" James hesitated, then hold himself to stop. Why shouldn't he tell his friends? Of them all, Peter was probably the least likely to judge him, that much was certain. Sirius would give him a hard time, and Remus would try to protect him some more. Peter would do neither; he would just listen.

"I don't know, Pete," he finally said. "It's complicated."

"Why?"

"Well, we kissed too. Today. After the match."

There was a time when Peter would have gasped in disbelief; now he merely looked surprised. "But she smacked you yesterday."

James burst out laughing. "I know. It's completely mental, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is." Peter laughed with him. "And yet I'm really not surprised."

"You're not?" asked James.

"You are?" Peter countered.

"I'm not sure what to think," James murmured. "I can't figure her out."

"She probably can't figure you out either," Peter pointed out. He stopped, waiting for James to continue, and when James was quiet, he continued. "Do you like her?" he asked. "Or rather—do you still like her? Or like her again?" He grinned. "We're never sure with you."

"Me neither," said James. "But…yes, I like her. When she isn't driving me mad, which is most of the time. I swear she's had it in for me all year."

"I'm sure she has her reasons," Peter said, standing up and slipping back into his shoes. "Just like you did for turning her into a cat. Look, I'm probably the last one you should be talking to about girls, since I just lucked out with Susan, but I think you should talk to her. Before it's too late." He gathered his books, some parchment, and a quill, and headed toward the door.

"Where are you going?" James asked.

"Charms essay." He grinned rather wickedly. "We're supposed to analyze your duel."

"Brilliant," James muttered. As if it couldn't get it any worse, now the entire class would be writing about it. "I hope that doesn't include what happened yesterday."

"I'll add it at the end for extra credit." Peter laughed. "Are you staying up here?"

"I don't know," said James. "You go ahead, I'll be fine. Thanks for the food."

"You're welcome. See you later."

"Hey Pete, what did you mean, 'before it's too late'?" James asked before he left.

Peter gave him a knowing look. "Before she changes her mind about that kiss."

* * *

James did not see Lily or Sirius in the Great Hall the next morning at breakfast. He spent the rest of the morning in the library with Remus, alternatively discussing Sirius, Lily, and writing about the duel in Charms. At lunch she sat at the far end of the table, avoiding his eye and leaving quickly with her friends. He watched her leave, wanting to run after her, but afraid of getting slapped again, especially after what had happened on the castle steps.

He spent the afternoon in detention with Flitwick, cleaning the Charms classroom from corner to corner before settling into six feet of parchment on why animal transfigurations were against the dueling code of etiquette. He dozed off at least once, falling asleep on his sprained wrist and aggravating the injury all over again. He thought about going to see Madam Pomfrey when he was released, but he had already missed most of Sunday dinner.

He hurried to the Great Hall, determined to talk to Lily, no matter what she did or said. He'd had enough time to think about what had happened to know what he wanted. She had caught him completely by surprise, and yet he couldn't stop thinking about the look in her eyes as she'd taken off his glasses and kissed him. He had to know if she had meant it, because he wanted a second chance to get it right, instead of simply sitting there.

"You just missed her," Peter said as he sat down, looking around. "She left about ten minutes ago."

"Damn," James muttered. He speared some potatoes and helped himself to a large piece of chicken.

"Missed who?" asked Sirius, looking up from his plate. "Don't tell me Evans."

"I need to talk to her." James shrugged. "Head Boy stuff."

Remus gave him a skeptical look, which James blandly ignored. Sirius, however, snorted at him. "You resigned, Prongs."

Too late James realized his mistake. He covered as quickly as he could, suddenly regretting his rash decision in the Headmaster's office. He'd given up his best chance to spend time with Lily, not to mention something he had been proud of in spite of how many times he had messed up. "I just need to give her some paperwork to pass on to the next Head."

"Sure you do. Forget about her, James," Sirius said, stabbing at his meat. "Women are rubbish."

"Is that how you got that shiner?" James asked, curious about his friend's mood.

"No, that was my prat of a brother," Sirius muttered. He glanced sullenly at the Slytherin table. "I was just making a general comment about all members of the opposite sex."

Now James threw Remus a questioning look, but Remus seemed as mystified as him. James suspected something had happened with whatever girl Sirius was seeing, and it was obviously Sirius was extremely upset about it.

James didn't have time to ask him about it, though, as just then an owl flew into the hall and dropped a small package on the table in front of him. It was far too late for mail, and James frowned as he unwrapped it, hoping it wasn't something from his father, like a Howler—or worse. He shouldn't have been surprised, but when the Head Badge dropped onto the table, he glanced up at the front dais and Professor Dumbledore in disbelief.

The Headmaster merely tipped his head at him, blue eyes unreadable behind his glasses. James understood immediately, though, that as soon as he had mentioned the position with regret, the badge had come back to him. Dumbledore was certainly on top of things. With a sigh, James pinned it back to his robes and nodded at the Headmaster.

"You're mental," muttered Sirius under his breath once more.

"You're probably right," James replied, sipping his juice.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Care to tell us what's really going on with Evans, then?"

"I don't know," James replied. "When I do, I'll be sure to let you know."

"I'm telling you, James—girls are no good. Get over her. Have a shag with Harrison, but don't get it on with Evans. She's not worth it."

Remus glanced between them; Peter was watching with wide eyes. "What's going on?" James asked, lowering his voice. "We've been wondering for weeks where you've been getting off to, but you haven't told us a thing. Who is she and what the hell happened?"

Sirius put down his fork and wiped his mouth, giving James an extremely frosty look. "Let's just say it doesn't matter, okay? You won't have to worry about me sneaking around any more." He stood and left them there, all rather stunned at his angry exit.

"Whoever she is, he must have really liked her," murmured Peter. "And she must have dumped him hard."

James glanced at the Slytherin table. One of the sixth-year girls was watching Sirius as he left the hall, his head down and hands tucked into his pockets. James thought she looked a bit red-eyed and sad, and he nodded to himself, fairly certain he had just figured out what was going on. He was surprised, however, when Regulus Black began talking to the girl, leaning in close. She wiped her eyes and nodded, and with one last glance at the Entrance Hall, she returned to her meal.

He didn't say anything, but decided he would find Sirius after he talked to Lily. Finishing his dinner, he stood up to leave, then remembered something.

"Do you guys have the map? I need it."

Remus shook his head. "Padfoot's got it. Are you still looking for Lily?"

James nodded. "I really do need to talk to her."

"You're not actually going to talk about Head Boy things, though are you?" Remus asked.

"Moony, I don't know how you do it." James laughed. "No, I'm not. Wish me luck—hopefully I won't end up like Sirius in a few hours."

"Good luck!" Peter called as he left, then turned back to Remus, no doubt to talk about both him and Sirius.

He hurried back to Gryffindor, hoping to find Lily there first. She wasn't in the common room, but Mary and Sandra were sitting by the fire, talking softly. They stopped when James walked over. For some reason, he felt uncomfortable, like they were talking about him.

"Have you seen Lily?" he asked. "I need to talk to her."

Mary eyed his robes instead and pointed at his chest. "You've got your badge back."

James looked down and nodded. "Yeah, Dumbledore sent it by owl at dinner. Guess you're all stuck with me." He grinned, still nervous; he had the distinct feeling they were mad at him. "Look, I really do need to see her."

They looked at each other, and finally Sandra answered. "She's got duty tonight." When James nodded and began to turn away, she added, "With Mark."

He froze and turned back. "With Whitby?" he repeated, his heart pounding in his chest.

Sandra nodded, looking miserable. "You'd better find her fast, James. She's awfully confused."

"Me too," he muttered, then glanced up at them. "Thanks. I'll see you later."

Hurrying toward the portrait hole, James swore under his breath, then abruptly turned and dashed up the stairs to his dormitory. He didn't have the Marauder's Map, so he grabbed his invisibility cloak instead. He wasn't sure why he'd need it; for some reason, he just felt better going after Lily if she didn't know he was looking for her.

He hurried toward the library, but a quick glance around told him she wasn't there. He went back upstairs and checked the prefects' bathroom, then walked in on Alan Diggory and Julie Higgins in the lounge. Ignoring them, he went back to the first floor, hoping he might find her patrolling the classrooms. He didn't even run into Peeves.

Hurrying toward the main staircase, James stopped short in his tracks and instinctively threw on his cloak. Lily was sitting at the base of the stairs, and she was sitting with Mark Whitby. Her head was on his shoulder, and as he stared at them, Mark put his arm around her shoulder. James could see the look of longing on the Ravenclaw's face and knew his own face was probably mirroring that same look. Lily dashed a tear from her face and smiled sadly, but before he could witness anything else, James turned and ran away, breathing quickly.

He was both furious and crushed. He had set out to find her, tell her how he felt, figure out their mess of a relationship once and for all; instead he had found her with her ex-boyfriend. His heart thumped in his chest, beating rapidly as he tried to control his emotions. Why had she kissed him only to go back to Mark? Why had she come to him in the rain, said all the things she'd said, and yet had refused to look at him since?

He wanted to trust her, he really did, but he felt used. He felt like she had been playing with him just to see him hurt and humiliated. He was embarrassed for even considering some of the things he had been considering, and he was angry for letting himself get pulled in by his feelings for her.

He threw off the cloak to find Sirius waiting for him outside the Gryffindor portrait hole. Sirius waved the Marauder's Map and gave him a bitter smile. "I told you women were rubbish."

"Shut it, Padfoot."

"I've just replaced our stash," Sirius continued, ignoring him completely and holding up his shoulder bag. "Care to join me for a bit of refreshment?"

James frowned. "You went to Hogsmeade? By yourself?"

"Desperate times call for desperate measures," Sirius murmured, leading the way through the portrait hole. James saw Mary and Sandra glance up at him, but he pointedly looked away and followed Sirius upstairs to the dormitory without another word. Sirius tossed the bag on his bed and took out several bottles of Steaming Stout.

Raising a bottle, he gave a mocking toast. "To a better tomorrow, free of feminine guile."

James drank with him, once again wondering what had happened to Sirius that had driven him into Hogsmeade alone. And he wondered how he could possibly work with Lily now that he had his badge back—but not her.

**End Notes:**

Thank you, Lea!


	16. Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Sixteen

She didn't see him for the rest of the day.

The rain eventually stopped, and Lily wandered around the grounds in the mist, alone with her thoughts. Her eyes kept glancing back toward the castle steps where she had impulsively, foolishly, amazingly kissed James. It seemed so long ago, though it had only been hours.

He didn't come to the Great Hall for dinner, and Lily couldn't help but wonder if he was avoiding her or just tired and upset from the match. He wasn't in the common room that night either, and she stayed up late sitting by the fire, hoping he might come down so that she could talk to him, but he never did.

By the next morning, Lily was convinced she had done the wrong thing and completely ruined any sort of relationship they had or might ever have. She skipped breakfast and spent the morning sprawled out on her bed, working on her schoolwork, alternately staring out the window and staring listlessly at her textbooks. Her heart did a double take when she saw James at lunch, but at the same time, she was now too embarrassed to look at him, certain he must be upset with her. She finished her lunch and left as quickly as she could, settling down in the library with Mary to work on her Charms essay about the duel that had started—or ruined—it all.

She ate dinner early and hurried back to Gryffindor for a jumper before leaving again for her set of rounds that night. Mark had duty as well, and she dreaded running into him, though she suspected it would be inevitable. It hadn't even been a week since he had broken up with her, sure there was something going on between her and James. It stung that Mark had seen the situation more clearly than she had; she only hoped she hadn't hurt him by going out with him in the first place, when her feelings had obviously been for someone else.

She roamed the corridors, barely paying attention to what was going on around her, trying to put James Potter from her mind once and for all. It could never work out between them anyway: he was nothing like the sort of man she pictured herself with. She had always taken him for an arrogant, pig-headed prat who just messed around, sloughed off his studies, and pulled pranks. And while he had done all those things once, as a first-year and a third-year and even a fifth-year…as a sixth-year he had saved lives. And as a seventh-year he was keeping up with N.E.W.T.s and Head Boy duties just as well as she was. He was even occasionally pleasant…when they weren't yelling, dueling, or slapping one another, of course. In some ways, everything he had said the previous day was true: she couldn't seem to let go of what he used to be, rather than who he was now.

What did she want? Someone smart, studious, and responsible. Someone good and kind and fun—not someone she fought with all the time, who had hexed her in class, who had ignored her ever since their one and only kiss. Someone like Mark, whom she liked, but apparently not enough to forget about the boy she tried so hard not to think about so much.

What had Dumbledore said to her? _No one can see their reflection in running water. It is only in still water that we can see. _She had thought about it and thought about it, and decided he must be talking about her challenging relationship with James. If they just stopped fighting and were civil, maybe they would see something different in one another. It had happened before, on those rare occasions when they had had a pleasant conversation—in the prefects' bathroom, the common room. It was recalling those moments that had finally led her to find him after the Quidditch match…and in stilling her heart, she had seen the truth.

But it had been raining. The water hadn't stilled, it had been crashing down around her, and she had still gone and kissed him. Now her feet took her toward the Entrance Hall, where Lily stood at the door and looked across the grounds, remembering a moment that had been lost in the hospital wing, but found again on the front steps.

"What are you looking at?" asked a soft voice behind her.

Lily yelped in surprise, and Mark took her arm to steady her with a sheepish smile. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." He gazed at her with concern. "Are you all right? You look upset about something."

Lily swallowed hard and cleared her throat before answering. "Yes, I'm fine. You just startled me. How are you?"

Mark smiled warmly. "I'm okay. I was hoping to run into you tonight, to be honest."

"Why?" she asked in surprise.

"I miss you," he replied honestly, and Lily felt a pang of guilt that she had hardly thought about him with so many other things on her mind. "And I heard what happened last week in Charms. Are you sure you're all right?"

Lily turned and walked toward the main staircase. She sat down on the bottom step and let her chin fall into her hands. "I am, yes. It wasn't particularly pleasant, though."

Mark sat down next to her—not to close, not too far, just like he had in the prefects' lounge when he had first asked her out. "I'm sure it wasn't. So what really happened?"

"James Potter turned me into a cat." She shrugged. "We were dueling, I cast a Hurling Hex, and he cast an animal Transfiguration spell."

"I suppose a remark about the complexity of the spell itself would be a bit too Ravenclaw of me, wouldn't it?" he asked, an amused look on his face.

"Yes, it would!" Lily laughed in spite of herself. "And I don't particularly feel like talking about it."

He nodded and was silent, but Lily knew he probably wanted to talk more. She waited for it, to see how much he would ask.

"I saw Potter after class that day, you know. He said to tell you he was sorry." Mark shook his head. "He said he'd just turned my girlfriend into a cat. I had no idea what he was talking about."

An awkward silence filled the air between them. Lily didn't know what to say, considering she hadn't been Mark's girlfriend at the time. Apparently James hadn't known; she wondered if he thought she was still with Mark, even after their kiss in the rain.

"Are you still angry with him?" Mark asked. "I heard about what happened in the Entrance Hall as well."

Lily laughed bitterly this time. "Yes, it's been quite a week for Hogwarts gossip." She stopped, and when he kept watching her expectantly, she finally sighed. "Yes, I'm mad at him. Or least a part of me is. It was bloody awful."

"Then…" Mark trailed off and looked away, as if reluctant to say what was really on his mind. He finally took a deep breath and plunged on. "Was I wrong? Was I wrong about what I said last week?"

Lily looked at him in surprise. "You mean about breaking up with me?"

"No, I mean about…Potter."

"Oh." Now Lily glanced away, unable to meet his eyes. She understood too well what he was asking, and hated having to tell him anything that would be untrue. She decided to be as honest as she could, without hurting him even more.

"I don't know, Mark," she said softly. "It's complicated."

He was quiet again. "He got his badge back, you know. Tonight at dinner."

She nodded, both surprised and relieved. Surprised he had taken it, and relieved he hadn't really quit because of her and would be coming back. Mark sounded disappointed, probably because she would still be working with the one person he saw as a rival. The silence stretched uncomfortably between them.

"I'm sorry," she finally whispered. "I don't know what else to say."

"I know," he murmured. "I should be apologizing. It's none of my business. I do hope you figure out what you want, though—and if it's him, that he treats you right."

Lily sighed and laid her head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her, and she wiped her eyes, determined not to cry. Smiling sadly, she was about to speak when she heard a noise down the corridor and sat up straight instead. She didn't see anyone, and idly hoped that James hadn't gone by and seen her with Mark. The last thing she needed were any more miscommunications.

Mark finally took his arm from around her and stood, holding out his hand to help her up. She looked up him and smiled, then stood to leave as well. "Thank you," she murmured, placing a hand to his face. "You're a good man."

She could see the surprise in his eyes, and then the realization that he still wasn't _him_, the one she was really thinking about. Swallowing awkwardly, Lily nodded in understanding, knowing it hurt, then turned to go. He called out after her.

"Be careful, Lily," he said. "I know how hard it is to have feelings for someone who doesn't feel the same way."

What was supposed to be a show of support and understanding instead felt like a slap in the face. First, because she knew Mark still liked her, even though she didn't return his feelings.

And second, because she was terrified he might be right, and James felt nothing for her at all.

* * *

It had been the longest week ever. James had done a remarkably good job of avoiding her both in the Great Hall and the common room for days. In their classes together, she had caught him staring at her several times, only to watch him look away and ignore her every time she tried to smile back. The few times she had talked to him, it had been stilted and awkward, and Lily imagined the entire castle was whispering about them and the strange tension that had sprung up between them.

Throwing down her book in disgust, Lily finally stood and smoothed her dress. Professor Slughorn had invited the Slug Club to his rooms for dessert, but the thought of spending the night socializing without talking to James first—even if she ended up shouting at him, like they so often did—was too much to bear. It had gone on long enough: they had to sort it out before the prefects' meeting the next day or Lily would explode.

"I'm going early," she told Sandra and Mary. "I'll see you later." They gave her a surprised wave as she hurried from the dorm and went down to the common room.

Remus was sitting with Peter and Susan, a bored look on his face. He gave her a grateful smile as she came up to them, apparently glad for the company.

"Hi, Lily," he said, turning away from Peter and Susan, who were engaged in a heated discussion about the newest wizarding rock group to hit the wireless. "How are you?"

Lily gave him a pointed look. "Terrible. Where's James?"

"Out with Sirius," Remus shrugged. "Again."

"Again?" asked Lily.

"Third time this week," said Remus. "Apparently they are still bonding over their mutual disgruntlement over women." He paused and gave her a sheepish look when he realized what he had implied. "No offense."

Lily crumpled into the chair next to Remus. "Oh, Remus, really? Is he that mad at me?"

Remus glanced back at Peter and Susan, who weren't listening at all. He lowered his voice anyway. "He thinks so, but I think he's hurt, more than anything."

"And that why he's been avoiding me?" asked Lily.

"Probably," said Remus. "And Sirius isn't helping, that's for sure."

Lily didn't understand what Sirius had to do with it, but she wasn't as concerned about him. Assuming Remus knew what had happened after the Quidditch match, she decided to open up a bit. "But why is he so upset? I wasn't trying to hurt him."

"And getting back with Mark Whitby was supposed to make him relieved somehow?" asked Remus, his voice laced with light sarcasm.

"But I'm not back with Mark!" Lily exclaimed. It came out much louder than she had intended, and several people glanced at her. "I'm not. Why would he think I am?"

"Because he saw you together," replied Remus. "On the main staircase, last weekend." He frowned. "You're not with Mark again?"

"No, I'm not," she replied. "Is that why James has been so distant all week?"

Remus nodded. "Of course. You can't snog a bloke and run off to your ex-boyfriend the next day, Lily. It's a real kick in the arse. We always assume the worst—especially when Sirius is around."

Lily just stared at him, speechless. It was a wonder James wasn't more furious at her, or hadn't cursed her into a cat again. If he thought she had kissed him only to get back with Mark the next day, he must be even more confused than she was, and certainly hurt and angry. She had to talk to him. Immediately.

"Remus, if you see him, can you tell him? Tell him I'm not seeing Mark, and that I really need to talk to him after Slug Club?" Lily gave him a pleading look. "Please?"

"I'll do my best," Remus said skeptically. "If I can pry him away from Sirius long enough to listen."

Lily stood and shook her head. "You'll have to tell me what's going on with Black some time. I have to go. Thanks, Remus."

She left the common room, her mind filled with so many thoughts she hardly knew what to think or feel. But more than anything, she felt a burgeoning of hope, that maybe the last week had all been due to a misunderstanding, and that they could finally clear it up and move on. She felt a small smile tug at her lips as she imagined what kissing James might feel like a second time…

Lily found herself outside Slughorn's rooms without even knowing how she got there. Anastasia Harrison had already arrived and was flirting outrageously with Jackson Robertson, who looked extremely uncomfortable as she kept stepping closer and he kept moving away.

A snide remark came to mind, but Lily restrained herself. She had sometimes wondered why Anastasia was in the Slug Club, but her father was the Head of the Department of Magical Law, and everyone knew Slughorn liked his connections regardless of the personality of the students involved. Of course, he also prized the best and brightest, which was how Lily had got her invitation, and though Anastasia was a bit of a tramp, she was also brilliant at Charms.

Regulus Black arrived with Arlienne Lestrange, who seemed annoyed with her housemate and immediately began talking to Anastasia instead. Jackson looked relieved and gave Lily a lopsided grin that she couldn't help but return. Regulus stood by himself, frowning at Arlienne, until Severus Snape appeared with Dante Avery, and they began murmuring softly away from the rest of the group. Lily sighed as Severus nodded in her direction; even after so long, it was still awkward for them.

Sean Holmes arrived next, and Lily was glad to see a familiar face; all the other Gryffindors in Professor Slughorn's select group had left Hogwarts. They began talking about classes. Sean asked several questions about O.W.L.s, and Lily tried to reassure him that the Potions exam was not nearly as difficult as rumour had it. Dirk Cresswell and Adrian Wentworth arrived soon after from Hufflepuff; the only one missing now was Slughorn himself.

As they waited, Lily heard someone mention James Potter. Her ears pricked up, and she couldn't help but glance around to see who was speaking. It was Anastasia, and she was still talking with Arlienne Lestrange.

"Slytherin may have won the match, but I thought Gryffindor played better. James was brilliant."

Arlienne gave her a sly smile. "You sound like you fancy him."

Anastasia flipped her hair over her shoulder and smiled. Lily had the distinct impression the Ravenclaw was trying to get everyone's attention-including Dante Avery, who was glaring at her. "I think he fancies me. He almost kissed me after a prefects' meeting."

Lily couldn't help but snort. Anastasia gave her a positively venomous look. "Something stuck in your throat, Evans?"

"Your story," Lily laughed. "As I heard it, James turned you down not once, but twice after a prefects' meeting."

Anastasia's face colored, and she tossed her hair again. "He was tempted. He won't be able to resist next time."

"I doubt that," Lily murmured, turning back to Sean. He was watching the exchange rather wide-eyed.

"At least he talks to me," Anastasia snapped at her back. "You just row with him all the time."

Lily felt her heart speed up and tried to stay calm. It was true, but she wasn't going to let anyone see that it bothered her. Not now, not when her and James were so close.

"I think the only thing he's ever said to you is 'no'," she tossed over her shoulder. "Good luck with the one-sided conversation."

"Oh, we'll have plenty to talk about now," said Anastasia, her eyes narrowing as she grinned triumphantly. "He's going to tutor me privately in Transfiguration. He is the best, after all. You should know."

Lily felt her face go white as she whirled on Anastasia, who simply gave her a smug, winning look. Lily couldn't believe it. James had agreed to give Anastasia Transfiguration lessons? What was he thinking? How could he do that?

Professor Slughorn arrived at that moment, walking into a silent corridor heavy with tension. Glancing around, his eyes fell first on her and then Anastasia. He frowned, but waved it away with an awkward chuckle.

"I appear to have made an untimely entrance, but seeing as I'm already late, I'm afraid I'm going to have to interrupt whatever fascinating discussion you may have been engaged in and invite you all inside now." He grinned and opened the door, holding it for them as they entered, each with their own simpering greeting.

"What kept you, sir?" asked Regulus.

Slughorn raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "Your brother, actually. Dueling in the corridors again—and not even with Slytherin this time. Fortunately our Head Boy was able to head off most of the conflict, but I'm afraid he's still got quite a detention coming to him."

Lily noticed that Arlienne stopped and frowned. Regulus glanced at her, but continued inside without saying anything. Lily stayed back, curious if she knew more. Remus had said James was with Sirius. What had happened, and what had James done to stop it?

"Are you okay?" she asked the Slytherin girl as they entered Slughorn's rooms. Arlienne glanced at her in surprise; she was a year below, and they had only talked in Slug Club, and not that often at that. Yet Lily sensed that Arlienne was bothered by Slughorn's offhand comment about Sirius, and she wondered how James was involved.

Arlienne recovered quickly, though. "Yes, I'm fine. Are you?"

"What do you mean?" Lily asked, confused even though she could guess what the other girl was referring to. She halfway admired Arlienne's deft ability to turn the conversation away from herself.

"Anastasia, of course." Arlienne paused. "Or rather her and James Potter."

Lily stared at her as Arlienne leaned in close. "She made that last up. She's just trying to get to you. Don't let her."

"Um, thanks," Lily murmured, making her way to her regular place at the table as everyone settled down for Slughorn's customary dessert of custard and raspberry torte. She spent a good part of the evening watching Anastasia Harrison flirt with just about everyone there, including Slughorn. She couldn't help but exchange a few amused glances with Arlienne, and even caught Severus's eye when Anastasia leaned across him to taste a bit of Jackson Robertson's dish.

The Slug Club had been fun once, a chance to dine and rub elbows with Hogwarts' elite. When she and Severus had been invited fifth year they had been almost giddy with excitement. Sixth year had been awkward, as their broken friendship had ended the shared laughs. Now seventh year was almost tedious, as the number of uncomfortable relationships within the group —not to mention the increased animosity between Slytherin and the other houses—destroyed the sense of community they had once shared.

Lily couldn't wait until the night was over, although she was far less interested in talking to James now after her run-in with Harrison. One by one the group began to return to their dorms, but Lily lingered behind, hoping she might talk to Slughorn. She was really just trying to put off the inevitable. Professor Slughorn was too wrapped up in his conversation with Dirk Creswell, however, and Lily finally gave up, walking slowly toward the door, dreading her conversation with James.

To her surprise, James was outside, only he was not alone. Anastasia was standing in front of him, head cocked seductively as she ran her hand along his arm. He followed her fingers down toward his wrist, which was apparently still sore because he flinched and pulled back. Glancing up, he saw Lily staring at them, mouth open, and he stepped around Anastasia without another word to her.

"Lily!" he called, as she turned the other way and began walking quickly down the corridor even though it was the opposite direction from Gryffindor. "Wait, Lily!"

She didn't stop; she couldn't. Just seeing him with her after everything Anastasia had said sent her into an abrupt tailspin. He wasn't ignoring her because of Mark; he was ignoring her because he was more interested in that bint of a Ravenclaw. She had been a fool to think that a simple message from Remus would clear things up. In fact, it was probably worse, since James would now have to let her down in person after all.

"It's okay, James," she threw over her shoulder without slowing down. "I understand. You can go back to your snogging lesson with Anastasia."

"What are you talking about?" he called. "I'm not with her! Please wait!"

Lily stopped, suddenly struck by how much the scene was playing out like the one in the rain, only in reverse. James was chasing after her this time, but she had no intention of stopping to let him kiss her. It had just been an impulsive hope, an impossible dream.

Turning around, she crossed her hands over her chest. "I know you're tutoring her, Potter. Go ahead. It doesn't matter to me who you tutor or who you snog, for that matter."

"What?" he repeated, shaking his head in confusion. "I'm not tutoring or snogging anyone! Lily, Remus said you wanted to talk to me. He said it was important."

Lily turned from him. "He was wrong, it's not. I just wanted to remind you to bring the roster for the December train ride to the meeting tomorrow. You still haven't gone over it."

She walked away, holding her head as high as she could. She could feel James staring at her retreating back, picture him frowning as he walked toward Anastasia Harrison and her triumphant smirk. A small part of her wanted James to run after her, to grab her hand and pull her into a deep, passionate kiss right there in the corridor as he not only apologized, but proclaimed his deep feelings for her. Yet she could imagine that he was probably too leery of getting slapped again, and she couldn't blame him: another part of her wanted to smack him for getting involved in any way with Anastasia Harrison.

A third part of her cried inside, her heart breaking. She had taken a chance and seen it fail. For the second time in as many weeks she felt rejected and alone. Mark had left her because of her feelings for James Potter, but it was clear James did not feel the same.

She suddenly understood why James had turned in his badge: they really couldn't work together. She didn't know how she would face him at the next prefects' meeting, but she had to. She had to get over him and move on, even if it was the hardest thing she ever did. It just wasn't meant to be.

**End Notes:**

A round of applause for mugglegirlmaurder, please! When I said I needed this, this, and this to happen but wasn't sure where or when, she suggested the Slug Club. Hopefully I've done her suggestion justice.

Dumbledore's quote is a Taoist proverb I found online.

A small part of me wants to apologize for the constant angst, but that's just how the story goes. This chapter deliberately mirrors the previous one in terms of their miscommunications and misconceptions. I did say it would be a bit more antagonostic than usual. Sometimes I wonder if I should be writing whangsty vampire romance or soap operas instead (er, no offense, lol!)

Beware, though: you may hate me before it's over. And heed the rating: there are sexual situations in the next chapter.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Author's Notes:**

Please heed the sexual situations warning. It's about to get interesting, although I did tame it down a bit.

Chapter Seventeen

Lily was upset. She was so irritated she had even considered marching up to Dumbledore's office and handing in her badge, much like James had done the week before. She wanted to tell the Headmaster exactly what she thought about him not only choosing James Potter as Head Boy in the first place, but giving the badge back after James had quit. She couldn't work with him; she didn't even want to see him. It was a bloody nightmare.

With a sigh, Lily left the common room and made her way to the prefects' lounge, dreading the evening meeting. She had no idea how it would go, but she was determined to not let James get to her, no matter what he said or did. It was over—whatever had happened between them no longer mattered, and she was determined to move on.

Several of the prefects were already gathered in the lounge when she arrived. Lily put on a smile and acted as if nothing were bothering her; it was the hardest charade she'd ever played, since she would have rather been anywhere else but there. James came in with Remus, and she gave him a cool nod, but kept talking with the Hufflepuff prefect.

When everyone had arrived, Lily called the meeting to a start. James was unusually quiet and let her take the lead with minimal interruptions. When she asked him—rather spitefully, if she was honest—if he had the assignments for the train ride back to London at the winter holiday, he simply nodded and handed it to her.

It was flawless, but she stumbled over it, feeling guilty for doubting him. The others seemed to be watching her tentatively, as if they knew something had happened between her and James since the last meeting and were just waiting for a big row. Mark gave her a supportive smile, but James didn't look at her once.

When the meeting was over, the prefects slowly drifted out, milling around as if waiting for another confrontation. The Slytherins left first, Regulus Black tripping on the way out over some unseen obstacle that drew cackles from Tracey Davis. The Hufflepuffs soon followed. Mark gave her another small smile and left with the Ravenclaw prefects; Anastasia Harrison threw Lily a snide look and pretended to blow a kiss at James, knowing full well it would bother her after their confrontation at Slug Club the night before. Remus stayed until James shrugged him off and he finally left.

It was obvious that James was waiting for her. She wasn't sure how she felt about that, given how they had left things the previous night. She had wanted to avoid any more quarrels and was annoyed he didn't just leave. Hadn't she made it clear in the corridor outside Slughorn's rooms?

"What do you want, James?" she asked without looking at him.

"Remus told me you talked last night," he said, idly wandering around the room, pretending to rearrange the pillows on the sofas. Lily was silent as she gathered her belongings.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" he finally asked. "Why didn't you tell me last night?"

"Tell you what?" she replied, even though she knew what he was talking about.

"Why didn't you tell me you weren't seeing Mark?" Lily could feel his eyes on her, and she finally turned around with a shrug.

"What difference would it make?" she asked. "You're obviously not interested."

"You don't know that," he said, shaking his head. "I thought you were with Mark. I was angry."

"You were wrong. And so was I."

"About what?" he asked. "Us?"

"You." Lily began putting the chairs back to their places, avoiding James as much as she could.

"What are you talking about?" He moved closer and tried to get her to stop. "What were you wrong about?"

"I thought you were different. I thought maybe there was something between us." She turned back to him again. "I was wrong."

He reached out to her, touched her arm, but she shook him off, more violently than she had intended. But she didn't want to talk to him, to see him, to touch him. Not anymore. He stepped back from her reaction, his face both shocked and hurt.

"Stop acting like I'm some sort of monster, Lily," he said. "You can't hate me that much."

"You know what, James? Right now I think I do. You should leave before I jinx you out." It came out harsher than she had intended, but she couldn't take it back. And she did want him to leave.

"No," he said firmly, stepping closer and looking down at her, hazel eyes flashing behind his glasses. "You don't and I won't."

"I do and you will," she snapped back, breathing heavily. She thought about reaching for her wand to follow through on her threat, but decided she could just slap him again if he tried anything. She tried not to imagine what that would be like, kissing him again, only to have to push him away…

"What did I ever do to you?" he asked, staring boldly into her eyes. "Why does it always come to this?"

"You're an insensitive lout, that's why," she said, gazing up at him unflinchingly. "And you turned me into a cat." It wasn't that, not really, but it was something she could admit to.

He seemed to think about that, still watching her, but with sad eyes now, as if finally defeated by her words. "I said I was sorry. Why can't you forgive me? Why do we just keep fighting?" He stepped toward her once more, and Lily was reminded of how close they had been on the staircase, the night of the full moon. He had been challenging her then; now he seemed to be looking for something, his eyes searching her face for some sign of the one thing she just couldn't give him anymore.

"I don't know," Lily said, her anger slowly dissipating, even thought she tried to hold on to it. "But I don't think we can work it out. I really don't."

She saw the loss in his eyes and hated that she had caused it. But it was true, wasn't it? Rare moments of actually getting along weren't worth the constant bickering and the painful misunderstandings. They stared at one another for a long moment, but neither one of them moved.

"You should go," she finally said. He simply nodded and turned to leave. Lily took a deep breath, determined not to cry. She began putting the chairs back more haphazardly, physically dropping each one with a satisfying clunk on the floor. She heard James magic several more back into place. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw him finally heading toward the door. It was all she could do to stop herself from chasing after him.

Stomping back toward the sofa, Lily stumbled as she felt a short, sharp pain in her back. Her anger was quickly replaced by an unusually calm feeling and a sultry warmth spreading throughout her body. She wasn't angry with James anymore; in fact, she felt something much different now, and she decided to go after him after all…

* * *

James started to leave, then stopped, certain he had heard something—a snigger or a cough. He turned and found Lily standing behind him, head cocked to the side with a slightly dreamy look on her face. He glanced around the room, frowning, but didn't see anything or anyone.

"Are you all right?" he asked, reluctant to speak to her after everything they'd just said to each other. Yet her face was flushed and her pupils were wide; he wasn't such a lout that he was going to leave her in a state. He just hoped she wasn't about to be sick.

She merely nodded, lips slack as she gazed at him with the same dazed look on her face. James shrugged. "Okay, then. See you back in Gryffindor, I guess." He turned to leave, but was stopped by the sound of his name—his real name, not his surname.

"James." It was one of the rare times she had used it since outside after the Quidditch match without sounding upset. Something was definitely not right.

"What?" he asked slowly, eyeing her suspiciously as she came toward him. She didn't answer, but stopped directly in front of him, green eyes gazing into his. Yet this time they didn't look at him with anger or even sadness; this time there was something else flickering across her face. And then suddenly she was on her toes, her hands wrapping around his neck and pulling him down as she pressed her lips to his.

His first reaction was to swear and pull away, but before he could even finish the thought, he felt a prickly warmth spread from the middle of his back throughout his body. It flooded his senses and erased all thoughts of stopping whatever Lily had started. He only knew the deep longing he'd been feeling since the night they had almost kissed in the hospital wing; any other inhibitions seemed to disappear in an instant, replaced by his fervent desire to return her kiss.

Giving in to the feelings he'd held back for so long, he leaned down and wrapped his arms around her waist as he kissed her back. She responded immediately, pushing him against the door behind him with a soft sound that made him want her even more. Her hands roamed across his shoulders and up through his hair, and he vaguely wondered what had possessed her to mess it up even more than it usually was.

James began to kiss her ears and was rewarded when she leaned her head back and moaned softly. He moved down her neck, trailing kisses across her warm skin. She laughed as if it tickled, calling his name again; he never thought he'd enjoy hearing it as much as he did in that moment. He claimed her mouth once more in a fierce kiss, channeling his burning need.

Without warning she began to unbutton his shirt, desperation driving her fingers to clumsy fumbling rather than exotic undressing. She ran her hands across his bare chest, and kissed him again, and he let his hands roam up her back and under her shirt, drawing a soft smile against his lips. She arched against him, inviting, and he took her up on the invitation by quickly undoing her shirt, exposing a white lace bra. With an insolent grin, he picked her up and carried her toward the sofa. She kissed him hungrily as they tumbled down to the cushions, hands roving desperately across one another's body.

She smiled mischievously, nipping at his lips as he began to touch her, massage her, drawing circles across her belly. Her brilliant green eyes were unfocused, and she shivered with pleasure as his hand moved lower, her fingers raking his back as she whispered his name again.

It made him stop for a moment and look into her eyes. A wave of confusion passed over him: what was he doing? What were _they_doing? Had they lost their minds?

"Lily," he groaned as she pulled him on top of her, hips thrusting against his. He wanted to protest, but the rush of heat he felt as she rubbed against him pushed all thoughts from his mind. After a few more minutes of kissing that found his hands doing all sorts of things he'd hardly dreamed of with her, he managed to gasp out, "We shouldn't be doing this. Something's wrong."

"You're talking too much," Lily whispered. Her hands moved lower and lower, undoing his trousers, and James forgot what he was protesting. He hiked up her skirt; she hooked her legs around his hips. James leaned back and looked into her eyes again, seeing the same dazed expression in them that he was sure was in his. It was as if they were in a dream, walking through a dense fog of desire…

"You're right," she said suddenly, her words sounding slurred, as if she were trying hard to focus and talk. "We shouldn't be doing this." She pulled away and began straightening her skirt.

James frowned, confused at her sudden change. "Now you're the one talking too much," he murmured as he nuzzled her neck. Something tugged at the back of his mind, but he pushed it aside, sure it couldn't be as important as kissing her.

"No, something's wrong," she said, though her voice sounded uncertain. "We should stop."

He took her face in his hands and gazed deep into her eyes. "I don't want to stop. I want you." He kissed her again, long and hard and with all the passion he could, and he felt her go limp as she surrendered to the deep desire they were both feeling. Yet finally she pulled away, breathing heavy, her lips swollen.

"We have to stop," she panted. "We can't do this, it's too fast."

She almost sounded frightened, and James stopped, not wanting to hurt her. He fell back against the sofa, desperately trying to quell the desire running hot through his veins even as he ran his hands across his face to clear his foggy brain. "Merlin, Evans. You're a tease."

"I am not!" she exclaimed, though her voice sounded shaky and near tears. "I think…I think we might have been magicked."

"With what?" James asked, reluctantly buttoning his shirt. "A love potion?"

"No, that feels different. It was probably a charm of some sort." She blushed at the admission and ran a hand through her hair to comb it out. "I'm sorry, but now that we've stopped, I know it's not real. It's not us."

James groaned and let his head fall into his hands. He tried to really think about what she was saying. As he concentrated on her words, he felt his mind clear, and he realized she was right. It was as if the fog lifted; the dream was over, and he knew it wasn't real. Something else was going on.

"Burdock's balls, Evans!" he exclaimed, sitting up straighter and moving away from her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"I know," she said, holding up a hand without looking at him. "I'm sorry. I started it."

"But I almost—we almost—" James struggled with words, too stunned by his clear-headed realization of what had almost happened.

"Only you didn't," drawled a voice from the corner. From the shadows stepped Sirius, the invisibility cloak draped over his arm. "You two are so buttoned up you stopped yourselves. Pathetic."

Lily paled, her hand flying to her mouth; James jumped up and balled his fists. "What the hell are you doing here, Padfoot? Was that you? Did you cast some sort of curse on us?"

"No, Evans was right—it's a charm. A kind of love charm. It worked until your steel trap defenses shut it down." Sirius shook his head, his eyes bright. He moved with the loose-limbed casualness of someone who had been drinking. "You two just don't know what you're missing."

James glanced down at Lily, saw the mortified look on her face, then took two steps forward and punched Sirius in the face. He definitely smelled like Firewhisky. Sirius fell to the floor, hands to his face. Lily stood and kicked him for good measure.

"You're a righteous bastard," she hissed.

Sirius looked up and grinned, his hand coming away from his nose covered with blood. "Right? Yes. A bastard? Unfortunately, no."

Lily whipped out her wand and shot a jet of light at Sirius, Silencing him. She looked ready to cast another curse, but James grabbed her wrist and stopped her, sure a second spell would be far less harmless.

"Don't," he said, feeling weary. He knew there was much more going on with Sirius than she did, even if it didn't excuse his brash actions.

"He did this to us!" she exclaimed, her voice bordering on hysterical. "He cast a spell to watch us snog, like his own private puppet show!"

Sirius was shaking his head from where he sat, as if denying Lily's accusation. James knew Sirius would offer any number of explanations if he could talk, but he also knew Lily wouldn't accept any of them. He let go of her wrist, because he was angry, too.

"Just tie him up and leave him here," he muttered, refusing to look at his friend. "Someone will find him eventually."

Sirius's eyes went wide, and he tried to stand, still shaking his head and waving his arms at them. Lily cast another spell and Sirius toppled over again, arms and legs bound with white ropes. Then she stormed out of the room without a second look back at either James or Sirius. Sirius kicked at James, trying to get his attention.

"Sod it, Padfoot," James snapped. "You had no right to do that. I should hex your bollocks till they're blue."

He turned to go, leaving his friend on the floor, trussed up like the pig he was. He hurried after Lily, but she had already fled. He could hear her running down the hallway and knew it was too late to go after her. If she had been upset with him at the end of the meeting, she was certainly furious now. She would probably never talk to him again.

**End Notes:**

Thank you to mugglegirlmarauder for looking at this so quickly!

Time for a second confession: this is another chapter I wrote early on, knowing full well it would come to this. Throw what you will at me! I hope to post the next two chapters tomorrow. If you've followed Lily's story, you'll understand how she responds. And if you've followed James's story, you'll forgive him as well. If you're interested in what's going on with Sirius, that's coming too!

Of course, that is if you are still reading. ;) Thank you for all the reviews, both the positive and the honest. The former keep me going but I understand the latter. I can't apologize for telling the story as it must be told, though. Please enjoy the story knowing there are some exciting things—romantic! non-romantic! action!—to come...


	18. Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

Lily couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned and flipped over a dozen times trying to get comfortable. She dozed off, but woke up sweating when she dreamed not about James Potter, but about her sister's wedding and the ugly grope she'd shared with Michael Townsend in the cloak room.

After staring at the ceiling for ages, she finally got up and sat in the window seat, gazing out at an unusually clear sky. She realized that what had happened over the summer had affected her more than she thought. She had felt ashamed from the beginning, embarrassed to have done something so uncharacteristic no matter the circumstances. Michael had been a bit of a cad, certainly not someone she would normally be interested in, but he had found her pretty, and in the middle of a pretentious Muggle wedding where she had otherwise been completely ignored, that had been rather nice.

It hadn't gone even gone as far as it had with James. Not only had she said no and stopped Michael with a firm refusal, but someone had come for their coat at that same moment, ruining any chance of it going further. Lily had hurried out, found a dark corner behind the building, and, in spite of perhaps one too many cocktails, Apparated home. She had promptly vomited, then cried herself to sleep.

Now she realized that a part of her was afraid of that happening again—of losing control and finding herself in a situation where she needed to say no, but couldn't. Oh, she had recognized her fear in the rain, but hadn't recognized the full extent of her other, more buried feelings. What had happened with James that night brought it flooding back. Yes, she had been afraid of falling for James Potter, Head Boy; only now she felt the same embarrassment, the same shame as she had over the summer. She had never seen Michael Townsend again; how could she ever face James after what they had just done?

Lily shivered and decided to go down to the common room and sit by the fire. Grabbing a robe and slippers, she crept out quietly and made her way downstairs. It was the middle of the night and the fire was low, but she could bring it back up. To her surprise, there was someone sleeping on the sofa. When she came around, she saw it was James and stopped in her tracks.

Even asleep he looked troubled. Lily didn't know what to feel as she gazed at him: sympathy, anger, hurt, confusion. She felt it all, really…but she didn't know what to do about it. She couldn't face him, not yet. So she turned and started back upstairs.

"I'm not dangerous, you know," said a voice behind her. James was sitting up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes before replacing his glasses.

"I didn't want to bother you," Lily replied, her voice soft. She did not turn around to look at him.

"I was waiting for you," said James.

"All night?"

"We need to talk," he said. "Please."

She finally turned around and sighed. "James, I don't know if I can, I don't know what there is to say—"

"I'm sorry," he interrupted, standing and facing her. "I'm so, so sorry. I didn't want it to happen like that."

"I know," she murmured. "Me neither." She was still standing on the stairs to the dorm; she couldn't sit by him, but finally moved toward one of the empty chairs by the fire to keep from shivering. She held her hands up to the flames, rubbing them together and holding them up as if she could cast her jumbled feelings into the fire. "But it did."

"Then can we just start over?" he asked, sitting back on the sofa. "Perhaps the entire year?"

Lily couldn't help but smile, since it was true. They had started off badly the first day back on the train. A new beginning might be the only way they could forget all that had happened between them and move on.

"Look, you must know that it wasn't my fault," James said, his eyes pleading for her understanding. "It was that damn spell that Sirius cast. You felt it too."

"I know," she said, nodding. "But that doesn't make it any easier. Speaking of which, where is he?"

"Still in the prefects' lounge as far as I know," James grumbled. "And he can stay there all night. He's a bloody git for what he did."

"I don't understand—why would he do something like that?" Lily asked. "I thought he was your best friend."

James hesitated. "Well, I suppose he probably thought we needed to get over ourselves and move on." He paused and shrugged. "I suspect he was upset about something else, as well. And a bit pissed, to be honest."

"Why?" she asked again, ignoring the latter. "Why would he think that about us?" She remembered her conversation with Sirius in the corridor, but still couldn't imagine why he would think forcing them together like that would be anything but awkward.

James raised an eyebrow at her. "It's true, isn't it? We keep tiptoeing around it, this thing between us. Ignoring every small moment in favor of yet another fight over nothing. And then last week…" He trailed off, shaking his head. "Doesn't excuse what he did, of course. I know that."

Lily was silent, because she simply didn't know what to say. James was right: there was no excuse for what Sirius had done. She was glad that he was still tied up in the prefects' lounge, for as embarrassed as she was with James, she was still furious at Sirius.

"So what should we do?" asked James, staring into the fire.

"I don't know," she said, shrugging helplessly. Something still held her back, though she couldn't pinpoint what it was. Fear? Stubbornness? She just couldn't seem to take that first step toward him, even though he was holding out his hand.

"I still don't understand why didn't you tell me about Mark," he murmured. "That would have changed everything."

Lily frowned and gave him a pointed look. "Because I saw you with Anastasia. Again."

James shook his head. "How many times do I have to tell you I'm not interested in her?"

"Then why does she keep going after you?" Lily asked. "It's as if you're sending some sort of signal."

"That's not fair." He frowned. "You said yourself that she's shagged the last two Head Boys. She's probably just going for the hat-trick."

Lily couldn't help but giggle at the term, then quickly stopped and shook her head. "It's not just her. It's everything—Charms, the Entrance Hall, Anastasia, Mark—even the meetings. You said yourself last night that all we do is fight."

"Maybe we need to figure out why," he said.

"You drive me mad," she said immediately.

"And as I said once before, the feeling is mutual," he replied. "But that's not it, not really. Why can't we really get along?"

"I don't know, but I'm tired of it. I thought maybe last weekend, after the match…" Lily trailed off, embarrassed even thinking about it. "Well, I thought maybe that would change things, but then we didn't talk all week, and I assumed I was wrong to…well, to do what I did." She could feel her face flushing and looked away. "And now it's worse."

"It wasn't wrong!" he exclaimed. "Lily, it was amazing."

"You just sat there," she pointed out.

"I was surprised," he said, a small smile pulling at his lips.

"You let me run away," she replied. "Twice."

"I really was surprised," he said, this time sounding defensive. "I had no idea what to say, especially after the match."

"I know," she said miserably. "That's just it—our timing is always so wrong, we never know what to say, or how to say it, and we just end up having a row."

"Or ignoring each other," he murmured. "When we're not playing with words but leaving out what we really mean."

"Exactly!" she said. "I don't think I can keep it up, James. It's exhausting."

"We're doing okay now," he pointed out. She gave him a skeptical look in return and was silent. He took a deep breath and continued.

"So would you rather just quit trying?"

She stared at him, unable to push past the wall she had built around her feelings over the last week. If what had happened in the prefects' lounge was supposed to bring it down, it had instead done the opposite and reinforced her determination. She could not be with him, not after what had almost happened. She finally glanced away, unable to face him with her words this time. "After tonight, I can't. I just can't."

James let his head fall into his hands. "I'm going to kill Sirius," he murmured. After a moment, he stood and came over to her, crouching down in front of the chair with an earnest look on his face. "Lily, don't let him ruin this. It was a spell, that's all. I'm not really like that."

"It's a spell that only works if the feeling is already there," she said.

"Brilliant!" he exclaimed. "Then you do like me!"

She paled at the implication, even though deep down she knew it was true: she did. Why wasn't it enough? "It's not that kind of spell—it's based on sexual attraction."

"So you're attracted to me—even better!"

"It's not that simple!" she cried, even though it was also true. She couldn't look at him, the memory of his lips exploring hers, of his hands roaming across her body, of the almost desperate desire flowing between them almost overwhelming her once more. She choked back a sob.

"It can be," James said, reaching out to her. She pulled away, and he stopped, his hand in midair. Rubbing at the back of his neck, he took a deep breath before continuing. "I like you, Lily. I do. Even after all the things we've said and done to each other, I like you and I want to try this."

Lily tried to steady her shaking heart. And as much as she wanted to say, "I do, too," instead she looked down and whispered, "I don't."

"You don't mean that," he said, shaking his head. "I know you don't. You wouldn't have kissed me after the match if you did."

Her head snapped up, and she knew her eyes were flashing. "I don't know why I kissed you, James! Maybe it was just a big mistake!"

"It wasn't," he said. "You know it wasn't."

"Then why did you ignore me all week?" she demanded.

"I saw you with Mark the next day!" James snapped back in defense.

"He broke up with me because of you!" Lily hissed at him, dashing tears from her eyes. James looked like she had slapped him again.

"I didn't know that," he said, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"You just assumed," she spat, releasing her anger once more. "You assumed I was some confused little girl who ran back to her boyfriend after mucking it up with you. You assumed you could just ignore what happened and let Anastasia run her hands all over you and it wouldn't matter one bit."

"Stop it!" he shouted, standing up and glaring down at her. "Stop throwing her in my face, Lily. It's just an excuse and you know it!"

She jumped up and yelled right back, glad to be done with the questions she had no good answers for. "It is not. What's it an excuse for if it's not true?"

"You're scared," he said, as if realizing it for the first time. "You're scared of…_me_. Why?"

"I am not!" she said. "I just don't want to keep going through this…this." She motioned wordlessly at the space between them.

"Then let's stop," he murmured. He reached out for her hand and took a step closer. "Please."

She glanced down at their hands and back into his eyes. She thought about the gentle kiss they had shared in the rain, so imperfect for all its perfection. And then she remembered what had happened earlier that night, how fast they had gone, the memories it had brought back. She thought about all the fights they'd had, the misunderstandings, the harsh words…and she pulled away. She would not give in just to be hurt again.

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's over."

She turned and headed toward the stairs. How many times had she turned her back on him now? It seemed to never end: one of them was always walking away from the other. Maybe this would be the last time.

"It never even started," said James. He grabbed his cloak from the sofa and stormed out through the portrait hole. She watched him go, her heart strangely empty. She hoped he would be all right, but she did not feel like running after him.

Not this time.

**End Notes:**

The End.  
Ha ha, totally kidding. See, I have a sense of humor, no worries. ;)  
Of course there's more. They had Harry, after all.  
Thanks to Lea/Mugglegirlmarauder once again!


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Nineteen

"When did you get in last night?" asked Remus, pulling on his robes the next morning. "I never heard you."

"I didn't," said James, suppressing a yawn.

Peter looked up from where he was putting his bed together. "You didn't come back? At all?"

James shrugged and packed his bag for the day. It was going to be tiring, getting through classes on just a few hours of sleep, but it couldn't be helped. He had been too angry to return to Gryffindor after leaving Lily.

"Where were you?" asked Remus. He glanced around the dorm. "And where's Padfoot?

"I fell asleep in the kitchen," muttered James. "Sirius is probably right where I left him."

"Which was where?"

"In the prefects' lounge, trussed up like a pig."

Peter shook his head and put his bag down. "There's a story to that, I'm sure. Moony?"

"Sit," ordered Remus, poking James in the chest and forcing him back to his bed. "What happened?"

"Lily cast the spell," James said, sounding petulant but not really caring. He felt completely and utterly betrayed by his friend and couldn't care less what anyone thought about his attitude at the moment.

"What spell?" asked Peter, sitting across from him on Sirius's bed.

"The tied-up-like-a-pig spell," said James.

"Why?"

"Because he's a bloody wanker, that's why," snapped James. "Are we done with the third-degree?"

Remus frowned. "No. Is he still in the prefects' lounge?"

"Probably." James shrugged. "Don't know how he'd get out of it, since no one could hear him."

"Why?"

"Silencing Charm."

Peter gave a low whistle. "What did he do to hack you off now?"

James took off his glasses and rubbed his face, too tired to be angry anymore when Sirius wasn't even around. He told his friends what had happened between him and Lily in the prefects' lounge, leaving out most of the sordid details. But they seemed to get the general idea, and simply stared at him, wide-eyed.

"I don't believe it," murmured Remus. "Why would he do such a thing?"

"He was completely pissed, for one," said James. "And he's still upset over Arlienne."

Peter's head flew up in surprise, but Remus just nodded slowly, as if not entirely shocked. "So that's who it was."

James shrugged, not really caring that he had accidentally shared a secret he wasn't supposed to share. "She's the one. He really likes her, but her family found out and forced her to break it off with him."

"I can't believe he's been sneaking around with a Slytherin," said Peter, eyes still wide. "I mean, she's fairly nice as they go, and really rather pretty, but she's still a Slytherin. He hates them."

"House affiliation doesn't define you," Remus pointed out. "Obviously Sirius saw beyond that."

"Her oafish brothers didn't," said James. "Although being a disowned member of the Black family probably didn't help either." Rodolphus and Rabastan Lestrange were both several years older, but James had vague memories of them from his first and second years: two big, brutish bullies, always hanging around with Lucius Malfoy and several other Slytherins who were all certainly members of Voldemort's Death Eaters now. It seemed odd that their sister had turned out so…normal in comparison.

"What did they do?" asked Peter.

"Threatened Sirius if Arlienne didn't end it. Of course he didn't care, but she did." James felt only the smallest bit of guilt telling them; Sirius's betrayal had been far worse.

"How did they find out?" asked Remus.

James blew out his breath and shook his head. "Sirius thinks Reg told them, but Reg swears he didn't. Their cousin is engaged to one of them, you know. The crazy one, Bellatrix."

"That's what they fought about after the Quidditch match." When James nodded, Remus continued. "But why would he cast a love charm on you and Lily? What does that have to do with anything?"

"I think he was sick of hearing about it," said James, looking down at his hands. "He just wanted to end the constant bickering, force us together once and for all. Prat."

"And how was it?" Remus grinned, and Peter laughed.

"Moony!"

"I'm sorry, but it's a valid question. How was it, Prongs?" He watched James for his reaction; James couldn't help but blush.

"It was…amazing. It really was. It was like being in a dream and being awake at the same time." James shook his head as he remembered the taste of her lips, the touch of her skin, the feel of her—

"Then what's the problem?" asked Remus. "Have you talked to her? Maybe Sirius helped."

James stood up and began pacing, suddenly agitated again. Sirius hadn't helped, he had ruined it all. His prank had destroyed any faith and trust Lily had in him, and when he told his friends about his conversation with Lily by the fire, they nodded again, but this time in sympathy.

"No wonder you're so mad at him," said Peter. "But don't you think we should let him out? He's been there all night, after all."

"Go ahead," snapped James. He grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder. "I'm not talking to him. Lily won't have anything to do with me anymore, and it's his fault."

"He was just trying to help," said Remus, following him toward the stairs. "In his own thick way."

"He's only made it worse," said James. "I might have been able to work something out with her if he hadn't cast that damn spell."

Peter grinned as he joined them at the door. "So there is something going on with Evans."

"Not anymore," said James. "She meant it this time. It's over."

"You can't end something that never started," said Remus as they headed downstairs.

"Tell her that," muttered James.

* * *

Apparently the full moon brought out the worst in the students that month; that, or the sudden cold snap that had everyone locked up in the castle was also driving them stir crazy and into random classrooms, bathrooms, and window wells to relieve the tension with members of the opposite sex. After James broke up the fourth pair of the evening—two particularly young third-years, no less—he sighed and headed downstairs for one last review of the classrooms, hoping no one had come back after he'd sent them packing.

Bad enough to catch them in the act; worse that every time he did, all he could think about was Lily and the intense but short-lived moment they had shared after the prefects' meeting last weekend. He felt a flush sweep through him every time he thought of her: of her red hair falling through his hands, of her lips trailing kisses along his jaw, her hand moving lower and lower, undoing his shirt and then his trousers…

James rubbed a hand over his face, almost slapping himself to stay awake. He was exhausted. He'd spent most of the week sleeping anywhere but his dorm, refusing to even be in the same room as Sirius. He crashed on the sofa, in the prefects' lounge (although that brought back memories), and even with Thomas Kirke in the sixth-year dorm. Remus had finally convinced him to come back, but one sound night's sleep did not make up for a week of tossing and turning.

Sirius looked worse, though. James knew his friend was gutted about Arlienne and felt terrible about what what happened in the prefects' lounge, but somehow that didn't make James feel any less guilty about ignoring his best friend. Remus and Peter could talk Sirius through it for once; James was through with him. It was as bad as sixth year, when Sirius had sent Snape to the Whomping Willow. Sirius just didn't think sometimes, especially when his emotions ran so hot; it would be his undoing, someday.

Their friends took turns eating with the pair of them and sitting with them in class. They did not try to sit them down together to talk, which was odd, considering it was the full moon, and they all needed to be at the Shrieking Shack with Remus. James would be there, but he still wasn't going to talk to Sirius.

And Lily…well, once again they had managed to dance around each other for the week. This time it had been easier, though. They had simply gone about their business as usual rather than trying to avoid one another. They had talked when they needed to pass the salt or hold the portrait door open, but it was always very matter-of-fact and distantly cordial. James felt like a deep rift had sprung up between them. He wondered every day if he should try to talk to her, but her last words in the common room had been so final, he couldn't imagine how to breach the chasm between them now.

James wandered the corridors in a fog, his mind flitting from thoughts of Lily to Sirius, to Quidditch practice the next day, his detention with Flitwick, and the potions essay due Monday. The floor seemed clear, though James felt so bleary-eyed he could have easily missed something—or someone. He hardly watched where he was going, but he didn't care. It was late, and he needed to head out to the Whomping Willow.

He groaned when he came to the Entrance Hall and saw Anastasia Harrison gazing out one of the windows by the door, looking for all the world as if she had been waiting for him. He tried to sneak behind her, walking as quietly as he could, but she turned and gave him a broad—yet calculating—smile.

James rolled his eyes and kept going, ignoring the exit, but she caught up to him as he made his way down the corridor toward classrooms he'd already checked. He hated that his pulse sped up as she linked her arm in his; he knew he should be repulsed by her constant attempts to seduce him. She may have been an attractive, intelligent Ravenclaw, but she was still far too forward, not to mention rather thick when it came to his constant rejections.

Or maybe she was just that determined.

Either way, he wasn't interested, and yet when he looked down at her, and she batted her eyes at him in that coquettish manner she had, he didn't look away. He was too tired of it—of her act, her game—to resist any longer. And truth be told, he didn't have reason to say no, not any more.

"Hi James," she finally purred, pulling them to a stop next to a large window. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she laughed—not a girlish giggle, but a throaty laugh that he knew was supposed to entice him.

"Hi Anastasia," he said, letting her hear the weariness in his voice. She gave him a fake pout, and he rolled his eyes at her again. "What do you want this time?"

"I want those Transfiguration lessons," she said. Last time she had asked him, she had run her hand up and down his arm; he had pulled it away, his skin on fire. This time she stepped boldly up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, and he felt an immediate response in the pit of his stomach, once again cursing his stupid maleness for it.

"I can make it worth it," she whispered. He just gazed placidly at her, neither pulling away nor encouraging her. She smiled again and pulled his head down toward her. He didn't resist. He didn't close his eyes. She kissed him, lightly at first, but then more aggressively, her tongue exploring his mouth eagerly, as if she really had been wanting to kiss him for months.

Something burst inside of him, and he closed his eyes, giving in to it at last. He didn't see dark hair falling down her back; in his mind's eye, it was red, and he was kissing Lily in the prefects' lounge. He let his arms wrap around her waist, more curvaceous than Lily, but he pushed that from his mind as well, remembering instead the feel of Lily beneath his hands. Anastasia pressed herself to him, grinning against his lips, and they stumbled backward against the window.

The cold glass against his back made him open his eyes. Glancing at the girl he was kissing, he realized it was not Lily, and the illusion came crashing down around him. With a gasp, he pulled back, looking away as he held Anastasia at arm's length. She licked her pouting lips and reached for his face again; he turned away.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, feeling like a complete and utter cad. He didn't know what else to say; he was sick of apologizing.

"What for?" she asked, reaching around his waist and stepping closer. He bit back a groan; it had been hard to say no to her, even with his brain screaming it to his body. She was smart, she was pretty; he was alone and upset and he wanted it, he did.

He just didn't want _her_.

Even though he had rejected her very abruptly and even rudely in the past, this time he was gentle. They had kissed, after all, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt someone else—or worse, make her angry and vengeful.

"I can't do this, Anastasia," he said softly, stepping away again. Her face began to color, and he took her hand to head off any explosion, even though he knew he shouldn't touch her anymore. "I don't want to hurt you."

"I'm a big girl," she said, blue eyes flashing at him.

"I know," he replied, feeling miserable for what he was about to say. "But I just can't, not now. I'd be doing it for all the wrong reasons."

She gave him a devious smile. "I don't mind. Let me help." She stood on tiptoes and began nuzzling at his ear, and James groaned as another flood of heat rushed through his body.

"No, it wouldn't be you," he murmured as she kissed his neck, his jaw, his nose. "I'd just be thinking about—"

She stopped him with a breathtaking kiss that almost knocked him off his feet. Just when he didn't think he had the strength to resist again, he felt a small shock, and they flew apart, hands flying to their lips.

Sirius stood there, wand crossed over his chest. "I'm not a prefect, but I'm pretty sure that's house points."

Anastasia frowned. "What are you doing here, Black? I thought you two weren't talking."

"We're making up," said Sirius. "We've got plans tonight that I don't want to miss."

"What kind of plans?" she asked, turning toward him. "Something for three, perhaps?"

James almost choked on the innuendo, while Sirius gave her a cutting laugh instead. "Sorry, Harrison. Potter's mine tonight. And I'd stay away if I were you. He doesn't just turn people into fluffy white cats." He paused and gave her a studied look. "You'd make a nice pink flamingo, for example."

"You wouldn't!" she exclaimed, turning to James. He held up his hands, speechless at the thought of turning Anastasia Harrison into a large pink flamingo.

"He wouldn't," said Sirius, "but I would."

"Look at you, always turning up right in the nick of time. What are you, his bodyguard?" she asked. Sirius cut her off.

"As a matter of fact, I am. Leave him alone, Anastasia. He's taken."

"By who, you?" Anastasia laughed and laced her hand through his elbow again. James looked down and unhooked himself.

"He's right, I can't. I have to go."

He moved toward Sirius, and her eyes widened slightly. "Didn't know you played for both sides, Black," she murmured.

Sirius blew her a kiss. "Run up Reg if you need it so badly. He could probably use a good shag."

"Oh, then I'd have the pair, wouldn't I?" she replied. She winked at them both and sauntered off. James was shocked: she wasn't hurt, she wasn't angry. She was already moving on to her next conquest. Sirius had played it exactly right and saved his arse. Even so, James couldn't help but turn and stalk off the other way before he punched his best friend in the face again.

"Prongs, wait!" Sirius called. James heard Sirius behind him, but kept walking, through the Entrance Hall and out the main doors. The cold night slapped him in the face, and he wrapped his warm cloak around him as he hurried down the stairs. He started pulling out his invisibility cloak, but Sirius was suddenly there, grabbing his wrist. "Wait."

"Piss off, Padfoot!" James growled, ripping his arm away. "I don't want to talk to you." He brought his other arm around toward Sirius's face, but he was out of balance, and Sirius blocked it easily.

"We need to talk," said Sirius. "Before Moony and Wormtail collapse from exhaustion running between us."

James ignored him and threw another punch, letting go of all the emotions he'd kept bottled up all week. They tussled on the frosted grass, James swearing and Sirius blocking, until James finally landed a hit on Sirius's cheek, leaving a large welt. Sirius swore and took James's legs out from underneath him, sending them both tumbling to the ground.

It was the wrong move, because James's pent-up anger lent him strength, and his agility on a broomstick let him quickly pin Sirius beneath him. He thought about raining blows on his friend, but as he looked into Sirius's face, he saw genuine remorse there, not to mention fear. He sighed and threw himself to the ground next to Sirius, head falling to his knees as he tried to catch his breath. He waited for Sirius to speak first.

"The prefects' lounge smells funny," he said, sitting up and massaging his jaw. "And those tapestries are hideous."

James stared as if Sirius had lost his mind. As the smallest grin began to pull at the corner of his friend's mouth, James simply shook his head. "You're an arse."

"I know," said Sirius, nodding in agreement. "I am. And I am damn sorry for what I did, James. You have no idea."

James was silent for several minutes. "How could you do that? What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't," Sirius murmured. "I just wasn't."

"Damn right you weren't," James muttered. "She hates me now, you know. Said it was over before it even started."

"I didn't think it would turn out like that," Sirius said, and he sounded both miserable and sincere. "At the time, it just seemed like you two needed some help. You'd been ignoring what happened after the Quidditch match for over a week. I only wanted to give you a push."

"You pushed it over the edge, Sirius. You're lucky Peter let you out; I would have let you rot."

Sirius closed his eyes and fell back to the grass. "Thank Merlin he did. Do you know what it's like spending the night trussed up on the floor with a bloody nose?"

James glanced down at him, eyebrows raised. "You deserved it."

"I did," Sirius admitted. "And I'm sorry."

They were silent once more, until James gave his friend a curious look. "You're not pissed again, are you?"

"No," Sirius laughed bitterly. "I think I'm tired of having a hangover. Time to move on from drowning my sorrows. So what are we going to do about Evans?"

"We?" asked James. "I'm not sure you should ever talk to her again. She'll hex your bits off."

"Nice girl," Sirius murmured. "No wonder you like her so much. Okay, so what are _you_going to do about it? You can't give up."

James laid down next to him, hands behind his head as he gazed at the sky. It was clear and cold and he could see his breath in front of him. The stars were bright, and he felt his heart ache as he thought about never being able to lie beneath them with Lily. He realized that Sirius was right: he couldn't give up, but he didn't know what to do.

"I don't know, Padfoot," he finally said. "I just don't know if there's anything I can do anymore."

"Burdock's balls," he said. He sat up and gazed down into James's eyes. "It can't be over if it never even started."

"That's what I said," James muttered. "Moony, too."

"Then you need to start something." He paused and added, "The right way. We'll think of something." He stood and offered his hand to James, pulling him up beside him. "First, though, it's time to go run a bit."

"Where's Wormtail?" asked James, pulling out the cloak.

"Probably shivering his arse off waiting for us," Sirius replied casually, heading down toward the Whomping Willow. James tossed the cloak over them both.

"Thanks for your help back there, with Harrison," James said softly as they walked toward the tree. "I was, er…"

"You were messed up," Sirius replied. "What are friends for? If I can't get you the girl you want, at least I could get rid of the girl you don't want."

James laughed. "You know what she thinks now, right?"

"Let her." Sirius snorted. "It wouldn't be the first time."

James stopped and stared at Sirius under the cloak. "Seriously?"

"Most of Hufflepuff is convinced we're an item," Sirius deadpanned. James didn't know whether to laugh or cry, and settled on just shaking his head as they neared the Whomping Willow.

"So you and Harrison, huh?"

Sirius grumbled under his breath.

"When?" asked James, mildly curious.

"First week back, before I started seeing Arlienne. She was working her way through seventh-year and decided I might as well take my turn for some fun."

"You're despicable, you know that."

"I do. And yet you're still friends with me."

"No idea why, this time."

"I don't understand either, Prongs."

"Just stay away from Evans."

"I'm sorry, you know."

"I know."

**End Notes:**

I do hope you enjoyed that more than the last. I know it's been a long journey so far, but things are finally starting to turn around! Some couples take years to work things out; it's only been three months for these two. There are still a few bumps in the road, but I think they'll be fine now. James is not about to give up, and we all know Lily comes around in the end. You'll get to hear more about Sirius and Arlienne very soon as well. Thank you so much for sticking with this!


	20. Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty

"May I join you?" asked a voice from above. Lily frowned, unable to place it. She set down her quill and glanced up to see Arlienne Lestrange watching her with a rather enigmatic look on her face.

"Of course," Lily said, moving her Potions book out of the way. She stretched her neck, stiff after hunching over her work for so long.

"Thanks," murmured the other girl as she sat down and took out her own books. Lily watched her curiously, wondering why someone she had barely talked to all year would ask to sit with her. There were plenty of other tables available in the library, particularly with the Slytherins. Lily could only assume it had something to do with Slug Club the previous weekend, but she waited for Arlienne to speak first.

She raised her eyebrows at Lily's inquisitive expression. "You're wondering why I'm here," she stated.

Lily blushed, somewhat embarrassed to have been so obvious. "I am, yes. I don't mind, though."

"No, you're right in thinking there must be some reason I'd want to sit down with you," said Arlienne. She was silent for a moment, as if she were studying Lily, and Lily felt slightly uncomfortable under the direct gaze of the girl's sharp brown eyes.

"Although it could have to do with being Head Girl, my guess would be Slug Club," said Lily, trying to keep up with the unusual exchange.

"In a way." Arlienne glanced around and leaned forward, tucking her long, straight hair behind her ear. "Did you work things out with James Potter?" she asked softly.

"What do you know about me and James Potter?" Lily demanded, suddenly wary. It had been a week since her and James had kissed—and then some—in the prefects' lounge. Lily had been relieved that the illicit moment hadn't made its way through the Hogwarts rumour mill. Her and James had barely spoken all week, and Lily was starting to feel like they were finally moving on. Why was Arlienne bringing it up now? Had she heard about what had happened?

"I know you two have been dancing around one another for most of the year," said Arlienne. "Sirius said you two just needed a good kick and a strong snog."

"Sirius said—" Lily began, and then stopped. She stared at Arlienne. "Sirius Black?" she asked, slightly shocked at the implication.

Arlienne nodded, her expression softening slightly. Whereas until that moment she had appeared cool and confident, but now a look of sadness floated across her face. Lily's mind raced to put it together: Remus had said something about James and Sirius bonding over girls, and James had said Sirius was upset the night he had charmed them…was Arlienne the reason why?

"Are you seeing Sirius?" she blurted, keeping her voice quiet.

"No," Arlienne said, but Lily heard something like regret in her voice. "I was just wondering if you could tell me how he's doing? I haven't talked to him in two weeks, and he looks terrible."

Lily shook her head, too confused to answer right away. She closed her Potions book to better concentrate on the strange turn the conversation had taken. "I haven't talked to him since last weekend."

Arlienne frowned but nodded. "I thought something was going on. I haven't seen him and James together all week. I hoped you might know why."

Lily laughed bitterly. "I haven't talked to James all week either," she said. Arlienne nodded sagely; Lily sensed the girl was quickly figuring things out.

"You've had a row with Potter," she said. "Another one."

"The last one," said Lily, shaking her head.

"And…" Arlienne narrowed her eyes at Lily. "Sirius had something to do with it."

"Are you reading my mind?" Lily demanded.

Arlienne laughed, which surprisingly lifted the tension. "No, just putting things together. I was hoping James might have said something to you about Sirius, but if Sirius did something to make you angry, I'm guessing that's why James isn't talking to him either." When Lily nodded, too surprised to speak, Arlienne continued. "What did he do, if I might ask? It wasn't the duel Slughorn caught him in last weekend, was it?"

Lily shook her head and sighed. "No, that wasn't it. I'm not even sure where to begin. He really messed up, though." She didn't say anything else, reluctant to trust someone she'd rarely talked to with something so personal. It had been hard enough telling Mary and Sandra; what if Arlienne spread it around the school, that she had almost shagged James Potter after the last prefects' meeting?

"It's okay, I understand," Arlienne said softly. "You have no reason to tell me, let alone trust me."

"Are you sure you're not reading my mind?" asked Lily, shaking her head again as if she could throw the other girl out of her thoughts.

"No, I'm just good at reading people," Arlienne replied. "It helps me play the games I need to play."

"This isn't a ga—" Lily started, slightly offended by the implication. Arlienne held up her hands, apologizing immediately.

"I didn't mean it like that, in a negative way," she said. "I'm a Slytherin. I'm a Lestrange. I need to play games to survive, whether I want to or not." She paused and glanced around. "And sometimes I don't want to, but I have to."

"What do you mean?" asked Lily, surprised to hear a Slytherin speaking so openly about being…a Slytherin.

"Did James tell you anything about me?" asked Arlienne.

"Er, no." Lily gave her a curious look. "Why would he? We're not going out. Did you think we were?"

Arlienne looked surprised for the first time. "Sirius said James really liked you, even if neither one of you realized it yet. I guess you didn't figure it out yet…" She trailed off when she noticed the funny look on Lily's face.

Lily couldn't help but let a small smile creep across her face: James liked her. He had told her as much the week before, but hearing it from someone else—even from a Slytherin who had heard it from Sirius Black—somehow made it slightly more real. He hadn't just said it after they'd snogged; he'd felt it long before their tryst in the lounge. Arlienne narrowed her eyes again, and Lily blinked several times, trying to stay focused.

"How do you know all this?" she asked.

Arlienne studied her once more, as if planning the next move of her game. Lily was still surprised to even be sitting there with a sixth-year Slytherin, let alone talking about such personal things. Even stranger was that she didn't sense any duplicity from the girl sitting across from her, just a cunning cleverness and a reluctant sadness.

"I _was_seeing Sirius," Arlienne finally whispered. "For several months. We broke up a few weeks ago. I was hoping you could tell me how he was doing, since I thought you might be close to James."

"Only I'm not close to James, and like I said, I haven't talked to Sirius all week either," Lily said. "I'm sorry." She wished she had something else to tell Arlienne about Sirius, but all she could tell her was what Sirius had done. She decided to trust her with it, although she left out the more personal details. "And so that's probably why James is ignoring him, since that's certainly why I won't talk to him. Ever again."

Arlienne looked away for a long time, so long that Lily almost opened her Potions book and went back to work. She wondered what was going through the other girl's head. Her own friends had sympathized with her, had told her she had every right to be angry with both Sirius and James, and should just move on after everything that had happened. It had been a long week, but she had tried. She felt her life settling into a new normal, where James Potter was just a casual acquaintance, a colleague, and a fellow Gryffindor—but nothing more.

She sensed Arlienne was about to change that.

"Look, I'm sorry Sirius did that," Arlienne finally said, turning back to her. "Although I'm not surprised. It'd be just like him to give his best friend the kick in the arse he said James needed. He wouldn't have thought through the consequences of that spell."

"He used us," said Lily, shaking her head. "He had no right to interfere, we—"

"—would have kept skirting around it," said Arlienne. "You know that. The whole school knows that. He really was just trying to help."

"The whole school?" whispered Lily. "What does that mean?"

"That means everyone knows how Lily Evans and James Potter can't stand each other this year, which must mean they want to shag."

Lily's hand flew to her mouth. "No!" she exclaimed, earning a stern glance from the librarian. "No," she repeated, softer this time. "You must be joking."

Arlienne's eyes twinkled, a bit like Sirius's did whenever he said something clever in the Gryffindor common room. Apparently they shared a sense of humour. "I am. Everyone knows the Head Boy and Head Girl don't get along half the time, but I think very few suspect why. And that is why, isn't it?"

Lily just stared at this strange girl, so bold yet so right. She couldn't handle it, thrown so directly in her face; she started packing up her books. "You don't know me," she said and stood to leave.

"No, wait!" Arlienne called as she walked away, intending to find another table. The librarian sent a jet of light at them, their second warning; another and they would literally be cast out. Lily decided she wasn't going to stay and take her chances. She kept walking and was only mildly surprised when Arlienne followed her.

"Look, I'm sorry," Arlienne said, throwing her bag over her shoulder. "It's just that it seems so obvious, it really does. I don't understand why you're so upset."

"At you, at Sirius, or at James?" Lily asked rather testily.

"At James." Arlienne pulled her to a stop. "He likes you. You like him. You kissed. You probably did quite a bit more, knowing Sirius and his spells." Lily flushed. "What's the problem?"

"Why are you so interested?" demanded Lily. "It's none of your business. You're not even seeing Sirius anymore."

"Which is why I get it," snapped Arlienne, though not too harshly.

"Get what?"

"Get how hard it is to like someone and not be with them."

Lily stepped back, frowning again. "Again, you don't know me—or James."

"Do you like him?"

Lily nodded wordlessly.

"Did you like kissing him?"

She glanced away, refusing to answer to a virtual stranger.

"Look, I like someone too. I like kissing him." Arlienne stopped and gave Lily a piercing stare. "But I can't be with him. You can. Nothing is stopping you."

"I…" Lily trailed off, completely at a loss for words. "What's stopping you?" she asked rather stupidly. She could think of a dozen different answers, and Arlienne gave her a pointed look, as if it were obvious.

"My house. My name. My brothers. Everything." Arlienne shook her head, as if trying to shake away the injustice of it all. "All that stands in your way is you and whatever rubbish is holding you back."

Lily sat down on the nearest bench, slightly stunned at the blunt truth of it. Arlienne sat next to her, silent. Lily felt a sudden strange kinship with the other girl.

"I'm sorry," she finally said. "I'm sorry about you and Sirius."

"Thanks," murmured Arlienne. "Although there's nothing to be done. You still have another chance. You should take it. Before Anastasia Harrison does."

Lily's head flew up, and Arlienne laughed at the look on her face. "I'm joking again, although not much. He seems like a good person. You should give him another chance before he stops trying."

"What are you going to do about Sirius?" asked Lily. She put the image of James and Anastasia from her mind.

"Nothing," Arlienne replied softly. "I thought maybe you could help me, but I think it's been the other way around."

Arlienne stood to leave. Lily glanced up at her, her thoughts a jumble. "Do you want me to talk to him?" she asked, even though she had no idea what she might say.

"No, you have enough to worry about," she replied. "But thank you. I hope you don't mind that I even bothered you about it."

Lily stood as well, smiling this time. "Not at all. It did help, in a rather odd way."

"I'd appreciate if you kept it to yourself, of course," Arlienne said. "My brothers have already threatened Sirius once; I don't need it getting around that I'm asking after him again."

"Of course," Lily said. She felt sad for Arlienne, that she couldn't even talk to the boy she liked without suffering the consequences. It did put things in perspective for her. She was not constrained by her blood status or her family name, only her past and her stubborn fears of the future. It really wasn't something she wanted to worry about anymore; she needed to move on.

Arlienne left with a nod, but stopped and turned back. "Maybe we could talk again sometime," she said.

"I'd like that," Lily replied, and she meant it. She would. There was something refreshingly honest about Arlienne. She was reminded of the talk she had had with Sirius several weeks back, when he had warned her to go easy on James. They had the same straightforward style, and Lily could imagine Arlienne was a good match for a rather free spirit like Sirius, particularly since she seemed to think things through first.

Arlienne headed toward the Entrance Hall and the entrance to the dungeons. Lily took her time heading back to Gryffindor, turning over the conversation in her mind again and again. By the time she got back to the common room, she had come to one conclusion: she was ready to change her answer and give James that second chance.

* * *

Unfortunately, the first person she saw the next day as she made her way to the Great Hall for breakfast was not James, but Sirius. He caught up with her from nowhere, appearing alongside her with a casual but contrite air. She gave him a frosty sideways glance, not ready to let him know she had begun to reconsider.

"I'm sorry," he began without preamble. "I shouldn't have done it."

She just raised her eyebrows at him and kept walking.

"You don't have to forgive me," he continued. "In fact, Prongs said you'd probably hex my bits off if I ever talked to you again."

"I'm thinking about it," she murmured, taking her wand out and pretending to study it. She hid a grin when she noticed him swallow nervously.

"I don't think you should hold it against him, though," Sirius said. "Against James. It wasn't his fault. It was mine."

"I know," she replied, keeping her replies short and enigmatic.

"You know what? That it was my fault or that you shouldn't hold it against him?" he asked. She had succeeded in unbalancing him, and she was enjoying it. She wondered how far she could take it.

"I know it was your fault, your spell." She stopped and faced him, playing with the tip of her wand as if contemplating how to jinx him. She took a step closer; he stepped back.

"I'm glad we understand that, then," he murmured.

"Oh, I understand," she said, glancing up into his face. He had a large purple bruise on his jaw, as well as a scrape across his brow. She idly wondered what had happened, but didn't care enough to stop. She took another step toward him. "I understand you're a complete and utter arsehole."

He nodded slowly, glancing down at her wand again. "I am, I know. I wish I could take it back."

"It's too late for that, Black," she murmured, pressing forward again. He frowned at her.

"Look, Prongs has already had another go at me, you don't need a second one too, do you?"

"Is that how you got that bruise?" she asked. She backed him against the wall, her wand still between them, pointing casually at his chest. She was enjoying herself immensely; playing with his mind was far more fun than a simple Silencing Charm.

Sirius nodded, and Lily stopped. She tilted her head. "So is he talking to you again?" Another nod. "Did he put you up to this, to talking to me?"

He shook his head this time. "I doubt he trusts me enough to talk to you. But I wanted you to know how sorry I was, Lily."

It was the first time he had ever called her anything but Evans or some other annoying nickname. She raised an eyebrow at him, and he coughed. "I mean, Evans."

"That's better," she murmured. She lowered her wand. "I'm can't just forget what you did, Sirius. It was mortifying, embarrassing, and humiliating. And you are the biggest, thickest tosser I know."

He seemed to deflate just a little. She finally backed away. "Fortunately for you, I talked to someone who pointed out exactly what you just said: it wasn't James's fault. I can't be mad at him forever."

"Smart girl," he murmured.

"Except for the part about falling for you," Lily tossed back. She actually saw his face blanche and enjoyed it immensely. She didn't intend to use her talk with Arlienne against him, but she liked him thinking she might.

"Er, which girl would that be, exactly?" he asked, glancing around to be sure no one was listening. They were quite alone.

"The one who just got away," Lily replied. A wide range of emotions crossed his face, ending with a deep sigh and the complete collapse of his confidence.

"Right. Her." He stuffed his hands into his pockets with a frown, and Lily suddenly felt bad for him, in spite of what he had done. He must have really liked Arlienne to be so uncharacteristically distraught. "Didn't realize you were friends."

"We weren't," said Lily, stepping back and shrugging. "But if you must know, I think she was worried about you. She thought I might know something."

He laughed bitterly. "Only you can't stand the sight of me so how would you know anything?"

"She thought I was with James," Lily replied. "I knew why you and James weren't talking, though, and I told her what happened. She pointed out exactly what you just said, namely that it wasn't James's fault, and I shouldn't be mad at him." Lily paused and gave him a very pointed look. "You, on the other hand, are another story."

Sirius closed his eyes and sighed. "Fine. Just as long as you're not directing your wrath at James. He doesn't deserve it. He likes you too much." Lily was silent, not knowing what to say. He took that as a sign to continue. "I mean it, Evans. I tried to tell you weeks ago, last time we talked."

"You said there was a fine line between love and hate, if I recall correctly," said Lily.

He nodded. "And you've crossed it. You think you hate each other, but you don't. I saw it, Lily. I know you're embarrassed, but it's the truth. I know." He turned away, but gave her one last bit of advice before he left. "Don't let it go. It's not worth losing."

He walked away without another word, and Lily just stared down the corridor, a bit dazed. It seemed unreal, that she was discussing her love life with two people she would never normally would talk to about such things. And yet, it was no stranger than many of the other things that had happened to her over the past few weeks.

Making her way toward the Great Hall alone, she took a seat with Mary, who was sitting with some sixth-years, reading a book. Lily helped herself to some juice and glanced around.

"Where's Sandra?" she asked.

"Taking her time with Jeremy Bradley," Mary replied through a mouthful of sausage. She set down her book and wiggled her eyebrows. "Seems they had quite the time casting runes last night."

Lily grinned. "Which means she'll be working furiously all day to catch up on everything she didn't finish."

"That definitely warrants giving her a hard time, I think," said Mary with a wink. They laughed as they ate and talked about all the latest Hogwarts gossip. Sandra finally came in with Jeremy, one of the Hufflepuff Beaters. She eventually joined them, offering a distracted greeting as she stared at the Hufflepuff table. Mary immediately began teasing her, and Sandra blushed even though she had a happy look on her face. Lily smiled as she watched them, feeling relaxed for the first time all week. She didn't even flinch when James came in with Remus and Peter and took a seat at the opposite end of the table. She glanced his way and offered a small smile.

"You seem different," said Mary, narrowing her eyes. "You're not back to mooning over Potter, are you?"

"I never mooned over him," asked Lily, buttering a second piece of toast. She gave Mary her most innocent look. "And so what if I am?"

Mary shook her head as she plucked some grapes from the large bowl in the center of the table. "I'd be seriously worried about your sanity after all you two have been through."

"Maybe I've come to my senses," murmured Lily.

"You've been putting him down for months, Lily," said Mary, her voice low. Sandra just watched them, curious. "After what happened in the prefects' lounge, why would you change your mind now?"

"I didn't say I did," replied Lily.

"Then why are you so happy?" demanded Mary.

She didn't get to answer, because at that moment a small paper owl flew over to her plate and landed on her toast. It flapped its wings and promptly unfolded into a small, square note. Lily immediately recognized James's scrawling handwriting, but there were only two words:

_I'm sorry._

Underneath was a scribbled sketch of the train ride to Hogwarts, charmed to move as if brought to life on paper. Two stick figures, each wearing a large badge, were arguing silently with one another outside one of the train compartments. It was a picture drawn from the beginning of the year, the very first time they had fought. And it was immediately obvious to her what James was doing.

He was literally starting over.

**End Notes:**

Many thanks to Lea for catching several things in this chapter! Now you know a bit more about Sirius and Arlienne. They are trying to take over the story, but I am holding them back. Thank you for all the lovely reviews! I appreciate your patience and kind words. I have, however, disabled anonymous reviews: if you are going to be negative without giving me a chance to respond, I don't need to hear it. And if you are that tired of the story going in supposed circles-and that oblivious to the building character development that has brought them to this point-then please find another story to read. There are still eight chapters to go with several more exciting twists, and I don't want to waste your time, or mine.


	21. Chapter TwentyOne

Chapter Twenty-One

James stared at the parchment before him, eyeing it critically before adding one or two last changes. He cast a spell and the simple drawing sprang to life, a black-and-white image of his disastrous duel with Lily in Charms class. With a second tap of his wand, he set the sheet into a complex folded swan. Now he just had to wait for Lily to return.

Sirius had thought his plan was ridiculous, an embarrassment to all of wizardkind. Peter had thought it a fantastic idea, and Remus had simply nodded in support. James had always enjoyed drawing on his class notes, why not turn it into something more? His goal was simply to change his relationship with Lily from constantly antagonizing to tentatively agreeable. If she warmed up enough, he would take it further. First he just wanted her to stop being angry and upset with him after all that had happened between them; he didn't want to spend the rest of the year as Head Boy with a Head Girl who hated him.

Setting down his wand, James sat back and stretched. It was just starting to rain outside, the light drops tapping quietly at the windows. The common room was unusually calm that night; either the library was packed or most of Gryffindor had elected to stay in their dorms. The unusually cold weather still kept most of the castle indoors and too close for comfort. James found he was breaking up more and more fights as it wore on; he shook his head each time, remembering when _he_was the one fighting, and some Head Boy had to pull him off Snape. Strange that he hadn't got into it with Snape once all year, but then he'd had more than his share of confrontations with Dante Avery instead.

Lily finally stepped through the portrait hole, laughing with her friends. Or rather, her Lily and Mary were laughing, while Sandra just rolled her eyes and hurried up to the girls' dorm without stopping. Lily didn't even notice James at the table in the corner. She fell into an empty chair by the fire and sighed contentedly, still laughing with Mary as she pulled out her Transfiguration book.

James watched her for a moment, glad to see her smiling and laughing. It had been a hard time for them both, and if it had weighed as heavily on her as it had on him, he was relieved that it seemed to be over and happy to see her recovering. He felt better as well, his talk with Sirius the real push he needed to see things a bit more clearly. He had not only come up with a plan to make amends with Lily, but had started to catch up with all the sleep he'd lost roaming the castle trying to avoid Sirius, not to mention a long night out during the full moon. He even felt more focused on his schoolwork again and was looking forward to Quidditch practice as they got ready for their next match after the holidays.

Picking up the paper swan, James waved his wand and sent it floating toward Lily. She had smiled at him whenever he'd sent a new note her way, one every day that week, and he felt like he was bridging the gap between them more and more with each one. They didn't avoid looking at one another anymore and were almost friendly when talking in the common room or in class. They hadn't yelled at each other once…although maybe there wasn't anything left to fight about.

Glancing up in surprise, Lily plucked the paper swan from the air and watched it unfold with a smile. It quickly disappeared, however, her entire body going still as she stared at the parchment in front of her. For a moment James thought he had blown it, that he had ruined everything he'd achieved so far by reminding her of the duel in Charms. Never mind that he had drawn himself with pig ears (even though it had been Sirius who had caught that spell) and avoided any mention of cats whatsoever; he knew it still resonated with her, and that he took a big risk in apologizing by reminding her of it. He held his breath, waiting with a racing heart for her reaction this time.

She glanced around the common room and found him. After a long stare, she finally nodded her head, giving him a roll of her eyes instead of a smile. Her silent acknowledgement was enough. James smiled back and returned to his book, but he wasn't thinking about Transfiguration; he was thinking about his next note to Lily.

Peter sat down across from him then, interrupting his thoughts. "What was that about?" he asked, inclining his head toward Lily. "She didn't seem to like that one as much as the others."

"It was Charms," said James, shrugging ruefully. Peter nodded in understanding.

"I'm surprised she didn't toss it back to you, then," he offered. "It must really be working."

"Thanks for the support," laughed James. "I thought you said it was a good idea!"

"Oh, it's a good idea," replied Peter. "I just didn't think it would work."

"What would work?" asked Sirius, stepping through the portrait hole with Remus and joining them. "Wait, let me guess—are we talking about Prongs' little art project?"

"Prat," muttered James, rolling his eyes. "And yes—apparently she appreciates art."

"She snogged you so there's no accounting for her taste," Sirius shot back. They all laughed. It was good to feel normal again after the long week of tiptoeing around one another. That Sirius could make jokes, and that he could take them, spoke volumes about the strength of their friendship. James had often thought he was the luckiest bloke in school to have such good mates: they could fight as if they meant to end it forever, but they always came back to each other, no matter what.

"Have you heard from your dad?" asked Remus, throwing his bag his over the back of the chair next to James. He sat down and stretched his back. "Since your last owl?"

James sighed and closed his book; he wasn't going to get much done with everyone around now. And Remus's question brought back all the anxiety he'd been trying to hold in check for two days. He'd had an owl from his dad the day before. He'd been diagnosed with dragonpox, though his letter had said it was a mild case and nothing to worry about. James was worried anyway, no matter what his dad wrote, and he shook his head in answer to Remus's question.

"I wrote back, but I haven't heard anything yet. He said he felt all right, just tired." James couldn't help but wonder if his dad was hiding the truth from him, though, because it was the third time he'd been sick that fall. It was as if he'd stopping taking care of himself since James's mother had died.

"I hope so," murmured Remus, smiling sympathetically. Sirius nodded in agreement.

"Let us know if you need anything, mate," he said. "Although he'll be fine, you know him—stronger than an ox."

"Yes, he said he's still planning on kicking your arse again at gobstones over the holidays," James said with a lopsided grin, remembering their last match over the summer.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "He was on the national team," he grumbled. "He's always going to beat me."

James clapped him on the back with a laugh. "Can't win them all, Padfoot," he said with a wink at the others. "It's the price you pay for living with us now."

Remus pulled out a bag of marbles with a grin. "I'll let you win, if you want to know what it feels like. I finished my Transfiguration essay."

As they set up for a game of gobstones, James let his mind drift. He decided he'd send another owl first thing in the morning just to be sure his father was doing better. He tried not to think of how bad a case of dragon pox could be. His father was older, and with both his mental and physical health not what it was a year ago, James knew even a moderate case could be devastating.

He was looking forward to going home for the holidays, even though it would be empty around the house without his mum. It would be good to get away from the castle and spend some time with his dad and just relax. No more Head Boy duties, no more Quidditch practice, no more detentions. He only hoped he could work something out with Lily before the train to London.

Watching her across the common room, he decided that after his final note he'd see if she was interested in at least talking about their relationship again. She had said no once, by the fire, but he knew something was there. That was why they fought so muc—-he understood that now, after not talking to her for so long. And while a part of him missed the constant bickering, he knew it was really _her _he missed, because he liked her so much.

He just hoped she actually liked him enough to move on from all the missteps and really start over.

* * *

James hurried through the castle the next morning, determined to get to the owlry before breakfast. He dodged several students on the way to the Great Hall, not paying attention to where he was walking…until he ran straight into Regulus Black at the bottom of the main staircase. The Slytherin looked surprised, angry, and then strangely relieved to see him.

"There's a fight in the third floor corridor," he mumbled, backing away and avoiding James's eye. "You should probably go help." He turned and hurried the other way before James could ask him what had happened, who was involved, and how he knew about it. He wondered why Regulus hadn't just dealt with it himself, since he was a sixth-year prefect.

Frowning, James dashed back up the stairs two at a time, then sprinted down the corridor towards the Charms classroom. He turned the corner and this time ran straight into Dante Avery, who was punching the stuffing out of Sirius while Corin Mulciber held his arms behind him. Sirius looked up, his lip bleeding, a slightly delirious grin on his face.

"Hey, Prongs, you're late," he mumbled. "They're just about finished."

"Like hell they are," James snarled. "They're done now." He pulled back and hit Avery in the face, sending him sprawling to the ground, and pulled out his wand. One quick flick and Corin Mulciber was on the floor covered in boils. Avery jumped to his feet, but James blasted him backward with a second spell before he could even raise his wand. James was breathing heavy, furious as he held his wand on the Slytherin—madder than he'd ever been facing the seventh-year, even on the Quidditch pitch.

Something about the look on the Head Boy's face must have stopped him, because Avery just stood again, straightened his robes, and nodded curtly at his friend. "Let's go. I think the prick got the message."

"What message?" Sirius called after them, spitting blood onto the stone floor. Avery turned back with a sneer.

"You know what message. We're just delivering it. Stay away from her, Black. We don't mingle with blood traitors."

"That's thirty points!" James shouted as they sauntered down the hallway.

Mulciber tossed a rude gesture over his shoulder, but Avery stopped and gave him another sneer. "Sod off, Pothead. You'll get yours soon enough."

Sirius took a step forward, swearing under his breath, but James held him back as they watched the Slytherins leave. Turning to his friend, James was dismayed to see a large purple bruise over Sirius's temple, as well as the split lip. His robes were skewed and dirty and there was blood on his shirt, but there was a fiery look in his eyes.

"Bloody wankers jumped me from behind," he muttered, noticing James's concerned glance. "Couldn't even get my wand out."

"What was that about?" James asked, although he had guessed from Avery's parting warning. "Arlienne?"

Sirius shrugged. "I figured if you're going to try to win your bird back, I might try to win mine."

"Evans doesn't come with death threats," James murmured. He sighed. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." He led Sirius up to the prefects' bathroom, because it was closer, and he hoped they could have some privacy.

Sirius stripped off his bloody shirt and washed his face. James performed a simple scouring spell and handed the shirt back, silent the whole time. When Sirius was clean and dressed, James turned on the tap again, froze a bit of water, and wrapped it in a towel for him to hold against his eye. Sirius thanked him with a grunt.

"Start at the beginning," James said as they left and made their way to the Great Hall. James decided he would send his owl after breakfast; he needed to talk to Sirius first.

"Not much to tell, Prongs," Sirius replied with a shrug. "I tried to talk to her yesterday in the library, and apparently I've not only pissed off her brothers, but the rest of her house as well."

James stared at him. "Avery beat the shirt off you for just talking to her? You didn't insult him or anything?"

"'Course I did," said Sirius, with another shrug. "I insulted the whole lot of them. But he was pretty specific about his reasons, namely that I stay away from her."

"How did he know you had talked to her?" James asked, shaking his head. "He never goes to the library."

Sirius grinned. "That is true. Someone must have told him. Two guesses who's always locked up in the library and snitched?"

"I don't see what Snape has to do with it—" James started, but Sirius shook his head.

"Not that slimy tosspot—the other one. The one I'm related to."

James glanced sideways at his friend, frowning. It didn't add up. "I don't know, Padfoot. It was actually Reg who told me what was going on. I think he was trying to help."

Sirius stopped and stared at James. "Help? My prat of a brother?" He snorted and started walking again. "There must be something in it for him, then."

James was quiet as they continued. He pulled Sirius aside before they entered the Great Hall. "Look, that was pretty intense. It's one thing to have her brothers after you. They left Hogwarts years ago so it's practically empty threats. But the rest of Slytherin? Is she worth it?"

Sirius glared at him. "Would you fight for Evans if some cocked-up pillock was telling you that you couldn't see her for no good reason?"

"Yes," James answered without hesitation.

"Then you have your answer. But…" He looked away as several students passed them into the hall. "Thanks for your help back there."

"You're welcome," James murmured as they walked toward the Gryffindor table. "I just hope it doesn't get worse."

Sirius laughed bitterly. "Well, he said you were next, so…"

He trailed off and stopped, suddenly tense. James followed his friend's gaze toward the Slytherin table, where Arlienne was sitting next to Regulus, a concerned look on her face. Regulus looked up and gave them the smallest of nods, and James felt certain that the younger Black had been trying to help. Whether Sirius believed it or not remained to be seen.

"Git," muttered Sirius as he threw the towel of ice on the Gryffindor table and sat down next to Remus.

"Who?" asked Peter. Sirius didn't answer, his mouth tight. Peter looked at James questioningly.

"Slytherin," James told him, beginning to help himself to breakfast. He was just starting to eat when Lily walked in with her friends and sat down not far from them. She glanced at James, then at Sirius, and back at James. She mouthed "Arlienne?" at him, and he couldn't help but nod in surprise. Lily turned toward the Slytherin table, a sad look on her face. James thought she was about to go over there, so he shook his head, and she turned back, giving Sirius another concerned look.

Apparently she knew about Sirius and Arlienne. James wasn't sure how, but Lily knew.

Remus and Peter were trying to get Sirius to talk, but he continued to glower into his plate. James took out his note for Lily. It was his last one, and it was a sketch of them after the last prefects' meeting, sitting before the fire in the common room. He had drawn himself as a simple stick figure with glasses, reaching out to her just as he had that night. He hoped after apologizing for just about everything that had gone wrong this year—from the first moment she had discovered he was Head Boy to the embarrassing spell that Sirius had cast, almost ending everything—that maybe, just maybe she would reconsider her decision that night.

With a flick of his wand, James folded the paper into a stag and sent it prancing down the table toward Lily. He grinned to himself at his choice of messenger, but when he looked back at his friends, Sirius was frowning at him.

"What's wrong?" asked James. "It's not like she knows what it means."

Sirius finished his pumpkin juice and stood. "It's just bad timing, Prongs. Bad timing." He shook his head and left. He wasn't angry, like he had been when he'd stormed out several weeks ago; rather he was upset and dejected, and too late James realized his timing was terrible.

"Damn," he muttered, picking at his plate. Here he was, trying to win Lily, when Sirius couldn't even talk to the girl he fancied without getting the stuffing pulled out of him. It seemed unfair, that something so ridiculous as name and blood could cause so much heartbreak.

Down the table, Lily had unfolded his note and was staring at him, trying to get his attention. Peter kicked him under the table so he wouldn't miss her. She was inclining her head toward the Entrance Hall with a questioning look. James nodded and finished his breakfast quickly. Peter gave him a grin as he stood; Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Apparently your notes have got her to talk to you again," he said, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. James gave him an exasperated look.

"Don't tell me you doubted it too?" he asked, pretending to sound pained.

"When it comes women, skepticism fares better than faith." Remus and Peter laughed as James just rolled his eyes and left the table. He searched the Entrance Hall and found her standing at the window, gazing out at the grounds. The steady drizzle that had started the night before was now freezing as it fell, icy pellets drumming against the windows and coating the grass in a glass-like dew.

James came to stand silently beside her, not too close, but not too far. He wasn't sure what to say yet and was silent. She glanced at him and smiled.

"Is Sirius okay?" she asked without preamble. James blinked, somewhat surprised at her blunt question, having expected something about his note instead.

"I think so," he answered as truthfully as he could. "I hope so, anyway."

"What happened?" she asked. She turned to him, arms over her chest. "I know about Arlienne, and Sirius knows I know, so you can tell me."

Again, James shook away his surprise; he wasn't sure how she had found out, but he knew he could trust her.

"I caught Avery and Mulciber knocking him around on the third floor," he murmured. "He told Sirius to stay away from her."

"So now Avery's involved," she said, sounding worried. "Bad enough her brothers, now Avery and his crowd." She stopped and raised her eyebrows at him. "And you've got your own issues with him, so I can't imagine he was particularly happy when you stepped in."

James coughed. "He had no choice. I punched him in the face and jinxed both of them before they could get in another shot."

Her eyes widened as she put a hand to her mouth and giggled. "Of course you did. Brilliant. And did you take points?"

"Naturally," he nodded. "Are you going to take mine?" he teased. He stepped closer, feeling oddly confident after a relatively good week, and she didn't move back.

"Of course not," she murmured, green eyes sparkling merrily. "I didn't see it. And you're Head Boy—you were just breaking up a fight anyway."

"Mm-hm," he murmured, suddenly entranced by her lips. She seemed to notice him staring and coughed as she looked away.

"Speaking of which, it's raining," she said, inclining her head toward the window. James glanced outside and then back at her, curious.

"Yes," he said, stretching it out into a question.

"It seems like we always fight when it rains," she said with a small shrug of her shoulders. She tucked her hair behind her ear and looked into his face again.

"We're not fighting right now," he said, then couldn't help but grin. "At least, not yet."

She smiled and laughed, and James felt then that every single one of his notes must have worked, because it was one of the few times all year she had looked so happy with him. He could have whooped with glee right there, but he didn't want to get ahead of himself, after all.

"Not yet," she repeated. "I can't think of anything to fight about right now, can you?"

"Not at the moment," he murmured, staring at her lips again. Merlin, he wanted to lean down and kiss her, and yet he didn't know if his notes had worked _that _well or if she would push him away again. "But something usually comes up."

"I hope not," she murmured, and now she was gazing back, subconsciously licking her lips. James felt his heart jump into his throat as he took another step closer. He'd spent all week practically groveling for forgiveness, and she wasn't backing away as he stepped forward once more. It was raining, and yet for once they weren't fighting. If he leaned down, maybe would he could—

"Oi, Potter!" called a voice behind him. Lily's eyes went wide, and James let his head fall to his chest. Thomas Kirke came up behind him, then stopped and grinned. "Oh, sorry. Did I interrupt something?"

"Yes," growled James even as Lily answered, "No" and stepped back, her cheeks flushed. James wanted to wring Kirke's neck for showing up right then. What was he even bothering him about? Quidditch practice wasn't until that afternoon.

Kirke nodded at James. "About time, you know, " he said, giving him a look that could have come from Sirius. "Anyway—practice is still on, rain, sleet, or snow, but we've moved it up before it gets really bad. I'm heading down there now."

"Now?" James asked, his voice coming out slightly higher than he might have wanted. "But I can't…" He trailed off, glancing wordlessly at Lily. She kissed him on the cheek.

"It's okay. Go ahead. We can talk later." James grinned stupidly at her. She wanted to talk. She had kissed him on the cheek and she wanted to talk. She couldn't possibly turn him down again now.

James turned to Kirke. "I have to get my gear and run to the owlry, but I'll be there. Reluctantly."

Kirke clapped him on the back and laughed. He winked at Lily and left them alone, meeting up with Ryan Sloper at the door to head down to the Quidditch pitch. James swore under his breath. This time the bad timing was for him.

"Meet me for dinner?" he asked spontaneously, turning back to Lily. She seemed to think about it, then nodded.

"Out here?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No, the kitchen. We can talk privately."

She raised her eyebrows skeptically. "In front of dozens of house elves," she pointed out.

"They know me," he said with a casual shrug of his shoulders. "I spent the night there a few weeks ago." He stopped when he realized what he had just admitted. She looked slightly surprised, but nodded.

"Don't be late," she said.

"I won't," he promised. She turned to walk away, but he reached for her hand. She didn't pull away this time, like she had in front of the fire. His heart raced, and he wanted to draw her close and snog her senseless, but he knew better. He knew they had to take it slow, if they were going to take it anywhere.

"Hey, Evans," he said, and he hoped he didn't sound nervous, because he wasn't, not really. He was just tired of things going wrong and hoped to Merlin that it was over. "Lily—thank you."

"For what?" she asked, sounding confused. She glanced down at their hands as if surprised she was still holding onto him, but she still didn't pull away.

"For not slapping me, for one." He grinned, hoping a bit of their old banter might blow away any lingering awkwardness over all that had happened over the last month.

"There's still dinner for that," she replied, eyes twinkling again. "What else?"

"Thank you for letting me start over," he said, very serious. She put her other hand to his face, and he thought she was going to kiss him, only she didn't, not this time. She ducked her head instead as she let go and walked away, then turned and smiled at him one more time.

"I'm glad you did, James."

He practically floated to the owlry; he couldn't wait until dinner.

**End Notes:**

Thank you muchly, mugglegirlmaurder, my dear!  
See, they're meant for each other and they know it. :)


	22. Chapter TwentyTwo

Chapter Twenty-Two

Lily sat in the castle kitchen, alone. She wasn't sure whether she was angry, disappointed, or hurt—or perhaps all three at once. James was late, very late. She vaguely wondered if something had happened, but so many things had gone wrong between them that it was easier to assume the worst: he had simply forgot and left her. Whether he was just scared or actually playing her didn't matter: he had asked to meet her but hadn't shown up.

She was getting hungry and was just about to ask the house elves for something she could take back to Gryffindor when she heard a voice behind her.

"Lily?" called someone from the doorway. She turned around, rubbing away the small pricks of moisture from her eyes. It was not James, but Sirius, and he was approaching her warily.

"What?" she asked, standing abruptly to leave. "Come to gloat, to have a laugh?"

To her surprise, Sirius did not have a smart remark ready. In fact, he looked very somber and actually gave her a sympathetic look.

"No, I have a message for you. From James."

Lily felt her eyes flash. She stormed past him, certain it wouldn't be good. "I don't want to hear it. You can tell him he's a git and an arsehole and I never want to see him again." It wasn't true, but she was hurt and angry. How could James not only stand her up, but send his best friend to tell her why?

"Lily, it's not like that at all!" Sirius called after her. "He didn't mean to leave you." She stopped at the door, but did not face him. Sirius continued. "He had to go home. He had an owl this afternoon."

Lily gasped and turned around. "What? Did something happen?" Her heart plummeted as she thought the worst and imagined James facing another family tragedy, upset and alone.

"His dad's been sick a lot since his mum died," Sirius said softly, coming up beside her. Lily could see the worry written across his face and vaguely thought that Sirius was close not only with James, but with his family as well. "He's at St. Mungo's. He's not doing very well."

"Oh no," Lily whispered, hands flying to her mouth. She wasn't angry anymore; how could she be? James had probably rushed home the moment he'd got the message. "Will he be okay?"

"I don't know," Sirius said, shaking his head. "He's really sick, though. James wanted to tell you, but he couldn't find you. He was so worried, he just left right away and asked me to find you. Dumbledore let him Floo to St. Mungo's."

"Will he be back?" Lily asked. It was almost a selfish question, but it wasn't about their date. She just wanted to talk to him, make sure he was all right.

"I doubt it," said Sirius. "Dumbledore gave him permission to stay the week, and since term's up in a week, he'll likely just stay with his dad through the holidays. They're all they have now, each other."

"I guess so," Lily murmured. She gave Sirius a sad smile. "So much for dinner. Maybe I'll head up to the Great Hall before it's too late."

"I'll walk with you, if you don't mind," Sirius offered. He shrugged when she blinked at him in surprise. "Least I could do, being the bearer of bad news."

Lily gave him a sideways glance. "You'll have to tell me what happened with Avery this morning."

"I think you already know," he replied as they left the kitchen.

"James told me a bit," she admitted, shaking her head. "Why does it always have to be so complicated?"

Sirius laughed. "That, Evans, is the question with no answer."

"How's your eye?" she asked, glancing sideways at the ugly purple bruise.

"Fine—just another battle scar," he replied.

"Another one?" she laughed. "Do you often get your face punched in for a girl?"

"Only when it matters," he murmured, looking away.

"It matters that much?" she asked softly. He glanced down at her, simply nodding, and she was once more surprised at the depth of feeling she saw in his grey eyes. "You know, you're not as bad as you want people to think you are, are you?"

He burst out laughing. "Of course I am. I'm just putting one over on you so you'll still go out with James. We come as a pair, you know."

Lily linked her arm through his, and he looked down in amusement. "It could be worse," she murmured, and they walked the rest of the way to the Great Hall in silence, thinking about James and his father.

* * *

The following day was the last prefects' meeting before the winter holiday, and Lily wasn't sure what it would be like without James. At least she wouldn't have to worry about what had happened at the last one, since the thought of it still made her uncomfortable. She knew she was going to miss his steady presence, though, even when it infuriated her. With a sigh, Lily packed up her books and stepped through the portrait hole. She found Remus waiting for her.

"Hi," he said, inclining his head. "Care to walk together?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "That depends. You have a look about you."

She walked with him anyway, and he inclined his head curiously. "What sort of look?"

"A bit of the 'My mate's gone so I'll just walk with her' look crossed with the 'Does she know anything about him?' look."

Remus threw back his head and laughed. "You caught me. It _is_ a bit odd without James around, and I _was_wondering if you had heard from him."

She laughed with him, nodding. "Yes, I had a note at breakfast."

"Did it move?" he teased.

"Actually," she said, surprised now that she thought about it. "It did." She pulled out a small piece of parchment from her robes and showed Remus the picture: a stick figure with glasses apologizing profusely over an empty dinner table.

"Nice one," Remus murmured. "Did he say anything about his dad?"

"Yes," Lily said. "He wrote quite a bit. He said his dad is pretty bad off. Remus, it doesn't sound good."

"Damn," muttered Remus as they headed down the stairs toward the fifth floor corridor. "Of all the things, all the people…" He trailed off, as if he couldn't finish the thought.

"Are you all close to James's family?" asked Lily curiously.

Remus nodded. "I suppose, though Sirius is probably closest. He's stayed with them quite a bit, you know—especially last summer, after he left home."

"He left?" asked Lily, astonished. "His family?"

"You didn't know that?" Remus frowned. "Well, yes, he finally left after what happened in Hogsmeade last year. Sort of the last straw."

"Why?" asked Lily, curious even though it was not really her business. Then again, she she was just starting to get to know Sirius better, and as he had pointed out, he would probably be a part of any relationship she shared with James.

"His parents said he was on the wrong side, of course," Remus said bitterly. "Thought he should have been fighting with the family instead."

"The family?" she asked, once again surprised. She thought back to that horrible day in June, to the Death Eaters who had attacked them. But they had all been wearing masks, and only the three who had been captured had been identified; the others had escaped, unknown.

"Evan Rosier is his aunt's brother's son." Remus shrugged. "He went to Azkaban with Avery's brother Pietro, but apparently they're both better sons for towing the family line, even if they are in prison. So Sirius left."

Lily shook her head. She didn't know Evan Rosier, but could only imagine Sirius's wrath at being compared to someone who would attack innocent students out for a Hogsmeade visit. It was something she still didn't understand, even though she knew perfectly well the war was swirling to a crescendo outside school. It was just something they didn't talk about much, as if by staying inside the protective bubble of Hogwarts, they might ignore the darkness gathering outside.

"Remus?" she asked softly, reluctant to bring it up, but now that it was out there she almost couldn't keep it in. "What really happened? Why did they attack us?"

Remus was silent for a moment. He finally sighed. "They weren't attacking us, you know. We just walked right into it. They were after Kieran Quinn."

"And they got him," Lily whispered, her eyes welling with tears as she remembered the Hufflepuff who had been killed that day. "But why him?"

"His father tried to back out," Remus replied bitterly. "Voldemort set them on his son as retribution." He sounded as if he were speaking from experience.

They rounded a corner of the fifth floor. Lily stopped him, eyes wide. "How do you know that?" she asked.

"Andrew told us, for one," said Remus. "And then Sirius heard it from his brother, just before he left." He glanced sideways at Lily's questioning look. "Regulus is almost one of them, you know. It's just a matter of time—for most of them."

Lily shook her head, thinking of Severus and wondering if he'd yet joined the group of Death Eaters that followed Lord Voldemort. She had little doubt that he would, or that Dante Avery and Corin Mulciber would be following soon as well.

"Are Arlienne's brothers Death Eaters?" she asked suddenly, remembering some of the things Arlienne had told her.

"Probably," said Remus, nodding his head. "Sirius said his cousin had joined, so I'd guess Rodolphus is one as well since they're engaged. And if he's a Death Eater, then Rabastan is too, because I remember him following his brother all over Hogwarts our first year."

Lily remembered as well. "Do you really think they'd go after Sirius?" she asked. "He's still a Black, after all, and almost a relative…" She trailed off when she noticed the skeptical look on his face.

"He's been disowned, Lily. His name is practically anathema." He gave her a shrewd look. "He's also a Gryffindor, and she's a Slytherin. That alone makes it difficult, regardless of his name and status as a blood traitor."

"Sort of like Romeo and Juliet," Lily murmured. Remus apparently got the reference and nodded.

"Only hopefully it will end better," said Remus.

"Avery's involved now," said Lily, though of course Remus already knew that.

"He's just looking for a fight," Remus grumbled. "Always has been, always will be. Probably sick of trying to start one with James."

"I hope he doesn't try anything in the meeting tonight," Lily said as they continued walking.

Remus smiled at her. "You can handle it," he said. "And we'll be watching out for you if he ever does."

"We?" she asked.

"Well, just me at the moment," he laughed as they neared the prefects' lounge. "But the rest of us will too, especially now you're with James."

"With James?" Lily repeated, slightly surprised.

Remus gave her a sly grin. "Come off it, you are and you know it."

"Remus, we haven't even had a proper date, let alone a chance to talk…" Once again she trailed off as he laughed.

"Keep making those excuses, Evans," he teased, in such a perfect imitation of Sirius that Lily just stared at him. "It's practically a done deal—admit it."

Lily shook her head as she entered the lounge. It was and she knew it, but it didn't feel quite official; in fact, it felt rather anticlimactic, given that they had not really had much communication all week other than some letters, and now he was gone. Yet they hadn't fought, and that was a step forward. His notes had won her over, and he had even asked her to dinner. They had almost kissed in the Entrance Hall, and Lily had to admit she was disappointed that she would have to wait so long to continue that particular moment. She couldn't help but look forward to the train ride back after the Christmas holiday, since that was likely when she'd see him again and hopefully finish that kiss.

* * *

Lily had an owl every other day from James. His father's health deteriorated, and Lily tried to be as encouraging as she could in the letters she sent back. Yet by the time she was packing for the train to King's Cross the following weekend, Harrington Potter had improved enough to actually go home from St. Mungo's. Lily immediately ran down to the common room to find Sirius, Remus, and Peter and share the good news. They were elated, Sirius even pulling Lily into a surprise embrace as he whooped for joy. She laughed with them and then hurried back to her dorm to finish packing and read the rest of the letter.

_I miss you, Lily. I know it sounds crazy, but writing these letters has really helped me get through the week. Can I see you over the holidays? I still owe you dinner, and we still have a lot to talk about.  
~JHP_

Lily grinned rather stupidly to herself as she thought about seeing James over the holidays. She was of age in the wizarding world so there was no reason she couldn't, especially since she had passed her Apparition test the previous spring. Her parents might not appreciate her magically disappearing from their home to reappear hundreds of miles away with a strange boy, but she'd work something out.

After not seeing him for a week, Lily found that she truly missed James's presence in her life. And it wasn't just that she missed having someone to antagonize: it was more knowing that because he wasn't there, nothing was possible between them, even fighting. It was a strange thing to admit to herself, that she missed the possibility of being with him, even though she had spent so much of the year pushing him away.

She finished her packing and soon found herself making her way toward Hogsmeade with the rest of the Gryffindor seventh-years. She found she missed James's presence even more as she thought about what he had done that day in June when they'd been attacked. He'd fought bravely and earned the Head Boy title that day, and though most of the professors accompanied them now, prepared for any such attack, she still sort of wished he was with them—with her. She shook her head of such childish thoughts and continued talking with her friends, putting that day from her mind.

The train ride home was surprisingly—and blissfully—uneventful. After a brief prefects' meeting, Lily joined Mary, who for some reason was sitting with Sirius and Peter. In fact, she was talking rather animatedly with Peter, who didn't seem quite sure what to make of her. Sirius gave Lily an amused look as she entered the compartment and stared at them; she idly wondered where Susan Pritchard was and what Mary was up to. Then he tossed her a copy of that morning's Daily Prophet.

"Check out page two," he murmured.

She turned the page, wondering what could be so interesting. It was a small paragraph near the bottom corner of the page.

"Pietro Avery released from Azkaban Prison." Lily glanced up in alarm. "That's Avery's brother, isn't it? The one that…" She stopped, not wanting to say it.

Sirius nodded grimly. "The same. Apparently he has some family connections and got out early. The other two are still there, but I'm sure it won't be long for them either, if the Ministry is letting Avery go."

Lily scanned the article. "It says he was imprisoned for an attack outside Hogsmeade, but nothing about Kieran's death." She paused. "He's a murderer. How could they let him out early?"

"Money," said Sirius, frowning darkly. "It's that simple. And it'll just get worse. I know—I used to belong to one of those families that bought their way out of things."

"But what do you think it means?" she asked softly. "For…well, for James, for one."

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Not sure. Given Dante's grudge against him, I suppose his brother may have one, too. He's the one who went to Azkaban, after all. So it's possible he might try something, now that he's out."

Mary and Peter looked up. "You don't really think so, do you?" Mary asked, her eyes wide.

"Think what?" asked Remus, entering the compartment then. Lily handed him the newspaper. He frowned as he read it.

"You think he'll come after us?" he finally asked, tossing it on the seat beside Sirius.

"Or just Prongs," said Sirius. "He seems to have taken the blame for that—at least according to Avery."

"You'll have to keep a close eye on him over the holidays, then," said Remus very matter-of-factly.

Lily glanced back and forth between the friends, impressed with their loyalty and bravery. And yet that was not what came to her lips.

"Why do you call him Prongs?" she asked instead.

"Because he's very dear to us, that's why," Sirius replied with a wink. Lily narrowed her eyes as Peter and Remus burst out laughing.

"Never mind," she said. "Keep your secrets. I'll find out eventually."

"Doubt it," murmured Peter. Sandra entered then with Ryan Sloper and Cynthia Morris, who asked after James. Soon Susan Pritchard joined them and sat next to Peter, who looked even more confused now, and the compartment was suddenly quite crowded and noisy. Lily sat at the window and stared out at the passing landscape. She remembered the trip to Hogwarts in September and how much it had bothered her when she found out James was Head Boy. She could hardly remember why now. The compartment seemed empty in spite of all the talking and laughing; it just didn't feel right for him to be missing.

Lily glanced around and caught Remus's eye. He nodded as if he understood, and she smiled back at him before joining the conversation once again. They'd soon arrive at station for the long holiday, and she tried to enjoy the last few hours with her friends before the break began.

Several games of Exploding Snap later, not to mention a tremendous number of Chocolate Frogs and a great deal of laughter, they pulled into King's Cross. Lily sighed as she glanced out the window, and to her surprise, her heart did a little flip in her chest.

James was waiting on the platform, and she rather doubted the flowers were for Sirius.

**End Notes:**

Thank you once more to my lovely alpha-beta Lea/mugglegirlmaurader. Any mistakes are my own. In particular, the timeline: I may have taken some liberties with Sirius here, but I believe I can also justify them due to the lack of specific canon facts. Ditto with Evan Rosier.

Thanks again for all the amazing reviews and support! :)


	23. Chapter TwentyThree

Chapter Twenty-Three

James kicked anxiously at the ground as the Hogwarts Express pulled into King's Cross Station. The small bouquet of mums he had picked just before leaving the house were growing heavier and heavier in his sweaty palms; he halfway wanted to toss them in the nearest rubbish bin. His father had suggested them, though, and his parents had been married for over sixty years before his mother had died. His dad must know what he was talking about, and James didn't want to let him down.

The train finally came to a stop, and James swallowed nervously as the students began to disembark, talking and laughing with holiday cheer. Some waved and asked after his dad; others looked at him curiously, not sure why the Head Boy was standing on the platform with flowers instead of getting off the train.

Anastasia Harrison walked by with Mitchell Bradley, the sixth-year Hufflepuff prefect, and James was almost positive she winked at him. Mitchell glowered and put his arm around her shoulder as they walked by. At the other end of the platform, Dante Avery was talking with Severus Snape and Corin Mulciber. They glanced his way, and Avery gave James a derisive sneer as he joined a small group of dark-robed wizards near the exit. He leaned toward one of them, a large, dark-haired wizard with similar features, and jerked his thumb back toward James. The older wizard nodded; Snape followed their glance and frowned.

"Aw, Prongs, you shouldn't have," said a voice behind James. A hand reached out for the mums and sniffed them; Sirius grinned and wiggled his eyebrows.

"They're not for you, Padfoot," James laughed, snatching them back and putting Avery out of his mind. "They're for—"

"Me, I hope," said Lily, walking up with Remus and Peter. She arched an eyebrow at him. "You did miss dinner, after all."

James tried to put on a confident face, but his friends laughed, making it difficult. He handed her the flowers, stepping awkwardly toward her, unsure whether or not to kiss her in front of everyone, even though he rather desperately wanted to. Sirius whooped even louder as James simply pecked her on the cheek; Lily hid a small smile, her eyes twinkling.

"Thank you," she said. "They're lovely. How is your dad?"

"Yeah, how's he holding up with you underfoot?" asked Sirius. "Ready to kick you out, yet?"

James shook his head at Sirius and smiled at Lily. "He's only been back home a few days, but he's doing much better, thanks." He moved to pick up her bag, then glanced back over his shoulder at Sirius as they all began to walk together toward the exit. "In fact, he said he's ready to put you out of your Gobstones misery once and for all."

"I'll go easy on him." Sirius winked at Lily, and she laughed. "He's already had to put up with you." He stopped and raised an eyebrow when he realized where they were heading toward the Muggle exit. "Since when do we take this way home, Prongs? We can't Apparate out there, you know."

James coughed, slightly embarrassed even though it felt completely natural to walk Lily out. He did want to talk to her, after all—and maybe finish that kiss from the Entrance Hall. Remus and Peter were smirking at him, but Sirius seemed genuinely oblivious. "I'm just going to take Lily's bag out to her folks, that's all."

Sirius was silent for a moment, then grinned and clapped him on the back. "Right. Can't get in a proper snog with us lurching about, can you?"

"Real subtle, Padfoot," muttered James, sure his ears were flaming red. "Thanks."

"Not like you haven't seen it already," murmured Lily. James gaped at her: it was the first time he had heard her joke about the spell Sirius had set on them in the prefects' lounge. Sirius winked at her again, and James felt an odd protective instinct in his gut.

"I saw more than I care to see ever again, Evans," Sirius replied. "We'll wait for you, Prongs, but don't take too long, okay? I'm ready for a holiday."

"I haven't seen her all week," James complained as they walked away.

"You haven't seen us either!" Sirius called back. He headed toward the Apparition point with Remus and Peter as James and Lily hurled through the barrier toward the Muggle platform on the other side.

"How come you're not just Apparating home?" he asked her curiously. "It would be quicker."

"My parents wanted to come down to London for some shopping." She shrugged. "Then we're heading to the West End for a nice dinner."

"Dinner!" James exclaimed, slapping his forehead. "I almost forgot about dinner! I'm so sorry I missed it. Can you meet me for dinner next week? Will it be okay with them?"

Lily smiled and nodded. "I'm not sure what they'll say, but I'm of age in the wizarding world, after all. Where did you want to go?"

"I know the perfect place just off Diagon Alley. My parents loved it," said James. It mad him sad to think of his mum never going back, but he knew it would be perfect for Lily. "How about Tuesday night?"

"Tuesday would be great," said Lily. "I'm looking forward to it."

"You are?" he asked in surprise. The look on his face must have been amusing, because she laughed.

"Yes, I am," she said. "Oddly enough, given what happened last time."

"I know," he said, feeling miserable once again for leaving her alone in the kitchen. "I'm so sorry I couldn't find you, I wanted to let you know—"

She put a finger to his lips, and he felt a shiver run down his spine at her touch. "It's okay," she said softly. "We'll get it right one of these days."

James took her hand and grinned at her. "We'll get it right this time, I promise. It's a real date, and I'm not going to screw this one up. Who would have even thought it possible after all that's happened?"

He didn't say that he had thought about it dozens of times, all the way back to fourth year when he had kissed Julie Higgins and found himself thinking about Lily instead, or to fifth year when he had asked her out over and over only to have her reject him again and again. He had thought about it sixth year as well, but then he had moved on, convinced it could never happen…until he had come so close to kissing her in the hospital wing, and all he had thought about after that had been her. Even seventh year, with so many bad feelings between them, he had thought about her; he had just never seriously considered any sort of relationship with her until that fateful Quidditch match in the rain. He had lost the game, but found much more.

Lily must have been thinking similar things, for she was silent as well, and for a long moment they just gazed at one another as if suspended in time. James did not know what to say, especially when he really wanted to pick up where they had left off in the Entrance Hall, the last time he had seen her. He cleared his throat.

"Lily, I—"

She stopped him with a kiss, and without any hesitation this time, he gave into it completely, forgetting whatever it was he had been about to say. He briefly thought about how different it was from kissing Anastasia or even Cynthia—more passionate, more meaningful—but quickly pushed that from his mind as he pulled Lily close and kissed her like he'd been imagining for so many weeks.

It was perfect.

They finally came apart a bit breathless. "Huh," he said, unable to say anything else.

Lily burst into nervous laughter. "I just thought we should get that out of the way," she said. "Since we missed our chance last time. And seeing as I'm usually the one to make the first move…" She trailed off, eyeing him both mischievously and nervously.

He almost couldn't believe she was joking with him again: she was practically a different person. He remembered all the times she had reacted to him with anger, annoyance, fear, and confusion since the beginning of the term, and it seemed years, not months ago; now she was actually relaxed and having fun with him. He wondered if it were a dream, and worried that it might come crashing down with the wrong words.

"I'll try not to make you do all the work," he murmured, trailing a finger down her cheek and tucking her hair behind her ear. "Do you want me to pick you up on Tuesday?"

"That'd be right and proper, wouldn't it?" She shook her head with a smile. "No, that's all right. Let's just meet at the Leaky Cauldron. I don't know what would make my folks more nervous: Apparating on my own or with a strange boy on my arm."

James frowned at her. "Aren't you going to tell them? Or are you—"

"Of course I am," she said, taking his hand. "In fact, I'll even introduce you right now."

"Right now?" he repeated, eye wide. "Are they—"

"Right here," she finished. He looked up to see a smart, middle-aged couple walking toward them. Mr. Evans was tall and broad, with dark hair and piercing green eyes. He was frowning slightly, but her mother was beaming, obviously happy to see her youngest daughter again. Her auburn hair was cut short, her eyes a warm, sparkling brown.

"Welcome back, dear!" she exclaimed, enveloping Lily in a close embrace. "Happy Christmas!"

"Happy Christmas, mum." James heard Lily laugh into her mother's shoulder. She turned to her dad and embraced him as well, while Mrs. Evans stood patiently and gave James a polite smile.

"Mum, Dad, this is James Potter, the Head Boy," Lily said. James held out his hand to them both, his mouth suddenly dry. He wasn't even properly dating Lily, and he was already meeting her parents. Lily seemed to sense his nervousness and actually appeared to enjoy it. He gave her another wide-eyed look, but she just grinned at him.

"Happy Christmas, James," said Mrs. Evans. "It's so nice to finally meet you."

"Finally?" James asked, his voice sounding a bit too high to his ears. He cleared his throat.

"We've heard a lot about you," said Mr. Evans, his voice deep and rumbling and clearly implying that he didn't necessarily approve of what he had heard. Lily's father was far more gruff than James would have expected, and he felt his nerves plummet. He had been caught completely unprepared, even though he knew he could make a good impression when he was at his best; he'd been charming his parents' friends for years.

"I can't imagine it was much good," he murmured. Mr. Evans seemed to be studying James rather intently, and James couldn't help but wonder what Lily had told her parents about him. He remembered all their fights, the duel, the night in the prefects' lounge…Merlin, he hoped she hadn't told them about _that_…

Mr. Evans was silent, green eyes staring intently down his nose at James. Mrs. Evans patted him gently on the arm. "We know what you did in Hogsmeade last year, dear. Thank you."

James stuttered a reply, unsure what to say. Mr. Evans nodded, frowned, then spoke.

"How's your term going as Head Boy, James? You've obviously settled down a bit to earn the badge."

"Settled down, sir?" James repeated. He felt like an animal trapped in the glowing eyes of a large predator.

"I seem to recall hearing your name linked to quite a few happenings at Hogwarts, most of them involving pranks and detentions." He was giving James a very pointed look.

James swallowed hard and glanced at Lily. She still looked like she was enjoying herself, for she showed no sign of joining the conversation and helping him out. He felt like he was about to fall from his broom: he needed to get a grip and right himself, fly with the wind instead of letting it buffet him around.

"Yes, sir," James replied, trying to sound more confident and less intimidated. "I mean, yes, I guess I've settled down, although it's been a bit of a tough term, with everything that's happened…" He trailed off at the skeptical look on Mr. Evan's face; so much for confidence.

And then Lily finally spoke up. "James lost his mum over the summer," she said. Mrs. Evans immediately made a sympathetic sound and patted him on the arm again. "And he went home early to look after his dad. He's only come to the station to pick up a friend."

"I'm sorry to hear that," grumbled Mr. Evans. James thought maybe his eyes softened just a bit. "What happened?"

"He's just out of St. Mungo's…er, the hospital…for dragon pox." James took a deep breath, thankful for Lily's intervention. "He'll be all right, though. A bit tired, now, but there should be no lasting effects."

"Glad to hear he's recovering, then," Mr. Evans said. There was an uncomfortable silence as James just nodded in reply.

"James is a bit behind now, so we need to meet next week to catch up on things before the train ride back," Lily said, mostly addressing her mum. Her mum nodded slowly, but James thought she seemed reluctant.

"Where were you planning on meeting?" asked Mr. Evans.

"Diagon Alley, sir," said James, suddenly nervous again. "The Leaky Cauldron."

He was quiet for so long James thought for sure he'd never see Lily again. "Is Diagon Alley safe?" Mr. Evans finally asked. James heard the unspoken fear behind the question and couldn't blame him; after what had happened in Hogsmeade in June, any father would be right to worry about his daughter's safety traveling unaccompanied in the wizarding world.

"Yes, sir," said James. "Nothing has happened in Diagon Alley." He did not add the unspoken 'yet' to the end of the sentence, that it was only a matter of time before it did. His father had told him that the war with Voldemort and his Death Eaters continued to escalate, with more and more attacks on Muggle-borns and other enemies. Diagon Alley seemed to be the only safe haven, the one place that had not been targeted when so many others had…yet it seemed unlikely it would remain safe forever, with dark forces gaining such strength.

"Couldn't you just meet at the house?" asked Mrs. Evans, the worry clear in her voice. "We'd be happy to have you over, James."

"Mum!" Lily exclaimed. "We've been locked up in the castle for almost four months, it would be nice to get out for once. We'll be perfectly safe. There are far too many people in Diagon Alley for anything to go wrong, especially this time of year."

Mr. and Mrs. Evans exchanged a studied look before Mr. Evans finally nodded. James glanced down in surprise as Lily squeezed his hand. Mr. Evans noticed as well and raised an eyebrow, but Lily gave him a winning smile, and he just shook his head, as if used to his youngest daughter getting her way.

"James," he said, holding out his hand. "Take care. I hope the next term goes better for you."

"Thank you, sir," James replied, shaking hands with him once more. He was relieved to have survived the encounter. "It was nice to meet you."

Mrs. Evans kissed him on the cheek. "You should come around sometime anyway, James. We'd love to have you over."

"Thanks, Mrs. Evans," James said, and he meant it. For as stern as her father was, Lily's mother was warm and friendly, and it reminded him a great deal of his own mother in a way that made him sad. "Enjoy your dinner."

"Thank you, dear," she said. There was an awkward moment when they all stood there silently, as if waiting for something. James wasn't sure how to say good bye to Lily in front of her parents, but fortunately her mother recognized what was happening and told her they'd meet her at the car. Lily smiled gratefully as her parents left; James just stared after them, rather dazed.

"What's wrong?" she teased, pulling him out of his reverie. "Haven't you ever met a girl's folks before?"

"No," he murmured. "I actually haven't."

She laughed and kissed him on the cheek as well. "You did fine. I'll see you on Tuesday."

James shook his head. "Are you sure? You're parents didn't seem too keen on it, maybe we should just wait until we're back at Hogwarts—"

"No, it's fine." She shook her head. "I really want to go. It's much better than the kitchens at Hogwarts."

"Yes, it is," he murmured. "But I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable."

"I'm not uncomfortable—it's Diagon Alley. I go there every year for my books, and I was there last year at Christmas. The only thing is…" She paused and sighed, obviously reluctant to say anything. "Did you see the Daily Prophet today? Avery's brother was released from Azkaban."

James nodded. "I think I saw him back on the platform. What does that have to do with us, though?"

"Do you think…well, that he might come after you?" she asked. "For revenge?"

James frowned as he considered it. Avery had been threatening him all year, somehow blaming James for sending his brother to Azkaban, so it was certainly possible now that the elder Avery was out that something might happen. On the other hand, James was just one seventh-year student with no connection to the war, what would a Death Eater want with him? And what had _he_done for Avery's brother to hold such a personal grudge? Remus had been there fighting as well, after all—as had several others. It had been the Auror Alastor Moody who had brought Pietro Avery to Azkaban.

"I'm not sure we should stop living our lives just because someone might come after us," he finally said. "If we want to go to Diagon Alley, we should go to Diagon Alley. We know it's safe—but we don't know if Avery is going to do anything. We can meet for lunch instead and just eat at the Leaky Cauldron if you'd like. Nothing's going to happen there in the middle of the day, it's been around forever."

"I know, you're right," Lily said. She kissed him on the cheek once more. "That still sounds perfect. I'll see you at the Leaky Cauldron at noon then." She turned and walked toward the exit and into Muggle London. James couldn't help but call after her. He used her surname to lighten the mood.

"Hey, Evans!" She stopped and turned toward him. "Does this mean we're…I mean, us…that we…" He wasn't sure how to ask, afraid of the answer.

Lily grinned at him. "Depends on that date, Potter. Don't miss it this time."

She left to be with her family, and James hurried back through the barrier to his friends. He could hardly wait three days to see her again, although as he thought about the look Avery had given him on the platform, he also couldn't help but wonder if it wouldn't be safer to stay in after all.

**End Notes:**

Thanks, alpha-beta Lea! Your comments always make me smile.

And yes, I was surprised that the Evans showed up as well. But they're not doing things quite conventionally, are they? ;)

Hold on to your hats...


	24. Chapter TwentyFour

Chapter Twenty-Four

Lily checked her hair in the mirror one last time. She wasn't really sure why she was so nervous: it was just James, after all, and he'd seen her soaking wet in the cold rain, not to mention lying around the Gryffindor common room at all hours of the day. And it was just a lunch date, not a nice dinner out like he had probably hoped for. She was dressed casually but warmly, given the unusual cold snap that had spread south to London for the holidays, with her hair pulled back in plaits. Tucking her cloak around her, Lily made sure she had her scarf and gloves, then hurried downstairs to say goodbye.

Her parents were still a bit uneasy about her Apparating to Diagon Alley, but seeing as the house wasn't connected to the Floo Network, Lily told them there was really no other option. She was a witch, she was of age, and she had passed her Apparition exam on the first try. Apparently it wasn't the Apparation that was a problem so much as her going out on her own—and on a date, no less; Lily suspected they would have little problem if she were simply going shopping for the afternoon with her girlfriends.

At least it was lunch and not dinner; she had told them she would be home in time for tea just to make them more comfortable. Her mum had once again invited James over, and Lily thought she might just take her mum up on the offer and see if James wanted to come back to the house for dinner…assuming their first real time alone together didn't end up as so many other encounters did: with shouting, slapping, or a hex.

Her dad was at work, but her mum was in the kitchen, baking for the holidays. After a quick kiss goodbye, Lily stepped back to Apparate to one of the designated arrival points in Diagon Alley. She couldn't just appear anywhere, since she had no way of knowing if someone might be in that particular space at that moment. She had heard horrible stories of people Apparating into and on top of other people, a fate far worse than Splinching, and she did not care to experience it on her first date with James Potter; that would doom their fledging relationship for sure.

Closing her eyes, Lily concentrated on her destination, stepped around, and felt the crushing compression take hold and pull her away. She reappeared momentarily in a side street next to the Leaky Cauldron. To her surprise, it was snowing lightly, and she quickly pulled on her gloves and scarf as the soft flakes settled on her hair and wet her face.

The new snow just barely covered Diagon Alley in a thin layer of white fluff. It made the street look immensely cheerful for the holidays, yet everyone was walking quickly with their heads tucked into their cloaks, shivering and grumbling under their breath. Lily was surprised: snow was so unusual for Christmas she would have expected it to bring extra excitement to the holiday shoppers. Then she noticed how much thinner the crowds were from the previous year, and how so many people seemed to be avoiding one another. Their faces looked sad, worried, and suspicious, and Lily was suddenly nervous.

James had said the war had not touched Diagon Alley, but it clearly had.

She put her hand on her wand for security and did what everyone else was doing: she looked down and hurried around the corner to the entrance of the pub. As soon as she entered, she saw James waiting with Sirius. James's face lit up when he noticed her, and he hurried over, Sirius trailing behind with a grin.

Lily wasn't sure whether to hug James, kiss him, or shake his hand, so she simply smiled and nodded her head at Sirius instead. "Bodyguard?" she asked lightly. To her surprise, Sirius burst out laughing, but James actually groaned.

"Not you too!" he exclaimed. Lily had no idea what he was talking about, but before she could say anything, Sirius jumped in.

"I'm not staying, Evans," he said, inclining his head in what he probably thought was a gallant manner. "I'm meeting someone as well."

Lily thought about throwing her arms around him, and not just because she was glad he was leaving. "That's great! But what about—"

"Don't say it," he said, holding up a hand. "You'll jinx it. We're sneaking around."

"In public?" Lily asked skeptically; James snorted beside her.

"Well, we can't meet at her house, and we certainly can't meet at mine," he pointed out. "I just want to talk to her without a swarm of Slytherins hanging about ready to hex me. We'll be fine."

He turned to go, leaving James behind with a concerned look on his face. "Be careful, Padfoot," he murmured. "It's risky, you know."

"I like a good risk, you know," Sirius tossed back over his shoulder. "Especially when it's worth it."

He left without another word. James watched him through the windows before shaking himself and turning back to Lily. He kissed her on the cheek with a wink. "A proper welcome for a proper date now that he's gone. How are you? Were your parents still all right with you coming?"

Lily nodded, her heart bursting in her chest at the warm welcome. "I think my dad was a bit more nervous than my mum, but they're okay with it. I told them I'd be back for supper, and they told me to bring you." She almost laughed at the look on his face and laid a hand on his arm to calm him. "Just think about it, okay?"

He nodded and kept her hand on his arm. "Do you want to get something to eat first or walk around a bit?"

Lily glanced outside: the snow was still coming down and the sky was now dark grey. She suspected it wasn't going to let up anytime soon, so there seemed little point in waiting. "Let's go out now, before it gets too wet and cold. I need to go to Flourish and Blotts, and then we can come back for something to warm us up."

"Brilliant!" he said, taking her hand and leading her out. "I need to get something at Twilfitt and Tatting's for my dad as well, not to mention a gift Sirius might actually look at and not toss back in the box this year."

Lily laughed as they walked into the snow-covered street. They talked easily as they made their way toward the bookshop, and Lily was glad that their first date together was so comfortable. Yet they both felt the odd tension in the air around them and their conversation soon stalled. James glanced around, as if studying his surroundings carefully for any signs of a threat.

"This is horrible," he murmured. "It was nothing like this last year—it wasn't even this bad in August."

"It's so sad," Lily replied. "You can almost feel how scared everyone is."

"I guess they have reason," James said. "My dad did say things have been getting worse, but I just never thought it would come to Diagon Alley." He turned to her and gave her a very earnest look. "I feel bad even bringing you here. Do you want to leave? I'll come to your parents if you'd rather—"

She leaned up to kiss him on the lips, quick and wet and perfect. "No, it's all right. Let's just get what we need and head back to the Leaky Cauldron. Didn't you say something about living our lives the other day?"

He sighed. "I did. I just didn't realize how hard that might be. The tension is almost unbearable."

"Then let's shop, that usually helps." She forced a laugh and pulled him into Flourish and Blotts.

They did their shopping quickly, walking with heads down between shops to both ward off the cold snow and keep to themselves like all the other denizens of the alley. When someone called James's name from behind, they both jumped, but it was only one of his father's friends, inquiring after Harrington Potter's health. The friendly exchange lifted their spirits a bit, but they still finished their shopping without much browsing, getting only what they needed before hurrying back to the Leaky Cauldron.

They were just ducking through an empty alleyway when there was a loud crack and a large shape Apparated in front of them—a person. He stumbled into James, cursing profusely, and with a gasp Lily realized it was Sirius. He was bleeding heavily from a cut on his head and limping as he struggled toward them. Lily suspected he had probably Splinched himself, as he seemed to be trying to escape from something…or someone.

"It's a trap!" he gasped as he staggered in front of them. James caught him, eyes wide as he glanced wildly around the alley. Sirius grabbed James's robes. "They're after you, you've got to get away—"

He didn't finish, but collapsed unconscious in front of them, Stunned silent by one of the six masked wizards who abruptly surrounded them.

* * *

"Lily, get behind me!" James shouted, his instincts taking over as he pulled out his wand and barely ducked a vicious jet of red light. He cast a Shield Charm as another curse flew their way and sent it rebounding into the nearest wall, blasting bits of stone and dust all over them. "Cover Sirius—or get him out of here if you can!"

It was immediately apparent a quick escape was not possible, however. Lily crouched next to Sirius, her wand out as she glanced around the alley and at the Death Eaters now advancing forward. She cast a Disarming Spell at the nearest masked figure, but he blocked it easily and laughed. James felt his blood go cold, because he recognized that laugh. Apparently Lily did as well, for she gasped as she stopped the counter spell.

"James, that's—" she began, then blocked another curse.

"I know," James murmured, almost refusing to believe it. "It's him." He didn't say more, but concentrated on the Death Eaters moving toward him. They took turns casting curses, as if trying to wear him down while keeping their own strength intact. James blocked each spell thrown his way and finally managed to take down one Death Eater with a well-placed Stinging Hex that caught the man square between the eyes. He dropped to the street, yelling in pain as his face contorted, but the others pressed forward without a single look back.

Behind him, Lily was still in front of Sirius, blocking spells from the left and sending several back. James was reminded of another attack, when he and Lily had fought side by side, protecting their friends, but he shook his head of the memory, forcing himself to concentrate. This was not Hogsmeade, and no one was going to die.

One of the Death Eaters suddenly screamed and ripped off his robes, clawing at his arms with desperate strokes. James saw dozens of boils erupting across the man's skin, large and red and painful. Lily nodded in satisfaction, but without warning she cried out and fell backwards, clutching at her hand.

"Lily!" James shouted. He fired several quick and powerful curses at the remaining Death Eaters, easily taking down the man with the boils with a Full Body-Bind Curse. Though he'd never done it outside of class, he cast a lasting Shield Charm over their small area, desperately hoping that it would hold just long enough for him to help Lily. He bent down and reached out to steady her as several spell crashed into the invisible barrier. "Are you okay?"

Lily held her right hand to her chest; it was already dripping blood onto the white snow. It looked similar to but less severe than the injury Sirius had taken in Hogsmeade, and the parallel almost made him shudder. Lily nodded grimly, but she was obviously in pain. James tried to recall one of the spells she had used on him in the prefects' bathroom, on the night of the full moon after he had cut his leg. The adrenaline coursing through his body brought it to mind quickly, because he remembered it almost instantly and cast a simple pain-relieving spell over her hand. She started to relax, but then immediately tensed as she looked over his shoulder and gasped.

"James!" she cried as a vicious stream of purple light sped toward them; he whirled and reinforced the Shield Charm, the shock of the incoming spell nearly wrenching his arm from his shoulder. He quickly conjured a simple bandage for her hand, and she nodded wordlessly as he stood to face the Death Eaters once more.

"We've got to wake him," he said, casting a Banishing Charm that was just barely blocked by the nearest Death Eater. "We can't hold them off, we need to get out of here, get to—"

"You're not going anywhere, Potter," sneered a voice that was suddenly far too close. The shield fell as James whirled to his left and instinctively fired an Impedimenta Curse. It was far more powerful than he intended, and Dante Avery flew backwards, crashing hard against the nearest wall. He hit his head with a resounding crack and sank to the snowy ground, silent.

One of the other Death Eaters moved to check on Avery; with a snarl, he then turned and began firing curse after curse at them. James instinctively knew it must be Avery's brother, recently released from Azkaban, for only a brother would check on a fallen comrade. James held on as best as he could, but he could feel his strength failing under the brutal onslaught of Pietro Avery. If one of the others began firing on him as well, he'd be done for.

And then he stumbled, the fatigue setting in, and a Cutting Curse caught his shoulder. He almost dropped his wand as his right hand flew to his shoulder and came back covered in blood. It was the same spell that had slashed his face in Hogsmeade, but before he could recover, Pietro Avery had taken another step forward and cried, "_Crucio_!"

James heard the laughter of the remaining Death Eaters as if from a dark distance. He fell to the ground, dropping his wand and writhing in pain as ribbons of unbearable torture coursed through him, setting his shoulder on fire. It felt like an eternity that he lay there, convulsing in agony. He vaguely heard Lily shout "No!" and through half-closed eyes saw her leap up and jump in front of him, her wand held gamely in her left hand. She caught Avery by surprise, a powerful Leg-Locker Curse sending him toppling to the ground, and the Cruciatus Curse was released.

James groaned and rolled over, gasping for breath and grasping for his wand. Knowing they were probably not expecting him to fire, he gathered as much strength as he could and cast a desperate spell from the ground, taking out another Death Eater with a Knockback Jinx that sent him flying feet over face into a nearby set of rubbish bins.

Unfortunately the man James had hit with the Stinging Hex finally rose and joined the last remaining Death Eater still standing. They glanced at Avery, who was brushing snow from his robes as he stood, and all three advanced on them once more with grim determination. James crawled toward Sirius and murmured, "_Rennervate_" over his still unconscious friend.

"Wake up, damn you," he muttered, trying to clear his head and shake the feeling back into his left arm. He sat up, but instinctively flinched as Lily stopped a curse from taking him in the back. "We've got to get out of here, and you're dead weight."

Sirius groaned, his eyes flying open. "I'm not dead, Prongs."

"Not yet. Get up." James stood and stepped in front of Lily, who gave him a grateful yet anxious look. She tucked an arm under Sirius's shoulder and helped him stand; his head lolled on his chest, but with a quick glance behind him, James saw Sirius give him a weak wink and knew his friend was playing it up.

Taking a deep breath, James nodded and began edging them backward, holding his wand on the Death Eaters still advancing toward them. They laughed at their seemingly spineless retreat. Without warning, Sirius raised his wand and caught one of the remaining Death Eaters by surprise with a sharp slice across the leg; the man staggered and fell to his knees. Sirius's victorious grin was cut short, however, when Pietro Avery sneered and cast a brutal curse at them that James simply couldn't block fast enough.

A jet of black light slammed into Lily, and she crumpled instantly. Sirius barely had the strength to hold her up and stumbled behind James, swearing furiously as he lowered Lily to the ground as carefully as he could. James took one look behind him and felt a sudden rage burst forth inside him, like no other he had felt before. And with the rage came an equally unexpected surge of energy.

He stepped forward with a primal yell: a powerful Stunning Spell took down Pietro Avery, violent enough to throw him halfway back down the alley. The lone remaining attacker raised his wand, but James easily disarmed him. When the Death Eater charged him with bare hands, James stopped him short with a sharp Freezing Spell, then sent him crashing to the slushy pavement with a Hurling Hex. He started toward Avery, vaguely intending to cast his own Cruciatus Curse, but Sirius caught his wrist.

"No, mate," he said, his voice firm. "You've done enough. It's over."

James ripped his arm away and whirled on his friend. "I'm not just letting them go!" he hissed, gesturing wildly at the bodies behind him. "Look at what they did to us—to you, to Lily…" He faltered as he glanced at Lily's pale skin, her shallow breathing, then turned back to the Death Eaters littering the alley, almost desperate for more. He wanted—no, _needed_—to take out his anger, his fear on them all…

"No," said Sirius, sounding eerily like James had sounded once in the prefects' lounge, when he'd stopped Lily from hexing his friend. "Tie them up. Someone will be here—the Ministry is probably on their way."

"I can't believe they aren't already here," James muttered in response. But he did as Sirius suggested and sent several streams of white ropes toward the Death Eaters. Two of them managed to Apparate away before he could bind them; to be safe, James Stunned the remaining Death Eaters once more for good measure. He turned back to Sirius, beginning to feel the let down now that the fight was over. "What the hell is wrong with them, letting a group of students fend for themselves in the middle of Diagon Alley—"

He broke off as three men came running into alley wearing the official robes of Ministry Aurors. They appeared as if they had already been involved in an altercation, for their robes were ripped and dirty, their faces red and scratched. They stopped short when they saw four Death Eaters bound and unconscious in the snow of the alley.

"Damn, James," murmured Frank Longbottom, quickly stepping forward. "We really need you on our team when you're out of Hogwarts."

James just stared at him, not really comprehending what the young Auror was saying, and then it hit him: for the second time in six months, he had been attacked by Death Eaters, and he had survived. Only this time, _he_had been the target. He had fought them off once more, but with another defeat, he knew without a doubt that it was only a matter of time before it happened again. They would eventually but certainly come after him, and it was increasingly clear that nowhere was safe—not Hogwarts, not Diagon Alley. The world was suddenly much, much darker.

He staggered as his remaining strength left him, and Sirius put an arm around his good shoulder to steady him, though he was barely standing himself. "It's okay, James. It's over. You did it again. Let's just get to St. Mungo's."

James simply nodded, too stunned to answer. Frank Longbottom was kneeling next to Lily, frowning. "_Soporus_Spell—Sleeping Curse. Nasty bit of Dark Magic, but I've given her some fluxweed to stabilize her. She'll be all right as long as you get her to St. Mungo's as soon as possible. Here, take this." He pulled a pocketwatch from his robes and murmured a spell over it. It glowed soft blue before returning to normal, and with a start James realized the Auror had just made them a Portkey. Frank stood and nodded grimly as he handed the pocketwatch to Sirius. "Neither of you are in any shape to Apparate. Get her to St. Mungo's. I'll let your father know what's happened."

"Don't bother with mine," Sirius murmured, grinning a bit deliriously, like he had in the corridor when Dante Avery had cornered him. "He'll just be disappointed I missed another opportunity to get myself killed."

Frank hid a bleak smile as shook his head again and stepped back. The other two Aurors had gathered the prisoners and were levitating them out of the alley. "Go—I set the Portkey for one minute. It'll take you directly to the spell damage ward." He clapped James on the shoulder. "I'll come by to pick up my watch and get your statement later. You weren't the only ones hit today: it's been a busy afternoon."

For some reason that roused James from his stunned stupor, and he remembered that Sirius had been attacked first. "What do you mean?" he stared to ask, wondering what had happened elsewhere. But the Portkey was about to activate, and he needed to get Lily to a Healer. He knelt and picked her up, her face pale and still under the snowy sky. After grabbing hold of the pocketwatch with Sirius, they were whisked away to the safety of a busy St. Mungo's—his first date with Lily having come to the worst possible end.

**End Notes:**

Thank you, Mystery Science Theater 300...I mean, mugglegirmarauder! I appreciate you making sure the battle went accordingly. :)

Thank you to all my readers and reviewers! I really appreciate all your support. It keeps me going and makes me love what I do even more. I do hope you enjoyed this chapter, even if I ruined their date—you did see it coming, didn't you? The next chapter is the longest yet, for some reason. But the story is winding down— enjoy the rest!


	25. Chapter TwentyFive

Chapter Twenty-Five

Lily heard a familiar voice calling her. She felt the dim warmth of sun tickling her eyes and slowly but reluctantly opened them. She looked up to find James leaning over her, gently shaking her shoulder with a deeply concerned look on his face. He sighed in relief as he stepped back and took her hand to help her sit.

"Thank goodness," he said. His voice sounded slightly muffled, and Lily noticed an odd fuzziness to him, as if she couldn't quite focus. "That's the first step, anyway."

"The first step of what?" she asked, shaking her head to clear it of the fogginess that seemed to have hold of her. What had happened? Where was she?

James had his left arm strapped to his chest, as if he had injured it. Was it from Quidditch? No, there had there been an attack…but that wasn't right. He'd been hit in the face in Hogsmeade, and she'd hurt her knee. Why did she feel like she'd been run over by a herd of Hippogriffs instead then? And how had he hurt his shoulder? Starting to panic, Lily grasped at James's good hand and glanced around. It looked a bit like the hospital wing at Hogwarts, only it was smaller, and completely empty: where was everyone else? Sirius, Andrew, Sandra?

"What happened?" she asked. "What's going on?"

He squeezed her hand and urged her back toward the pillow, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"We were attacked," he said. "But you're going to be all right-we all are."

"In Hogsmeade?" she asked, still confused. "But your face—where are the others-and Kieran? I thought he—" She stopped at the look on James's face.

"Not Hogsmeade," he said softly, frowning. "Diagon Alley. Don't you remember?"

She stared at him, tears starting to prick at the corners of her eyes in fear as she shook her head. Had she lost her memory? How?

James sat on the side of the bed and pulled her into a warm embrace. He stroked her hair and murmured to her, though he seemed slightly hesitant. She wondered why he was holding her if he was so uncomfortable, but it felt good, and she breathed deep as she tried to relax. Finally she pulled back and looked into his face.

"Tell me what happened," she said. "Why don't I remember?"

"You were hit by a _Soporus _Spell," he said, stepping away and pulling over the chair next to her bed. "In Diagon Alley. We were there together when we were attacked—"

"Wait, we were together?" Lily interrupted. "In Diagon Alley—as in, on a date?"

James grinned, but there was a sad, bittersweet quality to it. "Yeah, our first one. Hell of a way to start, right? You really don't remember anything since Hogsmeade-Hogwarts, Quidditch, Charms class, the prefects' lounge?"

Lily stared hard at him, willing herself to remember, to focus on his still blurry face. Her brain felt like it was wrapped in cotton; she had to force her way through a jumble of memories to find anything meaningful, but slowly things started to come back to her. "I'm Head Girl," she finally said, then glanced at him in surprise as she remembered the train ride to Hogwarts and several prickly prefects' meetings. "And you're Head Boy!"

James nodded, obviously pleased to see her remembering. "I am. Good. The Healers said any memory loss would be temporary. It's sort of like when you wake up and can't remember what you were dreaming about, only you can't remember what you were living."

Lily shook her head, still trying to make sense of it all. "But why are we at Hogwarts if we were attacked in Diagon Alley? At least, it sort of looks like Hogwarts…" She glanced around the room again, bewildered by this cold, empty version of the hospital wing.

"We're actually in St. Mungo's," James answered. "Like I said, you were hit with a _Soporus _Spell, a Sleeping Curse. Frank Longbottom gave you some fluxweed to keep you from falling into too deep a sleep. Some people dream they are living years in the past, but apparently you've only gone back about six months, to the attack in Hogsmeade."

"Six months!" she exclaimed. She couldn't wrap her mind around it, that she could only remember bits and pieces of the last six months.

"It's December now. We were Christmas shopping," James said. "We met at the Leaky Cauldron for lunch." He took her hand again. "Look, it will come back to you much quicker if you just wake up."

"Wake up?" she asked, thoroughly confused. "I am awake."

"No, not really," he replied, shaking his head. "You only think you are. That's the nature of the spell. You think you're awake only you're not-your body is still asleep and your mind is tricking you into feeling as if you are awake. People can lie trapped in their dreams for months, if not years."

"So I'm dreaming all this?" she asked skeptically. She had heard of the spell in Defense Against the Dark Arts, but had never expected to experience it. It was Dark Magic, something they read about but certainly never tried. She didn't believe him, which the rational part of her brain told her was a big part of the problem in recovering from such a spell.

"No, you're not dreaming _this_, not exactly." James ran his free hand through his hair and scratched at the arm strapped to his robes. "_I'm _actually here, inside your mind. The Healers said it was probably the best way to wake you up, since you weren't responding to them."

Lily felt her eyes go wide. "And I'm supposed to respond to you?" she murmured. For some reason, the thought bothered her-no, embarrassed her. More flashes of memory began to come back to her: a kiss in the rain, a warm caress in the prefects' lounge…

"You're supposed to believe me," James replied earnestly. "Lily, I would never lie to you. Your body is still asleep in St. Mungo's. Your parents are worried. You need to wake up."

Lily just stared at him once more, refusing to believe it. She pushed the blankets away from her, and in spite of her body's protests, she swung her legs over the side of the bed. "Look, I'm awake. I can walk, I can talk. I'm not under some spell."

"Yes, you are!" he cried, jumping up and beginning to pace. "You have to trust me, Lily. I'm just trying to help you-I'm trying to save you."

"You've already saved me," she replied. "You brought me here, didn't you?"

He stopped and stared at her. "Do you remember?" he asked.

She nodded. "It's starting to come back-some of it. Was Sirius there? Is he all right?"

"Yes!" James came back to her. "And he's worried too, everyone is. Sandra and Mary have been by, Remus and Peter sent flowers even though-" He stopped himself with an embarrassed frown, and she raised an eyebrow at his discomfort. "My dad is here right now, sitting next to your mother. Your dad is in the hallway, pacing like a lion. They're all waiting for us."

Lily glanced around the room once more. Once again, she noticed that it was completely empty of just about anything—there was still no one else in the room with them, no matter how hard she looked, no matter how much she wanted to believe him that her parents were right there with her. A sudden thought came to her.

"How do I know you're not trying to trick me?" she asked, standing up and moving away as she studied the room. Her legs felt weak, but she willed herself to stay upright. "How do I know this isn't part of the curse itself, your being here?"

"Because I'm real, Lily!" James exclaimed, waving his hand about. "I'm here, I'm trying to help you!"

She shook her head. "Prove it."

With two quick strides he closed the distance between them and kissed her. She gasped as small bursts of electricity shot through her body, rippling from her head to her toes. Her heart beat wildly in her chest as James held her tight with his good arm and kissed her so hard she felt dizzy. Something clicked in her mind, and she stepped back, hand to her lips, about ready to collapse.

"That didn't feel like a dream," she whispered.

He simply nodded, his eyes pleading with her to believe him.

"That was real," she said, though she was desperately uncertain. "That felt real."

"Only because I'm here, in your mind," he said. "I'm not a memory, not a figment of your imagination. But physically, it wasn't real. We only experienced in our minds."

She laughed nervously and took another unsteady step around the room, searching for something that looked right, trying to remember more. "My dreams don't feel like that," she finally said.

James caught up with her. "Lily, it's not a dream, not exactly. Dreams are things you make up. You're actually living inside your head. Please believe me, it's the curse that's making you doubt it. Here, open the door."

She narrowed her eyes at him suspiciously. "Why?"

"Have you ever been to St. Mungo's?" he asked. She shook her head. "Then when you open that door, there will be nothing there. Empty. You have no memory to put out there, and although some people fill in the blanks, you won't."

"Why not?" she asked.

He took her hand and placed in on the doorknob under his. "Because I know you believe me. Now you just have to trust in yourself and wake up."

Lily took a deep breath and nodded. They pulled open the door, and she felt her stomach drop. It was dark, endless empty darkness. There was nothing to be seen: no Hogswarts corridors, no students—no Healers, nothing. She stepped back with a small sound, terrified and angry at the same time: frightened to think that she was really trapped in a spell, and upset that James might actually be right.

He tried to put his arm around her and support her, but she pushed him away and stumbled back to the bed. She pulled the covers over her and curled up, too unsettled to even think straight. The room seemed even more fuzzy, and James was drifting in and out of focus when she finally looked at him. His voice sounded far away as he gazed down at her.

"Wake up, Lily. Please wake up." He seemed only a vague outline now. "I can't stay here any longer, it's taking too much effort."

Lily reached out to him, but he faded completely, still pleading with her to awake, and with a gasp she bolted upright, shutting her eyes against the crisp bright light of the overhead lamp. She sucked in deep breaths of air, willing herself not to panic, not to cry. But it was cold, and bright, and so, so loud; a sob escaped her.

"It's all right, honey," said a caring voice next to her, a familiar voice. She opened her eyes to gaze into the smiling face of her mother. She threw her arms around her mum's neck, and her mother rubbed her back, much as she had done when Lily was a child and woke in the middle of the night from nightmares. She made shushing noises and kissed her daughter's head.

"You're all right, Lily," repeated her mother, pulling back to gaze into her eyes. "You're awake."

"For real?" Lily murmured. A Healer hovered over her and began checking over her with her wand, murmuring the spells that would give her Lily's vital signs; a second Healer moved away toward another bed.

"For real," said the Healer, looking up and smiling. "It's good to see you awake, Ms. Evans. I think you're going to be all right now."

"Wait—what about James? Where is he? He was there, he was trying to tell me…" She stopped at the look on her mother's face. "He was, mum. He was there, in my dream, only he said it wasn't quite like a dream, it was-"

"I know, dear," said Mrs. Evans, quieting her with a smile. "I believe you. And James is fine, he's right behind you."

Lily turned and saw a second bed in the room. James was lying there, apparently still asleep, and a man she could only assume was his father was sitting on the far side of his bed. The second Healer was talking softly as he performed the the same routine over James.

"He did what he set out to do, then," said Mr. Potter with a small smile. He looked tired but relieved as he glanced up and inclined his head toward Lily. "Harrington Potter. It's nice to meet you, Lily. I'm glad you're feeling better."

Lily shook her head, still puzzled "Thank you, Mr. Potter. I feel much better, but what about James? Why is he still asleep?"

As if he heard her, James groaned in answer. "Because you've given me a bigger headache than a bottle of Firewhiskey, that's why." He started to sit up, the Healer helping him carefully so as not to bother his arm, which was taped to his chest just as it had been in her dream. He looked pale and worn-out, as if the effort of coming into her mind had completely drained him.

"Thank you," she whispered from her bed. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he replied. "Although there's not that much to thank." He leaned back against the pillows looking exhausted. With a puzzled frown, Lily looked to Mr. Potter.

"Please, I don't really understand what's happened." She hoped he could explain it better and tell her why James was so exhausted.

James nodded at his dad before closing his eyes. Harrington Potter moved his chair so that he could sit in between them, shuffling somewhat slowly; her mum settled at the foot of her bed, and with a murmured reminder to keep things calm, the Healers left them, promising to return and check on them again once they had settled back in.

"Well, you were hit with a Sleeping Curse," said Mr. Potter. "You've been living in the past for the last five days, not even aware you were asleep."

"Yes, James told me that," said Lily. "He said he'd come into my mind to wake me up because I wasn't responding to the Healers."

"You weren't responding at all, and we were getting a bit worried, to be honest. It was a decent curse, but not so strong that you should have gone that far under. Yet you seemed fairly content wherever you were." Mr. Potter paused and Lily flushed; he shook his head, for apparently she had misinterpreted him.

"No, I'm not trying to be flippant," he said, sounding very serious. "Most people go back to a point before the curse when they were happy. And they just keep reliving it, over and over, without ever realizing that they are really still asleep. The stronger the memory, the more difficult it is to pull them out."

Lily's mum took hold of her hand and squeezed tightly. She tried to give her mum an encouraging smile, but struggled with her own realization: it was a horrific curse, something that could doom a person to their bed forever if they refused to come out of it. What was odd was that she hadn't gone back to a happy point in her life: she'd gone back to the last time she'd been attacked, believing she was asleep in the hospital wing at Hogwarts.

"So why did James have to come into my mind?" she asked. "And how did he do it?"

"It wasn't easy," James muttered from his bed, his good arm now flung across his face.

"It's not," agreed Mr. Potter. "It's a difficult spell, and the Healers were reluctant to share it with him. It took him two days to finally cast it well enough for them to let him try, and they still had to help him a good deal."

"Why didn't they just do it?" she asked, confused.

"You ignored them, Evans," said James, still not looking over at her. "Didn't even hear them, because you were asleep in your own dream. They wanted someone who knew you at school, before it was too late."

"And you came in after me." Lily just stared at him, stunned that he would do so much for her. Certainly there had to be others who could have cast the spell, someone who knew her, someone she would have listened to-a professor, perhaps. Then she thought of how James had convinced her he was telling her the truth, and she knew it could have only been him.

"''Course I did," he half-shrugged, refusing to meet her eyes. "It's my fault any of this even happened." He sounded more defeated than she'd ever heard him, and she was worried. Did he really blame himself? Was that the only reason he'd come after her?

Before she could say anything else, the door flew open, and Sirius stepped in with her father. Sirius went to James's side while her dad rushed to Lily's bed. She threw her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder and trying to hold back the tears once more.

"Hey, what about me?" asked Sirius from where he was standing by James. "I helped too."

Lily pulled back from her father and laughed. "What about you, Black? You were unconscious half the time."

"I got in a good shot or two," he replied, sounding defensive. Then he winked, and everyone laughed.

Her father turned to James, who had sat up straighter in his bed again and tried to comb down his hair a bit. It stood up anyway, black against his pale face and tired eyes. Mr. Evans held out his hand, and James took it, looking unusually nervous.

"You're a good man, James. That's twice you've proved that. Thank you."

Lily smiled gratefully, but James avoided looking at her and simply nodded. As her father turned toward her, she saw James lean back in his bed and close his eyes again. She exchanged a questioning glance with Sirius, who shook his head, either unsure what was wrong or telling her not to bring it up just then. Unfortunately, after that all her attention was given to her mum and dad, who asked her question after question until she finally had to beg off, too mentally exhausted to continue in spite of having been asleep for five days.

"All right, sweetheart," her mum said, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "We'll leave you alone for a bit and get something to eat, how's that? Check back in an hour or so?"

"Thank you," Lily said, pulling the covers over her arms. In spite of feeling tremendously glad to be back, she was still overwhelmed and needed time to process what had happened. She also wanted to talk to James and was fairly certain her mother could sense that, because she turned to Mr. Potter with a smile.

"Care to join us, Harrington?" she asked. "You've been sitting here just as long as we have, you should get out a bit."

Harrington Potter stood and smiled. "I'd like that. I just left this place, and it would nice to get out for a bit. Thank you for the invitation." He started toward the door with them, but James suddenly sat up straighter.

"Dad, no!" he called out. Everyone turned to look at him in surprise. James flushed, bringing splotchy color to his pale face. "I mean, do you mind staying? Maybe have dinner out another night?"

Mr. Potter exchanged a look with Sirius, who nodded ever so slightly. "I've been sitting here all day, James. I could do with some fresh air. We'll be back soon. Sirius, keep an eye on them," he added.

Lily watched curiously as Mr. Potter and Sirius exchanged another look. Her father frowned, as if unsure about leaving them alone, but Mr. Potter distracted him with a question, and the three adults soon left. James watched them go, then rolled over and closed his eyes. Lily couldn't help but feel like he was shutting her out. She needed to go to him.

Throwing back the covers, Lily gingerly pulled her legs over the side of the bed. She'd been lying there for five days and felt stiff and sore. Her feet touched the cold floor with a gasp, but as she stood to put her weight on them, she found herself clutching at the edge of the bed to keep from falling, her strength almost gone.

"Evans!" Sirius exclaimed, suddenly there to help her stand. Apparently she wasn't quite ready to get out of bed, let alone walk across the room, even if she had managed it in her dream. James didn't even turn and look at her, though, his breathing soft and steady, and she bit back tears, wondering what she had done wrong.

"Is he okay?" she whispered to Sirius as he helped her back into bed. "Why isn't he even looking at me? Did I do something wrong? Did I—" She stopped when he shook his head.

He murmured a soft spell over the bed, but stayed close and quiet when he finally answered. "He's just had a rough couple of days. Give him some time."

"What do you mean?" Lily demanded. "What's wrong? What else happened?"

"Other than being attacked by Death Eaters, getting his shoulder sliced open, being hit by an Unforgivable Curse, watching you lie here unconscious for five days, and going after you with an advanced Healing spell?" Sirius gave a soft, bitter laugh. "Other than all that, nothing else happened. He's simply exhausted."

"But he won't even look at me," she repeated. "Why?"

Sirius was silent for a long moment, gazing at James's back. It was obvious now that he was sleeping; maybe he really was just exhausted from the spell, from the attack, from everything. Yet Lily knew, somehow, that there was more, and Sirius's silence confirmed it.

"Tell me," she said. "Please."

Sirius sighed. "I think he blames himself, Lily," he finally answered. "And not just for you getting hit—for the attack itself, for your date, for everything." He paused. "He blames himself for not being there for his dad, and probably a hundred other things I can't guess at. He's overwhelmed by guilt."

"Oh." Lily looked down at her hands, not sure what to say. It made sense, in a way, but it clearly wasn't his fault, and she wasn't going to let him think it was—not when he had actually saved her.

"He'll be all right," Sirius said, still staring at the other bed. "I'll make sure of it."

Lily smiled gratefully at him, then decided to change the subject. "What happened after I got hit?" she asked. "I don't remember a thing."

"There's not much to tell," Sirius shrugged. "James took out the rest of the Death Eaters before Frank Longbottom—"

"Wait, he what?" asked Lily. "He defeated the rest of them? All by himself?"

"He was livid," said Sirius, his voice strangely calm. "Blasted Avery halfway down the alley, froze the last one, and then hurled him just as far. He's got some spirit, our James."

Lily just shook her head, amazed. "Then what?"

"Frank arrived, stabilized you, and gave us a Portkey to get here. We got fixed up fairly quick, though Prong's shoulder is still a bit stiff." He stopped and gave Lily a very solemn look. "You, however, were another story."

"I know about the Sleeping Curse." Lily waited for Sirius to continue; she needed to know more.

"Yes, Avery hit you. Decent one, too, from what the Healers said, though not as bad as it could have been. They went after you, of course, but for some reason they couldn't wake you." He sat down next to her, glancing at James once more. "I think that was hard on everyone, but especially James, and especially when your parents arrived."

"How did they find out?" Lily asked, suddenly curious how her Muggle parents had made it to St. Mungo's; she hadn't even thought to ask them.

"James told them," Sirius replied. "Or rather, he sent Dumbledore an owl, and Dumbledore sent it to your folks."

"But how did they get to St. Mungo's?" she asked. "Did Professor Dumbledore bring them?"

"No, they drove down immediately. James met them outside and brought them up. I told you he feels responsible, Lily. It was his idea, his date…even his enemy, in a way, since Avery was after him."

Lily was quiet as she thought about how hard it must have been for James to write that letter, to meet her father and bring him upstairs, to wait five days for her to wake up. She still had so many more questions.

"Why were they after him?" she asked. "You were hit before you could say anything. How did you know it was a trap?"

Sirius let his head fall back in the chair as he stared at the ceiling. He blew out a long breath before finally answering. "Because when I went to meet Arlienne, her brother Rabastan was there with two Death Eaters instead. They gave me this." Sirius ran a hand over his forehead, sweeping his dark hair from the faint scar just under his hairline. "Arlienne was never there. Rabastan just laughed, said that she'd given them the perfect opportunity to hit us both."

"Both of you?" Lily said.

"Me and James," Sirius replied, and Lily had never heard such bitterness in his voice. "I knew you and James were meeting on Tuesday, so I sent an owl to Arlienne suggesting we see each other then as well. Only somehow her brothers got hold of it, and they told Pietro Avery, so he could have his fun as well." He finally looked at her, and Lily was surprised to see his grey eyes filled with pain. "So really, it's my fault you were attacked. They only knew you were there because of me."

Lily was stunned: she didn't even know what to say. She could see the bitter resentment written across his face, but couldn't find any words of consolation. Yet she couldn't remain silent. She reached out and took his hand. "What about Arlienne, have you heard anything from-"

"No." He interrupted her before she could continue. "Nothing. Professor Dumbledore said she was safe, though."

"Professor Dumbledore?" Lily asked. "How did he know?"

"I told him," Sirius said, very simply and very honestly. "I told him everything when he was here, and he did his best to find out if she was all right."

"That's good," Lily murmured. She was slightly surprised to know the Headmaster had come to see her, but then they were students at his school and had been attacked by Death Eaters a second time. She was impressed that Sirius had told Dumbledore the truth about what had happened. It occurred to her that for all the troubles her and James seemed to keep running into, it could be worse: at least they weren't supposed to be enemies. At least they weren't risking their lives to be together.

"Do you know anything else about the spell?" she finally asked, hoping to take Sirius's mind off Arlienne, if only for a bit. "I'm still don't understand why the Healers couldn't wake me up." She was starting to understand, but was having trouble accepting it.

Sirius shrugged. "Dunno, though it sounded like you were asleep in your dream as well. They went into your mind, but couldn't wake you up in your dream, which meant they couldn't wake you up for real. What happened when James showed up?"

"He woke me up in my dream, then told me I had to wake up again," she said. "Apparently I was six months back—I thought it was the Hogsmeade attack, and that I was back in the hospital wing." She had refused to wake up and continue onward from that point in her life, as if everything that had happened since were just too much to relive. She did not reveal that to Sirius, but admitted to herself that it was probably why the Healers couldn't wake her up: she hadn't wanted to wake up, at least until James had arrived.

Sirius gave a low whistle. "That's interesting, though the Healers said some people go back years and never wake up, so you're lucky. How'd he get you to believe him, then? They said the hardest part would be convincing you it wasn't real."

Lily blushed and stuttered a bit as she remembered the intense kiss she had shared with James, and Sirius laughed. "Never mind. I get it."

"You two can stop talking about me now," grumbled a voice from nearby. Lily gave Sirius a guilty look, but he was quick: he murmured a spell without missing a beat and answered flawlessly.

"We are simply sitting in companionable silence," he drawled, winking at Lily. She rolled her eyes; James snorted.

"Then why a _Muffliato _spell?" he asked. He still didn't look at Lily.

Sirius shrugged. "We didn't want to disturb you. I was just telling Lily what she missed these last few days."

James finally met her eye, and Lily wanted desperately to reach out to him and tell him she was okay, that everything was all right now. But she could see clearly on his face that it wasn't: that the last five days had weighed more heavily on him than anyone could possibly know, and that it would take more than simple reassurance and rest to fix his broken spirit.

But she didn't get to touch him, to hold him, to kiss him again, because at that moment her parents returned with Harrington Potter, and James retreated from her once more. Peter came to visit later, then Sandra, and Lily knew it would be difficult to talk to James on her own. The more people who came to visit, the more he withdrew, until at last when they had all left, he simply flicked off his light, murmured good night, and turned his back once more.

**End Notes:**

Thank you, Lea/mugglegirlmarauder!  
Questions? Please ask. This was a bit of a departure from the original plan. I had a similar idea once for a completely separate story, but it worked its way into this chapter instead. I hope you enjoyed it—just a few more chapters to go!


	26. Chapter TwentySix

Chapter Twenty-Six

James forced himself to get up, in spite of his exhaustion and the lingering soreness in his left shoulder. He felt like the entire fall term had come crashing down around him, and all the things that had been weighing on him were finally going to pull him down once and for all. He was tired of trying to fight it and desperately wanted to give in and just collapse, but he couldn't: not there, not then, not ever. He had to be strong—for his dad, for Sirius, for Lily, even if he never saw her or talked to her or _Merlin! _kissed her again.

She had only woken up the day before, but it had been the hardest twenty-four hours since, sharing a room with her and not being able to relax. He was relieved beyond belief that she was going to recover, but his guilt wouldn't let him be happy. Instead, he was convinced that they were simply doomed: that nothing would ever work out for them and that it wasn't even safe to try anymore. He was dangerous: he would only hurt her and get her hurt.

A small part of his mind berated this decision, sounding a bit like Sirius; but then Sirius had taken a chance, and all it had got him was an owl from Professor Dumbledore first thing that morning informing him that Arlienne Lestrange had transferred to school in France and would not be returning to Hogwarts. He had quickly stormed off, furious at the world yet again. James's father had gone after him, but Sirius had Apparated away. James had a feeling he knew where Sirius would be. He'd talk him down…and maybe Sirius could talk him out of his own dismal thoughts as well.

Pulling the curtain around his bed, James dressed as quickly and quietly as he could. He grabbed his glasses and wand from the side table and tossed a small bag of belongings over his good shoulder; his injured shoulder was out of the sling but still stiff.

He glanced back at Lily as he walked toward the door, his heart pounding in his chest. He was sure it was the right thing…and yet he wasn't. Why did it have to be so hard? Why couldn't it just work out for them, for once?

As he pulled the door open, James heard a rustling behind him. "You're not actually leaving without saying goodbye, are you?" asked Lily, pulling herself up and rubbing her eyes. James stopped with his hand on the knob. "You need more rest."

"I'm fine," he muttered. He turned around, but did not look at her, knowing he would give in if he did. "I have to go. Sirius had some bad news."

Lily frowned. "What happened? Is he okay?"

"Yes, but he probably needs to blow off some steam, so I need to make sure he doesn't explode." James turned back toward the door.

"Wait." He did.

"Are you all right?" Lily asked. James tried not to let his shoulders slump, but it was hard. He wasn't all right, and he knew it. It was all catching up to him, yet he couldn't fall now. He took a breath and answered as truthfully as he could.

"I will be." As soon as he said it, he knew what he had to do in order to make it true. He knew how to be rid of the crushing guilt and uncertainty. It might be the hardest thing he ever did, but it made sense. It would be the best for everyone. He tried to smile at her, even though it was cutting him up inside to think he might never see her again.

"You'll come back?" she asked.

This time he lied.

"Yes."

And he left…but he wasn't going back.

He found Sirius exactly where he thought he would: sitting in the Hog's Head, pushing around a half-finished lunch plate as he stared out the window at the castle. Less crowded and a bit more dodgy than the Three Broomsticks, Sirius had always preferred it when he was in one of his moods. Nodding at the eternally grumpy barman, James helped himself to a chair and sat down silently, waiting for Sirius to talk.

"Took you long enough to find me," he finally grumbled.

James shrugged. "I knew you'd be here—just figured you'd want a few hours before I tracked you down."

"Right." Sirius snorted and took another sip of his drink. "More like you went right back to bed."

James ignored the retort and raised an eyebrow at his friend's glass. "Pumpkin juice?" he asked. "Really?"

"It's early, Prongs," Sirius replied with an arched eyebrow. "And I already went through that. I don't need to start again."

"I might," James muttered, earning a skeptical look from Sirius. He went ahead and ordered a pint of Steaming Stout, and they sat in silence a bit more. James knew he should ask about Arlienne, but couldn't bring himself to start a conversation; he was too wrapped up in his own thoughts after the long week, even though he knew how selfish it was.

"Did you talk to Lily before you left?" Sirius asked instead. "Really talk to her?"

James blew out a long breath. He wanted to talk about it, but also wanted to just ignore it. He friends wouldn't let him, though; if he didn't talk to Sirius, Remus would find some excuse to stop by, and even Peter in his simple, obvious way would probably try to worm it out of him at some point.

"No," he answered reluctantly. "I didn't. I couldn't. I don't even know what to say, so it's better left unsaid."

"Well," Sirius said, swirling his juice. "You're not just going to ignore her, are you? After all you've been through—"

"After all we've been through," James interrupted, "it would be better for her to stay away from me. Safer."

Sirius stared at him and laughed. "Can you hear yourself? You sound like a bloody horklump, Prongs. Get over yourself."

"Easy for you to say," James muttered. "You don't let down the people you care about."

"That's because I have no one to let down," Sirius snapped, then rolled his eyes. "Except you lot, and right now you're so pathetic I don't think I'll count you."

James just scowled as his drink arrived and ordered some food. "Have you heard from Arlienne?" he finally asked, wanting to change the subject. He had come to check on Sirius, after all, not talk about his own problems…not really.

Sirius sighed. "Actually, I did. She's leaving day after Boxing Day to spend some time in Paris before starting at that stuck-up school, Beauxbatons. She didn't say much else, though—probably couldn't since our last owl was obviously intercepted." He stared into his glass, and James felt guilty for bringing it up, but sensed Sirius needed to talk as much as he did.

"Are you going to try to see her again before she leaves?" James asked.

"It's over, Prongs," Sirius said, and he looked uncharacteristically defeated. "There's nothing else to do about it."

"Beat the bloody pulp out of her brothers?" James asked, narrowing his eyes at his friend, who never given up on anything before. "Run off to France after her?"

"And get us both killed?" asked Sirius. "I know when to leave well enough alone, Prongs. That was a close call in Diagon Alley. She may be worth sneaking out for, and even taking a few hits in the hallway for, but not if her family is going to punish her for it." He looked away before turning back to James. "They did, you know-they punished her, and I don't just mean pulling her out of Hogwarts. The next time could be worse, and I can't put her through that."

James tapped his fork on the table, wondering what to say next. He was slightly surprised at Sirius's attitude; he had halfway expected him to keep after her, since he rarely gave up on anything, and he knew this girl was different. But it seemed Sirius had finally accepted the gravity of the situation: seeing Arlienne would only bring them both more pain. The distance between them was too great in spite of their feelings for each other, the enmity of their families too strong to fight.

Feeling wretched that he was disappointed he hadn't found his friend in a more reckless state of mind, James finally posed his own thoughts as an offhand question. "Are you going back then, after the new year?"

"What?" Sirius gave him a surprised look. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Haven't you ever thought about leaving?" James asked, trying to sound as casual and disinterested as possible. "Especially after all that's happened?"

"Especially after…" Sirius trailed off, his mouth open. "You're thinking of leaving school? Of running away?"

"No!" James exclaimed, glancing around to be sure no one heard them. The pub was mostly empty, though, and two young men having a conversation in the corner wasn't likely to gather much attention anyway. "I'm not running away. You've already done that, and rather spectacularly, I might add, so there's no point in doing what's already been done."

Sirius pursed his lips and leaned forward. "But you don't want to go back to Hogwarts. Why?"

James was saved from answering when his food arrived. It was greasy and cold, and he'd almost rather be back at St. Mungo's for hospital food, but he was hungry so he choked it down. It gave him a chance to gather his thoughts a bit before Sirius assailed him again.

"You haven't answered yet, Prongs," Sirius said, leaning back with his arms across his chest. "Talk."

Setting down his napkin, James took a deep breath and sighed. "I don't want to go back, Sirius. That's all."

"Why?" Sirius asked again. "We've got half a year left. Why the hell would you give up now?"

James frowned. "I'm not giving up. I'm just not interested anymore."

"You're quitting," Sirius repeated, wagging his finger at James like his father. "And you've no reason to. Don't be a coward, Prongs—you're too much of a Gryffindor."

"What the hell do you know?" James snapped. "And so what if I'm thinking about leaving? Maybe there are better things to do than waste my time with schoolwork and Quidditch and Head Boy duties. Maybe some things are more important."

"Like what?" Sirius demanded. "Like loafing around while the rest of us finish our N.E.W.T.s? While the Gryffindor team scrambles for a new Chaser? While Dumbledore puts up that prat Robertson as Head Boy? Come on, James. This is our life right now. This is where you are supposed to be." He motioned at the castle, and James couldn't help but give it a guilty glance before turning back to his plate with a grunt. He knew it was true, but still felt like the best thing to do was leave it all behind.

"What about your dad?" asked Sirius. "He'd be disappointed. You can't do that to him, you—"

"I've already let him down," murmured James. "A dozen times: getting caught in Hogsmeade, losing to Slytherin, not being there when he got sick."

"Not being there?" Sirius stared at him incredulously. "You got there as soon as you could, and he's doing fine now. You can't be by his side every day, you know." He paused and made a face. "Is that why? You want to stay with your dad after what's happened? Because I sort of get that, but your dad—well, Harrington would hate it."

James just shrugged and picked at his food some more. He had let his father down and couldn't bear to do it again, couldn't bear to not be there if he really needed him…couldn't bear to lose him, not when he was all he had left. Maybe it was the shock of finding his dad so pale and weak in St. Mungo's; maybe it was being home for his first Christmas without his mum. Whatever it was, his family was too important to lose now, even if he had to sacrifice other things.

"What about Lily?" asked Sirius, changing direction. "How could you leave her after all you've been through? You haven't even had a proper dinner together, unless you count that awkward bit of roast we had in the room last night."

"I told you—she's better without me," James said. "I don't want to hurt her anymore."

"So you're going to play martyr and quit school? Hide out at home with your dad and sweep floors at the Ministry for a living?" Sirius shook his head. "Prongs, you were brilliant last week in Diagon Alley, but right now you are the thickest git I know."

James finished his drink. "I'm not being thick," he insisted as he motioned for another. "I'm being practical. My dad needs me. Lily doesn't. Maybe I'm just tired of school, of studying, of practicing, of docking points—everything. Why should I go back?"

"Why indeed?" replied a voice behind him that made them both go stock still. It sounded oddly like Professor Dumbledore, yet when they turned, the barman from the Hog's Head stood there, eyebrows raised as he held out a glass.

"Uh, thanks," James muttered, feeling strangely ridiculous and ashamed—as if the Headmaster himself had caught him contemplating the idea of leaving school.

"I didn't mean to overhear your conversation," growled the barman, "but I think your friend here is right."

James looked at Sirius, confused and amused at the same time. Sirius seemed to be trying to hold back a snort. They didn't come to the Hog's Head all that much, but the barman rarely seemed to talk to anyone whenever they had. He raised his eyebrows at their obvious discomfort. "May I join you, boys?" he asked as he helped himself to a chair. He turned it around and leaned on the back, studying them with piercing blue eyes.

"I've heard a lot about you two," he began. "And I know you're not going to quit school."

Once again, James just stared at Sirius, who smirked at the barman. "I'm not—he is." He hitched a thumb at James and grinned. "Talk some sense into him."

The barman grunted. "I should owl your dad, is what I should do. I don't think Harrington Potter would suffer the Head Boy quitting just to hold his hand in bed."

"How do you know my dad?" James demanded. "And why would he even believe you? You're just a…"

"A cracked old man in a dingy old pub?" The older man snorted. "I am that. But I'm also a damn good set of eyes and ears for a number of folks who know I don't lie." He paused and narrowed his eyes at James before grinning crookedly. "Maybe I should just give Albus a call instead, invite him down to knock some sense into you."

"Albus?" James repeated. "You mean Professor Dumbledore?" The barman merely nodded, his steely blue eyes still making James squirm.

"Professor Dumbledore comes down here for a pint?" asked Sirius skeptically. "I don't believe it. I've seen him at the Three Broomsticks, sipping brandy with Slughorn and Kettleburn."

"Albus comes here for information," the barman snapped. "Eyes and ears, that's what I am. Ever hear of the Order of the Phoenix?"

They nodded, and the barman harrumphed. "Well, then," he said, but didn't elaborate. They sat in awkward silence for a long moment. "So are you staying, then?" the barman asked abruptly.

James bristled. "It's none of your business, really."

"It's not," the barman agreed. "Only my brother has plans for you two, and right now I'm wondering why he's so interested, if you're just a bunch of thick-witted quitters."

Now Sirius took offense. "Look, you…"

"Dumbledore," said the barman, inclining his head with a wicked twinkle in his eye. "Aberforth Dumbledore."

"Oh." That stopped Sirius cold. James would have laughed at the look on his friend's face if he weren't so offended.

"We're not quitting," James said. "At least, he's not. I might leave, but what's it to you?"

"Nothing." Aberforth shrugged. "Only I've seen enough of you kids come through here to know it's a big mistake."

"I can make my own decisions," James grumbled.

"Oh, most seventh-years think they can," Aberforth replied. "And most are wrong. So you had a hard term. N.E.W.T.s get the best of us, even my high and mighty brother. You're Head Boy and you play Quidditch. It's a lot." He stopped and gave James a skeptical look. "But it's not more than you can handle, and you've proven that twice now."

"I…I…" James stuttered inarticulately, somewhat stunned at how much this man—apparently Professor Dumbledore's brother—seemed to know about him.

"You want to protect your dad," the barman continued. "And you want to protect your girl. I get that. But running away is not the answer."

James took a deep breath and looked away, because he had no reply; he knew the barman was right, but he hated hearing it put so bluntly, and from a stranger, no less.

"Well, from what I've heard, all those things are bollocks anyway." James turned back to the barman in surprise. Aberforth nodded before continuing. "You're likely doing fine in your classes, you play a good game from the talk around here, and my brother wouldn't have given you your badge back if you weren't a decent Head Boy. Speaking from experience, I can tell you that you'll just end up a bit like me if you quit now." Aberforth gave Sirius his own sharp look. "And the same goes for you, Black. Don't follow this ponce, he'll just get you into more trouble than you've already got yourself into."

"He's my best mate," Sirius protested half-heartedly, ignoring the personal dig. "And you can't tell me what to do."

The barman snorted. "I can tell you, but hell if you'll do it. Listen to me. Quitting school to avoid your problems won't make them much better. And staying home will probably only make them worse." James frowned and looked up, opening his mouth to protest, but Aberforth cut him off. "You father would never support you staying home to protect him and you know that, Potter. You do him a disservice if you think he wants you there wiping his arse all day."

Beside him, Sirius was nodding in agreement. He had said something similar already, and James knew they were both right about his dad, but he couldn't stand the thought of not being there, next time…

"As for that girl." Aberforth rolled his eyes. "Love is a damned waste of time and effort as far as I'm concerned. But let me ask you this: what if you hadn't been there in Hogsmeade, in Diagon Alley, in St. Mungo's? Where would she be now?"

James was silent.

"Right. I think I've had my say." Aberforth stood and cleared their table. "Bit more blunt than Albus might have said it, and I'm afraid I don't do tea and biscuits, but hopefully you've got the point. Here's your bill."

He turned and left them staring after him, speechless. Sirius finally shook his head and threw some money on the table. James put down his share, and they headed toward the door. Aberforth Dumbledore gave them a curt, knowing nod as they left the pub. As soon as they stepped into the street, though, they turned to each other and burst out laughing.

"That was absolutely brilliant," Sirius crowed as they walked—where, neither of them knew, but they wandered the snowy streets laughing hysterically.

"It was surreal," James gasped in between laughs. "That has to be the strangest thing that's happened to me all week, and I went into someone's mind to wake them up."

Sirius sniggered as he slapped James across the back. "The really crazy thing is, the barmy old fool is right…and you know it."

"I know." James nodded ruefully, finally acknowledging it. "I hope he doesn't say anything to Professor Dumbledore, though. I already had one big conversation with him this year, I don't want another."

"Me neither," murmured Sirius, and James knew he was probably referring to his conversation with the headmaster about Arlienne. With another sigh, James changed the subject.

"Okay, so I'll go back. We can make it six months."

Sirius flung an arm around his shoulder. "Of course we can, Prongs. And then what?"

"No idea," James said. "I just want to survive the term. I mean that literally-and I'm not just talking about Death Eaters."

Sirius laughed in agreement. "You think Dumbledore is eyeing us for this Order of his?"

James gave him a thoughtful look. "You know what, maybe he is. We're seasoned veterans, after all."

"Think you'd join?" he continued. James could tell his friend was interested, even excited. He could see how the idea of fighting against something that had changed Sirius's life not once but twice now would appeal to him. Having been attacked himself, James could also sympathize. He nodded slowly.

"I think I could handle taking down Death Eaters for a living," he said. "Especially Avery—both of them."

Sirius laughed again as they continued down the street, reliving the battle in Diagon Alley. James began to relax, the tension he'd been holding in for days slowly draining. They browsed through Zonko's, still talking animatedly about the grizzled barman and their plans to join the Order of the Phoenix, and James tried not to fall back into his previous mindset.

Yet all too soon it grew dark, and it was time to start for home. James knew he would have to return to St. Mungo's eventually as well. He had left Lily, intending to never see her again, and she would certainly be angry at his abrupt exit. He had to set things right with her, before it was too late. At least they could be friends, or it would be a long six months until school was out.

**End Notes:**

Thank you, Lea/Mugglegirlmarauder! Your comments always make me laugh. Two chapters to go - thanks for reading! :)


	27. Chapter TwentySeven

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Lily gathered her things, slowly packing them into her bag as she stared into space, her mind wandering dully over everything that had happened—and not happened—over the past week. She had gone to Diagon Alley for a date with James Potter, but woken up five days later to a very different man than the one she had met at the Leaky Cauldron. He had hardly talked to her since, finally leaving without much word, and he hadn't been back.

Oh, he had sent an owl, and flowers, but even her dad had frowned the night before, wondering why James had left so abruptly and not been back to see her. Lily had given her mum a tear-filled look, and her mum had gently reminded her dad just how much James had been through as well, reassuring him that James was not that sort of person, although Lily was starting to have her doubts.

Sirius had come to see her, though, and he was upset that his friend had not been back. Yet when he reluctantly told her how James had talked about leaving school, Lily understood that James needed his own time and space to recover; she just wished she were a part of it, and that they could help each other instead of going through it alone. A small part of her still felt like she had done something wrong, even after Sirius assured her she hadn't.

There was a knock on the door, but before she could answer, James stumbled into the room with an inelegant grunt. Lily saw a hand vanish behind him and suspected Sirius had pushed him in, obviously against his will. For some reason, it suddenly bothered her to see him, even though she had been hoping he would come back. That James had to be forced to see her made her feel both hurt and angry, and she crossed her arms over her chest, giving him her most withering Head Girl stare as he avoided even looking at her.

"Welcome back, Potter," she offered, trying to keep her voice level.

"Er, hi. How are you?" he offered lamely, straightening his robes and glasses. He still seemed tired, but more than anything he looked awkward and embarrassed. Lily was glad, because a small part of her was wanted to see him suffer for walking out on her and returning so reluctantly.

"I'm fine," she answered with a noncommittal shrug. "Much better, actually. I've had the room to myself, so it's been nice and quiet around here." She couldn't help but lash out at him, however trite and petty it sounded.

"Oh." He seemed completely abashed, but it didn't bother her, not at that moment. She was about to confront him and demand to know why he'd left her, only to her surprise, he brought it up before she could even begin.

"Listen, Lily," he said, and he finally looked at her, his eyes haunted and sad. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry—for Diagon Alley, for the attack, for the spell—"

"That wasn't your fault," she said, frowning. So Sirius had been right: James blamed himself for everything that had happened. "You didn't attack me—you didn't cast the Sleeping Curse."

"I didn't stop it," he mumbled, looking away again as if he couldn't face her with his failure.

"You tried," she pointed out. All of a sudden she realized just how stubborn he was: certainly as stubborn as her, if not more. No wonder it had taken them so long to figure things out. He was being ridiculous in taking any blame for what had happened, when he had fought so hard and risked so much.

"I failed," he said miserably. "I tried to take you on a real date and you got hurt and—"

"Stop it," Lily demanded, throwing her pyjamas into her bag rather more forcefully than she intended before turning on him with her hands on her hips. "Just stop it, James. It's not your fault and I don't want to hear your sob story."

He looked slightly stunned at her outburst and took a deep breath as if getting ready to wind himself up for a retort. Then he blew it out in one long breath, his shoulders slumping. Lily stomped her foot, suddenly determined to get some sort of reaction out of him.

"Is that why you left without saying anything? Because you feel bad, you feel guilty?" she demanded. He pulled himself up and nodded, and she was relieved to see the tiniest spark of defiance in his eyes; it meant he was going to fight back, and she needed that, because she was still angry at him.

"Yes," he said, though he crossed his arms defensively. "That's exactly why I left. So you don't have to worry about being hurt anymore."

"Brilliant," Lily replied, letting her voice drip sarcasm and not caring if it stung. "Then why did you come back?"

"Because Sirius made me," James snapped, suddenly transporting them back to any number of fights they had had at Hogwarts. Yet he instantly recoiled in regret and shook his head. "He said I owed it to you."

"Tell him he was wrong, then," Lily retorted. "You don't owe me anything. You can just go." She wanted to turn her back and cry, but she forced herself to stand stoically and stare him down, all the while hoping desperately that he didn't leave, that somehow they could work it out, and this would be their last fight, once and for all.

"I don't want to leave now," James finally mumbled, and he took off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose. "At least, not like this."

"Like what?" Lily demanded.

He studied her very somberly. "Angry. Upset. I don't want you to be mad at me, Lily."

"Well, I am!" she snapped. "So it's too late for that. If you won't leave, I will." She grabbed her cloak and bag and swept out of the room, hoping she hadn't left anything behind because she'd feel ridiculous if she had to turn around now. She couldn't stand being there with him anymore, not if he was going to be so pathetic. She stormed past Sirius and nodded to the nurse in the corridor, then hurried down the staircase toward the first floor. She was meeting her parents in the reception area, and although she was dreading the long drive home, she suddenly couldn't wait to leave the hospital.

"I just want you to understand," James started, rushing down the stairs behind her, but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.

"Understand why you left without saying anything, why you don't want to see me for some reason, why you don't even want to go back to Hogwarts?" She glanced over her shoulder at him and was not surprised to see him frown.

"How did you know—" he said, then stopped and shook his head when he realized. "Stupid prat."

"Sirius is right," Lily said, hurrying down the last flight of stairs and bursting through the doors into the main reception area. James hurried to catch up with her. "You can't just quit school because you're worried about your dad—or me for that matter."

"I know," he muttered under his breath as the door slammed shut behind him. "I'm not."

"And you can't just leave to avoid—wait, what?" she asked. She stopped looking around for her parents and turned to stare at him in surprise.

"I said I'm not leaving school, so you can stop worrying about that." He sighed tiredly. "Look, I'm going back to Hogwarts, and I'll be Head Boy because Sirius doesn't want Robertson ordering him around, but I just don't think we should—"

"James Potter, don't you dare break up with me before we've even started going out," Lily said, striding up to him and poking him in the chest. Her heart was pounding, with as much anger as fear now. Was she really going to lose him just when she had found him? Surely all they had been through should bring them closer, not drive them apart. She didn't even notice half the wizards in the room stop to watch their confrontation, but James did.

"Lily, you don't know what you're talking about," he muttered, ducking his head as he took her arm and led her toward the nearest exit. Instead of leading to the street, it brought them to a tiny courtyard behind the building. It was snowing again, and Lily couldn't help but glance up in annoyed surprise; why couldn't they ever enjoy a clear, sunny day together?

"I'm no good for you, " James was saying. "I'm dangerous. I've got enemies now, and all we do is fight anyway, you'd be so much better without—"

"Stop it!" she said, cutting him off as she pulled her arm away and stepped back. She was glad that the courtyard was empty, so that no one could witness their confrontation. "Don't tell me what's better for me, James. I can make that decision for myself, thank you very much."

"I know you can, Lily, I know," he said, his arms flailing in desperation. "But I don't know if I could live with myself if something happened to you—if you were hurt because of me."

"So you're going back to Hogwarts, but you just want to ignore each other once we're there?" Lily asked, and she held back the tears threatening to spill over with anger. "Pretend like nothing ever happened, because that wouldn't hurt? Can you really do that?" She knew she couldn't, but if he could, what choice did she have?

"Yes…no…I mean, I don't know." He turned around and started pacing, leaving grey footprints in the white snow. Lily watched him frostily, so angry and confused that for the first time she thought maybe this was really it: maybe she didn't want to be with someone who could be so incredibly thick and selfish, so stubborn and arrogant…so strong and brave and caring...

James had stopped on the far side of the courtyard with his back to her. "Lily, I don't know what's right anymore. When I walked into that room, I thought I knew what I had to do." He turned back toward her, his eyes bright. "But now that I'm here with you, I can only think of what I _want_to do. And what I want to do isn't the same as what I should do."

"I don't understand," she said, confused. She refused to feel the smallest bit of hope moving in her chest, that maybe he wasn't going to leave her after all.

"I don't _want _to give up," he said, rubbing his face as if that would make the words come easier. The snow fell around him, catching on his hair, his glasses, his nose. He brushed it away, leaving his face red and his hair standing on end, and shrugged miserably. "I should, but…"

"But what?" Lily asked, her voice very flat. Her heart was racing, though, because this was it: he was going to leave her, and for no good reason other than he thought he should. She was suddenly reminded of their conversation by the fire in Gryffindor, how he had got down on his knees and practically begged for another chance. She'd finally given it to him, but it hadn't worked out after all. It had all been for nothing—the notes, the letters, the train station, even their brief date in Diagon Alley. He was going to sacrifice something that could be amazing for something that might not ever happen. It struck her as completely and utterly unfair, and she gulped back a sob.

"But I can't," he murmured. He walked toward her, holding her wide-eyed gaze with a look that tore through her. "I know I should turn around and leave and never look back, because I know you'd be safer, even happier…but I can't." He stopped in front of her and looked down, brushing snowflakes from her hair in such a gentle way that she shivered, and not from the cold. "I need you."

"What?" Lily said, her voice barely working. Never in a hundred years had she expected him to say such a thing. They had only just started their relationship, and he had been determined to end it but moments before. "You need me?" she whispered.

"I need you. I want you. After all this, I can't imagine walking away now." He took her face in his hands, kissing her forehead before pulling her close and stroking her wet hair. "Unless you want me to. I'll go if you think I should. We can just be friends."

She pulled back and gazed into his face, then let a slow smile creep over her lips. She reached up and took off his glasses, just as she had after the Quidditch match in the rain, and tucked them into his pocket. They stood there for a long moment, just gazing at one another as the snow fell around them. Then slowly he leaned down and kissed her, and it was more perfect than kissing him after the game, at King's Cross, in Diagon Alley. It was firm yet gentle, cold yet warm. Lily felt a rush of passion flood every inch of her body, yet all she could do was sigh contentedly and close her eyes, giving into the sweet feel of their lips, their bodies, their hearts meeting as one.

When they finally stepped back, James breathed deep and laid his forehead against hers once more. "I'm sorry," he whispered again. "I'm sorry this has been so hard."

"Stop apologizing," Lily murmured, rolling her eyes affectionately. "It wouldn't feel as right if it were easy." He laughed softly and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close.

"It was worth it—every fight, every slap, every jinx." He kissed the top of her head. "As long as you don't get hurt."

"I won't," Lily replied. "Don't worry so much."

The snow fell around them as if playing music for their own private dance, and Lily suddenly didn't mind it at all. She could have stood there forever, content at last in his warm embrace. Yet finally she pulled away and looked into his face. "When will I see you again? The Hogwarts Express?"

James kissed her once more, then took her hand and led her back toward the door. "What are you doing for Christmas?" he asked.

"We're going to my sister's for supper. It's her first holiday since getting married." Lily pulled a face. "It's going to be dreadful. We haven't got on well for years now, and her husband is an absolute prig. Why?"

"My dad is dragging us to a Ministry party—Department of Magical Games and Sports. We've gone every year, and he said we should keep going even though mum won't be with us." He paused at the door and wrapped his arms around her once more. "But come over on Boxing Day. Your folks seem to get on well with my dad, what do you say?"

Lily smiled and nodded. "I'll ask them. I'll be there no matter what."

"Brilliant." He leaned down to kiss her again before they left the cold courtyard. "I think this is it, don't you?"

"This is what?" she asked as he opened the door for her, and they entered the warm waiting room of St. Mungo's. Her parents still had not arrived, so they continued toward the exit.

"I think we've finally figured this out," he murmured, walking her to the door with his arm around her shoulder. "I mean, what else could possibly go wrong?"

Lily laughed. "With us? Who knows. Let's just hope for a quiet Christmas."

They left the building and stepped back into the snowy streets of London. "You've never spent the holiday with Sirius, then—or my dad," James laughed. "It'll be interesting, to say the least. Bring your Gobstones game."

"I can't wait," Lily murmured, squeezing his hand as her parent's car pulled up. "I'll see you in a few days."

He leaned forward to give her one last kiss before leaving.

"Happy Christmas, Lily."

"Happy Christmas, James."

**End Notes:**

Thank you, mugglegirlmarauder—we've almost made it! And thank you, readers, for sticking with this story. Last chapter asap!


	28. Chapter TwentyEight

Chapter Twenty-Eight

James glanced outside as he stepped away from the Apparition point in King's Cross. It was cool, but clear, without a cloud in the sky. The holiday snowfall had melted, washed away by icy rain on New Year's Day, leaving the streets dirty and grey. The sun tried hard to warm the pavement, but until another snowfall covered the streets in white, the world remained cold and colorless but for the brilliant blue sky above.

Shaking his head as he remembered what Lily had once said about the weather and their relationship, James hurried toward the Hogwarts Express. He was determined to be one of the first aboard the train; he had something to do and no amount of ribbing from Sirius would deter him. He managed to finish his task before more than a few students had boarded and met Sirius and Remus back on the platform, where they were waiting for Peter. They gave him a hard time for following through on his plan, but he ignored them, settling instead on searching for Lily among the crowd of returning students.

He hadn't see her since Boxing Day, although they had exchanged several owls. She had come to his house with her parents, and they had spent the day alternately sneaking kisses (and more) behind closed doors and enjoying the holiday with their families. Lily's mum had brought over a chocolate trifle, one of their favorite Muggle desserts, and James's dad had introduced them to elf-wine over dinner. It had been strange, spending time with their families when they had spent so little time together, and yet it had felt right. It had seemed to fill the hole in his father's heart a bit, to have the house full of friendship and laughter at Christmas.

Peter finally arrived at the station, and after a quick greeting, he headed toward the train with Remus to find a compartment. James frowned as they left, because he hadn't seen Lily yet, and his heart skipped a beat as he thought about all the things that might have happened to her. His thoughts must have shown on his face, for Sirius clapped him on the back and leaned in close.

"Don't be a wet shirt, Prongs," he murmured. "She's fine—probably already on board waiting for a welcome snog. Come on."

James just nodded wordlessly as Sirius bounded onto the train after Remus. He searched the platform one last time, then hurried after his friends, hoping to find Lily before the train pulled out for the long ride back to Hogwarts. To both his surprise and relief, Peter and Remus had already found them a place with Lily and Mary. Mary grinned in delight when Peter entered, and Lily stood to give James a warm kiss. Sirius sniggered a bit, but Lily gave him a withering glance, then laced her hand with James and pulled him down next to her.

"You know, this is quite different from our last train ride," Remus pointed out, grinning broadly from where he sat across from them. "I seem to remember getting stuck in the middle of a rather heated argument about who was Head Boy and who was Head Girl last time we did this."

Lily laughed as James just shook his head. He did indeed remember that first train ride of the year: Lily had been furious when she'd found out he was Head Boy, and he had not been thrilled to see her badge either. In spite of anything that had—or had almost happened—during and after the attack in Hogsmeade, they had come back after the difficult summer with their feelings buried and started out the year antagonizing one another. It seemed a bit of good-natured teasing was in order as they once again found themselves heading back to Hogwarts, only this time with quite a different attitude toward one another.

"Didn't you accuse me of nicking my badge from someone?" James asked, feigning injured curiosity. Lily raised an eyebrow at him.

"Did I really?" she murmured. "I can't imagine ever saying such a thing about you."

"There was something about testosterone-fueled heroics, I think," he continued. "And didn't you call Dumbledore a barmy old git?"

She laughed, but James was glad to see her blushing as well. He couldn't give up the banter completely; it was part of who they were, after all. They were quick to cross the line, sometimes, but after four months of constant emotional extremes, James understood that now, and had a feeling that it too would become part of who they were.

"Yes, well, I was wrong about Dumbledore, wasn't I?" Lily finally replied, giving him a mischievous grin.

Across from them, Sirius burst out laughing and turned away from the window. "She's got you there, Prongs. You proved the first in Diagon Alley."

James pretended to be hurt, though inside he was amused. Lily glanced up at him from where she had started to relax in his arms. "Why do they call you that?" she asked, completely changing the subject and running a hand along his leg.

He looked down at her and winked. "Because I'm so dear to them," he replied without missing a beat. It was a private joke, and he knew she would never figure it out. She made an inarticulate huffing sound and rolled her eyes, and James suddenly wondered what it would be like to tell her, actually tell her, the meaning of his nickname. He glanced up to find Sirius watching him, shaking his head almost imperceptibly, as if reading his thoughts.

"That's what Black said, but I don't believe it for a minute," Lily replied, sticking out her tongue playfully. "You're a thorn in their side, that's what you are."

"I'm actually quite a stag," he whispered with a quick brush of his lips against her ear. He felt her shiver and grinned as she shifted toward him, her hand gripping his thigh a little tighter than before. Sirius groaned and pretended to look away.

"Find your own compartment, kids," he said. "I've already seen that show."

"And you loved it," Lily murmured.

"I'll still scrubbing my eyes," Sirius replied. "And considering Obliviating myself."

Lily burst into laughter, once again proving just how much things had changed between them all. She had been more than furious with Sirius the night he'd cast the spell on them in the prefects' lounge, but now she could joke about it with him. It was one of many things that James found more and more amazing about her, and something he couldn't imagine not sharing with her for a long time to come.

Shaking his head at the sudden strange turn of thought, James took the opportunity to stand, pulling Lily with him. "Come on, there's a meeting up front."

"There is?" Lily asked in surprise. She looked at Remus, who rolled his eyes and mouthed, "Of course not." James aimed a kick at his shin, but Remus pulled his leg away with a laugh. Grinning, Lily followed him from the compartment and down toward the front of the train.

They were stopped several times—by Thomas Kirke, who had already scheduled a meeting that night to discuss the upcoming match against Ravenclaw; by Cynthia Morris, who simply threw her arms around them both; by Sandra Murphy, who was sitting with Jeremy Bradley and several other Hufflepuffs. They passed Anastasia Harrison snogging Jeremy's twin brother Mitchell, and a compartment of Slytherins, including Severus Snape, Corin Mulciber, and Regulus Black. James noted Dante Avery's absence and wondered about his fate after the attack in Diagon Alley.

When they finally arrived at the front compartment, James was relieved to find it was still empty. "I charmed it so no one else could get in," he whispered when Lily noticed his worried glance.

"What are you up to, Potter?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Just starting over again, Evans," he replied. He unlocked the door and led her inside. On the bench was a small box, wrapped in red paper and finished with a tiny gold bow. Lily dropped his hand and stared at him, suddenly pale.

"James, that's not a—" Her hands flew to her mouth in disbelief. "We've only just started—you couldn't possibly—"

James snorted at her reaction, though it secretly delighted him. Remus had said Lily would probably react that way. "Of course not. What do you take me for, some sort of arrogant, immature troll?"

"Don't forget reckless," Lily murmured, breathing a sigh of relief. "But not a troll—not anymore, anyway." She winked at him, and he laughed as they entered the compartment together.

"Just open it." They sat down together in the empty compartment. James made sure the door was locked behind them and raised his eyebrows when Lily flicked her wand and the shades came tumbling down. He was surprised when she did not open the box, however, but leaned against his shoulder with a sigh, cradling the gift in her hands as she toyed with the bow.

"Do you remember the train ride back in September?" Lily asked. "What you said to me, right before our first meeting up here?"

"I said something about you not being Head Girl of the universe, I think." James laughed again as he remembered their heated exchange in the doorway. "And it was raining." It seemed so long ago now, that they had thrown such quick and hurtful words at each other. He knew some of those same strong feelings were still there, only now they were redirected. It had taken them a long time to figure out why they had bothered one another so much, but once they had, they had finally moved past it to something much better.

"It was, and you did." Lily nodded. "You also said I was stuck with you whether I liked it or not."

"Looks like you still are," James murmured as he sat back and pulled her against him. She put the box down, sighing contentedly as she turned toward him.

"I don't mind a bit anymore," she whispered back, wrapping her hands around his neck. He leaned down to kiss her and forgot all about the box, all about starting over. He simply relished in the feel of her lips, her skin, her hair. His mind wandered to all that had happened since September, and he decided he wouldn't change a thing: every fight, every spell, every unhappy moment spent agonizing and upset and even sleeping in the kitchen had been worth it.

"I think I could fall in love with you, Evans," he said before he could take it back. She stared at him in wide-eyed surprise before a shy smile broke out across her face.

"Really? You don't mean that."

"I do," he replied, slightly embarrassed. "But I won't get ahead of myself."

"Well, wait until it rains," she said. "We'll be back at each other's throats in no time."

"Do you really think so?" he asked, pulling her close again and trailing his hand through her hair. He grinned as he thought about what was in the box.

"I know so," she murmured. "Just don't every Transfigure me again."

"Just don't…" He trailed off with a rueful shrug. "You've got me there. I won't, I promise."

"I never really hated you," she continued. "I'm sorry I said that."

"I know," he said. "I'm sorry I turned you into a cat." He laughed to himself. "That would drive anyone mad, I'm sure."

"I never would have thought I'd be sitting here with you after all that's happened, you know," she said.

"Maybe it's _because_ of all that's happened that we're sitting here," James replied, feeling unusually thoughtful. He hated how trite and sentimental it sounded, but it was probably true, after all: if any number of things had gone differently, they might have never found their way to one another. More than anything, James supposed he was most glad to have been made Head Boy. He had almost quit, but in the end it had really forced him to accept the responsibility thrust upon him over the summer and had given him a chance to prove himself to everyone—to _her_—her once and for all.

"I didn't realize you were such a philosopher," Lily said.

"And I didn't realize you were such a talker," James laughed. "Are you going to open your gift or not?"

She picked up the box, took off the bow, and set it down again. Then she turned to him, and running a hand through his hair, murmured, "Actually, I had something else in mind first."

He grinned again and pulled her toward him, wrapping his arms around her waist and letting them begin to roam. "Maybe I _will_let you be in charge then, Head Girl."

"Just don't mess this up," she murmured back.

"I won't if you won't," he returned. They shared a laugh and a long, leisurely kiss before settling in for the ride back to Hogwarts, enjoying their own private compartment for most of the trip. Outside, the sun continued to shine over the countryside, while beside them the red box sat unopened, a reminder of all the possibilities of what was yet to come.

**The End**

* * *

**End Notes:**

First of all, a huge thank you to Lea/mugglegirlmarauder, my amazing, hard-working alpha-beta. She read over all of this and helped me with plot and character and some great insults. She listened to me ramble about this for countless hours on AIM. And she always made me laugh with her comments. *hug*

Second of all, thank you to my wonderful flist, who also listened to quite a bit about this over the last six months. They helped me with all sorts of stuff, especially all my Britsperts. Thank you! *morehugs*

Third of all, thank you to everyone who has read and enjoyed this story and even found time to leave a review. Each and every one makes my heart do a little flip, knowing I've written something someone likes...or in the case of some chapters, is shaking their fist at. It's so encouraging and heartwarming, and I thank each and every one of you.

Finally, thank you to J.K Rowling for giving us snippets of the life of Harry's parents. Maybe they weren't the romantic, tragic love story we think they are. Maybe they were quite dull and ordinary. But I love writing their story, over and over and over, and it is all thanks to the wonderful backstory she created for her magical world.

I have no plans for an immediate sequel that picks up after this story, although I have started a chaptered story set about two years in the future after they are married. It's not a romance, it's more of a Marauder war-era story, but Arlienne's story does make a reappearance, as do the Averys. Hopefully I'll post it someday. In the meantime, I have several other James/Lily and Marauder era stories to share, and I think I'm going to post a few holiday-centered fics next: Christmas in July. Enjoy and thanks again!


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